When Should Your Ex Meet Your New Boyfriend?

This is my BIGGEST pet peeve! I could scream!! This child suffered from the divorce of his parents 6 months ago and now hes being thrown into these relationships already. Her son shouldnt have met him yet, let alone her ex. I really hope this poor kid doesnt have to meet tons of mommy and daddys strange new friends. They should be focusing on their childs healing and not their own selfish lives!

I don't think its crazy at all. With that said, I do think that only being with this new guy for a month is very soon for her to be introducing him to her son or anyone else for that matter. Until she is sure this is a long-term thing, it should be kept private between her and the new man. Hanging out with friends is one thing, but to bring him into the family so early is very dangerous for everyone involved.

Once she is sure its a long-term deal, then I do agree with the ex. There should be no reason they can't all get along and co-parent this child. In the long run it will be better or everyone involved. She should put herself in his shoes. How would she feel (or did she feel if it did happen this way) if her son was around another adult in his father's life (parent-type figure) and she had not met this person. That would make me very uneasy, at best.

The ex does not need to meet this guy after just a month!! I am divorced and started dating my current husband when my son was 4. (he's 11 now). Granted he was much younger when my husband and I started dating, but honestly, I think we went out for a few months (always when my son was at his dad's or grandma's) before I 'introduced' them and it was maybe 4 months when my husband called me, knowing I had my son with me that weekend, and said " I thought of something we could ALL go do together this weekend if you want to." I allowed HIM to take that next step- after really getting to know me.

Being a stepfather is a HUGE thing and anyone who thinks otherwise is kidding themselves. The new BF needs to take that at his own pace, not be pushed into some role by your sister's ex.

My ex had already gotten involved with a woman that I had known slightly through our circle of friends, but I didn't 'meet' her again until my ex told me he was moving in with her. THEN - because it would more seriously impact my son- I asked her to meet me for coffee and go over her 'house rules' because my son was going to be there every other weekend.

But your sister's ex is being unreasonable. If your sister is just dating this guy, he is not a permanent fixture in the son's life yet and that should be all that concerns the ex.

Frankly, the rosy idea of everyone hanging out and being 'friends' is crazy and will NOT happen. My husband and I and my ex and his new wife are all polite and get along in public and with my son and do not trash talk, etc- but we are NOT friends and it is just super unlikely.

We all definitely are interested in what is best for our son's welfare and happiness- but that is NOT the same as being 'friends' as adults with each other!

Sounds like the ex wants to have his cake and eat it too and be the 'good guy' but still run the show. If I was the guy your sis had only dated a month, that might be enough to scare me off if I wasn't super serious ( and after just a month, who knows how serious it even is really??)

A lot of people confuse the 'marriage' reality with the 'parenting' reality and they are two very different things! Our mediator gave us some advice I have always kept and found to be true. She said:

"Your marriage has failed, But that does not mean you have to be failures as PARENTS. You need to learn to separate your feelings from the marriage or the break-up from your realities as joint parents who want what is best for your child."
Tell your sis to tell her ex that until she knows the relationship is more permanent and will impact their son that he doesn't need to meet her new BF and that although she wants them to all get along, they are not FRIENDS- they are PARENTS of a child. Sorry- not the same thing!!

Depends on how serious this new boyfriend is. For me, it was none of my ex's business who I dated! But since the new BF has met their son, that kind of changes the ballgame. For me personally, I told my ex about my new guy (who is now my fiance) when we were moving in together. I am very cordial in that respect. (My ex, on the other hand, never told me when he moved in with his girlfriend, but whatever, he's an idiot). I told my ex when my fiance and I were pregnant (and the ex actually bought a baby gift, very thoughtful considering I know he could care less)... now, I was just thinking, I don't recall if I actually told the ex that I'm engaged and getting married this summer, LOL!! I figured the kids would have told him by now, HAHAHA!!

Point is, everybody's situation is different. If it's still a new relationship, then there's really no real reason they HAVE to meet, but I do think it's the cordial thing to do since there's a child involved. Just my two cents :)

They neither one should have introduced their son to their new SO so soon and regardless of who did it first or sooner, two wrongs do not make a right. Either way, it is now irrelevant since that ship has sailed.

