32 answers

Why Don't People r.s.v.p.?(updated)

Here i am with 3 hours until my daughters 3rd birthday party. Ive organized everything perfectly according to the number of people i thought were coming. Well....... apparently there will be at least 7 or 8 more than i accounted for. I think i can whip up some extra food but i am without the proper amount of goodie bags.

No time to do anything, I am alone here and there already some kids outside on the moonwalk. I feel as if there will be at least 3 or 4 kids without a goodie bag. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal but it will be to the kids.

what do i do?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I ended up making all the bags smaller to fill up 5 more (i already had a few extra)....but then 2 of the families that didnt rsvp but siad they were coming last minute .....didnt come at all. Oh well,,,,,,,,,next time i will leave the bags alone.

Featured Answers

Don't sweat it, the children who responded get the goodie bags and the kids who's ignorant parents didn't don't. Let their parents explain to them why they didn't get one. Or go up to each parent who gave in their rsvp and give them the bag without any children seeing so the children who do not get one will not feel left out. Tell the parents of the kids who didn't respond sorry but I didn't expect you!! Maybe next time they will do the right thing!!

8 moms found this helpful

I am having birthday party today too. I sent an evite a month ago asking people to rsvp by last week since we were have the party at a party place where you pay per kid. I was still getting rsvp's yesterday (5 days after deadline) and getting text today from people asking to bring siblings. I just don't understand why people are so lacking in etiquette and manners these days.
A college student told me a while back that they don't rsvp to things because they like to wait and see what all their options were for the weekend before deciding. Just in case something better comes along. Is this happening in the kid/adult world too?

7 moms found this helpful

I would totally say to the parents who didn't RSVP, "Ohhh I didn't know you were coming!" in a very syrupy sweet passive aggressive sort of way. Don't know what to tell you about disappointing the extra kids. I feel bad for them - it's not their fault their parents didn't RSVP.

6 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Ensure that those that did RSVP have one. If you run out of food, the kids won't care. But when the other parents come in, say..."Oh, I didn't know you were coming." And the more that trickle in, "I hope I have enough. I only got a (x) RSVP's."

Personally, I don't know how someone can't take 60 seconds out of there day to shoot an email, text or pick up the phone to RSVP to an event because it CLEARLY makes it so much easier for the host/hostess! And don't give me that, "I don't have time." Because how much time does it take to prepare for a party.

@AV: I can't believe that people actually can't figure out RSVP to xxx-xxx-xxxx or (insert email addy here). I think those people are just inconsiderate. They are likely the one's that drop off late and pick up late too.

But in the future, A., you could simply put "Regrets only." to accommodate the busy lives of your guests.

Hope you and your daughter have a wonderful 3rd birthday. It will be fun...so have a good time! And take pictures!

ETA:
And I am very busy, like everyone else. I'm also organizationally-challenged so I stick that invite where I will see it, and tape it on a cabinet in front of my face, if I have to, so I don't forget. Why? Because if there is an RSVP, that means the hostess wants to know if a guest will be coming. Manners: It's about making others feel valued and appreciated. Always.

9 moms found this helpful

YIKES!! How rude of people!!!

I would ensure that the kids that RSVP'd got the goodie bags.

It may be rude, but it IS honest...and this might teach the parent a lesson:
"Thank you so much for coming!!! I wanted to give you a heads up - I'm sorry - I didn't know you were going to be here...you didn't RSVP so Johnny doesn't have a goodie bag....I will try to get back to the store tomorrow and bring one by."

8 moms found this helpful

Don't sweat it, the children who responded get the goodie bags and the kids who's ignorant parents didn't don't. Let their parents explain to them why they didn't get one. Or go up to each parent who gave in their rsvp and give them the bag without any children seeing so the children who do not get one will not feel left out. Tell the parents of the kids who didn't respond sorry but I didn't expect you!! Maybe next time they will do the right thing!!

8 moms found this helpful

Because some people are so self centered, they just assume everybody will be so happy to see them, they do not need to RSVP.

