When Someone Responds - Not So Friendly

I get that sometimes myself. However, I know that I can , at times give off that same negativity if I am stressed or in a gloomy mood. Usually though, I tend to be sensitive to how others are feeling. I am not the norm though. I think overly sensitive people are constantly feeling like they did something wrong, or that that person just doesn't like them. Usually though, that isn't the case. Sometimes if I call a person or walk up to a person I ask them " is this a good time to chat ", etc. If no, then I wait. It's better then getting a negative retort back.

It's you.

Rather - it's all in your head. As a recovering alcoholic, I found that I had the same issue. A car cutting me off was personal - it was about me. Someone scowling at me in the mall was personal - they had a problem with me!

I had to learn that I'm just not that important. These people didn't know me. For all I knew they were rushing a sick kid to the hospital - or scowling b/c they just got dumped. I had to learn that I was not the center of the universe.

Oh, and I also had to learn to say "I don't care". It's not my business why other people are goofy, it's not my place to fix them unless they ask for help, and most times you just can't fix stupid.

I work with Attorneys. They, by nature are not the most pleasant humans to work for. I had to learn NOT to take their attitudes personally as one of them said one day, I'm not yelling AT you, I'm just yelling.

There are all types of people. I too have bad moods. I treat most humans like I treat my children. If they are in a bad mood, I ask if I can help and tell them I'm sorry they feel bad. If they're happy, I rejoice with them. If they are sad, I hadn them a tissue and a shoulder. If they're mean and nasty, I ask them if there is anything I can do to change their mood and if not, I turn and let them throw their fit.

People and kids are really allot alike that way.

Sending good thoughts your way. :)

You have to let it go. I'm super sensitive to people's feelings and don't speak that way to people, but I (like anyone else) have had HUNDREDS of people do that in my life from bosses to acquaintances, to any Tom Dick and Harry along the way of life. There is no reason that needs to concern you. Maybe they're swamped, maybe they were just diagnosed with cancer, maybe they're just jerks. doesn't matter. Unless it's your significant other or your child or your relative or your close friend, you really cant' call them on it, so just let it go. It's them, not you. When this happens to me, I never take it personally or wonder why, I just do that mental acknowledgment like, "Oh, they're one of THOSE bratty people" and move along. Sure, maybe sometimes they had a super important excuse and it's an inaccurate observation on my part. But you know what? Good people don't do that. If everyone lashed out when they had problems, no one would be civil because life is hard for everyone. I've been through the ringer myself a few times and I don't treat people that way, and if I do snap under stress, I apologize. Forget them. And when it's a "friend", just react sarcastically in a "well excuse me for livin' " type style, but not a martyr sad type style.

And for real, it's not about you.

stop believing yourself to be the victim....

I had a friend who was notorious for this. She always looked for issues in tone & manner, found fault with many, & thought that everybody was "out to get her" or "unhappy with her".

Perhaps this applies to you? Think about it....& in the meantime, try to just ignore personality flaws/hiccups. Everybody has bad days....doesn't mean it's directed toward you specifically!

Also, humor goes a long, long way....maybe next time, diffuse the situation with a little humor & see what happens!

I can be guilty of this. Over the years, I've had to tell myself often, "Not everything is about me!" Because, let's face it, constantly assuming that other people's emotional state has something to do with us personally is a little self-centered (different than vain--I mean, literally, assuming that you are at the center of what's going on). When I think about all the things that go on in my life that people don't know about and that I don't broadcast, it makes it easy to remember that all people are dealing with something. Family stresses, personal problems/weaknesses/temptations, financial issues, grief, loss, depression, other health issues, struggling with their children or their spouses...the list could get pretty long. It's much easier to believe that it's something internal than something about me that makes someone seem angry or withdrawn or gruff. The only exception: when you know for a fact that you've done something to offend. Then you apologize immediately and sincerely. (And interestingly, even a lot of the times you're certain you've offended, it's not to the degree that you assume.) It does take practice to get out of the "guilty" mindset, but when you do (or at least mostly), you'll find a weight lifted from your shoulders because you're no longer trying to carry the responsibility for everyone else being in a good mood.

There is a guy at a shop I frequent when I'm out and about. The proprietors sell delicious, healthy shakes and they are really nice people. The place has started to kind of be the local 'watering hole' during the middle of the day.