I don't know if they should be "friends" but certainly they should be friendly and respectful of each other and co-parent together. I would say it is fair for either parent to meet the new boyfriend/girlfriend especially if that person will be spending any time w/ the son. By not allowing them to meet, the bio-parent wonders how bad a person their child is being exposed to. Unfortunately, your sister should be prepared for her ex not to like the new boyfriend...it's human nature.

You know, some people can really handle a relationship like that. Yet, he may be just feeling the need to check out the competition. Even though they are no longer married, any new man in his ex's and son's life is competition. She needs to think long and hard about what his motives really are (not what she hopes they are!) I think if this new man has access to his son then he has every right to meet him but only that. Friendly, yes, friendship, not necessarily.

As for introducing after a month...This was smart on your sisters part. And yes, a month is long enough, especially for an 11 year old who already knew Mom was dating. (Even if she did not tell him, they are not dumb!) And the "time" thing does not matter as much as the feet on ground, reality of the relationship. (Met, moved in with each other 2 weeks later, happily married 10 years-ME!)

As for the friendship thing. I would say that yes, it is the right thing to do for the Father to meet the Boyfriend, just so he know who is around his son. That is, if he has been just as open with his new girlfriend. As for friendships? No, that does not have to happen--but being on a civil, as friendly as you can, level with each other--YES! Essential when you have a kid.

I wouldn't be doing any BBQs or anything--but meeting the boyfriend is not that crazy of a request. But I stress--dread lightly! Make it an hour or two max if there is any tension! And base some of this on how open he has been about HIS new girlfriend--did he insist that they all become friends when he found out SHE was dating? Or was it before this, when it was just him in a relationship. If it was only after she started dating, I would have a half hour, over coffee, hello--this is the guy I am dating--and if it gets strange for me or him, we are leaving type get together.

My daughter's dad met my husband (then boyfriend) after my daughter and I had moved in with him. He came over to pick her up for the weekend, and I simply said, "Mike, this is Roger. Roger, this is Mike, Flynn's dad." Any further interaction between the two of them was up to them to negotiate.

I can only speak from experience. When my ex wanted to meet my boyfriend (now husband) - He was all ready to be friends and make nice. I have to say though, once the ex realized the new was REAL...It really changed the dynamics of the situation and it was horrible. I guess the ex thought I was kidding about seeing someone else? I don't know. I'd say prepare as best as she can, expect the worst and hold on...It's gonna be a bumpy ride! It will all work itself out though...

In a perfect world...they would all be one big happy family...but life isn't perfect. Inviting more people into a new relationship just invites more opinions, more judgments, and more problems. I would tell the ex "all in good time"...and let them meet at the wedding (hehe).

I've been separated for a year in a half/yet living together, we're both seeing other people for a few moths/who will not meet our daughter until we know its serious/pisslby after 6 months J. as a friend in a group, but if someone was to meet my daughter I'd want to meet them first, or very soon after and be friends, hating an ex's SO can make life really hard irs easier to be friends, or friendly

i honestly don't think its crazy. my fiance's ex and i are good friends. and my fiance is friendly with her boyfriend too. it really helps with the kids. i was really worried about it. we had been dating for two months or so before i met the ex. i don't know how long his ex and her bf were dating before they met. but its nice that we all get along because my daughter and i can go over to her house to spend the day and play with his sons. or if there's anything going on, we're comfortable sitting down and talking about it. i'm happy with our situation.

and as for my fiance and my daughter's father, they met a few months into the relationship when he took me to drop her off one day. and now they see each other more than i do, since my fiance will drop her off on his way to work in another town. i told her dad about us moving in together as soon as we started talking about it. we were never in a relationship so there's not that jealousy, so that's nice. i try to keep him informed of all the changes in grace's life.

once my fiance and i were seriously dating i talked to her father about what his role should be, and what would ahppen if me and my boyfriend (now fiance) got married. well now that this is actually in the picture i need to sit down and talk to him about it again.

I guess what i'm saying is, being friendly and being able to sit down and talk is very helpful so you know expectations and everything. and it will show your son that you love him enough to be a part of his life at his dad's too.

Children should not meet anybody until the relationship turns into a fiance situation, at least a year should pass before children meet anybody. Kids gets attached very fast and it's not fair to them if your relationships don't work out. Once a year has past and things are going great then yes everybody should be friends. That would make things so much easier on the children.

Ideally, I think a man should meet children AND the ex when he goes from "Boyfriend" to Fiance"!