Where Does a 4 Year Old Belong?

Honestly, DH should spend time with DS until his bedtime and watch his movies later. If he is at work all day and then watches movies - when does he interact with his son? If you or DH don't want toys in the family room they can be cleaned up at the end of each day or DH can play with DS outside or in DS's room (I suspect DS will be happy to play in his room if dad is there).

I have an idea that may seem a little outdated but......WHY DOESN"T HE PLAY WITH HIS SON TILL 8:30 AND THEN WATCH HIS FRIGGIN MOVIES????????? This is why a whole generation of children are growing up developmentally delayed!

just like everyone else, he has to wait til the kiddo goes to bed. my opinion! i don't get to watch anything on t.v. - actually i don't put anything on t.v. except Barney & I Love Lucy from when we get up til we go to bed. After 8 p.m. i watch all my DVR shows. Tough titty said the kitty - as my mom would say. :)

I agree with you. Your husband needs to grow up. When we have kids our lives change. Why doesn't he want to spend time with his son when he gets home from work? I think it is really selfish of him to send him to his room, especially when he can watch the netflix shows anytime.
There are many programs that I like that are not appropriate for my kids, so I watch them once the kids are in bed or not at all.
I don't think you are letting your 4 year old rule the roost, you trying to be a responsible parent.

Um...I think your husband should be more interested in his child after work than Netflix.

Husband can watch whatever he wants when son goes to bed! Period. In our house it's family time until kids go to bed then we watch our shows. maybe he should keep the TV off and spend some quality time with his son?

i'm surprised that people are siding with your husband...our son IS our primary focus. because we're parents. that's our responsibility as parents. and grownup tv waits till after he goes to bed. yes we will watch the news and other "boring" stuff, we don't just watch what he wants to watch all the time - but we certainly don't watch things with violence and sex in them. we also watch america's funniest videos, and wipeout, things that he likes too. we are a family and NO one person gets complete control of the tv.

Wow, some of these posts are unbelievable! 'My child is only allowed to play in his room or the yard' 'I never knew how much TV time I was sacrificing for my child' 'My child is in daycare all day and in his room all night because the whole house belongs to ME and not HIM!' Freaky stuff! Why did you HAVE kids if you can't stand the sight of toys in the house and don't want to spend time PLAYING WITH YOUR CHILD instead of putting them in their room all alone so you can have "me time" every night? Seriously, I treat my dog better than that. I am going to enjoy my precious children and make wonderful memories with them and my husband instead of watching some mindless drivel that will not enrich the mind or refresh the soul. Children grow up so fast! And TV and movies will still be there when your children are grown, or at the very least in bed for the night.

I would say if is not a family movie then it should be watched after the kid is in bed or in another room. My kids are 2 and 5 so I do get sick of kids shows too. We have 1 tv and 1 living room/family room too. It doesn't seem fair to kick the kid out of the living room and who says the kid won't wander in the room again anyway. If pushed I would put a tv in our bedroom before letting the kids watch inappropriate shows.

I think hubby needs to realize that he is not a single, childless boy but a husband and father and those responsibilities should take priority over what program he wants to watch. He should wait until after the 4yr old is in bed or not home to watch inappropriate movies in the living room. If he must watch sooner, he should watch in your bedroom but I dislike that option as he should be spending time with the family.

Um your husband should act like an adult and watch his movies when your 4 yr old is asleep or watch them when y'all are gone. Even if your 4 yr old is in his room, he will come out to ask for things, get things, and he can still hear all the violence/sex or whatever is going on in the living room. At that point he may as well be listening to adult music too. He needs to stop being selfish.

I agree with Michelle and with the way she worded it that made me think too. Your son may become very confused why he's being sent to his room all the time just because dad's home. Your husband should want to spend time with his son. My daughter goes to bed at 830-930 depending on her stubborn level so I watch adult movies after she goes to bed, whether it be 830, 9, or 930. When she was born it was about her, not me. His life changed when his son was born, he needs a wake up call.

