When to Do the Bird and Bees

Hit the library - there may be books made for this age group that give just enough basic info, and it might help you feel more confident. It's a constant communication when the opportunity presents itself, and it's as much about responsibility as biology. Good luck!

I've written about this before, but when my son was 4 he and my husband were walking on the beach and having "guy talk". Jeremy was lecturing our son on being nice to his baby brother, blah blah blah, ending with "because he's the only little brother you're going to have". Joseph was like "Why daddy?" and Jeremy said "Because we're not having any more babies". Joseph stopped walking, looked concerned, and said "Why daddy? You and mommy can't yell anymore?" Jeremy was like ''what?" and Joseph said "You know, 'aaah, oh God?'..." Jeremy said his brain fried and he was just like "Wow buddy look at that sail boat!"
(Later through small talk we learned that he'd learned from a playmate that when moms and dads yell, they're making babies. Thrilled to hear it).
I sat down the next day and asked if he had fun at the beach, did he have a nice talk with dad, dad said you talked a little about babies....do you have any questions for me? "Yes....why, how, WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?" We put on Curious George to keep our younger son busy, and Joseph came in the kitchen with me. I said "Where do chickens come from? They come from eggs." I cracked open an egg and told him that yellow part, if this egg had been fertilized and stayed warm with the mom chicken, would turn into a chicken. He flipped and said "NO WAY!" and was peering hard into the yolk. I said yeah, IF it was fertilized and stayed warm with the mom chicken (didn't want him getting grossed out, but he thought it was cool). I said that a daddy chicken is called a rooster, and a mommy chicken is called a hen. The rooster fertilizes the egg, the hen lays the egg, keeps it warm and safe, and over time the yellow stuff develops a heart, eyes, little beak, etc and grows into a little yellow chick. When the chick is ready, he starts pecking the egg saying "lemme outta here! lemme outta here!" and it hatches, and there it is. He thought that was awesome, and while a little distracted with eggs (now we were adding onions, cheese, and milk to them and scrambling them to cook) I said "Similar with people. Daddy fertilizes an egg, Mommy keeps the egg, and a baby grows and develops a heart, eyes, a nose, etc and grows everything he needs. When he's ready....." and Joseph interrupted and said "the baby says 'lemme outta here, lemme outta here' and you go to the hospital?" I said "EXACTLY--the baby lets us know he's ready to come out and we go to the hospital and the doctor helps. Remember when we needed to go to the doctor when your brother was born?" He did a little bit, but he wanted to know why I didn't lay eggs. I sat for a second and said "Because God is very smart and very kind, and he lets me keep my eggs inside. Otherwise, I'd have had to sit around on your brother's egg all day keeping it safe and warm, and we wouldn't have had time to go to the zoo and swimming like we always did." He agreed that would be very boring. And that was all.
When we were all eating I thanked him for letting me have such a nice big boy talk with him, that it made me feel very special and important. But that I didn't want him to talk to his friends about this stuff because each parent wants to be able to tell their own kid, in their own way. And if he told a kid first, then the mom wouldn't get to tell them, and they wouldn't get a chance to feel special and important. He said "Yeah---moms need to do their OWN jobs". And that was it. He hasn't asked any more questions since then. If he decides to ask HOW dad fertilizes an egg, or other questions, or if he starts going through some boy changes, we'll start discussing why and what everything's for. But I don't think mechanics need to be explained until like 4th grade, a little before puberty (so they know what's coming and why). That's just my opinion.

The latest & greatest is to teach them about the birds & the bees early on, before they are embarrassed about the whole concept. We have the book "It's not the Stork" for my 6 year old (it's appropriate for ages 4 & up), and he really likes it. We even read it to my 3-1/2 year old. There is a follow-up book with more details for a 7-yr old, and another version for the 10-yr old (I think). My kids read it and understand it, to the extent that they're able. It's not weird, but gives them valuable information. I would definitely recommend it for your 4-yr old.

I think the talk should be an on-going talk. Not just a one time occurrence.

Teaching your kids your morals and values. Being the model you want them to be.

We've been talking about marriage, love, etc. for as long as I can remember with our kids. They see something, ask a question, we answer. We have always used the correct anatomical names for body parts.

