When Your Baby Looks Nothing like You

Updated on March 07, 2013
L.O. asks from South Kortright, NY
52 answers

My daughter is 13 months old. Beautiful and healthy. I'm very thankful for that. I know I may come off as being an idiot for feeling this way but she looks nothing like me. She has beautiful bright blue eyes and blonde curly hair. Her dad has blonde hair and blue eyes. His hair is a mix of brown and blonde hair. I know I shouldn't feel bad about this because all that matters is she is healthy. But sometimes it hurts me a little bit. Of course I love her just the same no matter if she was purple. I guess I'm more hurt today because we were at cvs and a lady in front of me was complimenting me on how beautiful her eyes were and saying she was such a cute baby. She thought I was the babysitter. I get that a lot. If me and my husband are out people always say she looks nothing like me and just like my husband. I have very dark hair and brown eyes and dark skin. It seems like the only thing she got from me was curly hair. My dad and grandma have blue eyes so there was a high chance she would get them too. I know I come off unappreciative of having a healthy baby but its not that. It just makes me feel bad when people always point out that my baby looks nothing like me. Does anybody else's child look nothing like them? This CVS experience made me a little blue today.

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So What Happened?

Wow I didn't think I would get so many answers in such a short amount of time. I don't think people are trying to be rude intentionally. I myself would just never tell somebody your baby looks nothing like you. But that's just me. I tend to be more emphatic with people I guess. I hear so much that my daughter looks nothing like me it hurts after awhile. Sometimes my husband rubs it in too much. I know it shouldn't bug me because we have an amazing bond with each other. Thanks guys, glad I found this site. Yahoo answers gives you some mean answers

You guys are all very, very sweet. Thanks so much. I love that saying "she looks like herself." I feel a lot better now.

Featured Answers

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B.F.

answers from Dallas on

I tell people, I was just the carrier! I am blond/green eyed. They are different shades of red/blue eyed Irish.

I had a friend whose H would tease her about her second kid because he was so dark skinned..like the UPS man. I told to her to tell H, yes and UPS really delivers! ;) that's as bad a joke as I ever tell...

4 moms found this helpful
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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

None of my kids look like me. The recessive gene won out and I'm a dark haired Italian with two pasty white irish kids. I'm hoping the baby looks like me, but it's doubtful.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.P.

answers from Washington DC on

Maybe it was a compliment? "You are too young looking to have birthed this child, so are you the babysitter?"

And maybe you are just sensitive to the 'looks like me' issue?

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

Oh man. That happens to me ALL THE TIME.
My husband is Mexican and I am as white as the driven snow, blond, and blue eyed.
My kids are all black hair, dark dark eyes (I can't even see the iris!), and different shades of dark. Nothing....not one single thing (OH! Except their height!) is mine.
They don't look anything like me.
Just the other day I was asked 'What is your daughter mixed with?" I just stared at her dumbfounded. I SHOULD have said, "Sugar and spice and everything nice" but I was stuttering.
L., I totally get what you mean. Sometimes it makes me sad that my kids didn't get anything looks wise from me. But, my kids have a GREAT sense of humor, they are kind, generous, empathetic, compassionate, and generous. I like to think that they got that from me.
L.

10 moms found this helpful

C.V.

answers from Columbia on

My eldest step son looks NOTHING like his dad. At all. For a long time, I was convinced that my husband's ex had an affair. He really doesn't look anything like his mother, either.

Then, in September, when my MIL passed away, we were at MIL's house going through pictures and I happened across a picture of my husband's deceased grandfather and great uncle. SS looks just like them.

While SS doesn't take after my husband in looks, he does take after him in his personality. He has a tremendous, huge heart and is the most giving young man you could hope to meet, and he's a goofball. Those are traits that don't come out at 13 months.

Genes are odd. Give it time. You'll see things that she does, mannerisms and expressions, that will make you say "Oh, yeah....that's my girl."

C. Lee

7 moms found this helpful
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T.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Hopefully this will make you laugh. My daughter looks more like my husband than I, but I look a LOT like his sister so....