Instead of going out drinking, watching adult movies with his son listening in his room, why doesn't he just be a dad and play with his son?

Sorry, but your hubby can go get a straw and suck it up. ;)

We don't watch any adult tv when our son is awake. Period. I tell you, it hurts, but he's four. I don't listen to NPR most of the day because he can't understand the words "killed" and "dead" all day.

Ummm... how about he *spend some time with his son* at the end of the day when he comes home from work? My husband comes home at six or so and we eat, then he plays with our boy until bedtime.

I am sure that fathers, on their deathbeds, never say "gee, I wish I'd had more time to watch tv". Priorities.

Wow...I am pretty surprised by some of these answers! Our house has spaces in all the rooms for each of the people living in this house. Our kids are part of our family, and welcome to be in any area they like. Each room has well placed areas for kids toys...I like my kids near me!

As far as the shows...hell no! Your husband does need to grow up! It is totally inappropriate, in my opinion, to watch anything inappropriate in your sons view. And your son should not be cast to his room. Plenty of time to watch a movie from 9-11. Yes, tell your husband to grow up. And also request that he uses that time to spend time with your son. They are only little once. He is going to be a teen before you know it...and then want to be off with his friends. These are the years to form those close bonds. Movies can wait!

Your husband should be spending family time and after your son is in bed then he can watch his movies. Your son should not be sent to his room, he should be spending time with his dad. Seems dad needs to grow up to me!!!! If your son has a decent bedtime there is plenty of time to watch what he needs to watch. HE IS WRONG!!!

I think that if your husband wants to watch movies, then he can wait until the kids go to bed.

It's questions like this that makes me WISH it were a troll question.

My husband sometimes zones out when he wakes up and puts The History Channel on and there's all kinds of disturbing images that pop-up. Once I say "ummmmmm" he sees that our four year old is paying attention and turns it onto a different channel.

I'm so FREAKING TIRED of men coming home sooooo tired and can't do ANYTHING for their families. I'm so BLESSED to have a great husband. He gets sometimes only 3-4 hours of sleep and has no problems or excuses for not helping and he has a very stressful/ physically demanding job.

Once you have a kid things change because they HAVE to change. Sure watching SpongeBob all day gets old but watching inappropriate movies after work is just irresponsible. There's a time and place for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

Feel free to print this out and hand it to him. I'll be MORE than happy to set him straight.

Good luck!

Is there a reason why your husband can't play with your son, instead of vegging on the couch? Does your husband ever spend time playing with your child? If not, the (very immature) TV issue he has, is a symptom of a bigger problem.

If my husband chose movies over our child, there would be BIG problems. Problems that would require some serious counseling. Your husband sounds immature, pig-headed, and selfish.

send your husband to his room (to watch tv)

Our kids have a playroom in a different room, and we don't watch non-kid movies (unless it's fine for kids to watch, just boring or something) unless the kids are in bed. We never watch "bad" movies, but we wait until they are bed for movies that we aren't comfortable with them watching. That's not to say we don't watch grown up shows around them. We do. Just nothing we'd prefer them not to watch.

It's called being a grown up. You have to modify your plans sometimes and be considerate of the fact there are children around. I definitely agree with you. I would suggest he pick other grown up shows to watch that the kiddo can hang around, not being restricted in his house.

Sounds to me like someone needs to recognize that now that they are a Daddy, they have some responsibilities for others and that it isn't all about THEM. There's plenty of time for those movies after your little one goes to bed. If not, oh well.

Wow, your husband is WAY out of line. First off, he had a child. Presumably, he made the choice to have a child (even if it was an "oops" baby, he made the choice to keep it and to stay there with you!). Now he gets to have all the joy of having a child, and that is NOT meant sarcastically. He also has to learn that the world no longer revolves around him (oh yeah...That's right... It NEVER DID).

You may be interested in telling him that the message he is sending his son is "I would rather watch TV than spend time with you. I'd rather watch TV then even HAVE YOU AROUND".

