Why Does Everyone Just Assume I Am Done Having Babies?

It's not just moms in your situation.
I have one. I used to hear--"No more? Come on!! Have one more!" Ummm...NO.
People that I know that have 2 boys get "Gonna try for that girl?" Like their life is less for NOT having one of each.
Then I have friends with four or five and they get "You DO know what causes that, right?"
So....it's not just you or your particular situation.

9 moms found this helpful

Yeah, and I had two girls, and everybody would say, "Well, I guess you'll have to have at least one more to try for that boy!" Now that I'm pregnant with my first boy, everybody says, "Oh, I bet you're happy you're finally getting that boy, and now you can be done!" Actually, I'm not done, I want one more, and I wouldn't care if they were all four girls! Maybe it's just making coversation, but I agree, it's annoying.

8 moms found this helpful

it's just conversation

i really never understood why people get so bent on people just making small talk......i really doubt they care how many you have

7 moms found this helpful

Its just you. They are making conversation not judgement. I had a mess of comments like that and different but the same. I can't even remember half of them because they were just making conversation so I never bothered to remember them.

One is there is an nine year gap between my middle two. The most comment, second marriage. No same guy but lets look at this rationally, what would a normal person assume with nine years? They aren't trying to be mean or judgey they are just talking.

Just wanted to add, in case you haven't realized, the only reason you even notice is because they are wrong. These statements happen all the time and you don't notice because in most cases they are right.

6 moms found this helpful

People make stupid assumptions all the time to make conversation. I personally would have my hands full with 2 little ones but if you are loving it, good for you! Believe me, no matter what you do, people will make assumptions and say stupid things. We have an only child and you would not believe all the "advice" I hear.

6 moms found this helpful

Well, I had 2 boys, so everyone assumed I would try for a girl. It is interesting how people tie gender into how many children a person will try to have. I just try and ignore the comments... really it isn't anyone's business. Some people really are nosy and judging... but most people are just trying to make innocent small talk, very likely based on their own personal experiences. So I would try not to let it bother you :)

5 moms found this helpful

This happens to everyone. We have an only, and aren't having anymore. We get all kinds of comments about that. People are just like this, unfortunately. I don't let it bother me, I'm comfortable with our decision.

5 moms found this helpful

Many people, esp in today's economy, do not understand having very many kids, two's enough mentality. Honestly, I am a "one and done" kinda person and I do not understand those that want a houseful and people ask me when/if I am having more - do I allow them to bother me? Nope! I just tell them that I will have another if they will support that child financially and raise them when I don't wanna. This is a to each their own kind of topic.

4 moms found this helpful

Our society has the view that a boy and a girl child make up the so-called perfect family. People don't really like children, even the pro-life crowd aren't really pro-life so much as they are anti-abortion. Just have another. It'll confuse them. ;) We had three boys first. So, when I was pregnant with my 4th, everyone assumed we were trying for a girl. Once she was born, they assumed we were done now that we had our girl. I don't care what sex they are! Shocked many when we went on to have #5 and #6. Eventually they stop trying to figure it out. LOL (We now have 3 of each-would love more, but I'm not thinking that it will happen now that I'm 45.)

4 moms found this helpful

yes this bothers me too! I don't have each gender. (I have 3 girls) but once I had my third I had a lot of people saying "well it looks like you never got your boy." Or "oh well, I guess you're just meant to have all girls." It really makes me mad. I'm actually trying for #4 right now. Won't they be shocked when I end up preggo again! LOL Just get pregnant again that'll teach 'em. :)

4 moms found this helpful

I do not say it out loud, but when I have friends or family constantly telling me how they do not have enough money, cannot afford their child care, are exhausted, cannot handle the children they have, or my favorite, do not have health insurance... My husband has to work so much because we need the money. I never get to see him, because he is always working.

I assume they are not going to have any more children.. 90 to nothing, they do continue to have more children.

Not saying this is your situation, but I really have to bite my tongue.

4 moms found this helpful

yup it bothered me also.

After having my two boys, we got pregnant and every one said oh your trying for a girl? Umm no, we wanted another child.

Then when my husband and I got married ( my second marriage) he didn't have any of his "own" kids. With a gap there was going to be in age of #3 & #4 I told him that we needed to have two. That way #4 would have a sibling close in age growing up with.

