When to Let Them Cry It Out

Please look up Dr. Sears and Attachment Parenting. Crying it out is not the best way to get a baby to sleep. Oh, I know a great book! The No Cry Sleep Solution. I forget who it's by. I borrowed it from the library. Great gentle ideas for how to get your kid to sleep without the cry it out method. Check it out.

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The reason it is hard not to go in there is because that's your BABY and it's your maternal instinct to want to protect him and comfort him!

From what I have learned and understand, you CANNOT 'spoil' a baby in the first 6 months. They are establishing trust with their parents/caregivers and are figuring out that their needs get met.

If you aren't able to adjust your schedule to meet your babies needs, then maybe you could do some research on getting a better sleep schedule for your sweet boy. I think Dr. Sears has a lot of good information on how to tweak the routine/feedings, etc. to suit the parents needs. Good luck!

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You don't need to let him cry it out if you don't want to. You are the best judge of what your baby needs. He could be having a growth spurt and need food; he could just need his mama. He is too young right now to consciously manipulate you and you can't spoil a baby this young. In general, they develop object permanence right around 6 months or soon after, and that is when they understand that you still exist when you aren't there. If your baby is a sleep fighter and stays awake because you are near (my daughter is like that) then crying it out may be for you (it was for us, but not until 6 or 7 months), but give yourself a time limit, use a clock, and go in when his time is up. It's easier on you that way. Crying for 10 minutes won't hurt your baby, but there's no need to let the poor thing cry for hours. And honestly, if he's sleeping til 4 you're lucky, and getting up every hour or so from then until 7 is pretty typical. Make sure his diaper is changed at that 4 am feeding, make sure he's burped (a burp can wake or keep awake a baby), offer him the breast or bottle again after burping and changing, and see if that helps.

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I never let my DD cry it out, maybe now sometimes at the age of two, when I know she doesn't need anything and is just trying to stall bedtime, but even then I don't feel good about it.
Get a copy of "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.
Dr. Sears also has great information about nighttime parenting.

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I read everyone's responses and there are some definite opinions about what you should do both on the side of never letting your child cry to allowing them to cry it out. The thing I felt I had to tell you was to realize that everyone is giving you THEIR opinion about what THEY think. You are the mom and that sweet little baby is your son. You need to do what is best for you and your family. If letting your son cry so you can get him on a schedule will make you be the best mom you can be then that is what you should do and there is so much information out there to guide and support you in that endeavor. If making the decision that never letting your son cry makes you be the best then that is what you should do and again there's a lot of support out there for that. I am a mom of 3 and the best advice I can give you is to trust yourself. There are different sides to every decision you will make as a parent. You must choose the one that is best for you and your husband AND your child.

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I'm not sure what is the right answer for this one! I have a 7 yr old who slept through the night at 8 weeks and breastfed very well. The way I got him to sleep through the night was to cut out any middle of the night feedings and let him cry. It took 3 nights and it worked. I now have a 3 month old and when I tried to repeat what I did with my first son, it didn't work out, he cried on and off for an hour until I gave in and fed him and now sleeps about the same as your son but after the 4am feeding, goes right back to sleep until about 7.
I will say now that your son is eating and waking consistently, I would try it again and if you can't stand the crying, delay it as long as you can so that maybe he will wake up later??
I am in the same boat with ya so I'm looking fwd to others' responses.

My second boy is 4 months old now. I have not been able to successfully let him cry it out yet, though my doctor says it's more than okay - let him cry it out as long as he can take it.
We were able to let my older son (now 3) to cry at 3 months old - he's been sleeping through the night ever since. To be honest, we waited till our baby was flipping himself on his stomach. He is now able to soothe himeself and sleep all night. I know what you're saying though. It's harder for you than it is for him that's for sure.

I have a little boy the same age and I am also facing the same issue. I tried to let him "cry it out" a couple of times but after a half an hour go and get him. The conclusion I've come to is he is still a little young. Also, I'm trying to wean him off of his pacifier because I think that is part of the issue. He wakes up and wants to suck his pacifier but can't put it in his mouth. Let me know how it goes.

