Where Are Parents' Rights??

The school screwed up. How much you're going to hold their feet to the fire is up to you.

For anyone who is amazed she didn't give permission... that's what permission slips are FOR. They're not "notices" they're *requesting* permission. NONE of us know this family who may have:

- Medical issues
- Custodial Issues
- Moral issues

that this field trip could have interfered with. In the past few months one of the regular posters on this site has had a daughter with a hernia (no problem in school, but couldn't allow a hiking field trip an hour away from home -and medical care), SEVERAL posters whose kids have newly developed asthma (ditto, no problem *very* nearby, but don't want their kids taken out of easy reach of med treatment), kids with hypoglycemia, seizure disorders, major allergies (requiring epi-pen use), etc. NEW problems that don't have the kinks worked out yet (takes months) one DOES NOT WANT their child taken a distance from both themselves and their doctors... and 'old' problems often need special consideration, that not knowing ahead of time can keep those considerations from happening (aka special things placed in their backpack for the trip, a 1:1 with the teacher should anything go wrong, a nebulizing treatment prior to school, a doctor's appointment to get approval from them, the possibility of chaperoning).

And that's just the MED stuff. Tip of the iceberg medical stuff. I could go on at LENGTH on the other 2 main categories. A good number of my friends teach public/private K12... and there is no way ANY of them would take a child without a permission slip. Sure, MOST of the time "things will be fine" (one can never put their kids in a carseat and it won't "matter" because MOST of the time we don't get into car accidents)... but that does. not. mean. that just because things were "fine" that it is or was the 'right thing to do'.

9 moms found this helpful

It is your right and school can't take your minor child anywhere without your permission. The school violated your rights. Not only did they take your kid ona trip without first gaining permission, they sent her after you had said that she was not allowed to go. Report the principal to the Superintendant, right away. My kid was once taken on a trip without consent too and I made a big deal over it. He was in elementary and I worked at a different elementary in the district. My class/grade was going to see a performance and imagine my surprise when I saw my son there.

9 moms found this helpful

The school was 100% wrong to take your child somewhere without your permission, especially after you said no. Totally wrong and I would pursue it. That said, why on earth would you make your daughter get pulled off the bus to sit alone in school while her class went on a field trip? What could you possibly need in writing as far as plans? It's not my business, and she is your daughter, but goodness. The schools have emergency contact lists and allergy info. I can't believe the school took her on the trip after you said no, but just as equally I can't believe you said no.

8 moms found this helpful

Wow..I'm really shocked at some of the responses here blasting you for not giving your permission. #1 - that is not the point. You, her parent, made a decision NOT to allow her to go and the principal dismissed you, the PARENT, and sent her anyway. I'm not sure of your reason for not wanting her to go, but again that doesn't matter, you said NO. I would be furious and would certainly address this with the principal as well as the school board.

And for all of you blasting her for saying no, you do not know where the trip was nor do you know her reasons for saying no. Perhaps it was a place that she doesn't particularly care for and doesn't want her child exposed to. Or perhaps it was a place that goes against her religious beliefs. Or perhaps she had concerns for her child's safety at the venue. You do not know her reasons and shouldn't have to. What you do know is that this Mother said no and the principal overrode her parental right to make that decision and sent her child anyway. How would you feel as a parent if that happened to you?

I too have not let my child go on field trips with her preschool. For us it was a matter of we didn't want our child (she was 3 at the time) riding on a school bus without her carseat. If the trips fell on a day where one of us could get off work, we would volunteer to chaperone and follow the bus in our vehicle with our child safely strapped into her carseat. If one of us were not available that day then our child stayed at the school with the other children who were not attending the field trip. Her school always made sure that there were special activities planned for the children staying at school. Don't be so quick to judge people because they've made a decision for their child that you didn't/wouldn't make for your child. I may not agree with another mother's parental decisions but I respect her right to make those decisions as long as the child is not being put in danger.

7 moms found this helpful

The school is in the wrong here. I would be livid and in front of the principal and then school board so fast! My daughter has food allergies and I have vett every single place she goes AND attend the field trips. If they sent her without me, I would probably be on their a$$es for child endangerment. People who say "you shoulda let her go" and "no big deal" are just nuts. You did not give permission and they should have respected your position.

5 moms found this helpful

Oh my gosh, I would have been livid. They were completely out of line. It's so strange that you posted this because I had the exact same situation yesterday except I was requested to send an e-mail. I had no problem with granting permission because this was a trip that was part of a series to the same place (nature related) so I sent the permission. But if I hadn't e-mailed then the school was requesting that I drive to the school to give face to face and written permission or she couldn't attend and would be kept at school. They were adamant about it.

