When to Have "The Talk"

Hi N.:

I don't know what your religious affiliation is, but there is an AWESOME series of four books called, "God's Design for Sex." Here is the link:

http://tinyurl.com/6nvvxo

The books allow you to introduce portions of "the talk" a bit at a time depending on your child's age and development. In our school district, our kids were shown "the movie" about puberty in 4th grade and I wanted to make certain they learned things from me first.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

You need to talk to him about everything. He is going to hear stuff at school very soon, if not already. The problem is he may not get all the correct facts and probably won't with some stuff. I did buy a book and had "the talk" with my son when he was 10 and we literally talked about everything. You do not want your son to feel like he is not "normal". I do not remember the book I bought but I know people respond with some suggestions and you could go the any bookstore and look for yourself. Good luck.

Just FYI:
Growing up, our schools had the puberty "talk" with students in the spring of 5th grade. For me, it was a bit late. I had already experienced changes, etc. It would have been helpful if someone in my family had stepped up a bit earlier.
Just food for thought.

Best to start now. Introduce the topic in the most basic and simple language you can. If he is a fifth grader, odds are that most of the boys are talking about it already. Joking would probably be a more accurate word!

In our school, they will be giving a "health" talk to the fifth graders. My goal is for my son to have the facts before someone else tells him. I want him to know the truth from OUR point of view. (Christians!)

Go get 'em!

S. :D

I was told by a co-worker that her child were only a yr or two older then my daughter when they started their cycles and I should have the talk. So one day at the lib. there was a book on body changes and I pointed it out and asked if she would like it then or another time. (no pressure) She decided to wait but ask for help finding it only 2 wks later. After she read it on her own I went through it with her and point out some funny things but it got her talking.
It couldn't have worked out better because a short time later she started a sport and mentioned being sweaty under her arms. I stated maybe we needed to get her own deorderant and she was excited to pick the scent. I just reminded her she has to wash it off every night and if she gets red bumps to stop for a couple of days because her body has to adjust to it. Good Luck! Start off with the little things see from time to time if he has other questions.

I have two boys and a long "talk" seemed too overwhelming for me. However I have taken opportunities to describe what is going to happen and show them differences. For example when an older male cousin had some acne issues after a visit with thier family we discussed that he is older and how that is part of puberty along with "so many other things". They asked a few questions and that helped see where they were at. Also they are big animal lovers, so we recognize the difference in the male and female pheasant for instance and then we talk briefly about the fact that there are differences in men and women. I would bring up the physical differences and they might say that women wear make up, but they are still noticing the differences and similarities that they both get acne. They have an older sister and that has helped bring up conversations as well. Just keep talking. I have noticed my younger son in more shy around girls earlier than his brother, so be aware that they are all different and pace themselves differently than their classmates.

My daughter is 11 - she has started to really ask questions especially if she see's or hears something on TV. My doctor also told me at her 10 year check up to have "the talk". Even though I thought she was too young to know a lot of information I made the decision to be extremely honest whenever she ask something. This has actually worked out well. I can tell she feels very comfortable asking me about anything. She also now trusts me with what I tell her to be the truth. This honesty has brought us closer and built a bridge in our relationship where I know as she gets older she can feel she can talk to me about anything. I don't tell her I will explain it to her when she is older. We discuss it at that time. I think each child will handle "the talk" differently, but I do believe parents should be honest. Kids are growing up too fast and you don't want to be too late with any information that could help them make the right decision. good luck - use your instincts - they will guide you to the right decision for you and your child.

N., yeah tough one, i heard by the age 9 they shouild know things, most kids now a days are going through sooner then we did as kids, ive always been there for my kids and answered what ever questions they have had, the school will also give a program, that helps out too, if your child is homeschooled, then i would say teach him while a bit young so he is prepared when those things happen to you , and being a son, he may allready know stuff, just dont want to tell you, so dont be surprised, D. s

N.,

My local library has great books about the human body written to children. The books explain a lot about what happens during puberty and the job of each part (not just the genitals). This might be a place to start.

Good luck!

-C..

There is a great book out there called, "What's Happening to Me". I used this book as a tool to speak with my son, who is now 13. I did start reading this book with him when he was 10. My son, like yours, is very intelligent but a little immature - even to this day. The book has cartoon type illustrations and a very easy read. As my son became older, I read further into the book. My biggest suggestion is to keep the air open for discussion. I find this is very helpful to my son through his puberty.

A little about me:
I am married, work full-time and a mother of a 13 year old son, an 8 year old daughter, and a 5 year old daughter.

Hi N.,
I ditto what the other two said. Our school district also covers puberty during school starting in 4th grade. The American Girl book that was mentioned is great, I bought it for my daughter this past summer after looking through a ton of selections at the library first. For girls, the American Girl version was the best option. I didn't however realize they made one for boys or I would have bought that one too for my son.

Good Luck...I'll be looking for that book now too.
M. M.

It's time! You would be shocked to learn what they hear from other kids at school at this age! You can do it in stages and see how it goes - not too technical unless he asks for more details.