I have a boy at almost 4 months of age also. He sleeps really well from about 7:30 PM until 4-5 AM. I go in and feed him and lay him right back down. He will be awake many times but puts himself back to sleep. The few times he doesn't I will give him the chance to by letting him whine by himself for a little while.Sometimes even for naps he needs to softly cry a bit before settling down to sleep. That to me is not "crying it out", just part of going to sleep. You can hear the different cries. If it is an all out sceam there is really nothing you can do except comfort him. At that point leaving him will most likely make it worse. I would go in before it gets to this point. I lean down into the crib and put my hands around his arms as I shhhhs him until he calms down. Yes your back will hurt..... If you fed him one hour earlier you KNOW he is not hungry again. Don't make him rely on food to go to sleep.

If all else fails, pick him up until he calms and lay him back down. Still no success? Well then just forget about it for that day and stay up!

It is so tough when they do that. I understand!! I agree that crying it out is never a good option though, remind yourself this will pass- he will outgrow it and maybe cuddle him with you . I bet he just misses you, he can't be punished for that. Good luck

I would say your son is too young. I wouldn't try this method until after a year old. At 3 months old my son would wake up early in the morning but was happy to stay in his crib playing until I got up. If your son starts crying just after waking up and it is not from hunger than you may need to try putting him down in the crib occassionally during the day, while awake, to see if that will help. I had a mobile on the crib and one of those aquarium things that goes on the side. Just tie soft toys, black and white would be best to the side of the crib and let him play in the crib a few times during the day. Hopefully that will encourage him to "hang out" for a little while in the wee morning so mom can get some extra sleep.

If that doesn't work - I say ENJOY this precious time. My son is already 2 years old and it went extremely fast. Enjoy the time you have and take naps when he does.

Sleep patterns are different with each child and each parent handles it in a different way. My son Ben nursed every two hours for 3 months, he was a big boy and now a big man. Some babys take a while setting a schedule, you can cut down on the amount you feed him and if you can handle it, let him cry.

Yo are so right, it is terribly hard not to go in. However, I did it with my last three children (the first two slept all night easily on their owm pretty early), and it works really great. As far as how young, I'm not sure you can actually put an age limit on it, although 3 months does seem a bit young. What I would do in your situation is determine whether the baby is waking up because he is hungry or not. At this early age, it is possible that he is waking up because he is hungry, in which case you should go feed him, onviously. But it's also possible (and more likely) that he's waking up because he is setting the pattern of mommy keeping him asleep. What happens is that everyone wakes up several times a night. Our whole lives we stir in our sleep adn come to different levels of conciousness all through the night. We may not even be aware of it, but it happens. We just go quickly back to sleep. It's the same with children and babies, only, if they've never learned to go to sleep without some form of help (nursing, pacifier, rocking, cuddling, whatever), then when they wake up in the night, it's no wonder they would need (or want) this same help.
So decide if you think he is hungry or not. One way to get a feeling of whether he is waking for you or for food is to be watching hw he sleeps the rest of the day. Does he go to sleep on his own then, or do you always have to rock him or something? If it's a comon thing for you to have to comfort him to sleep, then this is probably what is going on, in which case the crying it out method will work wonderfully.
What a great mom you are for realizing that your child needs to learn this life skill from you. If you teach him this as a baby, he won't be left to figure it out on his own later. I hope this help! Good luck.

I have to add that out of all five of my children not one of them suffers form low self esteem or has lost trust in me as his mom, as a result of letting him learn to sleep on his own. On the contrary, I have very deep and close realationships with all of my children that I believe is rooted in our early days when I began the practice of setting bounderies and teaching my children that I believed them to be capable and self suffiecient.
Like someone else mentioned, every time a child cries does not indicate a "need". We have to figure out if he needs something before wedecide how to react.

From what I've heard, you go all out for the little one for at least 6 months. My son eventually slept through the night at 8.5 months. But I've heard of babies that sleept through the night well before that. So I guess it's up to the baby and what the parents do.

I think it is a good thing when you get to that stage that you put your little one to bed, leave the room, and don't come back. However, if the little one cries for 20-30 minutes, then I would go back in and see what I could do. And when they get older, once you leave the room, you don't come back. They learn and will soon calm down. Good luck.

If he is dry and fed its ok to let them cry..Babies have many cries for differant things. You should know a hurt cry a spoiled hold me cry im hungry cry or wet or just fussy..His schedule also might be changing becasue he is getting older and is more aware of so many new things. Watch him and see how he is after his first wake up..