Everyone looked at me like I was crazy! Then the statement "so have you figured out what causes that yet?" set it. That is one that really ticks me off!! After having our son, we waited 5 months then tried again. When I got pregnant again the comments started in again about knowing what causes it... then if they asked the sex and I told them its a girl.. it was well now that you finally got your girl are you finally going to stop?

I get that a boy and a girl are the "perfect" family for some.. and for others large families are the perfect family! Honestly if we did have more money and could support a larger family I would have had 2 more.. telling people that is what finally zipped their mouths, and then I usually left the conversation with "yes I know I'm crazy" and a smile :)

4 moms found this helpful

It bothered my wife and I because we married during the era when ZPG was the hue and cry. (Zero Population Growth) My wife has always wanted a big family.

Everything was fine until she got pregnant with #3. Then the snide comments started. Then we were no longer politically correct.

Having more than just one or two kids was the wisest decision we ever made. I feel so sorry for the families that had just one child. If anything ever happened to that one child, they would grow old without grandchildren and the happines that brings.

I hope you are wise enough to have a couple more kids.

Good luck to you and yours.

4 moms found this helpful

Don't sweat it. People are generally just making conversation and probably projecting. I have two boys, and I am done! They wear me out (also, I'm 40). So, personally, 2 is enough. It's very possible people you are talking to would also feel like 2 would be enough for them and just assume you feel the same way. It's just human nature. Nothing personal.

3 moms found this helpful

You could have one of each gender (and both pregnancies were difficult for both the kids and I) and people assume you are NOT done!

I get "when will number three be coming"...in the realm of NEVER!

In other words I get your hostility to their questions but I have the opposite questions. I think people just don't know what else to talk about.

3 moms found this helpful

I think it's human nature no matter how many kids and no matter the gender. Newlyweds are asked when they are going to have a baby. Just look at how the paparazzi follows Wiliam and Kate to see if she "has a baby bump" . If you have two of the same gender, everyone wants to know if you are going to "keep trying" for another. In my case, my daughter is an only child (unless bio siblings are discovered in the orphan system), and I'm asked by complete strangers if I'm going to have another to provide a playmate for her. I just say, "no, she's probably my one and only" and leave it at that.

You could just nod and say, "well, they certainly are a blessing; perhaps I'll be blessed again, you just never know what God has in store."

3 moms found this helpful

Because many people -- possibly incorrectly -- assume that when people who have children of the same sex keep having more children it's because they're trying for the gender that they don't have already. You have one of each, which many probably view as the perfect status quo.

3 moms found this helpful

I got that too. I am 35 weeks with #3 and when we told someone they went "why do you need anymore?"-gee I don't know, why don't you stfu?
It doesn't make me mad but I got annoyed that strangers(not so much friends and family) would question my choice to have another child.

3 moms found this helpful

I have one of each gender, a son and daughter.
I have never had anyone, tell me things like that.

Perhaps, the people telling you that are jealous that you have both a girl and boy.

Don't let it bother you.

Then, like Laurie A. says, I assume that when parents "grumble" about how expensive their kids are, that they are not going to have anymore. Then they do. Oh well!
Or, I know people who are always venting about how expensive it is to send their kids to private school and how they will never be able to retire or have to work 2 jobs... and I wonder privately to myself "then why send your kids to private school and suffer financially? That was your choice. And there are good public schools they can send their kids to, instead."

3 moms found this helpful

Well, I didn't have one of each, and most people I knew figured I was done. I never let that bother me - I WAS done! LOL!

I had a neighbor who had 5 boys. They ALL wanted a girl, each time. I swear, those were the best behaved children I have ever seen. Baby number 6 came along - another boy...

She laughed and said that everyone asked her why she was trying to build a baseball team...

So, no, it's not just about having one of both... I think it just depends on people's moods!

D.

3 moms found this helpful

It's just conversation especially if people have more than two and want some company :-)

3 moms found this helpful

I don't know why people feel the need to put their two cents in!!! I have people all the time ask if I am going to try for a girl I have two boys 10 and 13 why the heck would I want to start over now? I knwo there are some out there that would and don't get me wrong if that's what you choose for yourself that's great!!!! But for me no way. I had rough pregnancys so there was no way I was doing it again. My husband was lucky I was willing to have a second after everything I went through with my first! To me if you can take care of them and they are happy children I don't care how many you have. Just like the 19 kids and counting. They are happy and they take care of them. It's ones like my friends sister that drive me nuts. None of her 4 kids live with her. the oldest 13 has been with her maternal grand parents pretty much since birth. The mom I don't even think stuck around for the first year. She had another one that was taken away by it's paternal grand parents shortly after birth and then about 4 years ago had twins that were put into the system at birth. And they finally got her to stop.