The statement your husband made to your daughter is very simplistic and age appropriate. However, I would caution that if you are deeply religious and she goes on thinking that when she gets married, God will put a baby in her belly and that doesn't happen - she might wonder where God is. Maybe I'm far off in thinking that. As some kids hold on to what their parents say forever!! :)

We have told our kids - since they are now 9 & 11 that sex is a wonderful thing that God created - however - it's to be shared by people who are married. Does this mean they'll wait until marriage to have sex? Who knows!! I would hope that they will not succumb to peer pressure. I can keep talking with them, showing them my morals and convictions....

Do I recall that your husband is a physician? If so, I'm surprised this answer came from him. I always promote open communication and honesty.

I had been talking to my daughter since she was able to talk, but I think we talked about actual intercourse when she was 7. Her response was "ick", but now that she's almost 10, the conversation has come up several times in various ways. I intend to keep the conversation open, always.

I have used the books "It's So Amazing" and "It's Perfectly Normal" in some of our talks.

I think the answer to that question is we will tell you when you are older. As far as the age I would tell her about seven or eight if she is still asking all these questions. Other wise I would tell her at eight years old. I know it sounds young but you know your own child best. I was the youngest of the neighborhood kids and did not know until I was nine and the other kids all knew and they are the ones that told me. My mom gave a half arse responce to how it worked but never explained the wait till your married. Explain how old she needs to be and what you expect. STDs will some time also need to be explained.

Updated

I think the answer to that question is we will tell you when you are older. As far as the age I would tell her about seven or eight if she is still asking all these questions. Other wise I would tell her at eight years old. I know it sounds young but you know your own child best. I was the youngest of the neighborhood kids and did not know until I was nine and the other kids all knew and they are the ones that told me. My mom gave a half arse responce to how it worked but never explained the wait till your married. Explain how old she needs to be and what you expect. STDs will some time also need to be explained.

Some of it is really dependant on what is going on in their lives. For us we really got into the mechanics of slot A tab B when my boys were nearing 5 & 8. We rescued an abandoned cat and her 2 kittens. We tried to save her before the kittens were born but missed the birth by a few days. We saved the mama and kittens within just a couple days of birth though. 2 months later I found out I was pregnant with their sister. The questions flew out so fast because it was all right there in front of them. We gave all the honest answers at that point. We had given more details to our oldest before this and gave our oldest some more information beyond what we did my youngest but they all got the details.
They handled it perfectly. I do not feel like my then 4 year old was too young.
We have always answered all questions with honesty using correct terms while explaining it in a way that can be understood by their age. The earlier you don't make it a big taboo deal the better attitude they have toward the whole thing later in life.

We're starting now (at 2 1/2) with age appropriate explanations. My daughter was there when my son was born, she watched him go from in my belly to not in my belly lol so that cut down on a lot on confusion. Sex in our house will not be treated as taboo or gross or embarrassing. My husband and I have sex every day, my daughter will know that sex is an act of love and that her parents love each other very much. The conversation will be ongoing and I think that'll help with the awkwardness.. when she asks, I'll be as direct as I feel I need to be and not make her think that her asking the question is bad or uncomfortable.

probably 8 or 9...........depends on the child and situation. Since the school usually does something in 4th or 5th grade...... you kinda get pushed into it.

With a four year old..... remember to be a little vague and check out what they are really asking. They might just want to know if babies come from San Diego, or a hospital.

We've always had ongoing communication with our now 17 yr old daughter.

I was raised in a home where sex was viewed as dirty, the body was dirty, etc and I swore I would never ever be that mom like my own. My mom didn't have open communication for unknown reasons, maybe she was embarrassed, etc.

In turn, I am quite opposite, very open minded, love my body and I've always answered every question my daughter had at the appropriate age level. I never told her "God puts a baby there" because that is not the truth. Of course I have told her we were blessed to have a healthy baby like herself.

I'd much prefer our daughter get the truth from me vs her friends. It is our job as parents to model the behavior we want our children to have. We've always used the appropriate language as well, no va ja ja, etc..

Just answer questions as they come along and make sure your daughter feels comfortable enough to always come to you with anything. Believe me, the open communicaiton helps a lot when they are teens and the see troubling behaviors, etc and they want to discuss it with someone.

Good luck.