Why Can't People RSVP to Kid's Parties?

Okay, I'm going to be a lone voice here. I honestly don't think people are trying to be rude, they are just overwhelmed and/or not so organized. It's not really anything personal, to don't take it that way. I have three kids and it's hard to see beyond tommorow. The baby's schedule is always changing, someone is often sick, life is crazy. By the time I get a moment to myself there is a ton to do, and calling is not always top of the list. Or it may be too late. I would not show up for a party without RSVPing. But if I don't call I asume they will know we are not coming. Really if people are close enough to invite, they should be close enough to give them some grace and just call them. You never know what is going on in someone elses life.

My boys are still just 3 and 1, but for the few parties I've had I've noticed the lack of response as well- in addition to a couple at showers, my wedding, etc.
I have to admit, however, as much as it bothers me, an RSVP to a party we were invited to this summer got overlooked by me. Oops. The host called me a couple days before which was when I realized my mistake; I didn't mind her calling at all! I was glad she did so she knew what to expect. So just call the people- and if they hang up on you like that other poster said, they are permanently UNinvited! Why was that person invited in the first place!?

I have received about a 50-60% response rate as well. It is very very annoying. I have tried to say RSVP, regrets only, and other variations and these parents just don't call. The regrets only thing leads me to believe that more people are coming than actually are. My only solution is no response for 2 years in a row = no invite for the third time! Not the best solution, especially when a no show/no caller is my daughter's "best friend" at the time of the party. Short of saying "PARENTS - PLEASE READ!!! you must call by August 10th and let me know whether your child can attend because otherwise I have to pay for you anyway and waste more money on extra treat bags in case you decide to show up in spite of not responding" I don't know what else to do. Honestly that may not make a difference anyway!

Maybe a letter to Dear Abby can help us! Hopefully you get some better ideas on what to do about this!

I know your party is over, but I just wanted to add -- I have a 20-year-old and an 11-year-old and have been dealing with this for what seems like most of my life. Instead of getting upset over it though, I just made it a practice of calling the non-responders a couple days before the event -- especially if we had it out somewhere where we needed an exact head count. It isn't worth getting annoyed over, because it will happen year after year after year. And sometimes people do put it in a pile and just forget. I try to remember that some people have lots of kids and really stressful lives and things like this happen with them. So just expect it and plan to make a few calls. That way you will save yourself some anger. :-}

As un-fun as it may sound, this is why I like to use Evite ... because you can see if they've even opened the invite and they can respond while they're taking care of other email. So many moms weed through the mail, kids' backpacks, etc. late at night when it's too late to call. Check out Evite.com -- it's free and I use if for everything.

I hate people that don't respond. I have bad luck with this as well, but have found that by giving a phone number and my email address to RSVP to I have gotten better responses. Plus, now I only send out invites two weeks ahead of time. My son's birthday is in mid January, so I have learned the less advance notice the better- or it will just be set aside and forgotten about. I don't understand why people do not have the respect and courtesy to just send a quick email saying yes or no to the invite. It's so frustrating!

I'm sorry that that happened to you. We just experienced the same thing with my now 8 year old daughter. Believe me, I understand that people are busy these days-I have 3 children and I work full time. But, that's no excuse to not call, even if it is the day before the party. As for the I can't call because I feel uncomfortable because I don't know the parent excuse-are you serious!?!?! We are adults so act like one and take the 30 seconds it takes to make the phone call. I honestly think that very few people think that it's important to rsvp to a kid's party. I really don't care if these people come or night but my child does! Then it becomes an issue for me. The only thing that I am doing now is in the future not inviting those that didn't rsvp.

Hi,

I've been on both sides of this as a mom waiting to hear from all the other moms, and as the person who didn't rsvp for a party. Here is what I think. People feel uncomfortable calling people they don't know. Just like when we get wedding shower inviations and we have to call the brides cousins best friends sister whom we've never met. You can try putting "regrets only" so that they only have to call if they can't make it. Also, make sure you put your name by the phone number so they don't have to ask, "Is this Billy's Mom" and they can ask for you by name. Lastly, give people your email address. This way they don't have to speak with that "scary stranger" on the other end of the phone.

I hope this helps!

Hi C.,

I have found that putting RSVP Regrets Only on invitations gets more accurate head counts at parties. People will take the time to opt out than opt in.

Good Luck!

Why didn't you call the 5 mother's that didn't RSVP?

Unfortunately, that seems to be the norm lately. I sent 192 invites to my daughter's graduation party and about 75 or so did not respond. No matter what we have tried, people just don't feel the need to respond. I keep thinking that if I respond to their events they will get the idea.. they don't. Then I think if I don't respond, they will get the idea... not sure if that would work because I never do not respond... it is rude!
And yes, you may have some that did not RSVP just show up.