2 moms found this helpful

I think it's kind of funny. I have the same situation - one of each and 19 months apart. I am always hearing, "Oh how nice, now you don't have to have any more," and "Then you can stop!" It doesn't bother me, although I thought it was weird at first. My go to answer has always been, "Oh, why do you think so?" Lately, though, I just joke that apparently the only reason people have more than two kids is to try for the other gender, or say something like, "Actually, I've always wanted a large family." Don't let it get to you, it's people being nosy, but I don't think they mean any harm.

2 moms found this helpful

It used to bother me triple times when looking at my triplets the comments I used to get "u must be done" "are those conceived natural (I think all babies are natural)" "u have your hands full". "i donno how people have 3 at the same time"..The last comment mentioned hurt me a lot since that lady has no idea what i had to go through before having my babies....With time I realized its no point being upset with the comments.
I once saw the video by a triplet parent family where they all are touring the zoo and a lady comes and asks the man" wow did u have them natural or IVF" and the dad replies "we did it threee times " u should have looked at the lady's face lol lol

2 moms found this helpful

I say it about myself. I've got a matched set. I always felt a little jipped when I just had a girl. I knew I was missing something great, not having a boy. Then, when I did, there was no reason to be wistful for what could've been. Based on my experience, I assume everyone else has a desire to have both a boy and a girl. Not that they just want two kids, but they would want at least one of each. Any kids after that, are bonus points. :)

2 moms found this helpful

You asked why people assume you're done, but they TELL you why. I'm curious why you let it bother you so much or what it is about the assumption that bothers you. Is it the assumption that bothers you or the rudeness of the presumption in comments they make in the first place?

Maybe you should have a firm comeback ready for people that lets them know they've overstepped a boundary in making assumptions about your family size. Nothing equally as rude, but just something that lets them know you don't want to talk about it and it's not really their business.

"We've always talked about the number of children we'd like, not the number of sexes of children we'd like."

"We'll let the world know when our family is the perfect size."

2 moms found this helpful

I feel your pain :)

We have 3 boys, so people say, "Aww, you gotta try ONCE more for the girl!" Number 1, we aren't trying for a boy or a girl. We just love our kids, regardless of their gender. Number 2, it is no one's business how many kids we have, as long as we are doing a good job raising loving and respectful little persons and aren't causing anyone else hardship.

2 moms found this helpful

I know what you mean. When my second child was born -- which happened to be my second girl -- I immediately started hearing things like "are you going to try again for a boy?" WTH? As if I had somehow screwed up by having two girls! Ultimately we did have a third child and, just like the prior two, I didn't give a hoot about gender and didn't even bother finding out what we were having. I think a lot of people thought we decided to try for a boy - NOPE! We just wanted another child. Now I am blessed with three beautiful daughters.

My parents had two of each then decided to have a 5th. I'm sure they heard the same type of comments as you!

People can be subconscously rude -- just try to tune it out.

2 moms found this helpful

People always expect more or feel like they should be allowed an opinion in your life. From the day you graduate college and start dating...when are you gonna get married? then you get married...when are you gonna have kids?....when are you gonna have another?....are you gonna try for a boy/girl?....then wow you have 3 kids, your done right?....your to old to have another child.....when are your kids gonna get..... From the person who rubbed my belly without invitation in line at the grocery store when I was pregnant who was offended when I reached out and rubbed hers(she wasn't pregnant and I didn't know her). Just reply how you wish to reply. Perhaps, "we still know how they are made" or "actually we are planning on having 20, we were just waiting until they are old enough to help raise the rest". Have fun with it, perhaps some will get it and end their uninvited opinions.

2 moms found this helpful

Because people assume that everyone wants a boy and a girl. You have what everyone wants so you might as well stop.

We get asked all the time if we are going to have another and hope for a boy since we have two girls. Everyone thinks a boy is a must. Especially older people...they insist that my husband wants a son even if he adamantly says he is happy with two *children* and doesn't want anymore biological kids be they boys or girls.