How about he comes home from work and then spends time with you and your son? After your son goes to bed at 8:30pm, your husband can watch his movies. Until then, it's FAMILY time. And part of being a FAMILY is making sacrifices.

Geez louise. I don't understand these men who can't handle growing up! Who raised these men? Good golly, the world REALLY doesn't revolve around them. And, oh yeah, being the ADULT means making the best choices for your CHILD, not yourSELF.

I may need to calm down...Pregnancy hormones! Yeesh.

You're absolutely in the right. I side with you 100% on this!!!

**ADDING THIS: Your son is in Preschool. Your Husband is at work. Then both come home after their day. Hubby is an adult. WHEN does Hubby spend time with his Son, Before your son goes to bed?????
The point being, a Dad should spend time with their child, face-to-face time... before bed.
-- Per my comments below about my Hubby's Dad and the way he grew up: My Husband said, it was NOT fun, growing up with his Dad... because his Dad, was just doing HIS own thing, watching TV/movies just like your Husband wants to do. AND, the kids were shunned from the room, and his Dad called it "HIS room" even if it was the "family room"

My Hubby as a child, would try and play with his Dad as he watched HIS movies... and he was told he had to leave the room or be quiet and sit still. It was not a fun, memory for my Hubby as a child.
(Thus, I remind my Husband of this fact, so that he does not blindly keep this bad 'habit' going in my own, "family room"
Yes, it is my family room too, AND our kids'. Not only his family room. A room does NOT belong to someone, solely, just because He works and I don't and am a SAHM.
It is a FAMILY home.
(My Hubby made an extra room into "his" room, where he watches his adult Man type shows/games.

So- Your HUSBAND is 'ruling the roost' so to speak. He is MONOPOLIZING the entire family room/TV in the evening. And HE... is controlling the family and the 'family room' and TV.

Your Husband, an Adult, should NOT be "Competing" with a mere child, who is 4 years old.
--------------------------------------

It depends on how your Husband grew up.
My Husband, sort of has that "opinion" too.
HE grew up, with a Dad like that.
So he is like that too.
But I try... to explain to him, that this is a FAMILY room, not "HIS room" and we have KIDS... and this is how it is.
And that, it verges on being SELFish, of him.

IF your Husband wants the room to be without kids/kid stuff... then tell him to convert the attic or garage.. .just for himself.
Don't kick-out other 'family'... just for his "chauvanistic" view on it.

I really, disagree with your Husband.
Some parents, expect a children to be seen, not heard. Or not to even be evident, in the home.
This is UNrealistic.
Period.

all the best,
Susan

Unbelievable!! What an ignoramus!!! The man HAS to watch TV and doesn't care about spending a few precious hrs with his son? He needs a serious dose of perspective. The trouble is, he's likely not going to respect your opinion if you share that - any man who believes the almighty TELEVISION is more important than his son sounds incredibly selfish to me.

I have no idea why people are so addicted to the darn thing. Unfortunately I have no idea how to help you in your predicament. YOU are 100% right, your husband needs to grow up, get some perspective, stop being so selfish and start being a Dad. But I cannot imagine how you will catalyze this change unless he's got a close friend or father figure you could get to help deliver the message?

Unbelievable. And people on here backing him up! It takes all kinds I guess.

Good luck, I hope you can convince him that in fact the planets do not orbit around him.

Your husband should turn off the TV and spend time with his son while he's awake, then watch whatever he wants after. Seriously, what kind of adult expects to watch a movie at 6 or 7 at night on a weekday? Doesn't he have to cook dinner, fold laundry, mow the lawn, make lunches, give a bath or do something else useful and/or play with his child? Tell him to take your son outside and go for a walk or play ball or ride bikes. The poor kid shouldn't have to be isolated to his room because daddy wants some me time at the end of the day - he can have that after your son is in bed! I married a guy who is immature and self-absorbed and even he wouldn't dare to pull this. Time for hubby to grow up.