My daughter is now Ten. About a year ago I ran into a woman I used to work for that hadn't seen in years . She said several times how BEAUTIFUL my daughter was in a confused tone. She finally said, "She looks like your husband doesn't she!?!" in a tone that conveyed she had figured out how such a beautiful child could be MY daughter. I let an awkward silence develop and hang in the air before I replied brightly, "Yes she does!"

PEOPLE sometimes!

6 moms found this helpful
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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

There's a biological reason for it - babies often look more like dad to encourage bonding. Mom's generally bond from the first 2nd for obvious reasons. Dads take time. That time would speed up if the emotional connection is strengthened by resemblance.

Try to think of it this way - your baby looks like herself :) She has some of daddy's traits, and some of yours which may not be noticable yet, but she looks like who she is.

Hugs - I know it's hard.

ADD: Per your SWH - hubby may "rub it in" because you and your girl have a special mommy-daughter thing, and he "just looks like her" - it makes HIM feel better. He may already feel like you in a similar way?

5 moms found this helpful
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R.K.

answers from Boston on

I hope reading all these answers cheers you up.

My experience is a little different. When my first was born, the nurse exclaimed that she looked just like me. I whispered to my husband to please check and make sure that she didn't get my nose! As luck would have it, she didn't! :)

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N.W.

answers from Eugene on

I don't know why people feel compelled to evaluate our children to decide where they got their eyes, nose, hair, height etc. But once, at a family gathering, an older aunt got fed up with everyone's opinions about our child and pronounced her own. She said the baby looked like HIMSELF. End of discussion!

4 moms found this helpful

A.R.

answers from Houston on

Both my sons look like my husband. I can see the broader family resemblance (this feature is my family, that one is his family, etc.) so it doesn't bother me too much. There are the physical traits but there are also the subtler mannerisms which take time to notice but can be even more striking than the physical ones. My stepdaughter looks nothing like my husband but she stands just like him. In repose that resemblance in stance is uncanny.

Personally I laugh these kinds of comments off completely if people point out how much my boys look like their father. I have taken both my sons with me for my doctor's appointments and the nurses always pause, saying 'gosh, they look like your husband dead out.' I laugh and say 'well, that's a good thing because they are his.' We all laugh and move on. I don't necessarily think people are making comments to be rude. I prefer to think it is the rare individual who goes out of his or her way to be mean to a stranger. Besides it could be worse. Growing up my father was pegged as my grandfather more than once. He will be the first to say those comments sting simply because you suddenly feel ancient. Good luck and don't let the little things bother you.

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L.M.

answers from Reno on

I was just thinking - maybe you can cut them off at the pass. I mean, if they start down the same road you've heard others go down, kindly say something like, "Thank you! I think my little girl is adorable, too". I've had this happen, as well, except with my son and a couple people have said something like, "Oh, he's so good! Grandma must be very proud".. I replied, "Yes, she is, and loves when go visit!". Or, "Your gramma is so nice to bring you in for a hair cut!" That was the first time I was referred to as grandma.. errgh. (I was 41 when he was born).

Just think, soon she will be calling you mommy (if not already) and this will help cut those comments down.

Keep your chin up,
L.

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M.O.

answers from New York on

Yeah, I have dark hair and dark eyes. My son has his dad's blue eyes, and when he was a toddler he was blond. I had people asking "Where was he born?" (assuming he was adopted from Russia / Eastern Europe). I had people SURE I was the babysitter and that his babysitter (who is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Ukrainian-American) was his mom -- to the point where I'm not sure they believed me when I told them otherwise.

And then, you know what? As my son got older and his baby fat melted away, my features sort of came out of the woodwork. He's got my jawline and cheekbones and sort of my body type -- just lighter complected. And, he's my kid. He's private and reserved and a consummate reader and stubborn as hell. And no one (including me) cares who he looks like, because he looks like himself.

I'm sure to the point of no question that the same will happen for you.

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W.H.

answers from Sacramento on

I used to get asked all the time where my son got those beautiful blue eyes! I have to admit, they are a very startling bright blue. The kind of blue that makes people stop and stare. Anyways, I got mighty tired of it, and started answering, "He got them from his grandpa, and boy is he pissed, he wants them back!" I stole that line from some comedian. Cant remember who, but it sure came in handy!!