There are many liability issues with something like this and not just for the field trip location, but for the bus and bus ride. And since the principal directly overstepped and directed the teachers to do this, I would make an appointment to discuss this with the principal. If that meeting doesn't satisfy you that it won't happen again and you don't get an apology then I would take the issue to whomever she reports to.

4 moms found this helpful

What I would have been most upset about was the fact that you said no and they put her on the bus anyway. While you took an unusual stance, there are kids who don't get permission (for whatever reason) and the school needs to 1) respect that and 2) have something else for the kids who attend school that day/time period.

Permission slips are usually about more than "this is what we're doing". They also often/usually include "I give the staff permission to seek medical treatment for my child" type information, too, for which they should have your signature. It's been a while since I looked at one of my stepdaughter's slips (her dad signs them) but they are at least a half-sheet of info for even a short trip. What if the field trip required lunch or a fee or transportation across state lines (we live in a small state, so it's frequently the case), etc.? We may get a permission slip a week before a trip (if it's a short one) but generally there is a "must have or you can't go" date. If the student is not forthcoming, they don't go. The school should have had a cut-off date and contacted you then.

I would contact the school and if the school didn't have anything to say for itself, then contact the district administration. You may be known as "that mom" and maybe the boy's mom won't care, but the fact is they did what you did NOT give permission for them to do, so what was the point in asking? They shouldn't argue double negatives. You said NO.

I've also had permission slips for things like "Can this child watch an R movie for psych class?" or "Can this student attend the sex ed portion of Health class this semester?" There are a lot of reasons to ask a parent what he/she wants for his/her child. It shouldn't be lip service.

It's not always about someone else's idea of educational value or the child's wants. Otherwise the school wouldn't need to ask at all. It is NOT the principal's right to override your choice, even if he/she doesn't agree with you. It could be as simple as the trip doesn't get back til 7PM and you have another obligation.

Your child came back in one piece, but what if she hadn't? Your permission would not have been on file. Your contact info for the day wouldn't have been on file. Your permission for medical treatment (beyond life-saving measures) would not have been on file.

I also wonder, like another responder, if she was already on the bus and they were trying to cover their butts, but really it was too late. They should not have put any child on that bus without a permission slip in hand. I realize that field trip days are sometimes chaotic but have we really gotten so far from when I was a kid? It makes me wonder what other corners they are cutting.

4 moms found this helpful

oh, i'd be getting me someone to handle this! my daughter in kindergarden had a field trip to learn to swim at the YMCA. i couldn't go because of my son. the teacher gave her a hard time and told her she was disappointed with her, and then a teacher who was training for principal said that i didn't have a choice, she had to go. i told her teacher, she was my child and ALL choices were mine. so my daughter got picked up everyday before the trip. i had been told that the year before there was a little girl who was found floating at the bottom of the pool there, and i wasn't going to trust someone else to watch my kid while there's water around. i would raise all sorts of hell about it.

4 moms found this helpful

Whoa! That's just wrong.

I have found that schools, when it serves THEM, are very big on protocol and paperwork, but then the school is the party who generally messes it up most frequently.

Kind of like the Seinfeld episode about renting a car: "So you can TAKE the reservation, but you can't HOLD the reservation."

4 moms found this helpful

I can't believe you wouldn't give permisssion regardless of the timing. Did you forget what it was like to be the only kid left behind on a field trip day. To heck with going after the school you should be ashamed of yourself putting your needs above those of your child just because of, well you really didn't give a good reason.

I could almost understand if the school has tried to pull something in the past like saying we are going to the zoo and in small print the zoo is the name of a strip club. Absent anything that would indicate the school was pulling something you really didn't need the paper in hand.

Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear but I can't believe you did what you did. Doesn't excuse what the school did but still in the end your daughter got to go and she is in one piece. No one was harmed and your trauma seems to be self-induced. Sorry but I think you should get over it and make sure in the future you have the slip in hand before the field trip.

I guess I am saying the school wasn't the only one who failed your daughter. Thankfully she wasn't harmed by what happened.