Because they do not think RSVP means it is for them, it is for the other people.

Because they do not know what it means, they were born under rocks.

Because they think RSVP is a fancy thing for Fancy people and they do not play those fancy ways.

Because they do not think about the time and thought some people put into their parties.

I would either not hand out the bags, or slip them to the parents of the kids that did RSVP.

I am sorry, this happened.... We need to teach our own children the rules of manners, I promise it does make a difference and leaves an impression on others.

8 moms found this helpful

I am having birthday party today too. I sent an evite a month ago asking people to rsvp by last week since we were have the party at a party place where you pay per kid. I was still getting rsvp's yesterday (5 days after deadline) and getting text today from people asking to bring siblings. I just don't understand why people are so lacking in etiquette and manners these days.
A college student told me a while back that they don't rsvp to things because they like to wait and see what all their options were for the weekend before deciding. Just in case something better comes along. Is this happening in the kid/adult world too?

7 moms found this helpful

On my invitations, whether it's "correct form" or not, I do not care, I just flat out say that they need to let me know if they're coming by a certain day. I've been surprised with people NOT showing up who said they were coming, and I've been surprised with people showing up when they did not RSVP. So now, I'm pretty blunt. On my son's invitation for yesterday's party (which was great, yay!) I filled in the blanks on the store-bought card but then wrote on the top in the blank space "__ is having a Star Wars party at our house, and we hope you will join us! To insure that I have enough pizza, cake, and prizes, please respond by Wednesday the 19th. We look forward to seeing you!" and then left my home, cell, and email. Is that what Ms Manners would do? Probably not but oh well. This is the first year that EVERYONE that said they were showing did, and those that did not rsvp (2 children) did not show up. It worked perfectly. I'll be doing it again next year. As for your current dilemma: hmm. Yeah, I'd skip the goody bags probably (if there's not enough), and just dump the stuff in my trick or treat bowl. If you have enough or can stretch it out, cool, but otherwise, scrap it and enjoy the party.

7 moms found this helpful

Thank you! This seems to be an epidemic. Every party I have had for my kids has gone like this. My SIL just had this problem on Saturday. Apparently, the answer is to call each and every invited guest and ask them if they are coming. Maybe they don't understand what RSVP means. I always RSVP immediately after getting the invitation so I don't forget (how do you forget if you are GOING!?) or I make myself an e-note to rsvp. Give the kids whose parents didn't rsvp a piece of candy and tell the moms you didn't know they were coming because THEY DIDN'T RSVP!!! It's so RUDE. I just don't understand. The last party I even wrote out, "Please let me know if you are coming or if you cannot attend by 0/00/00 so that I can plan for enough food and goodies--thanks so much!!!" Only half the people responded & I ended up calling them anyway. Get some manners people!!

7 moms found this helpful

RSVP is a lot like Thank you notes and has just been forgotten... it seems.

I've had parties where I had to lock in a head count 3 days before and be locked in to pay the $30 per person. My strategy....

I call and ask the parent or guest if they were planning to attend because I have to lock in my number. Sometimes they are embarrassed and will rsvp on the spot.

As for not having enough goodie bags.... only give the bags to kids who did rsvp that is only fair and when asked otherwise, say I am so sorry but I did not know you were coming.

6 moms found this helpful

I would totally say to the parents who didn't RSVP, "Ohhh I didn't know you were coming!" in a very syrupy sweet passive aggressive sort of way. Don't know what to tell you about disappointing the extra kids. I feel bad for them - it's not their fault their parents didn't RSVP.

6 moms found this helpful

because people are just plain rude. and I know this sounds harsh, and it is in a way punishing the child for the parents behavior, but I would just give the bags to the kids whose parents RSVP'd. and then tell the parents, sorry but since you did not RSVP I do not have a goody bag for your child. Maybe it will shock some sense into them that they need to rsvp. i rsvp whether or not an invite says to because I was just taught that was how you did things.

