Whoa...am I Expected to Give a Gift? What Do I Do?

Updated on July 20, 2011
T.L. asks from Wayne, MI
20 answers

I can't believe this! I went to water my outdoor plant and in the plant, I found an invitation to a grad party for tomorrow night. I know that the invite was not there earlier today because I sat outside next to the plant and would have seen it. The invite is for an acquaintance that I know fairly well and see often, but do not talk to. Talk about short notice. I know I can't go because I don't have anyone to babysit on such short notice. Do I send a card and money just to be cordial and classy? I'm thinking of mailing $10. I'm caught off guard and don't know how to respond.

Thank you so much.

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R.D.

answers from Kansas City on

Gifts should be APPRECIATED, NOT EXPECTED!!!!!!!!!!!

Leaving the invite in a plant? Really? Just ignore it.

2 moms found this helpful

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

on principle, no, gift not nessecary. But in practice, this is a kid we are talking about. He or she was probably supposed to take action and get mom a list or something and forgot. Or forgot to put you on the list until someone reminded them. Or they have a space cadet mom. In any event, this is a kid. If you like the kid and want to put a little change in thier pocket, go for it. Don't penalize the kid for poor etiquette and short notice. And it doesn't have to be tomorrow. My stepson graduated last month and he still get s a trickle of cards now and then. To tell you the truth, these late cards are such a fun suprise for him. Out of the blue he will get a cute little card and a few bucks. I think he will remember those more than the avalanche of cards he got on Graduation Day.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

J.S.

answers from Hartford on

RSVP and say, "Thank you for thinking of inviting me, but I won't be able to make it to the party. Congratulations on your graduation! We'll have to make plans to get together another time. I'll see you around!"

You are NOT obligated to send a gift. I wouldn't.

Edited to add: I wouldn't pretend that you didn't receive or see the invitation in time to respond. There's no reason to return what you see as rudeness with worse rudeness.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

Nope if you don't go you really don't have to do the gift

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M.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

You don't have to send anything but if you want to you could send the $10.
I think that is nice and just enough.
It's for the child anyway and graduation is a big deal.
Nice of you!! :)

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C.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

Hmmm, that's just odd.

I'd be hard pressed to expect ANYONE could do ANYTHING with that short of notice.

I'd just ignore the invite.

2 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Good grief, what kind of invitation is that?
And you said you knew the person well. But is an "acquaintance?"

Just send a card, with money if you want.
That's it.

TOO short notice!
I would just tell her.
Not your fault.

I would say "gee, found your invitation in my plant pot. It got wet as I watered. Sorry, but its too last minute for me, If I knew earlier then maybe I could have gotten a babysitter. Sorry."

It is RUDE to give an invitation like that.
Geez.
What if you never watered your plants that day? Then what?
I would tell the person that invited you.
Its almost like they hoped you didn't see it?

1 mom found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Could you pretend you didn't get the invitation:)? Who leaves an invitation in a plant anyway.
I think it is very nice of you to give any amount but I would not feel obligated.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.W.

answers from Benton Harbor on

I would have been tempted to put the card right back in the plant and pretended not to see it!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.O.

answers from San Antonio on

That is the shortest notice I ever heard of. For someone you do not talk to often, I would express my regrets, and wish them well, best of luck and leave it at that.

L.M.

answers from Dover on

You can send your regrets and that is it or you can send your regrets w/ a card and a check or gift card for whatever amount you see fit. I would suggest $20 but that is your call.

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

I would simply state - thank you for the invite - however, due to short notice, I will not be able to attend...

High School grads will take money or a gift card...

I too would be caught off guard..I'm sorry!! I'm sorry I can't be of more help!

Updated

I would simply state - thank you for the invite - however, due to short notice, I will not be able to attend...

High School grads will take money or a gift card...

I too would be caught off guard..I'm sorry!! I'm sorry I can't be of more help!

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G.B.

answers from Detroit on

I'd say to send a card or call and then send a card. Certainly a gift isn't required.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I think either way is fine. Since you don't really talk to this person regularly then I'd say do what you feel comfortable doing. Putting myself in your position I probably wouldn't send a gift but I'd email them and say I wasn't able to attend but thanks for the invite. If you feel like you want to, then I'd say $10-20 cash or gift card would be great.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I would call, say that I found an invitation in the plants, and asked if it were really for me. Then, if it were, I'd say, "Thanks so much! I'm glad I found it. I can't come, but I hope the party's a great one." Then, since you are thinking about doing it, I would mail a card and ten dollars, which the graduate can put toward something big he/she needs.

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L.M.

answers from New York on

NO way would I give a gift. Leaving an invitation in a plant is not appropriate. Either give her a call in the next few days, or next time you see her, just say "thanks for the invite, I've just been so busy I didn't get a chance to look at it until...."

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

That IS odd.....hmmm...if it was me, I'd probably send a card, with regrets and some cash.
Does it have an rsvp request? If so, just call & say you can't get a sitter.

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P.R.

answers from Cleveland on

I wouldn't give a gift even if I had more notice and couldn't attend. You don't know the people that well so seems odd you were invited at all. Now you have to spend money?? If your child was invited to a bday party bc the whole class was and you couldn't go, would you give a gift? I never see anyone do that unless it's a close friend. So why would you have to give one now? Only exception to that rule in my opinion are weddings. So I wouldn't and I'm generous when it comes to gifts I do give.

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D.M.

answers from Detroit on

Hi T.---Not sure what you did but I think I would have ignored it. If the inviter could not give you the invitation in person, they do not deserve your attention.

Wow, I've heard of some weird things but this takes the cake. D.

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C.B.

answers from Detroit on

A card would be fine. Money inside is optional

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