9 answers

Why Is My Son So Angry

My oldest son has such a problem with his anger. It has now started to effect his school work and grades. We have see therpist in the past and they mostly make things worst than thay already are. Our problems started not long after my second son was born he tried to smother him because he was crying. They have seriously escaladed since then. His gets made about everything. We try to spend as much alone time as possible with him but there are 3 of them. He now refuses to go anywhere his middle brother goes. Beleave me he gets plenty away time from him. He stays the night with his friends at least twice a month. He has his own room,cable tv,and just about everything else. He's told daily how much I love him and how special he is to me.I ask what would make him happy he replies get rid of my brother. Can a child really hate this young ? What can I do to help him control his anger ? My husband says he's alot like me. I do have a quick temper but, so did mom I learned to control mine very early on. I'm at my wits end ! ! Help me before he hurts his brother.(update) I had another teacher call me today about his behavior. He only hates the middle child..Hes great with his youngest brother...He is ADHD and being treated with Addreall XR which is supposed to help with anger managment.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

First off Thanks Everybody for the great advice. I have spoke with the doctor twice this week and he is uping the adderall and we are planning a trip to a new therpist after the holidays. I hope we get something going soon I have recieved phone call from 2 teachers this week and 2 phone calls from the principle the second requiring a trip to the school and him being sent home. I would like to add so every one knows our kids have very strict rules where the TV is concerned 1 hour in the evening if homework is finished.The same for the computer and that is well supervised. We spend lots of time as a family our boys love uno. I spend way more time with the boys than my husband not because he doesn't want to but because his job works him 60 hours a week. Our plan with the last counslor was to get my oldest on track and then involve the 2 younger ones but afer talking to the doctor about the therpists way of dealing we opted to stop I relize now that was a mistake. I'll let you know how this are progressing. Thanks Again...

More Answers

My little brothers were the same way. And I being the oldest learned that sometimes they need mommy time just them and mommy. Also it sounds like he might have to much going for him with all the privledges. The reason he hates the middle child is because all of a sudden he felt misplaced. My daughter is going through the same thing. Try to schedule mommy and me time with him. Do something that the others can't do becuase they are not old enough with him. It will make him feel special. i have found this works with my daughter. Spending time with just them doing something( and tell him this) the others can't do because they are not old enough will help him know that no matter what he is and always will be your oldest which is a special place to hold. I was the oldest and hated my younger sister for that very reason. Just take time out to have patience and to let him know how much he means to you and what a big help he is. Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi B.! I'm so sorry. Anger is a tough one because it always has love hidden behind it. Does that make sense? It sounds like your son is getting alot of attention from this "hate" of his younger bro. He has lots of away time, he has tv and his own room. He really has no idea that these things are separating him from the family, but you do. You're his mom. I would include him in on MORE things with all the family. ADHD is an attention deficit disorder which means they can't get enough attention. My daughter is very bright and gets good grades, but yells or screams when the class is quiet. She does it for one reason- attention. She's ADHD, but knowing that isn't going to stop the attention getting strategy that she seems to have. I hope this helps and I know a great pyschologist in Decatur, if you'd like to try him. Doesn't prescribe meds, but I think you've got that covered. Have you thought about family counseling, so that the brothers are all in the session? Good luck!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi B.,
I am sad to hear about your son. I wish I could be the one to tell you there is a quick fix to this situation. But I am hear to tell you maybe you wont want to hear this but I have to say I believe you are being to tollerable to his behavior. You should not accept this behavior this is his brother whether he likes it or not. If you shows anger toward him you should take that TV away. If he shows more anger then take something else away, and continue this until he gets the picture empty his room and don't reward him for being this way by putting him in it with everything he loves. I just think this was his way of getting attention when his brother was young and now just is a way of life it can be changed but you have to take control of the situation now before something horrible does happen. If he wants to spend time at a friends then he should prove he deserves it. When you ask him what will make him happy "What can he do to make his self happy", and if that is getting rid of his brother go deeper "WHY", and keep digging and if he gets mad and wants to walk away or not have the conversation tell fine when you calm down we will talk more and don't let him go play video games or watch TV or things he likes have him isolated in a area he can think about it and calm his self down. If you are consistent this may work by getting to the root of the problem. I will be praying for you and your family and hope this shedded some light on the situation, I was an angry child also. A.