I have four boys and I will tell you each one has been different. So it depends upon the child. Is the staying up something that started recently? I would say that around 4 months they are more aware of their surroundings, and maybe he is hearing outside noises that are startling him back awake. I had "sound machines" for each of my boys to block out outside noises. It really helped them sleep through the night. So no, 4 months is not too soon to let him cry it out, but maybe there is some outside reasons he is not going back to sleep. Make sure the room is still dark, noises are kept low, and also, do not do too much talking at 4 when he wakes up. He loves your company and if he is encouraged at night, will seek it out!

It IS hard not to go in. Try soft music and when you do go in, keep contact short. If he's not wet or colicky etc, just give him a reassuring pat or quick tummy rub, a few gentle words... and leave without picking him up. (Lots of interaction at night can be overstimulating and he will think it's "playtime.") Space your visits longer and longer apart. If you start to "give in", remind yourself that you're teaching your baby how to comfort HIMSELF, and this is a valuable part of his development. You sound like a wonderful, devoted mom. Good luck!!!

Elizabeth Pantley has a great book about helping your baby to sleep without crying it out. It's called "No Cry Sleep Solution" and I used her plan successfully with both of my kids.

K.,
It is very hard to let your children cry it out. I did this with my oldest when he was about 3 1/2-4 months. I started at nap time. I would feed his every two hours and our schedule was this: wake up eat, play one hour, sleep one hour, wake up eat, ...
After he was able to put himself to sleep during the day I was a little more comfortable letting him cry at night. The first night he cried for a solid hour. I was able to see him, but he couldn't see me. The second night he cried for 30 min, and the third night he only cried for about 15 min. Everytime I would put him down he would cry or kick and move around for a little while, but eventully he would go to sleep. Most children do wake up around 4-5 am and they may talk, play, or even cry. As long as he is eating enough throughout the day I think he should be fine. I would be willing to say he has formed a habit and it's going to take consistantcy to break it.

Why let him "cry it out" at all? You are a SAHM with ONE kid. Sleep when he sleeps. Crying is a baby's way of saying he needs something. When you refuse to come to the cry it's telling him, "I can only be counted on every now and again." IMO the rush to sever our children from us is detrimental. You are home with him. You should be with him as much as possible. Your husband works. Get up when the baby gets up, take him into another area so your husband can sleep and do whatever he needs. Infants sleep about 20 hours a day anyway. Nap when he naps.

Teach your son that you love him and will meet his needs. That his needs are important and you want him to be happy. And NO this will not "spoil" your son. If you need to see it differently, what if you were upset, say if your mother passed away and you were crying and sad and your husband hugged you once then told you it was high time you stopped this crying. It wasn't going to bring her back so just knock it off? I'm guessing you wouldn't take it very well.

Asking or forcing your son to "cry it out" is the same thing. "Too bad kid. I've tended to your needs as I perceive them. Get over it. Deal with it and stop your crying it's ticking me off." ACK! You don't sound like a mom that is that callous to me. Love him up. Tend to his needs as though they were the most important thing in the world. Stop paying attention to random developmental markers (which were put into place by a culture rushing their kids into daycare and school to be rid of them.) And just enjoy your baby. He will only be young once. In the blink of an eye he will be 11 and won't want to be cuddled anymore.

So enjoy the early morning with him, and let yourself off the hook for random markers. Your son will progress at his own pace and he will do things when he's ready and not before.

Good luck!
K.

Hi,
we just had our first son and he just turned 5 months on the 15th. We were co-sleeping the first month then we moved him into a portable crib in our room. By the end of the second month we moved the portable crib into our bathrroom (very large)so that he would be close to us. We started to let him cry it out at the end of the third month. We read the baby whisperer which helped. When we put him down for the night at 9:00 pm he would not take a pacifier. So we let him cry it out. We checked on him every five min, then ten, and so on till he cried himself to sleep. It is very hard and my husband and i just held each other while he cried. Every night became easier. But even now he will only cry for ten to fifteen min and then he is gone for the night. I am still breast feeding but most nights he sleeps nine hours. Good luck

I think it was 6 months when i started to let them cry for 5 minutes or more. Make sure the room is dark. One of our little ones was always up the moment the sun peaked over the horizon. Also, perhaps, after he drinks the bottle, he needs a bit more burping and that is waking him up.
I'm pretty sure prior to 6 mo. you need to establish that you are there for them -- and run in there. Then the self-soothing phase is supposed to begin. I know there is info. out there about the non-crying method -- on the web probably.
I remember after 6 mo. you aren't supposed to pick them up -- just put your hand on their little backs and sooth them touch. My first daughter - it was almost 9 mo. before I stopped running in there. My second was a lot easier (or I was more tired). And the guilt for my littlest one -- I was too exhausted. But I'm pretty sure it was 6 months for all of my babies before I even thought about the crying out method & even then I couldn't let them cry for longer than 5 minutes.

not sure this helped you
tara

You should never let a baby cry it out. You are a parent at 5am as much as you are at noon. Would you let your baby cry it out then? It is hard for you not to go into comfort him because your brain is hard wired to take care of your child when he cries. Don't ignore what he is telling you by crying or what your brain is telling you.