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Brush it off. You know the child is yours. And so what if they think you're the babysitter? You might think something wrong about them. People make a lot of incorrect assumptions. They've assumed my stepkids were my biological children. They've assumed my nephew was my husband's son. They say stupid things like "Oh, where did she get her red hair? The mailman?" (My DD gets her hair from other members of the family.) Do not let it be hurtful to you. I've also said that we think DD looks like me but acts like DH. So maybe your genetics were saved for a talent you have that you haven't seen in her yet.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

One of my very best friends has pale skin and straight brown hair. His son has black skin and curly black hair. To look at them you would never know they were parent and child. He couldn't care less that his son doesn't look like him. (And no, the child wasn't fathered by the milkman. He is adopted).

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D..

answers from Miami on

Scientists say that there's a reason nature makes babies look like their biological father - to make him know for sure it's his baby so that he will want to take care of it. In this day and age, we have paternity tests, but nature doesn't know that! Sometimes a child's looks change as they get older and the child ends up looking more like the mother. This is true of one of my children, if that makes you feel any better.

I hope you will believe me when I tell you that just because someone says "Oh, she looks just like her daddy!" doesn't mean that they are saying that she looks nothing like you. It's not the same, at all!!

Try not to be blue.

Dawn

3 moms found this helpful

S.A.

answers from Chicago on

I have heard the words "Your daughter looks nothing like you" many times. She is the image of my husband. He is Mexican, Italian, and Polish so he has very olive skin, brown eyes and black hair. I am Scots/Irish, German and I am as fair as they come with blue eyes and freckles. My oldest and my youngest look like my husband, and the middle one looks like me. He has my blue eyes, but still has the olive skin tone and my husband's features other than the eyes. When he was a baby, his skin was lighter and people used to ask me if my kids had the same father! I have never been too bothered by it. It is what it is, you can't change the way they look.

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M.B.

answers from Tampa on

I always joke about my kids not being mine. They are mini-me's of my husband! Especially my daughter we could tell she was going to be his twin from her ultrasounds! The only trait my son got was my eye color. Don't feel bad about it. I was at the dr the other day and the nurse KNOWS my husband and asked if I was babysitting his baby girl, ummm no this is my baby too! To which she replied "oh she doesn't look a thing like you!"

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P.K.

answers from New York on

My friends daughter is blonde, blue eyed. Her hair is black and dark brown eyes. Needless to say, everyone thought she was the sitter. She just laughed about it. She looked just like her Dad. Don't let it bother you.

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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

As my kids grow older some times they look more like my husband and sometimes more like me. They change.

I think hair color always throws people off though. My youngest was very blond. My hair is dark, dark brown. As she is getting older and her hair is darkening I am finally starting to hear that she looks like me:). She is 10.

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C.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

Looks, especially eye and hair color, evolve and change. My blond, blue-eyed 2-year-old is now a 16-year-old, hazel-eyed, brunette. The eyes are mine, the hair comes from dad. Besides, you must think your husband is attractive since you married him so isn't there some good in her looking like your husband? Genetics is an interesting science; my two boys didn't really look like brothers as babies. Now that's interesting--when you have two kids with the same biological parents who don't look alike. I've been there and that gets comments too. (-:

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

OOh please don't be blue!!! Your daughter is beautiful!! She has your personality....and to top it off - she is herself. She got more than curly hair!!! She got your personality!!!

I get what you are saying...my daughter looks like me. Dark hair, dark eyes.
My oldest son? Pasty-faced white boy!! (LOL!) no kidding! though! And he has called himself that sometimes too!! Bright blue eyes and was a tow-head until he was 4 or 5....both my husband and I have dark hair and dark eyes. So when we first brought him home from the hospital and took him out places - they would ask "who's his daddy?" My husband, being witty - would say "the post man! He's happy - he gets to see him Monday through Friday." then laugh. and say "me! He looks like a lot of people in our family!!"

My mom and my husband's mom both have blue eyes. My sister does, both of my husband's sister's do as well.

