When You Got Married (Or Significantly Involved)...

We've both changed a little, I guess. I converted him from a non-voting registered Republican to a voting Democrat -- he saw the light, yay hahaha! I used to hate olives, now I like green olives w/ pimentos in my martinis. He hated tomatoes, now he eats them. I laughed at his Tapatio use; now I slather it on my nachos, too. I couldn't stand horseradish; now I put more on my roast beef than he does, lol!!! And we're both from the same area, so are both Laker fans :)

I didn't change my thoughts, but I learned to appreciate things my hubby likes, and if it was WORTH changing my thoughts/beliefs about something, I did, but NOT to please the hubby :)

Nope. If anything, he's come over to my side!

We are both financially and politically conservative. I am a practicing Catholic and he converted when we got married (non-practicing Episcopalian).

We see a lot of things differently, but as long as we are in agreement about parenting, finances and family commitments... the rest is just conversation fodder.

Oh... and I'm a die-hard Florida Gator and I don't think anything or anyone would ever change that! My little guy sings the fight song and does "the Chomp", so I'm starting him young on his love of college football!

Ain't love grand! I had very different views from my husband when we were dating. (We are high school sweethearts.) I was a Republican like my parents. Very religious. He was (and still is) a Democrat and a less religious Presbyterian.

He asked me before we got married, if I would let our kids attend the Presbyterian Church instead of what I grew up with. He felt my parents' church was too restrictive. I agreed because I liked the Presbyterians, and because I agreed with his assessment. I also felt that if I was outside of my own family's church, I would learn more about other denominations.

I'm glad I did that. It opened me up to learning about other religions and cultures, which served me well years later, living overseas. I hate narrow-mindedness in people, and I feel that I would have been so narrow-minded if I hadn't opened myself up to changing churches.

I worked on Republican political campaigns, had friends who ran for office, all of that. My sweet husband never fussed at me about it. His whole family are Democrats, and they never said anything rude to me about it either. As I grew older and saw more things, my thought processes changed. He and I talked about it when I wanted to, about the difference in opinion, why things were like they were, and I learned more about politics and economics than I ever knew before (they were not subjects of interest in my home growing up.) That's how I ended up changing political affiliations. Not because my husband was a Democrat.

My hubby is a very intelligent guy. (Handy around the house too! Like a cross between Peter Jennings and Norm Abrams - the perfect guy in my book! LOL! Except good looking like Peter!) I learn a lot from him about all kinds of things. He is more reserved and quiet, I am the emotional one. We are a good pair. But I never would have changed what I am FOR him. I changed what I am because it made sense to ME.

He would never have me change to suit anyone but myself, and I appreciate that about my husband.

Dawn

I've pretty much remained the same person I was before I got married.
I might watch more sports now just because with a son, they seem to be "ON" more.....so harder to avoid.
I have found that Sunday during Steelers games is a GREAT time to hit the mall! LOL

I didn't change any of these thing either after marriage.

(although I do vote as my husband does, but only because we share big picture political ideas and he spends a lot of time reading /researching the ballot so I figure thats better than winging the ballot or adhering to party lines.)

However, you can think of adopting you spouses interests as broadening your horizons, not just acquiescing. My husband never gave art a second thought, but now because he knows something about it from me, he has taken interest.