4 moms found this helpful

I see mis steps on both sides...the school should have know way ahead of time that all of the students hadn't received permission slips to sign .
I am surprised that your daughter didn't mention the field trip to you at some point...and I am surprised that she didn't ask the teacher for a permission slip when they were being handed out..if she didn't receive one. (She is going to be heading to Jr. High or Middle School very VERY soon...she needs to be taking on some responsibility).
I am also shocked that you would not given verbal permission for your poor daughter to get on the bus with the rest of her class and gone on the field trip!!! Did you stop and thinkhow she would have felt if she had been the only one in the class to be left behind? You could have given verbal permission and then asked the secretary to fax the permission slip to you so you could sign it and fax it back.
Of course I am also shocked that they went to the trouble of calling you to ask for permission and then sent her anyway...WITHOUT your permission. I have a feeling there is something else to this adventure that we have not heard.
I think a lack of communication on all sides is the issue

4 moms found this helpful

I'd be flaming mad over this... You said NO, and the school had no right to put your child on a bus to go anywhere. What would they have told you if there had been an accident, or the bus broke down, or your child became ill while on this field trip that you did NOT authorize her to be a part of? I don't have any good advice but I can assure you that the principal of the school AND the secretary would get an earful in person from me. I am sorry that this happened.
Why wouldnt the school have checked for permission slips days prior to this field trip?
Try to relax and get some sleep. You will need to be collected tomorrow when you decide what you need to do.

3 moms found this helpful

I haven't read all the responses, but I am a bit surprised that so many people think you should have just let her go and not exercised your rights to say no.

I would be pretty angry with the school for letting her go anyway, after I had told them NO.

I think the best thing to do is to address it with the principal and the teacher, in non-emotional terms, repeating what happened and explaining your great displeasure with that fact that your NO was ignored, and request that the communication process for field trips be improved, so that this situation won't be repeated unnecessarily.

3 moms found this helpful

I'm more than a bit shocked and surprised you would NOT give verbal permission - FOR A SCHOOL FIELD TRIP - over the phone. They aren't taking trips to strip clubs or noneducational places last time I checked Elementary school trips.

The fact that you didn't care how upset your child would have been to miss out on the field trip when everyone else went more than a bit disappointing. I can't say I blame the Principal for giving the final go ahead. I generally feel parents should be kept in the loop at all times, but when they intentionally go against common sense or student's best interest - I can see why the school would step in.

So - sorry - can't support your argument in being angry with the school for going over your choice to not give a verbal permission for a simple field trip.

3 moms found this helpful

I would be livid. This isn't about allowing her to go on a field trip or not... it's about the school making your decisions for you. I'm with the other parents that think she was probably already on the bus when they called. This entire situation was the SCHOOL'S fault. I can kind of understand if they couldn't reach the other kid's parent... but to actually go against your choice? Unnaceptable. Honestly, I would probably write a letter to the superintedant after having a meeting with that dillhole principal.

3 moms found this helpful

I would be livid and would contact administration. However, I think you were a bit overboard by demanding the piece of paper knowing there was not enough time that would allow your daughter to go on the field trip. I think you were both wrong.

3 moms found this helpful

OMG!! I would call the superintendant's office today.
Then the school board.
You explicitely told them no. What if you had gotten the permission slip and had signed the No she may not go Would they have put her on the bus anyway?

You could also write the paper.

Why didn't she get a permission slip? This is the teacher's negligence, permission forms are due before the trip so she has a chance to call parent's who have not signed.

And it happened to you and three others, I might even threaten to go to the news.
I am steaming mad for you.

3 moms found this helpful

I would be willing to bet that your daughter was already on the bus when you received that call. I am sure that they couldn't imagine a a parent denying their child whatever enriching experience the school had decided was necessary that day.

I am pretty flexible with my daughter's preschool with verbal instructions...but I expect them to be honored.

You do, however, need to approach this calmly and logically. Their position is going to be that yes, they made a mistake BUT nothing untoward happened and you entrust her to their care everyday.

I'd express my displeasure to the principal in a calm way and and also make a complaint to the school board.

3 moms found this helpful

Make a big stink. Schools act like they are the parents and we are just a bother. I'm so sick of the state having so much control over our lives.

In the last 3 months or so there has been a school bus accident reported in our area almost every single day the buses run. I don't know how we come up with the money to fix them all. It's been just horrible. Look on the national news and it's no different anyplace. My kids will NOT be on any buses and I hated it when my older kids were. I wouldn't let my child on the bus so the field trip is out of the question if I can't go. This is just one more reason I homeschool.

2 moms found this helpful

I probably would've let her go, but that's NOT THE POINT!! You said no, and that should've been observed. I'm so pissed for you right now!!! And letting the child go when they couldn't even reach his parents???? I think this principal should be fired! God bless the children who cannot lie! Otherwise, you might not have even known that she went!!!!!!!