6 moms found this helpful

I completely understand your frustration. In the last 2 weeks, I hosted a baby shower for my sister and a birthday party for my daughter. Both events were so hard to plan because I had very few rsvp's. The birthday party was a sleepover and my plan was to pick up my daughter and her friends from school on Fri instead of having them ride the bus. I needed to know how many girls were coming so I could arrange transportation, someone to watch my youngest (since their wouldn't be room in the car for him), etc. Well, a few days before the party, only 3 girls were coming to the sleepover so I could handle transporting all the girls in 1 car and take my youngest along too. The night before, however, I received 2 calls saying 2 girls were coming plus the morning of the party another mom rsvp'd for another girl. That meant 3 additional girls that I had to scramble to transport. Luckily my MIL helped out in a pinch. I don't know what I would have done otherwise. What's wrong with people?! Why would you rsvp the morning of a party?! I was fortunate enough to have plenty of food and items for goodies bags for the 3 additional girls. I think, if I didn't have enough, I would try to separate the already made up bags, trying to stretch out the items so every child gets a little something.

By the way, I always rsvp because non-rsvp people bug me. :-)

5 moms found this helpful

Because some people just don't understand the basics of "cost per head." If I am expecting 10 people and 17 show up, it is going to cost me nearly double my budget. If I am expecting 10 people and 5 show up, I have spent double what I needed to. It's not difficult, and yet some people....

Also they are jerks.

5 moms found this helpful

This drives me crazy also. about the only thing you can do is either break them apart and put less in each or don't give them out at all and give them with the thank you notes. I myself would skip them altogether. It drives me crazy when people do this.

5 moms found this helpful

Dump everything into a basket and let each kid choose 2 or 3 (or whatever) items on their way out. I'm sure the non-rsvp-er parents will know exactly why you're doing that.
SO RUDE not to rsvp.

4 moms found this helpful

You do the best you can. You might hold the goodie bags til the very end and quietly pass them out as guests leave. You might explain to the parents of the extras that since they did not confirm their attendance, you did not have goodie bags for them. You might also try to split the bags so that you can squeeze out a few more, even if the contents don't match. I also like the idea of quietly going up to the parents of the RSVP kids and giving them the bags to give to their kids later, explaining that you had turnups and need to keep it quiet.

People don't RSVP because they don't think it's important or don't know that RSVP means "respond, please" regardless of attendance.

Maybe those of us who get it will educate those who don't. It's not just birthdays. My own uncle didn't RSVP to my wedding and I put a stamp on the envelope and everything!

4 moms found this helpful

That drives me nuts! I just answered another "ettiquette post" suggesting being flexible which you should do but we can have this thought.....Don't you want to just not GIVE goodie bags to the extra kids? You could also serve them leftovers from last weeks dinner or asperagus ;-). Just kidding but how rude to leave you in the lurch like that!
added: It's probably not proper but I would mention it to the people who didn't RSVP You can matter of factly mention you don't have as much food as you'd like for the kids and you don't know what you will do about the goodie bags and having 8 more show up than had rsvp'd is an inconvenience.

4 moms found this helpful

You've spent time and money on the goody bags, so you shouldn't not hand them out because of the lack of manners of people that didn't rsvp. I would explain to the kids/parents that did not rsvp that you'll have to get them a goody bag later since you didn't know they were coming.
Some parents are so rude about not rsvping. Drives me nuts. Nobody is too busy to call, email or text.

3 moms found this helpful

I think it's because some people want to see if a better invitation comes along before they commit. Especially in a peak party season such as near Halloween, Christmas, or the 4th of July.

3 moms found this helpful

B/c other people's priorities aren't yours, no matter the importance or urgency.

Slap names on each of the goodie bags for the RSVP kids and when you hand them out, pull the mom to the side to explain that you didn't know her child was coming, and you'll have to get that child a goodie bag at a later date.