I changed my way of thinking in some GOOD ways. I grew and learned some things about life, the world, myself. (Big thing that comes to mind: having a disagreement does not mean the world ends, love is lost, or we're "doomed" for divorce. We both learned and adopted things that the other did that made sense: he realized that no, you don't need a fabric trashbag in the bathroom trashcan or the one by your bed--it's trash, for tissues. A grocery shopping bag fits right and is just fine. And no, you don't need to pay $10 extra for designer print checks---you're just giving them away anyway. I learned that some things I thought were fruity or anal that my husband likes actually made sense in practice. Stuff like that). So yeah, we change our minds when we see things that work better, but we don't change who we are or what path our brains take us on to get to our conclusions. We are who we are----we married each other knowing very very well who we were. Do I root for a team.........Well, a little bit. I'm from Louisiana so I would root for the Saints (also they're just historically underdogs). We were living in Dallas so we'd go for the Cowboys (if they weren't playing the Saints), but that was just because that was "the home team". I did learn that we WILL have a fight (that was a surprise) if I say something bad about Liverpool's soccer team or something good about Manchester's soccer team. I thought that was a joke, but it was not. It ruined a whole afternoon, lol. So......soccer is not a joke to a Brit. Other than that, we don't care and watch a sport for the sport, not really the team. Politics: not really. He was more liberal than me, but I gave him my reasons and he respects and even agrees with some of them. I was more conservative than he, but he has shown me that some points that I feel are valid. I think we balance each other out and we're both a little more in the middle. We're more about our reasons and where we're coming from, and as long as we're not just parroting empty rhetoric, we'll respect it. It helps that he can't vote (ha) and I do vote for who/what I honestly think would help our country the most (he has honestly never even asked me who/what I voted for, though we do thoroughly discuss ins and outs of topics. I know he'd have voted for someone last presidential election that I didn't vote for (who didn't end up in the final 2) and I voted for someone different.....who didn't end up in the final 2, lol. Religion: No. We're both more interested in a relationship with God than rituals and routines. That said, Jeremy was against "organized religion" his whole life, but prayed and had a personal experience/change before we got married. We found a church that we both found exciting and he became involved, excited, and volunteered to help in different projects he was excited about. I think some people have a brain, a personality, opinions, and an ability to reason. Other people may have those things but are lazy and choose not to exercise it. Other people may lack self confidence, awareness, feel intimidated, or even be bullied. But I would find it a turn off if someone just blindly followed me in everything I said or did without some conviction, passion, or thoughts of their own. My husband, I KNOW he feels the same way because he's talked about a couple girls he dated in the past and how they never voiced opinions or thoughts. Everyone does (or should) change some---it's called growth, and experience. Unless you're the rare person who got everything perfect and right from the beginning (wow?). But you can't change "for" someone else. Except.......don't talk bad about stupid Liverpool. Sheesh!

I feel sorry for any woman who "converts" to her husband's beliefs and likes. Is she not a person with her own opinions and desires? My husband and I basically agree on all of that stuff. We both like college football, but I don't live and breathe it and he likes pro ball, and I couldn't possibly care less about it. We both enjoy Braves games. We're pretty close on political and spiritual beliefs. I'm not sure I would have married someone who felt radically different regarding religion/spirituality and politics than I do. I have friends who feel much differently, but living with it and trying to raise children 24/7 wouldn't have appealed to me with someone so different. I do know people like you who make it work though. I would NEVER change my likes and beliefs though for a man (or anyone).

Before I met my husband I did not hunt or fish ~ I do both now. He didn't garden ~ he does now. I don't think it's b/c the other one did this so now I have to type of thing ~ it's more, oh I haven't tried this, this is great!
I have always been a Red Sox fan ~ he likes the Mets (boo 86 world series!!)
He has always liked the Seahawks ~ I root for whoever is playing against them and for the Houston Texans.
We both like college basketball (March madness ROCKS!) ~ GO Bulldogs!
I am Lutheran and he attends with me and the kids occasionally but was not raised in any religion.
He is quiet and reserved ~ I am not.
I think in our case we are a classic "opposites attract"

I can admit I could have cared less about sports - now I am a die hard Steeler fan! :) He showed me it can be fun and we have a blast on Sundays.

We are from different polictal backgrounds, but he can admit he sees it more my way, but b/c of his family he would never vote the other way (he just doesn't vote - so dumb in my eyes!)

I think it is more that I never thought to like "the other side". I have showed him new stuff and he has shown me new stuff. Many times we agree to disagree as well.

Nope! I like what I like and he likes what he likes. The only teams that we share are Mets and if they suck (which they usually do LOL) then we go for the Red Sox. I like the Patriots, he likes Seattle. We do not watch basketball so that really don't matter. We are both Presbyterian, both are Republicans so no issues there. As for cheering for a team, YOU pick who YOU like and if they don't like it tough! LOL As for college football we are for Boise State. Since I am a hugh Pats fan and my cousins husband is also she bought us some pats stuff for our daughter and now she has sent things for my son. My daughter is now 3 1/2 and she wanted to pick a team so that she can yell at the tv with daddy. I printed out all of the helmets for her to choose. She chose Dallas. And that is fine with us cause now she has her own team to root for. I think that it is wrong for a woman to go with whatever her SO is for. This is 2011 for crying out loud, MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND WHAT YOU WANT!!! LOL