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A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

oh man, my son came out looking EXACTLY like me. i was sooo proud! and we live near my family, not hubbies, so i never gave it a thought.

but you know what -6 years later and he looks a LOT like his dad lol. and when we visit my inlaws they ALWAYS say he looks "just like" his dad - it actually kind of annoys me! isn't it silly what we get worked up over?? i know it's shallow but i can't help it either. i just smile and nod though. (they don't know what they're talking about...lol!)

try not to worry about it. who knows, her looks may change as she gets older. and i bet if you keep looking you may find things about "you" besides her curly hair. as her personality comes out more, especially. good luck - i feel your pain!

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

She will change over and ove.. How many women do you know that USED to be blonde when they were children but no, unless they have their hair done.. it is brown or black?

Also our daughter changed so that sometimes, she looked just like my husband and the next day like me.

My sister is fair skinned with hazel eyes.. the rest of us are dark with dark hair and dark eyes.

Now that she is getting older, she is beginning to look more and more like my dads family..

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S.D.

answers from St. Louis on

Aw Darlin! You've gotten some GREAT answers!! Love them!

I have 3 kids w my hubby the two girls are NIGHT and DAY. The oldest is very tall, dark hair and a tomboy. The 2nd is petite, BLOND and girly as girl can be. Our son is the spitting image of his Daddy. At initial first glance they don't look anything a like. My sil had their pictures on her desk and her co worker asked if they were all from the same daddy... We still laugh about that.

Your feelings are your feelings. Hopefully you will take some of these great comebacks and it will help you feel better. That lil beauty may not resemble you at the moment...but she is ALL yours!! Enjoy!!!!!

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J.W.

answers from San Francisco on

My daughter is adopted and, I think, doesn't look anything like me. My bio son is my little clone. People often point this out, in front of my kids They are 11 and 13 so they understand every comment. As you read, responses such as "she/he looks like her/himself" usually let people know their comment is unwelcome without seeming rude.

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

I always exclaimed with mock surprise, "Oh, I'm her mom. Can't you tell?"

You can't tell, even now that she's grown up. I have red hair, pale skin with lotsa freckles, blue eyes and blond lashes; she has dark hair, dark brown eyes, gorgeous dark lashes, and tans easily, like her daddy. She even has a birthmark that runs in his family. I'm glad she doesn't have my coloring, which I have never liked.

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K.H.

answers from Sacramento on

I can sooo relate! I'm dark hair, eyes, skin, often mistaken for hispanic and gave birth to two red-headed green eyed boys. Good thing I was there for the birth or I'd wonder if they were mixed up at the hospital. Both are grown now - one looks just like my sister with blond hair (the red didn't last) the other looks like me now if I had red hair, he's even got my olive skin! Oh the things that bug us when we're younger.

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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

Oh I got that a lot with my son.. he has brown eyes and brown curly hair... looks VERY Italian. .. but now as he is getting older, more people say he looks like me.. as your child changes, you ll begin to see more of you...

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D.E.

answers from Cincinnati on

You have gotten alot of answers!

That said, my oldest looked so much like his dad people joked I needed a MATERNITY test LOL

My middle looks quite a bit like his dad, has my eye color that is all.
the baby.....Oh wow. When he was born my hubby and I looked at each other and both thought "Where did this little guy come from?"
But as time has passed, i see so much of my Grandpa and Uncles from my moms side, its crazy. And I embrace that. My Grandpa was so special to me, so special to this world. He's been gone 21+ years, and I see so much of him and think of him in my day to day life.
Shrug this off. Who's to say your baby should LOOK like you? Worry about her getting your good qualities, morals, values etc.....
Don't worry about what strangers think, they are harmless and mean well (usually) focus on traits your daughter has and try to pinpoint where she got them. Our kids get much DNA then just ours :)

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J.E.

answers from Minneapolis on

I doubt people are realizing what they're implying to you, but you still have every right to those feelings.

I'm very fair with curly brown hair (used to be blonde) and blue eyes. I always imagined I'd have a daughter like me. She has brown straight hair and hazel eyes. My son is the one with blond curly hair and blue eyes. I'm always told he looks just like his dad and my daughter looks exactly like me (they're both teenagers now).

I was walking into a store one time with my daughter, her bff and carrying my gf's little girl. My daughter was about a foot taller, but the same age as her bff. This lady stopped me and complimented me on my three beautiful girls and asked where the red hair came from. She was REALLY surprised when my girlfriend walked up at that moment and the little redhead in my arms reached for "mom" who had dark hair and olive skin.