There is a man there who acts a little like what you're talking about. He is getting an exercise class together and has told all of the folks who come in, including me. I mentioned to him a few weeks ago that I told a friend about it, and she is interested. He said to me, "You mean you've decided not to come?" And the way he said it was not all that nice. That really kind of shocked me, because I wasn't trying to substitute her for me... I have NO idea how he would extrapolate that from what I said...

Later, I asked the lady about it, and if it is just ME or does he act like that with other people. She told me "Oh, he's like that with everyone!" And then told me some of the things he has said to her. So the upshot is that he is just kind of an odd bird.

Now I know why he is divorced...

Anyway, if you know you have given no cause for it, then it really is THEM and you shouldn't worry about it.

Dawn

I used to be the same way. It just takes practice.

I know what you mean and have been there. Sometimes people don't know how to leave everyone else out of their bad mood. I dont think a bad mood is an excuse to be a jerkoff.

I used to analyze every encounter. I'd find one thing a bit odd in the interaction and then obsess over what the implication was. I'd replay it in my head and think of what I should've said or done differantly. What it means in a greater sense - is my job in jeapordy, does that person not like me, they just don understand my humor, etc.

Then I got serious with my husband and realized he does the same thing. It doesn't work to have two people stuck in thier own head. We assign meaning to each others facial expressions and body language and assume the meaning behind it. It leaves us both lost and confused and completely in our own world. I started to cathc on when we'd have a blow up and he'd finally let these accusations fly. I realized how far off he was in his assessment of me and therefore i must be just as off in my assumptions of him. Now, I just go on what is specifically said, not all the crazy that goes on in my head or the assumptions of what people think of me.

Don't get me wrong, I have to remind myself. I have to sometimes stop myself in my tracks and ask "is that what he said or is that what I think he meant?"

Guys are more straightforward. They tend not to sugar coat things as much as women. You need to look past the actual words to the meaning behind them. I've told DH that he's not aware how he comes off, but when he keeps on his "manager hat" at home and it comes off less friendly toward his family. But I'd rather a short answer than a loooong "I don't really know but I'm being helpful but not really".

If someone says, "I have no idea" take it at face value. He doesn't know. Just move on and find out who else would know about access (like an IT person). It may also be that when he's friendly he's not stressed and when he's gruff, he is. I used to get irritated with a coworker that would ask me questions she should know and then our manager would get all wigged out about her coming to me vs the manager. I started saying, "Go ask K" because I was covering my own butt. Not that I hated her.

If you're ever really not sure and need a professional response, you need to ask, even if they are grouchy. Not clarifying can cost you at work. But it's business, not personal.

Some of my favorite sayings, "What others do is a projection of their own reality..." and "you teach people how to treat you..."

I just remind myself of these things... it helps a lot :-)

Also, I really like the " The Four Agreements" Google it... puts things into wonderful perspective :-)

No, I think it is you.

Your co-worker didn't know you didn't have access and you took it as if you should have. When he stated that you should have had acess and had no idea I think he was saying just that - he didn't have any idea that you didn't have access.

Just grew a tougher skin and don't take it as a personal thing. Yes you feel bad about how he responded to you but was he in deep thought over something else at the job when you asked him the question? Sometimes it takes people sometime to change gears in what is going on around them than it might take you.

No harm done. Stop reading into things more than there is. Otherwise you will drive yourself nuts.

The other S.

I've been guilty of this, so I get it. I have to tell you, though, when I come across someone who is oversensitive and easily offended, they leave a bad taste in my mouth. They are generally grumpy/sullen/sometimes confrontational or snappy, etc. from whatever last offended them. This makes them hard to get along with because they're offended A LOT. Before I know it, I'm avoiding them and grateful when they're no longer around, so I don't have to deal with the drama.

In this case, however, it's likely he didn't notice your concern. So, there would be no harm done, but I wanted to give you the other perspective.

He could've been having a bad day. Or maybe you were the 600th person who had a question for him and he couldn't get anything done and unfortunately it got taken out on you. If hes usually pleasant to deal with then I would just take what happened with a grain of salt. I've accidentally snapped at a co-worker. Sometimes, I think they can't hear me so I talk louder and it sounds like I'm yelling. There is one girl and she is really smart and I know she knows what to do but won't try to figure it out at all, she always wants someone to show her. She'll ask the same question 6 times and you'll give the same answer because she thinks you don't understand her. I was also super busy. I got frustrated once and lashed out. I did apologize later for it. You have to work with him every day so I say just learn that its nothing about you. If hes not the one that put all the programs on your computer, then he is probably not the one to ask.