2 moms found this helpful

I'm surprised there was no mention of the field trip till the morning of the trip. The schools my son has/have been in give notice MONTHS in advance. Permission slips are sent home 8 weeks ahead of time - it's mentioned in school news sheets/handouts almost like a count down timer (it's 7 weeks away, it's 5 week's away, it's next week, etc). Those who haven't turned in permission slips have them sent home AGAIN several weeks in advance. And if you are chaperoning the trip (I always try to), there are meetings where the itinerary is explained, when/where lunch will be had, where/when to gather for the trip back home, etc.
If there are parents who do not want their kids to go (and I've only known a few), they kept their kids home the day of the trip.

If they hadn't called you would you have ever known?
When they did call, you didn't say "I expressly forbid my child to go on the trip". You said "I would prefer to sign a slip in writing" which sounds like you did not in principle object to your child going on the trip, you just wanted things in writing. The secretary said "So you're not giving permission?" You answered "No", etc and so forth. Watch the double negative (her not, your no) - they cancel each other out - which means yes. Your intent might have been different, but there is room for interpretation which leaves it wide open.

The school wasn't right in being unclear, but it's peculiar there wasn't lots of advanced notice about this and that you were totally unaware.
(In one sense, I'm surprised there was a field trip at all - my son's school has canceled them all this year due to budget cuts and the kids miss it.)
You could pull your child out of that school.
That guarantees they will never do this with your child again.
You could complain to the teacher, principal, superintendent and school board (whether you remove your child from the school or not).
You could home school where you will have total control or enroll your child in another school which may or may not be better than her current school.
I'm just curious but what was the trip (where did they go) and why didn't you want your daughter to participate?

2 moms found this helpful

That is just outragious, well I don't know much about how the school system works as my kids are still to young to attend but I would contact the super intendant and let him know what happened asap. it is policy as far as I know that if your paper isn't signed you don't go, you have to go to the office to sit until your class returns or just stay home that day. I think that the teacher and the principal should be fired. espeically after they said get on the bus anyway. you are supost to be able to trust these people with your children and not have to second guess if they are safe or that the teachers aren't doing what they are supost to. good luck and I hope eveything works out for the better.

2 moms found this helpful

Your wishes should have been followed! The point is, you said NO, and I can't believe a principal would disregard that and do what he/she wanted. I hope no one has made you feel bad. Mothers have good instincts, and in my opinion yours was right on.

1 mom found this helpful

I just wanted to say that I think you overreacted. I, personally, would be grateful that they would waive the written permission so that my child could participate. It's good that your leaving the school because you shouldn't be attending a school if you have such distrust of the staff. Most people would be happy that school staff are flexible and not so focused on procedure that a child gets left out because a form was not received.

1 mom found this helpful

The school is in the wrong 100%. I would file a complaint with the district office and pursue it from there. I'm not sure what you intend to get out of them other than an apology, but I think it would set a good lesson for the school. Number one, be sure all signatures are verified BEFORE the field trip day (and verification of yes or no if no slip is obtained from child at all) to avoid any issues and secondly, if there is a mistake, to abide by the decision of that parent no matter if it incoveniences the school (by putting the child in the office or a different classroom for the day etc) Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

In any school districts that I have been in cannot allow the child to go anywhere without WRITTEN consent. If they had followed protocol the phone call would never have happened. She could not go with verbal permission, it must be a signed written consent. How odd the school acted like this.

Before you decide to file a complaint, you really need to think about what you would like to see happen as a result of the complaint.
Without a doubt, the school violated your permission AND their own rules, but when you make a complaint you really need to have in mind what the remedy should be. Do you want someone fired? Do you want a change in their policy or procedure? Do you want some other sort of compensation to you or your child? Also, what are the likely results?
Having done my share of battles in the special education area, I always want people to choose their battles thoughtfully and carefully.
Best
J.

I think you made the issue about yourself and not your daughter. If you had the permission slip you probably would have let her go. Making it about red tape of having a piece of paper seems like your making something out of what have should been nothing. Think about it, the principal probably did that because your daughter was feeling excluded and sad. It's odd the your daughter didn't say anything to you about the field trip. None the less if you didn't give your permission, they shouldn't let her go. Even though it was probably for your daughter's benefit. I don't think it's necessary for you to carry this on. You should have a talk with the principal about the situation and make it clear that you don't want your daughter to participate in such activities in the future. I'm sure it will be clear to them that it won't happen again with your daughter.