In my house, my children live here just like me and my husband. Yes, we pay the bills but it's their home too. If we want to watch something not appropriate for children it waits until they go to bed. Children learn by example, and a day will come that you will need them to change your diapers. Unless you want them to lock you up in your room all by yourself all day when you are old; you need to treat them with the same human decency that you want to receive from them one day.

Your husband needs to step out of 1950 and into 2011. Gone are the days when Dad gets to come home to his slippers warmed and his newspaper waiting in the recliner. GET REAL! Dads are involved and hands-on (or they should be) and he should plan on playing with his son or helping you when he gets home. The movie or TV shows can wait until your son is in bed.

I think your husband is being SELFISH and IMMATURE! How and more importantly why should your child be confined to specific areas of the home. He can watch is netflix movies when your child is in bed. Explain to him that things change once you have children he is no longer the center of the universe.

I personally agree with you and think those movies can be watched at 830. Until your 4 year old goes to bed, it is "family time."

If I'm ever watching anything inappropriate and the kids are around I use headphones on my laptop. The only time I watch something I don't want my kids to see on the TV is when they are asleep. My kids can play wherever they want.

Why can't he wait until 8:30 after your son goes to bed?

Your husband may want to just come home and watch TV but he should really spend time with his son. Me and my husband work all day and don't get home until 5pm. We eat dinner together and then either go for a walk or ride our bikes. We spend time with the kids until they go to bed at 8pm and then we usually watch TV or movies.

I'll have to side with your husband. Maybe you can have him play in the living room while he's at work and then when hubby wants to watch a movie, he can move to another room. We usually try to watch movies after my young kids go to bed. Good luck!!

*added* In response to those surprised at my comment...LOL Just because husband wants to relax after work doesn't mean he neglects his kids or that he's selfish. I'm assuming he's a great father who wants some time to relax and watch movies once in a while. If not, well my answer still stands. =D

ok. i'm probably going to be way off on my answer :), but this is coming from someone who was allowed to watch Friday the 13th and Porkies when i was 4. There are definitely certain movies that i don't like my kids watching. i cringe when they are in the room and my husband is watching them. i grew up perfectly fine. i didn't say "bad" words when i was growing up. i didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, or have sex. those movies had no impact on how i behaved. i'm sure that some children act out what they see on movies, but just as many don't. my husband was watching South Park (and i was cringing) and my kids were laughing their butts off at the underwear gnomes, and mr. hanky. they also watch scary movies, etc. they haven't watched friday the 13th, etc. because i don't want to explain the sex scenes yet, but that's just me. my kids play in my daughters room, which is right off the living room. if they don't want to watch whats on, they can go in there and play. i don't see that there is anything wrong with someone wanting to watch a movie and enjoy it. doesn't mean son has to go to his room, and doesn't mean that husband can't watch his show. i would say that yes when we have kids our lives do change. but does that mean we can't watch a good show. i know i don't want to wait until late at night to watch a movie. i'm sure i'm different then most people, but i watch t.v and play with the kids at the same time. we always have the tv on.

I can see a little bit where your husband is coming from, because I don't think it's right for a child to rule the house either, but he doesn't need to have inappropriate content on the TV and just expect your son to isolate himself in his room, especially since son may have been missing Dad and looking forward to seeing him all day.

I'm siding with you on this one, and all the others that have said that hubby can watch whatever he wants once your son is in bed. I love being able to watch the Today Show and Oprah, but with an almost 4 year old daughter at home, it ain't gonna happen! This is just one of those sacrifices we make when we choose to become parents and it's only really for a short time - soon enough your son will be grown, he'll be a teen and not around as much, then an adult and on his own, and there will be a time when he'll be old enough for him and Dad to watch movies together. But he may never get to that point, and may decide that he can't be bothered spending time with Dad, if Dad can't be bothered to spend time with him now.

Just curious: are you going to share all these responses with your husband?

Since Dad works all day and your son has hopefully been outside exercising and inside playing in the living room with his toys during the day, I'd say that, yes, your son should go to his room. What with getting ready for bed with a bath, a story, putting on his pj's, etc., I wouldn't think he'd be up that much longer in the evening so it would actually be a small portion of his day.