Good questions all together. The funny part is that I think we both changed once we got married but we also changed things together. For example, I never had my own football team so now, I have become a Giants fan like he is (although, I really don't care all that much!). That is nothing critical for me. But my husband changed his political party to mine. I think he saw where I was coming from in comparison to his view points and it kind of clicked that maybe my way of thinking was correct (HAHA!!!). We did both come from different religions however and decided we wanted to find one we both liked. I was raised Catholic and did not enjoy the guilt that came in our service every Sunday (at least at my church, not saying all catholic churches are like that) and my husband didn't care for the flash and flare of the Methodist church his family had been attending (fill in the same disclaimer as the catholics!) so we did our homework, found out what values aligned most with religions and went from there. So we agreed on that as a couple. So, I think we have both compromised on old viewpoints, old traditions, etc but nothing too crazy. Had I been a die hard football fan prior to him, I wouldn't have changed. Afterall, his parents are divided on the Pittsburgh and Patriots and they get along ok!

My husband and I are like night and day...I don't kid on that either. I HATE football and he loves it. He doesn't want the boys climbing trees or playing in mud. The minute his back is turned I'm boosting them up the tree or pushing them into the mud.
The only thing we seem to agree on is religion or lack of I should say. I'm agnostic and he is atheist. The only time we argued over that is I'm ok if the boys want to attend church with friends or family. I finally got him to see that it was ok and we settled that. We vote differently most times. We like to spend our free time differently but have worked out ways we can still be together and keep our hobbies.

No on all of them... the only difference is I didn't have to hide my UFC obsession anymore, LOL!! We both are very settled in our ways and knew what we were 'coming into' with each other in the relationship :)

Politics -- I think I changed him into a conservative.

Religion -- we were both Lutheran, although I had rarely dated one.

Sports -- meh....

edited: I should say I didn't seek out a Lutheran; I'm sure my parents were pleasantly surprised. Our dads had known each other for years! lol

On the big stuff we see eye to eye. On the little stuff like sports it depends on if I care or not. I don't have a team I love, he does so I cheer for them on his behalf. If I have a preference, I stick with it.

I cannot imagine relating to a person of the opposite political convictions. Holy cow. My husband and I would be at each other's throats at all times if we didn't agree on those issues. And that was confirmed before the second date-we actually asked each other what our political leanings were! NOW, if I fell for someone of opposite convictions, but realized he knew WAY MORE THAN ME, and had a sound basis for the reasons he had those convictions, and could illustrate them to me in an intelligent, compassionate context, I might not only tolerate it, but convert! The same might go for religion. If I was 20. As it stands, though, I would not be movable on those things. And I would slip a sleeping drug in hubby's OJ on voting day.

He likes football and I don't. We've never changed anything for the other person. But we do have plenty of things that aren't the same. As long as they're not important points of conflict, we just let each other do our own thing.

I think when people are very committed to their own beliefs, they will attract a person who allows them to maintain that, but if their beliefs aren't all that set in stone to begin with, then they don't mind changing to go along with someone else.

As far as sports are concerned... if you are now living in DC, you should cheer for their teams. You don't have to "give up" your home teams, but you now have two teams. I realize it might seem horrible to cheer for the Skins (bleck), but they are in the NFC, so it shouldn't impact your love of the Patriots. This is just my humble opinion.

Otherwise, he converted to me on a number of other things. We took a "middle ground" on religion and became Episcopalians. I maintain my political thinking and he, more or less, has come over to my side (since I am correct! haha)

If there is something I have no opinion on, I would certainly lean his way on. I think he'd say the same thing.

GO EAGLES! :)

Sometimes I wonder how in the world we decided we were even compatible since we do not agree on so many of the larger issues.

I am agnostic, my husband believes in God and even served a mission years back.
I would say I am liberal, while he is super duper conservative.
I hate sports, he loves em.
I like things spic and span, while he is very laid back about the appearance of the house.
I am a planner, he does his Christmas shopping at 8 pm on Christmas Eve.
Etc etc etc....