3 moms found this helpful

they don't want to commit

3 moms found this helpful

Do you have Ziploc sandwich bags that you can use in place of the goody bags? If so, use those and if you are short on candy/gifts etc...just take from other bags and not worry about it. Give the bags to them on the way out the door so you don't have to worry about them comparing quantity, etc.

3 moms found this helpful

Can you rework the goodie bags so everyone gets something? If you can't, then don't hand them out at all.

3 moms found this helpful

I'd say "Sorry sweetheart. Your mommy didn't tell me you were coming so I didn't make one for you. I'm so sorry. But you can take a balloon home!" Say it within earshot of the mom and dad so that they get the hint. RUDE when people don't RSVP. ANNOYING. Drives me nuts. Make sure you thank the parents who DID Rsvp and tell them how thankful you were that they did RSVP.

3 moms found this helpful

A.,

I am soooo sorry this happened to you! I completely understand. I have had so many non-rsvp'ers that I decided going forward to personally call, wait for them to check their calender and get an answer right then---or say if I don't hear back from you by _____date, I will ASSUME you are NOT coming. That has worked much better for me. GL and hope that the party was a sucess anyways!

M

2 moms found this helpful

People don't RSVP because they are either rude or they just feel exempt for some unknown reason. This happened to me at my daughter's 3rd birthday party, too. I felt so bad for the kids; I just had to tell the Moms straight out (but very nicely) that I didn't know they were coming because they never RSVP'd. Thankfully the place (an aquarium) was pretty crazy, and the kids were so busy they didn't seem to notice that they didn't have a goody bag. This year I got smart & ordered a few extras. (And, of course, then I had a few no-shows and several extra goody bags! Go figure!) Always have a few extras on hand 'just in case'!

2 moms found this helpful

That is why I stopped doing goodie bags. I found in years past I had to have at least double the amount I would think I would need, because at least a few people would fail to RSVP, and than others would show up with siblings in tow. Now I just provide pizza, cake and ice cream, some fun, and send them on their way.

2 moms found this helpful

This is just one of the reasons that I have not yet done a big birthday bash for either of my kids ages 3 and 5. It is expensive, hard to plan because of the RSVP thing, and tiring. Since neither of my kids have asked for a party, I plan to hold off as long as possible.

As far as the goody bags, I truly wouldn't give out unless you had enough for everyone. It is not the child's fault that the parent didn't RSVP.

1 mom found this helpful

take out a peice of candy off each goody bag and divide them between the extra goody bag... this way no kid misses on candy

1 mom found this helpful

I always make enough for the amount of kids I invite! Most people never rsvp and i am not sure why I even put it on there. Sometimes we get an invite that is too early to know if were able to go (another event, or work ). I agree with some other mommas just pile stuff together and let them grab or get some zip loc bags and write names on them. if you have brown paper lunch bags that would be better.

1 mom found this helpful

I try to RSVP but I have forgotten or been disorganized and not gotten to it on occasion. I would either split things up or slip the goodie bags to the parents who did RSVP. When I plan I usually make a few extra goodie bags but 8 is a lot of extras!

1 mom found this helpful

Don't do goody bags, why give out presents to kids for coming, it's a waste of time and money to me.

People just don't, they just show up.

Never put an RSVP in an invitation again. They don't even look at the bottom of it. Just expect everyone to show up then prepare for that many. It takes all the stress off and if you have leftovers you get to have them later that day or the next.

We were gone last week for dental appointments and came back Friday. I got 3 birthday invitations for that weekend on Monday, we had no chance to even consider them due to being gone Thursday and Friday.

The last one I RSVP'd to was weeks ago and something came up and we didn't make it.

1 mom found this helpful

There is nothing you can do.

I have been battling this for years. My daughter will be 4 years old this year and never once has rsvping been successful.

I am not quite sure I understand it but for some reason people do not let you know if they are coming. I have done regrets and that does not work either.

I always overplan for 10% and hope that more come and not less. If I do not have enough, well what do you do?

1 mom found this helpful

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