1 mom found this helpful

I think it's weird you get comments b/c I have never been asked if I was done or having more. I have 2 boys. You aren't the first to post this type of ?. I just have always thought it was weird people actually make assumptions on others' family size. To each his own I say!

1 mom found this helpful

maybe they are warning you ahead of time that if you have more they'll make comments that they think you have too many! LOL. people and their opinions! where do they get off?

surprisingly, i do get the comments about having "too many" (I have 4- I had them all within a 6 year period- no twins), but they are usually followed by a "do you think you'll have more?" question. people are way too nosy. don't let it bother you, they won't stop- and if you confront them they will be totally offended. double standards! LOL

1 mom found this helpful

Well I have two and a lot of people want to know or assume we are having more. If you were done, you'd be irritated at those who suggest you should have one more. It can be a sensitive topic, but people are curious what your plans are.

1 mom found this helpful

Maybe it's the heat! It bothered me, too! I hope God blesses you with the family of your dreams!

1 mom found this helpful

I see why it's annoying but it seems just an effort to make conversation, try not to be defensive

1 mom found this helpful

I know what your going threw. My two girls are 14 months apart. After my second people look as if i was crazy for having two so close.(it just happened that way.) I would always get the same questions "oh i bet you have your hands full" or "i'll bet you don't want anymore kids" or whatever like that. I got sick of hearing those comments over and over again.

To be honest i actually LOVE having my two girls close in age. My 3rd child when I had him i was actually thinking about having a 4th not to far behind him because I wanted him to have a sibling close in age with him. It didn't work that way. My dr. wanted me to wait at least 3 years before getting pregnant again. :(

I know some think i have my hands full, but my husband and I have things under control. We work as a team on the days he is off of work and actually I can handle all 3 all by myself. It works for some people. I don't think people understand unless they been in your shoes.

I got questions after my son was born about "oh i bet your happy to finally have a boy" WTH? Are they serious!! #1- I never care on what gender i had. #2 he was supposed to be a girl,which I was excited about having a 3rd girl. #3 i wanted a big family and i would never bring a child in this world just to have a certain gender for my selfish purposes.

People honestly like putting their noses in other people's lives! Don't worried about those people. Live your life and love those kids of yours!! :)

1 mom found this helpful

Doesn't bother me in the least. Two replaces you and DH on the planet, which already has way way way more people than it can support. Three takes 50% more resources (not just your financial ones which are completely up to you, but water, energy, contribution to climate change, etc). I would seriously assume that anyone who has two is done unless they tell me differently - whether they have two girls, two boys or one of each.

What really bothered me was people for years asking when (not if) I was going to have kids. As if it is some sort of requirement.

1 mom found this helpful

Depending on who they are, you could let it ride, come up with a snappy answer, or ignore them.

I have three boys and a stepson. I just gave birth to a daughter a week ago. For the last couple months of my pregnancy, if I was out with all four boys I would have at least 2-3 people say "Please tell me its a girl!" or something along those lines. I actually had one woman look at me when I was with my 3 boys and say, "I really hope that's a girl. I feel so sorry for you with all those boys!" I ALWAYS get the comment of, "Wow, are they all yours?!" To which I feel like responding, "No, I just thought it would be fun to grocery shop with four kids instead of my one. So, I invited a bunch of the neighbor kids to come with me!" People don't think before they speak. I have had many people ask me if I figured out where babies come from yet. I can hardly wait to see what comments I get when I take all five kids out! <sarcasm> I really try not to let other people's comments bother me- they are usually just curious and don't mean to be offensive. But, sometimes it does get aggravating, so I can understand where you're coming from.

I have 1 of each and I get a TON of people asking me if we will be having more. It doesn't bother me. The comments that DO bother me are "wow, you must have had them when you were super young!" or "you don't look old enough to have 2 kids". I am 31 and people say I look like I'm 18-21 years old.
BTW I had my daughter when I was 24 (my first) and had been married for 3 years already. I was not too young to be having kids, lol!

It's very common, I went through the same thing with my first two. I would just make the choice to not get your feelings hurt. I really think that when people ask you about how many kids that you have or are going to have they're really just trying to find a way to connect with you. To see the similarities and differences in your families.

I know it's so silly. I have 2 boys. Never had the desire to have a girl. I am not girly and boys just suit me better. Everyone is always asking me when I am going to try for a girl. When I tell them I don't want one they almost seem offended or that I am strange. Hey if you don't want to hear the answer don't ask the question :)