No tips.. You could always call some of the people and ask them if they are going to be there... I have done that in the past.

Have a great party!

The majority of young people have no people skills or manners because they were never taught. I see it in our high school every day. No manners, no respect, no courtesy. Also, a lot of times the children are not friends in school. Most young ones have 1 or 2 friends not 9 and those parents feel "why come just to bring a gift?". They don't mean anything by it, they just don't know any better.

Not that this will help at all... but I have 3 kids, 12, 9 & 5. The 5 yr old hasn't had a party for friends yet, but the other 2 have, and we've always had the same problem.
Seems to me, most people only RSVP when they ARE attending. It's like everyone has forgotten that the proper thing to do is to call either way.
My daughter got invited to a laser tag B-day party for Tuesday, but she's going to Girl Scout day camp all week, so I had her call to wish him a happy b-day & explain why she could not attend.
That's the proper way to do it.

Good luck, but don't hold your breath waiting for the phone calls! :)

I have learned that if I send out the invites 3 weeks before, with an RSVP by 9 days before including a phone number, email address and an alternate phone number. Then anyone who has not RSVP'd by the last day to RSVP, I call at around 6pm that day ask if they received the invitation, if so I just simply ask if they are coming or not. Usually this reminds them of simple courtesies and the following years with those parents aren't as bad. If you happen to have their e-mail address a few days after you have mailed them, send out a quick e-mail and let them know to keep an eye out for the invite and that you look forward to hearing if they can come or not.

Sadly people are very rude these days. I guess it comes with the age of entitlement, so to speak and each person thinks they are so very busy and we should all understand. I was at a shower at a beautiful country club not so long ago and an entire table of people didn't show up -about fifteen. How rude.

I suppose the best thing, for example as in the case of McDonald's is call each person and make sure they are coming (which we used to not do because that was supposed to be rude also). I have had a couple of parties where I have invited the same person who acts surprised that she has been invited, blames the loss of her invitation on her children, her dog, whatever, and then doesn't show up. To give her the benefit of the doubt I have mailed them, stuffed them under the door, called and whatever creative way I could do it. As you could probaby guess I guess she is far more important than I and I haven't invited her to mingle with the peasants anymore. But silliness aside you can also write down that if you don't get a confirmation that assume they are not coming. People know how much it costs to throw those kinds of parties so I can't understand how come they are so thoughtless.

I have total sympathy with you...I've gone through this with both my children, although my daughter's friends seem to be better about RSVPing. My son just had his party last weekend, inviting all the children from his daycare class AND preschool (about 35 children), and only about 50% of them bothered to call (or e-mail) and tell me yes or no. I tried calling the ones from preschool, since I had their phone numbers, and only got one response, still. I also tried putting out a sheet in bright color at the daycare, just asking for a yes/no/not sure mark, and only got one response on that as well! This was my son's first time for a "class" party, and I think we'll go back to close friends next year; when I see the parents, they tend to be better about RSVPing, but not always. I also bring a couple extra favors "just in case," but it irks me as well. I was actually hung up on when I called one classmate's home! I guess people are just rude sometimes, and I try not to let it color my feelings about the child, since it's not the child's fault.

M.

I feel your pain and have experienced the same problem with my kids' parties. The last party I planned I used www.evite.com and sent only electronic invitations and that seemed to work a little better for getting responses out of people.

M.

Hello,

This is my BIGGEST pet peeve! I do not know why people don't respond,
especially if they KNOW that they will be out of town, on vacation, etc.
and know that they will not be able to attend. I always put a "RSVP by" date on the
invite, and end up calling anyone who hasn't responded the day after that date anyway.
(It makes me wonder if manners even exist any more in our Society.)

I know many people who just won't call non-responders, but I can't stand not knowing
how many will or will not be attending.

I now have my child choose a few close friends and call their parents months in advance
to see if they will be available on the date picked, and then have the parent pencil it in their calendar. 2-3 weeks before the party I then send out the invites with a RSVP date.
I have gotten a much better response this way and eliminate inviting people who obviously will not be able to attend.

I once invited 12 kids to a B-day party. Only 2 kids showed up. Out of those 2, only one
had called to respond. With the cost of parties being $10-$30 per kid, it is really rude to not respond. A lot of times, deposits are not refundable or you still have to pay the minimum, regardless of the actually amount that attends. Then of course, there is the cake,
decorations, goody bags, etc.

All of you non-responders, listen up! Please RSVP! It's important and rude not to!

OK, now if we can just get people to send thank yous for gifts received, it would be
a much better world! : )