48 answers

Why Do Grandparents Do What They Want to Do with the Kids?

This is meant to be a lightehearted topic. Not about lack of parenting skills/respect. Just a question about why granparents do what they do. Grandparents includes Nana and Papa, not just grandmothers.

So my daughter is in sippy cup training and making progress week #2. Yaaaayyyy.

My mom watched her for me and I sent three different cups and told her to just leave them out b/c the baby will pick one up when she's ready to drink.

So when I returned, the cups were empty and clean and I said she finished three cups of water/milk/juice??? She looked at me like I had three heads and should've known better to ask. Her response. "No, I went to the store and bought her three bottles."

I almost fainted. Then she said she's still a baby and picked her up and said to my daughter isn't that right sweetie. My daughter smiled and I wanted to snatch her and run!

I'll admit, I did manage to laugh it off while driving home but I vowed she won't return until she hates the bottle. LOL!!!

Arrrggghhh why do grandparents do what they want to do when they are asked nicely and told why not to do something where the kids are concerned? Why???

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Two words: Parental Amnesia. They don't remember the struggles they went through with their own kids.

6 moms found this helpful

My mom did the same stuff. I would bring baby food over for my daughter, (she was 8 months) and strictly told my mom that she eats what I packed for her and nothing else. When I get back, my mom informed me that she made my daughter some yummy oatmeal with honey. Really? Because babies arent supposed to have HONEY!!!!!! Omg! I was livid! After that fight she got a little better.

2 moms found this helpful

Typically it is a combination of things...they feel they have raised their kids ok and know what to do, they feel they are more experienced, they are the grandparents and get to spoil the grandkids, and the rules don't apply to them. They struggle with the concept that they are grandparents, not the parents and the parents word is the final say.

I get what the others have said about it not being a big deal...this one instance is not a big deal but it does suggest a lack of respecting the parents wishes and a lack of supporting the weaning efforts...it's sort of like putting diapers on a potty trained child (counter productive!).

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Two words: Parental Amnesia. They don't remember the struggles they went through with their own kids.

6 moms found this helpful

I dont think it "G.'s" directly that do what they want when they want. It's a personal character issue. If you asked her not to do it and she did it anyway, just shows she has no respect for your technique. It's not a G. problem it's your moms inability to follow your instruction. Don't put all G.'s in one basket because we arent all that way :)

5 moms found this helpful

As a mom who has no help at all from any parents or relatives, I say count your blessings. Unless I can afford and find a trustworthy babysitter I,m stuck. Which is most of the time. I love my children but everyone needs a break now and then. I would think that if tou dont leave them often because of their meddling, they would stop. most grandparents would like to have time with their grandkids.

4 moms found this helpful

I'm glad you have a sense of humor about it. I'm sure grateful that my mom watches my daughter and I pick and choose what to take exception to. They mean well. I might have been offended by your mom going to buy the bottles though, that's going a bit far. Overall, i think there has to be a lot more respect and tolerance on both sides. Moms need to work harder on not taking everything as a slight, and grandparents should respect the child's parents reasonable requests.

THAT said... Jis S, you put the baby to sleep on his tummy although his mom said not to because of SIDS? Given the current medical advice, you think you know better with a life-threatening decision? Now that's disrespecting your stepdaughter.

3 moms found this helpful

If grandparents are doing this it means that they lack boundaries and respect for you as the parent--plain and simple. If you can laugh it off and it doesn't truly bother you than good for you. However, if it does bother you it is best to set the boundaries up now because it will only get worse as the child gets older. My grandmother spoiled me rotten and made my mother's life a living hell for the three days after I returned from staying with her every time. Thankfully my mother has chosen to respect my wishes for my children because it made her so miserable when my grandmother did not respect her wishes. This doesn't mean that your parents don't love you, or that they think you are a bad parent. It just means that they haven't learned appropriate boundaries with their adult children.
J.

3 moms found this helpful

Hello, I can't speak for others, but I will say that any changes I make when I babysit are very small. If my daughter sends a meal with my granddaughter that she will not eat (she is still on strained foods) I get one out of my cupboard that she will eat. My daughter knows that I keep them on hand and has no problem with it. I would never try to undermine what my kids do with their children. I have babysat all of them (the ones in CA) while their parents have worked and always ask before making any big decision (even about where I am taking them).
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

3 moms found this helpful

Wow there are some really negative comments - your mom gave her a bottle instead of sippy cup - that is not derailing your parenting in skills nor does it mean she does not respect your parenting AT ALL.

Why do they what they want to do? Because they can! That is the privilege of being a grandparent.

There are always different rules at grandmas house - and that's okay. As long as she is safe, she is not degrading you to your daughter, she is not disrespecting you (no, giving a bottle instead of a sippy cup is not disrespecting - that's a grandma that wants to keep her baby a baby a little while longer), she is not modeling disrespectful behavior (cussing, yelling etc.) she will be fine.

Really, you seem to have a good attitude about it. In the end, she will eventually give up the bottle - she won't graduate sucking on a bottle :)

3 moms found this helpful

You are not the only one who has to deal with this trust me. I can not even count how many times my parents and my in-laws have done stuff like that. I don't get what grandparents do not understand about the fact that they are not the parents. They had their turn now let us have ours.

2 moms found this helpful

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