January 13, 2008,
M.M. asks from Arlington, TX on January 12, 2008
Who Should Be in the Delivery Room??
I am expecting my 2nd child this summer, and we have a delima! The delivery room. When we had our first...it was just the 2 of us, me and hubby. But I want something different this time. I have a very close friend that I would like to have in the delivery room with us. For medical reasons she will not get to experience this, and I feel comfortable with her being in there with me...Now some back ground. This little one will be the 12th g/c for my parents and only the 3rd for mil. My mother has been present for the birth of a few of her g/k, but my mil has not. My hubby thinks if I want the friend in there then I will hurt feelings (mil's)! But I think it is my choice. Now really ladies, do you want someone in the room you are not 100% comfortable with??? Also, the BFF I want to have in the delivery room, is one of my husbands employees, yes he is her supervisor. So when I mentioned her he mentioned no awkardness about that, just who it may upset. Any advice will he helpful! TIA
E.W. answers from Dallas on January 13, 2008
I was in almost the exact same situation. I had a mil who wanted to be in the room really, really, badly, and I just wanted my husband and my best friend. I was told that I should have my mil in there to spare feelings and what-not, but really! She made me sooo uncomfortable just setting the dinner table that there was no way that I was going to be comfortable with her watching me give birth! I let everyone know the plan to have just my husband and my friend in the room in advance so that they didn't get upset the day of. Any time they got upset and started in again, I had my husband speak up, he noted that they were upset, and understood, but it was my decision and quickly changed the subject to something happier for them to think of. Such as outfits, and swings, ect...
Side note: Since your husband expressed worry about this particular friend being there, I would listen to him. He is experiencing somethign extremely emotional at this time too, and may not feel comfortable doing so in front of his peer. If it were me I would have her be there to give your husband a break during labor, help you out getting things together, but when push comes to shove,(pun intended) have it be a special moment for you and your husband. With her and your family waiting right outside ready to welcome the baby into the world!
C.W. answers from Dallas on January 13, 2008
You need to find out how many hospital policy is first.
I had my Mother and MIL in there for the last 3 babies and also my 2 SILs, both of who will never have children. This last time my 9 year old son was in there too.
I kin dof think if you are comfortable with non-family members being in there you really need to think about inviting you mom and MIl because feeling will be hurt if you don't and you have to have those people in your life for ever, it isn't worth it. Besides you don't have to have them in there during the labor. I send everyone out but my Dh and this last time my closes SIL, who journaled the whole event for me, like a time line and then when it can time for pushing, everyone else come in.
They were quiet and repsectful and across the room and hardly even noticed, I was busy, lol!
Just think it through, it is a once in a life time experience and you at least need to invite your MIL if you are going to have non-family inthre, besides maybe she won't tak eyou up on it?
K.S. answers from Dallas on January 12, 2008
Do what makes you comfortable. For the birth of my son, it was just me and my husband. If one of my sisters had been in town at the town she would have come as well (she is a nurse and I knew she would help me not stressed me, but she was in town and he was a week late so she missed it.). My MIL always dropped hints about wanting to be there, especially because she had a c-section with both her sons and never got to experience a regular delivery. I would just say 'oh'. I knew I didn't want her there, so she wasn't going to be there. I explained it to my husband that I was the one giving birth and I was the one who was going to be exposed, so it was my choice. After all was said and done, he was glad that she wasn't there.
I know that in a marriage concessions have to be made, but I think this is the one time where it is YOUR choice and everyone has just has to deal with it.
M.P. answers from Dallas on January 12, 2008
I think that who you have in the delivery room is completely your choice. Plus, labor is hard as it is. Why make it even harder by having someone in the room that you're not 100% comfortable with? It sucks that you might hurt your MIL's feelings, but that's the way it is sometimes.