M.P. asks from Boulder, CO on July 14, 2010
When to Tell 5 and 7 Yr. Old That We Are Having Another Baby?
My husband and I were trying to have a 3rd child and just found out we are pregnant. Our older two boys are 22 months apart so the older one didn't really get it until I was showing and really didn't get it until baby was home. Now that I have two older children that totally get it I am wondering when to tell them. My thought was to wait as long as possible to make sure all it well. I am assuming this will be the sex talk time too as the older one will no doubt have questions galore. Just wondering what other mom's experiences with similar situations were.
2 moms found this helpful
W.H. answers from Phoenix on July 14, 2010
Telling them soon leads to them bugging you "is it time for the baby yet? When does the baby come?" etc.
Also, don't tell them untill you're ready for others to know, because kids, bless their hearts, are not good secret keepers!
I agree, at least 3 months along then tell them. But that doesn't mean you can't talk about babies and growing families and stuff like that.
B.D. answers from Pittsburgh on July 14, 2010
Personally I would not wait. I try not to keep things as open and honest with my kids. I also feel involving them will foster good will towards the new addition. Like someone else said I doubt this will lead to the sex talk.
S. answers from Denver on July 16, 2010
Hi M.. Congrats. My boys are 16 months apart and we got preg. again when they were 5 and 7 also. I told my best friend right away but waited to tell anyone else or the kids until we were 13 weeks. I had 2 prior miscarriages and I just wanted to be farther along until I shared our news. We told the boys first and then they got to tell the rest of the family & friends. My oldest just asked why we were having another but didn't ask a lot about HOW. We just gave a generic answer about how a mom/dad decide to have a baby and then we do. I thought I would start off vague and see if that satisfied his questions and it did. I really didn't want to get too graphic at 7. I remember being grossed out when I found out and I was 10.
My 5 year old had the most questions but it was more about where the baby would sleep, what he would eat, etc.... Both are great with our 3rd son now. Always saying how much they love him and how cute he is. I wasn't sure how boys would react to a baby but they have been great loving helpers. Good luck to you and your family:)
1 mom found this helpful
G.. answers from Sherman on July 14, 2010
i would wait until u can say hey ur getting a baby brother or baby sister and they wait for the baby to get here wont be so long for them congrats!!
A.J. answers from Dallas on July 14, 2010
Congrats! Your older kiddos will be so helpful, and you'll only have 1 in diapers!
I agree with the ladies who recommend waiting till you know the gender of the baby (or, if you are choosing not to find out - waiting until the chance of miscarriage is low) It will be easier for you to hit the news home that they will have a baby brother or sister, and by that time you'll have a bit of belly to back up the statement!
Don't worry about the sex talk with your 7 year old unless they bring it up. It didn't come up with mine.
R.A. answers from Provo on July 15, 2010
In our family we don't tell other people that we are expecting until I have had my first appointment and have an official due date, but we tend to tell the kids before we tell anyone else. Because after all the new baby affects them more than it will affect other people.
T.W. answers from Denver on July 15, 2010
I tell my kids as soon as I find out, and yes with one pregnancy, I lost the baby at 4 months and the whole family was sad together. We always felt like if something did go wrong they would be confused as to what was going on and that kids need to learn some points in life that maybe are not so happy.
As far as the sex talk with your oldest. He will ask questions, but in my opinion he is way to young for an all out sex talk. My oldest one is very inquisitive and he definitely asked questions about how it got there and how it will come out (he was almost 7 at the time). We are a Christian family which made it very easy to explain that God chose our family to raise another little person and that we are very blessed to have such an honor. As far as how it comes out, I just told him that I go to the hospital and the baby doctor helps the baby come out. Of course he asked if it hurt and I said "Yes! Very much!" but not to worry, my body was made for this and the short time of pain is worth the final outcome. One of my sons was very concerned about me being in pain so I reassured him that they give me medicine in my back so I don't have to feel it. He was fine then.
In short, be honest with them but keep it age appropriate. They will get by with some information but not all of it. Most kids are not even ready for the real detail until they are at least 9 or 10.
Good luck to you and congrats!
S.S. answers from Chicago on July 14, 2010
skip the sex talk at that age unless they ask. my boys were 7 5 and 6 when I had the last one. the only thing they asked was where will the new baby sleep (concerns that one of them may have to give up the "new" bunkbeds lol. I would wait until your starting to show and then tell them the poster who suggested tying it to a date they can relate to (christmas, halloween etc) was right. It is a lot easier for them to relate to christmas than say dec 19th. christmas means winter. they will stop badgering you with questions about is it today in july lol congrats
S.W. answers from Pocatello on July 15, 2010
You have it just right... go with your Mama instincts on this one. Wait until all is well and once you are showing then tell them. If they have questions, answer honestly and with correct language.
Congrats and best wishes!
K.E. answers from Jacksonville on July 14, 2010
I think waiting until the risk of miscarriage is greatly reduced is best. We had a miscarriage for our first pregnancy and we told everyone the day we found out which included my husband's siblings (from MIL's 2nd marriage), who at the time were 6 and 8. They were so excited and then had to deal with the loss and I vowed to NEVER do that again. Our second pregnancy we waited until 8 weeks to tell our parents and then 12 weeks for close family/friends and then 14 weeks (after a great ultrasound) we told the world and the children in our lives. If you explain to your friends and family that you want to wait to tell the children, they should be understanding. :)
It may bring questions and you may want to go to Amazon or elsewhere and search for books that deal with the topic on a child's level. Some children are ready for an in-depth discussion and others only want some basics and are satisfied. You have to be prepared for whatever they want to know and having some good books on hand will be a huge help! :)
Both are at the age where they will get it and I think you should definitely make it something special for them and announce it in a very cute and fun way as a family.