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K.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I've read there may be an evolutionary reason for this .... Babies are cute so that their parents care for them and bond with them. They often look more like their father for awhile so that the father will claim the and protect them from harm.

As for her being lighter-skinned, it usually takes awhile for a babies pigmentation to darken.

And hair color .... Mine was blond, blond, blond until I was 6.

Give it some time ... She's beautiful and healthy and that's really all that matters.

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N.L.

answers from Tampa on

How's this for funny? I'm Asian, and my husband is white....when my oldest was born, all of our Asian family/friends would say "oh, she looks like her daddy." All of our white family/friends would look at her and say "oh, she looks just like her mommy!"

We don't really stress about it too much. Our oldest ended up with brown hair and brown eyes. Our youngest has (for now) blond hair and hazel eyes. I don't think either of them really look like either of us. I honestly never thought I'd have a baby with blond hair. :)

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Q..

answers from Detroit on

I'm not sure how I would feel about that. My girls look like me. My son is the spitting imagine of my brother in law though, which makes it kinda awkward when people ask him if its his kid.
He does like a lot like my husband, but more my BIL. Besides the creepiness, I kind of expected him to look like his dads side.
I think my husband would be pretty pissed if all 3 of the kids looked just like me.

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J.K.

answers from Kalamazoo on

We have the same situation, except the kids look just like me and nothing like my husband. People have asked me before if he was their dad or stepdad. I dont tell him that, because I know it would hurt his feelings. He was especially disappointed that neither kid has red hair, since he is a natural redhead. I think its natural to want your kids to look like you, maybe your next one will be your mini me, since your husband got his already :)

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D.T.

answers from Muncie on

Both mine have my husband's blue eyes, in variation. I've not gotten any "Is he yours?" comments. I can't believe someone would ask something like that out loud. I have gotten many compliment on their eyes though and I just comment that they're gifts from my husband, their father, the man I love. :)

Try looking at individual parts. Who's nose? Who's ears? That smile? You may see more of yourself then you think. My daughter has my husband's tush, my son has mine, poor boy. :D They both have my nose and his mouth. Genetics are funny.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

People ask my if I'm the babysitter all the time, and my son DOES look like me. It's irritating, right? People think I'm young. Any chance you are being asked, because of perceived age? It may have nothing to do with looks.

I don't look anything like anyone in my family. I distinctly remember my parents being asked the same thing, quite often. It didn't seem to bother them, so it has never really bothered me. If you make it into a thing, your child will be insecure about that. Try to let it go. There is MORE to get from a parent then looks. Perhaps, your daughter will have personality and character traits straight from mom. THAT is something to have incredible pride over.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Everyone who knows us say that our son looks exactly like both of us - and my Hubby and I do not look THAT much alike.
My hair's a little lighter brown, my husbands is darker brown and our son's hair is right in between.
He's got Dad's brown eyes and I think he really looks more like Dad since he's about 1/2 inch away from Dad's height right now.
But - our son has the very same swirl in the corner of his eyebrow that I and my Mother have.
Our son also has the same hair line on the back of his neck that I do.
We both feel our kid is one handsome young man!
At least he doesn't look anything like the mail man!

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R.P.

answers from Sacramento on

My grandson is blonde and blue and his parents have brown hair and brown and greenish eyes. My Dad and her Aunt was blonde and blue. Look at the features not the coloring because they will go through stages of favoring one to the other. Your time will come when she will take after your looks. Don't worry. :))))

Currently mu grandson looks like his Mom, but I'm sure at some point he will favor son.

Remember too you want them to look like themselves at some point, but favor you as they grow.

I went through when my oldest son was little and he was so pretty they thought he was a girl coz I had his hair longer and curly! That would frustrate me, but he was a preety boy!! LOL

Don't be blue because you have a beautiful, healthy baby girl and that is what matters!!

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D.N.

answers from Chicago on

My last 2 look nothing like my husband. Sometimes, he gets these comments. They were both surprise babies and he hates these comments, makes him feel like these people are saying I was doing something. These comments hurt even more when one of his relatives say something. My first 3 have darker hair and actually look more like my side of the family though they do have a few of his traits. My 5 yr old has a light brown to dark blond hair color though, a bit darker than my own hair. My 1 yr old is a blondie and looks just like my oldest son (who just happens to look like one of my brothers).But they all have dark eyes.
One of my nephews was a very pale skinned baby, blond and blue eyes. His mom always got the babysitter comments. Hated it.