Most people need time to relax to get ready for the next day of work, or unwind from the day they've had, "down" time, so to speak. If your husband chooses to use his watching movies rather than going out drinking with the guys and staying out all night, what a blessing! I don't think he's being selfish at all. Why not accommodate him and spend some time with him on the sofa?

I also have a 4 yr old and I have to agree with your husband to a certain degree. I don't feel like the child should rule the tv my daughters toys etc are also in out living room my 4 yr old is a girl and have 2 boys 15 and 11 and if they boys try to watch tv in the living room god forbid there will be a war and I think she should be able to go in her room and play or watch tv also. It is a struggle in our house my mother in law lives with us and gives her whatever she wants so it is really difficult. So I guess it's because I am in a constant battle of watching tv that I am siding with him. I am not one to keep my kids away from watching anything except for exposing the body my thing is they have heard the sayings lots of times know what is ok or not but that's just my opinion

Our television isn't even on if my daughter (3 years old) is awake. Unless there's a little show that we have on for her and we are watching it with her, the television is OFF. Your husband is being ridiculous and, honestly, completely immature.

Have your husband spend quality time with your son. My husband used to watch whatever, whenever...however, he quickly learned that it wasn't such a great idea when our son decided to use the wonderful karate (or whatever) moves on my husband and hit him in his *private*. He asked our son where he learned it and our son was completely honest and told him the TV. Now...they watch the Animal Planet or Discovery. It was kind of a compromise learned the hard way. Our sons behavior has gotten a LOT better now that we sensor *everything* that he watches. We do a lot of games with him...and then we have grown-up shows when the kiddos are in bed. If your husband would like to watch his own shows and not spend the unwinding time with your little one he should probably do it in his room/office. Just my opinion! ;)

Hi A.,

I don't actually think this is a question about WHERE your son belongs, as much as it is WHO he belongs with. If your son is in daycare all day he needs to be spending time with his parents.

Maybe you can talk to your husband and see if he is willing to wait to watch TV until your son is in bed (that's what we do) but don't make it sound like your son rules the house- just say that he misses daddy. If your husband doesn't agree, then you should take your son and play with him in another room while your husband watches TV. If you have to get dinner done then put him in for his bath early while you make a quick dinner.

After preschool he shouldn't be sent to go play by himself- try and figure out how either you or your husband or preferable both can spend more time with him.

Why don't you guys wait until after the kiddo goes to sleep and watch a movie together?

I think there should be some middle ground here. I don't think your husband is wrong I think if he has been at work all day he deserves to relax. At the same time I think he should spend some time with your son. So is it possible to have "family" time maybe after dinner for half an hour and then bath and bedtime. then your husband can watch what he wants.

I agree with you.
It really is a matter of growing up, my husband often complained about me "nagging" him about this, but he has come around and understands my point now. The living room is the center of our house an I don't see why two people (me and kiddo) need to leave so he can watch TV, which could probably wait an hour or so.
We only have two hours between coming home and bedtime, all of that is usually dinner and family time. After bedtime he can watch whatever he wants.
Good luck!

Toy are NOT allowed anywhere but my children's room.
I don't agree with having a room, besides a bedroom devoted solely to my children, but that's my opinion. The whole house is my husband and I's, not our childrens. Also, I think too much stuff, no matter how organized, looks messy.
The way we do movies/TV shows is we wait until the kids go to sleep. We have a few shows that we can all watch as a family, but we're usually to busy to watch anything when the kids are awake so it works for us.

Tell him you'll watch a naughty movie with him if he waits . . . :P

I do not think a kid should stay by himself all day in his room, but sending him to play in his room for an hours or so is no big deal. So IMO there is a compromise to be found here.