1 mom found this helpful

I understand what you are saying. My son was the same way, except it's my middle son who was angry all the time. We had him tested and found out he has Asperger's Syndrome (it's apart of Autism) and ADHD. Ask your doctor to have your son tested so you can actually know what could be happening inside his head. Since we have found out, we put him on Concerta and we have seen a difference. He doesn't lash out or cause problems at school. He's a straight "A" student which has NEVER happened before.
I hope in some way this has helped you a little, or at least let you know you are not by yourself.


1 mom found this helpful

It sounds like your son may be showing early signs of Bi-Polar II, or Borderline Personality Disorder. Many times childeren are treated for ADD or ADHD at such a young age b/c alot of Dr.s don't recognize that childeren can and do exhibit symptoms so early on. I would go to a Dr., I would start phone interviews, start reading books, and looking for a Pshyc that is primarily for childeren.
Continue to show your son love and support, but DO NOT SPOIL HIM. Do not reward negative behavior with toys, Tv, video games...IF he is mean to the middle brother, or anyone in the world, he should be punished.
My brother-in-law is BP and everything else. They never punished him, set up rules, they were just at a loss and had no idea what to do. He is 20 now (mentally 14/15) and he has no sense of life. They now know that if they would have treated him like the other kids he would be more able to make decisions based on consequence.
It is much harder to satrt teaching a 20 year old how to behave than it is to teach a 12 year old.
STAY STRONG. I know it is exhausting, stressful and hurtful...but you are the mom. You are the adult, and you should be treated with respect just as every other creature.
On therapy. My brother-in-law was in therapy for about 6 years (same therapist) before he even talked. He would just sit there and scowl. Now, he ask to go see her. Don't give up. He will hear the therapist, even if you think he is just waisting time, money, and energy...something is going on in his mind...hopefully the tools to handle this rage.
I promise that I will pray for you and your family. Look to God for answers.
Check out NAMI online for support.

1 mom found this helpful

He may have a chemical imbalance or some other mental health problem that is striking this anger in him. It sounds like hes far from neglected but it also sounds like he knows that his behavior gets him attention also. But it really doesnt sound like that's why he's acting out. I think u should take him to a mental health doctor and have him atleast evaluated. Therpist arent for everyone, especially those who's behavior is harmful to himself and others. If it isn't controlled now then when he is older, not only will it be harder but his behavior will get worse and may lead to other problems...such as dropping out of school or even more dangerous, hurting someone else. Which may land him in a place where ur unable to protect him. It may seem like alot of work, but his future and the people in his future will be affected in a negative way if this isnt fixed soon. He cant help himself so u have to help him and there are a range of disorders that trigger this behavior, one being bi-polor. And most can only be controlled through medicine.Take him to a doctor,soon.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't know exactly what you are going through. My 5 year old had a problem when my baby was born 6 month ago. He got way better when we included him in play time and asked him to do things rather than demanding he watch his brother. I still have to watch because my oldest is a little rough (holding the baby down so he won't roll anywhere) but other than that he likes his brother now. Don't feel that you are doing anything wrong either. Not all children react this way to new brothers and sisters and you can only give each child so much one on one time. On the temper part of it, my step son, husband and my 5year old all have quick tempers, but that doesn't really lead to hate. There has to be more to it than that. I agree that you may want to have him tested by a psycologist to make sure there is nothing else going on. Does your oldest hate his youngest brother too or just the middle one?? Has he ever said why he feels that way? Well I sure wish you the best of luck on this.

THis may sound out there, but I'd check into a therapist with experience in trauma (a traumatologist). It sounds like something surrounding the arrival of the middle child was tramatic for him. They can assess him and there are excellent therapies out there to reduce his reactions if he can extinguish the tramatic feeling.

I can't say I know what you're going through, but I'd definitely get therapy another try. If he's on meds for ADHD he has to have seen someone, right? See if you can find a good mental health professional... maybe your doctor can recommend someone or is there a social worker at school who could help at all? I wouldn't give up on therapy after one try... maybe it wasn't the right one for you, or maybe he/she didn't appreciate all that is going on. I think I'd be concerned about addressing this before he really into the teen years! Good luck to you...

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