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

My daughter looks exactly like my husband and his family. She looks just like his sister when she was young.

Her eyes are tight and people tell her she looks Chinese. She has some Native American, which really comes through in her appearance.

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L.L.

answers from Rochester on

My children are tall, built like Amazons, and have straight hair that continues to darken.

Me...short, petite (although CURRENTLY overweight, a whole 'nother story), with very very curly hair.

We look nothing alike. They look more like my husband. I've never had anyone comment on it, so I'm not sure how I'd feel...but I know they're mine. You know yours are yours. Sorry you're feeling blue!

Certain genes are just dominant, and you and I don't have them. We apparently have a makeup that's destined to get lost! Perhaps our grandchildren will look like us. ;)

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S.S.

answers from San Francisco on

My sister is white, her husband is Jamaican, so her daughter, who has curly hair while my sister's is straight, doesn't look a lot like her. She another white friend who has blonde hair and blue eyes whose husband is very black and so her daughter looks nothing like her. I have a friend who's half Filipina and her firstborn, a boy, had blue eyes and blonde hair and funnily enough didn't look like either her or her husband (her husband has black hair). Actually, his face looked like hers, but as she is Filipina, she often gets asked if she's the nanny. She takes it in stride. My first son looks exactly like me and the other two are definitely a mix of my husband and I, so no, I don't know first-hand how you feel, but I can tell you that I know a lot of people who have this experience! Also, I have a friend whose three kids were all the spitting image of their father when they were born and now that they are a little older (the first two) at 6 and 4, they look so much like her. So it might change - your daughter might begin to look like you! It could be worse - she could look like your mother-in-law! haha. That's what my mother was afraid of when I was born - that I would look like my dad's mom. And yes, I do resemble my father's side a lot. I can also tell you that my younger sister and I (she's my only biological sister) look nothing alike. She has straight dark brown hair and I have curly blonde hair. She is 5'4" and I am 5'9". She has dark brown eyes and I have hazel eyes.I have boobs galore and she has none and the list goes one... However, she's still my sister and even though people often remark that we look nothing alike, we just laugh and get on with it. I think the funnier thing is when people tell me and my older sister (who's adopted) that we look alike! In any case, just shake it off - she'll likely have a lot of your mannerisms and she's yours anyway! I'm sure it can be awful when someone asks if you're the nanny, but the important thing is that she's yours and you love her. And who knows, she might end up looking like you in a few years... Cheer up! I hope that helps and I'll remember not to tell anyone their child looks nothing like them! :-)

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M.P.

answers from Green Bay on

How much a child looks like you doesn't measure how much you love them :-)

I am sure it wears on you. It is a big part of our culture these days as so many families are mixed race/culture, adopting internationally, etc. In the future it may be h*** o* your daughter - other children may not understand that you are her mom because you look so different than she does. But it is something you simply be open and honest about. That moms and dads don't always look like their children, but that doesn't mean they don't love them or take care of them. I talk about this in a Child Development class I teach. I am sure there are many books that might warm your heart and might help in the future - but I can't think of anything off the top of my head. Look up "Multi-ethnic children" and see what resources you come up with.

Your daughter sounds beautiful. And so do you :-)

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S.E.

answers from Wichita Falls on

My third child looks nothing like me or her dad. When we look at family pictures we see her nose on my grandmother, her cheekbones on my mother, her hair on my grandfather, her smile on dads grandmother, but not much of us. She is still beautiful. Sometime I think she's a changeling but I've never felt bad about it, I love that she is unique.

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B.A.

answers from Minneapolis on

Learn to let this one roll off of you. My girls did not look like me either. I can't begin to count how many times I was asked if they were adopted Genetics works in wonderful ways creating unique people for us to enjoy.