Neither of us have changed our way of thinking in order to adopt the other person's view. I think we have become more tolerant and accepting of the others views. I still also hate football but after 10 years of having Star Wars pushed on me (he is a big Star Wars geek and of course the three kids just love all things Star Wars) I still do not enjoy the movies but I will watch them with him and the kids because it makes them happy. But on most of those things, we just politely disagree.

He changed a little....i stayed the same.

HELL NO! I'm more than capable of thinking and deciding things for myself. We both have similar views on politics & have the same view on religion. I likely wouldn't have dated him if our ideas differed on religion. Politics we discuss and sometimes we differ, sometimes we argue it out and sometimes one of us has a great point of view and the other changes his mind based upon our great debate. :) Sports aren't my thing and I don't care much for any team in particular. My husband is a huge fan of his home teams (Baltimore) so in the course of our relationship I've sort of adopted them as my teams too just because it's fun. I do have a favorite hockey team though and we watch his teams games and mine.

Personally, I don't understand the need for "group think" on everything when you're married/in a long term relationship. It makes me sad when women want to/feel they have to/or just lose their own identity when they're in a relationship. My husband and I wouldn't be married if I had been that way. He likes that I think for myself and challenge him when I disagree or vice versa.

I'm exactly like you. We agree to disagree on a whole heaping lot of subjects, but we either come together or at least compromise on the big stuff like child rearing.

I didn't change any of those things. I don't think it would've gone to a 2nd date if we didn't have similar values, so the political thing is key. We were already on the same page when we met, politically, on religion, and we are both Cowboy fans. What I have opened myself up to is more of his type of music. He plays stuff I never heard and I don't like it because he does, but he did turn me on to some new things. I think that give and take is a good thing in a relationship. It's ok to be influenced, just not to lose yourself in the process.

I've changed in some areas, I didn't do because my husband said too, he just made more sense in some areas, that I went along with my parents...

I didn't change in Sports, I'm a Cubs fan all the way, Love the Chicago Bears and the Bulls have a place in my heart, but I changed to Spurs fan when I moved to San Antonio, I live in Dallas now and I'm not a Maverick fan at all. (I did a little cheering at the end for them last year, mainly because I thought they deserved to win.)

Politics have changed, used to be conservative, mainly because my parents were, then when my husband asked me what I believed in and why, it really pointed to more of a liberal point of view.

Religion didn't change, but my view of other religions did. I started out Lutheran when I was little, during my early teens my parents went to non-denominational church and I've been that ever since. My husband asked me why do I feel my faith (christian) is right and everyone else is wrong, which had me evaluate what I did believe and why. It didn't changed me, and for someone else, their faith matches their belief.

So I really wouldn't say my husband changed me, I have changed as I've gotten older, but it wasn't my husband who told me too, he just would ask the questions and make me evaluate myself... I think their is a difference...

I don't think I changed. I wasn't a big NBA basketball fan, so I started watching the Wizards with my husband and became a fan. I'm a NY Giants fan and he is a Redskins fan, and we haven't changed. We used to attend Giants/Redskins games at FedEx and people would often ask how he could be with me. He would always respond I love her. And of course they would respond, at least she's not an Eagles fan. I loved when we moved to Dallas everyone asked us if we would be Cowboys fans, as if we just change our allliance because of our location. As for politics, I'm more conservative and he is more liberal, but we are open minded enough to hear the other person out. I don't think it matters, especially when it comes to sports teams. If you let sport teams dictate your relationship, you got more serious problems. As for the other issues, we are not so far off that we can't compromise. I feel we have the same beliefs that matter. We both feel the same way about how to raise our kids and how to treat each other, and at the end of the day that's what matters most.

I'm so happy that you are honoring your marriage vows and making your marriage work. Your description of your marriage reminds me a lot of my husband's grandparents' marriage. They were so different, yet so committed to their marriage that they made it a happy one despite the challenges. They were married 35 yrs before grandfather passed away. I really admire them!
There was very little changing of ideals and views for both my husband and I. We were older when we met and married (27 and 32). Had we been younger, perhaps I would have seen more changes because of the maturing process. We were both pretty particular about selecting a mate that was a good match so we went through 6 months of premarital counseling during our engagement to make sure we had a good chance at a lasting marriage. We knew that religion, spending/saving history, political similarity and even approaches to parenting and dealing with the in-laws could make or break a marriage. We both loved travel, outdoor sports, and guns which still gives us much to talk about. We were also both committed to marriage before cohabitation which helped keep us more objective about whether we were really well suited for marriage. We have been married 10 wonderful years and counting!
Sometimes I amazed at how very different people decide they are perfect for each other. My husband's answer is "sex and alcohol bridges any gap" (of course he's partly kidding). However, I'm more inspired by how many more couples can choose to stay together and build a solid relationship with very little "building materials" or common interests/ideals from their dating days. Love is a choice and so is commitment.