There is an appropriate time to watch adult geared movies and television shows and that is AFTER children go to bed. If you do not have a playroom for your son then the living room becomes the playroom as well. Personally I don't keep toys in my boys' room because then they'd never go to sleep but that's just a personal preference. Without more information I cannot make an informed comment about his complaint of your son "ruling the roost" but I'd guess that's in reference to more than just the television. Regardless, IMHO your hubby needs to spend time with his son and save the tv watching for after 8:30. I hope you are able to come to a satisfactory compromise. Good luck and keep us posted.

I understand where you are coming from. I used to believe and do the same with our son. Since we moved on 4/1/11 I have put all my 5yr olds inside toys in his room and have made him keep his stuff in there and play. (he is allowed to watch and play in living room before dad gets home.)
We have a large enclosed back yard that he is allowed to play in as well. I never realized how much tv/husband time I was missing until I switched it up. I should have done it a lot sooner. I have say I agree with your husband ....sorry :/
My son is in daycare all day also

I'm sorry but your husband sounds incredibly selfish. He can watch his netflix movies when your son goes to bed. If he starts the movie right at 8:30, he can finish it by 10 or so. I feel SO bad for your son that his dad is more into his personal movie time than hanging out with his boy after work. I mean the child has been in preschool all day - it would be nice for him to have some time with his parents. Does your husband EVER see him??? In my house the tv is only on in the mornings for about 1/2 hour while I get ready - and those are KID shows. We never watch adult things with the children awake...and the only other time they ever see the tv on is during college basketball or NFL season, so basically sports once or twice a week and that's it. During the summer, nothing. I turn on the tv after they are in bed.

Where does a 4 yr old belong? With loving parents who enjoy spending time with him before he hits the age where all he wants to do is watch movies with his friends. This isnt really about where your son should play, if you had said Dad didnt like all the toys in the lIving room you would have gotten different answers Do your husband and son enjoy any time together? Is it that your husband was very young and was not ready to become a father? Or maybe he doesnt know how to interact with a four yr old and needs some guidance? Be gentle with him but start encouraging him to spend more time with your son for both of their sake. Start with an every other day he can watch a move and the other evenings he plays with your son.

my hubbby likes to play violent video games.. after the kids are in bed.. there is too much killing and bad words in the games..

we dont watch R rated movies when the kids are up.. we dont do lots of things when the kids are up.
\
hubby needs to grow up.

Our son use to run the tv until I got tired of singing the Hotdog song in my head over and over for hours for the last 3 years . We have come up with this plan where he gets a turn of watching a show then its Mommy's or Daddy's turn.

On that note when its our turn the shows are appropriate enough where we don't have to ban him to his room.

If you have a kid ya got to grow up and watching movies that everyone can enjoy ( havin a kid is like getting a tattoo on your face you kinda need to be committed--- Eat,Pray, Love)

Last thing. If he really wants to watch something then 8:30 is not late he should wait until then.

This is why I am soooo happy that we turned our home's dining room into a "man cave." We have an eat-in kitchen, so we really didn't need the formal dining room. Anyway, it works GREAT for when my husband needs his tv or video game time and I don't have to have a TV in our bedroom or worry about him eating snacks in our bed while watching tv, lol!

My daughter goes into his room quite often since he has yet to get doors put on it, but he will tell her quite firmly when he is watching something or playing a game that she should not be there for. He tells her that he is playing or watching a scary movie/game and that she needs to stay out until he tells her it is ok. She is 3 and this works well with her and she understands to stay out.

I think that if you all need to share a tv, that he should wait until the child is in bed or that you should remove the child from the room when the adult tv time is occuring. Since your child is four, s/he could play contently in his/her room until the movie is over. If you want your child in the LR, then you have to tell your husband to wait until your child's bedtime.

It is hard to not want that "me time" after a long day at work and it may take some compromising on both sides to find something that works for everyone. Good luck!

I have to agree with most of the posters on here and say that your husband needs to wait until your son is in bed to watch those movies if you guys deem them inappropriate for him. My daughter has two areas to play. One area being the dining room and the other in her room, but we don't push her to go to her room to play- it's by her choice to do so if she pleases.