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N.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have 3 boys and not ONE of them look like each other. My oldest is a splittin' image of my husband. I always just beat everyone to the punch line, he looks just like my hubby---but definitely has my eyes (wink wink) :)

Now my middle son looks nothing like me or my husband. And is just as big as his older brother. I was more bothered by the constant OMG where does he get is blonde hair, and blue eyes (he gets it from my hubby's side, talk about 2 totally different looking kids my SIL and hubby are absolute opposites) You wouldn't believe how many "The milk man wasn't around was he"--nudge nudge! And then the are they twins comments (really?) ...they don't even have the same smile--much less same coloring!

My 3rd boy looks just like my Mom's side of the family and the one that most closely resembles me. I finally have a baby that everyone believes is mine, yay! I love their uniqueness (es), I love their resemblances to my husband and myself--most of all I just love what we created.

Totally understand how annoying it is, but I don't think many understand how much we've already heard it, and its mostly likely just small talk trying to be friendly type of thing!!! I hope you find assurance in that you're not alone and try not to be so blue--they will change before you know it!

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T.R.

answers from Milwaukee on

A dear friend of mine is a very dark-skinned black woman, who is married to a white man.

They had it in their hearts to adopt, & were fortunate enough to bring home their baby through the Safe Haven law in WI.

Their child is a dark-skinned black girl, she looks JUST like my friend! (not just skin color...)

Her husband is so thrilled to be a dad, when people comment that she doesn't look like him & ask if she was adopted or just not his biologically, he just smiles & says "isn't she the most beautiful baby you ever saw?"

In other words, WHO CARES!? (obviously you do, but really, for the people making comments to you in public).

It truly shows how shallow they are being; it's about how adorable the BABY is, not whether she's biologically yours or not.

So next time, if someone makes such an assumption, look at your precious daughter & say "she IS the most beautiful baby in the world. I love that she looks just like me" & let them figure out you're talking about her inner beauty. *nod nod wink wink*

T.

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M.

answers from Las Vegas on

It's funny. My husband is 6'5" blond hair, green eyes. I am 5'2" brown hair, brown eyes. Our kids currently have hair color in between ours (either dark blonde or light brown - take your pick). They both ended up with brown eyes, but much lighter than mine, my son's almost hazel. The kids are really a mixture of both of us. They look so much like each other, there is no doubt they are brother and sister. We always joke around saying we know exactly what the 3rd would look like if we ever had one. (not happening)

Anyway, the point in this is, I can not tell you how many times he and I have both heard that our kids are our mini me's. Sometimes it's for him, sometimes it's for me. I've heard things like "wow, looks like you cloned yourself and didn't need dad at all to make those babies" or "Are you sure you're the mother? They are exact replicas of dad".

The thing is, I see me, hubby, my mother and his mother when I look at our kids. (and these things come about as your child gets older) I find it hilarious that my husband and I look so very opposite of each other and everyone sees something different in our kids.

At first it's irritating and invasive, but you'll get used to it. Once your daughter starts to really form her personality and mannerisms, you will start to identify yourself in her and maybe other family members on your side of the family. My son acts just like my brother. Really trips me out sometimes!

When people say stupid/rude things, don't even give them the time of day. If you do feel compelled to answer, you could always tell the lady that she got her beautiful eyes from your dad, that it was your side of the family that contributed to her beauty.

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K.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

My daughter has dark brown hair, brown eyes, brown eyebrows and lashes, and looks EXACTLY like her father. I am fair with blue eyes. You have to love your kids for the unique individuals they are. Embrace and delight in thier differences, or you will have a child with emotinal problems down the road. If us two are together in public, I just laugh it off and say "Yeah she looks just like her dad".

S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

My boys look just like their dad. I once had a lady say "He's so cute! He doesn't look at all like you..." I don't think she meant it the way it sounded. Although my boys look like their dad, they do have my skin colour and eye colour, and one of them has my curly hair.

D.H.

answers from New York on

Humor always helps. I joke that I was just the vessel for my children.

I too have dark hair and eys. Dad is blond and blue eyed. My daughter is dirty blond with green eyes and my son is blond and blue eyed like dad. Some of their facial features, nose, chin, eye shape, lid shape are from my side of the family.

I use to enjoy baffling strangers in crowds as I walked a step or two behind my toddler son and people would frantically look around for someone who could possibly be connected to this kid! To me it was amusing.

Relish your lovely children and rejoice in their health.

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