You could try to bring him in your bed after that 4am bottle and doze with him. It sounds like he would just like someone nearby.

All that I've read says to wait until 6 months to let them cry it out... it's impossible to spoil one so young as yours. If he's crying, there's a reason and you need to build trust and security first, so that once there's nothing wrong, he won't cry for no reason.

Maybe he has gas?

Good luck,
K.

There is a book that I recommend called "no cry sleep solution". It tells quite a bit about normal sleeping patterns and sleep needs of children. It was some use to us. We co-sleep with our now 3-year old, and he didn't really start sleeping all the way through the night until a few months after 2 years. With the baby being so young, I would respond in some way if only rubbing the tummy or back. Good luck. Everyone needs sleep and is much happier and healthier with it.

I will respond to this because I had a similiar experience. A wonderful doctor told me that we should not let an infant cry over 20 mins. and that has always been best for me and the women who I have told it to. I would much rather look at what his sleeping pattern is during the day, and also his eating. Some children require much more food than others. My little granddaughter needed cereal in her bottle for nighttime at a very young age. Of course we were afraid of her gaining weight (which she did). But now she has shot up at 14 months and already wearing 24 months. She is tall but not fat. Her mom and dad are over 6 ft. Take some notes, it helps to figure these things out when you can see them on paper. God is with you and will help.

You could take him to bed with you that first time he wakes up for a snuggle session.

Hi K.,

I have an almost-3-yr-old and am expecting a baby boy any day; so I'm thinking through the same question...when to let him cry it out. With my daughter I just had to learn the difference in her cries...sometimes she was fussy crying like she just woke up and didn't like that she was woken up by something, and the other cries were the "I'm hungry" or "I need my diaper changed" cries. Once I figured out which cry was which it was just a matter of ignoring the fussy cries and/or flipping the switch to make her bassinet vibrate till she went back to sleep...the key was not picking her up unless I could tell it was necessary. Even with the diaper changes - I'd change her right there in the bassinet instead of picking her up to take her to the changing table. By 6 weeks she was sleeping from 10pm to 5am. From what I can gather through my experience (so far) and my friends who have kids who sleep through the night, consistency is the key - put them to bed at the same time every night and they'll start to get in a routine. My daughter goes to bed at 8 or 8:30 every night and sleeps till 6:30 or 7 like clockwork. Eventually it will all work out! Best of luck!

I'm not a big book reader for parenting but I definitely found this book to be helpful. "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child".
I think your son is a little young to let him cry it out but that is just my opinion. I think that if you hang in there you can get him to sleep through the night without tears. Check out the book--it really makes sense.

I have three boys. I was attentive to their cries and always did the wait and see....(is the cry escalating, is he just tossing and turning and being vocal about it (sometimes they would just go back to sleep on thier own- I think rushing in would have prevented that.) A baby monitor is great for waiting and listening for your cue. I always wanted a monitor with a tv, but couldn't afford one at the time. For me, listening to a baby whaling was more work than taking care of him. My youngest son is two now and sleeps on a big boy bed. Some nights he gets up if he needs me and comes to my room. I either let him stay or carry him back to bed, wait till he falls asleep and go back to my bed. My other boys are 6 and 5. They sleep well and having the comfort of knowing they can call on us if they ever need us. Everyone style is different. I think it has to fit into your lifestyle, your family, your beliefs.....Good luck!

Like you I couldn't wait to let me son cry it out! Give it about another month (4 t0 5 months). Do it on a weekend. When your husband can give that support to not go in his room. Of course, give him that one bottle and then put him down. It may take about a week or so but you can definitly see the results. Also, if you are the person who always feeds in the middle of the night have your husband do it. I nurse my son until 6 months but I had to stop going to him in the middle of the nite because mommy = food.

Hopefully that helps and Good Luck!

N.