Rachel:

Good question!!!

When I married Bob, I was a Republican. We both were. With the changing of our country, we became Conservatives...it wasn't that we "changed", I guess you could say we "evolved" together...we differ on things...still as Conservatives...my first husband was a liberal Democrat...can you imagine the sparks in that house around voting/election time or when bills were being passed?!?!?! He was a military man too - which I have always thought is an oxymoron - it is very hard for me to wrap my brain around a Liberal Democrat being in the military!!! urgh!

Bob is from New England - so he's a Red Sox fan as well as a Patriots fan. I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan and like the Patriots - even more so since Drew Bledsoe isn't there anymore!! :)

I've always been a Red Sox fan for baseball...and when we met, that was a big thing for him! I think we both cried when they won the World Series!!

Religion...well....that's tough! I was raised Protestant. However, I actually leaned more towards the Eastern Orthodox...Bob is Episcopalian...since we couldn't find an Eastern Orthodox church that we both liked, we found an Episcopalian one that we LOVED...

Any way - no, I don't think you are the odd-man out. I can't see converting to one person's beliefs or likes just because they are my spouse...how boring would that be?!??!

The only thing that changed is that now I'm a Seahawks fan lol, before I just didn't even watch football (and I still don't really watch any other sport). My husband and I have always the same views on religion and pretty much everything else.. I got SO lucky, morally there's nothing we've ever argued about and politically we're both sort of uninterested so what little we do talk about we're usually on the same page. I would have never changed my views for someone else, I'm WAY too stubborn... I can't imagine voting the way he did just so I didn't have to think about it! That's just crazy.

I would say he changed more than I did. I am 5 years older than he and grew up in a more independent house. I am a very strong woman and he says he likes that. I feel like he is a sensitive guy that understands woman more than most men, but is still super masculine.

I didn't grow up with any sports or teams and I've started to enjoy football and it cracks me up to hear MYSELF talk about it!

Same religious, political, and family values - although not the same as we were each raised. That makes our relationship work even better. We talk about EVERYTHING! Love it.

I think it's sad that anyone "converts" his or her beliefs to their significant other's just to make the relationship work. My MIL has done this. When she is single her values are different than when she is married. She moved my husband to a diverse rich neighborhood when he was young to experience life around others who were different. Now she is a biggit and talks about "those" people. Makes my husband (and me) sick!

No, I didn't change a thing. I am not a sports fan...don't plan on becoming one. We are on the same page politics, mostly the same page as religion.

The only thing we agree to disagree on is his aunt...he loves her and I think she is the antichrist....ok not really, but you get my point.

Nope, didn't change. I have reconsidered some political issues as I have received more info and we have talked about them. He has done the same. I think those were more about changes in maturity, age, etc. than b/c we are married.

Thinking--No, I don't voice my opinion as much as I did before. (I have calmed down and relaxed more). I am still spunky and have an opinion, but I am more cautious now about who/when/where my opinions are heard.

Sports teams--Kind of. I am a White Sox fan, he is a Cubs fan. We agree to disagree and interleague play used to pay off for me. Now with kids, we don't watch much sports anymore. (last real ball game I watched was the Sox winning the World Series when I was pregnant with my oldest). We do watch the Steelers though. I was never a football fan and flip-flopped on my favorite team. (more of who I used to watch with my grandfather...the Dolphins and the Bears). Husband is a steelers fan, so I have gravitated towards them. BUT, I love Troy Polamalu, so it's fine.

Politics---NOT A CHANCE!!!! We mostly agree about them. Even if we didn't, I wouldn't change my views.

Religion--See politics. We were both raised Catholic so we agreed there before we realized it.