When Mom Has an Illness

S.-

My situation wasn't chronic like yours, but it was possibly terminal (cancer diagnosis after the birth of our second child).

Each person has the right to process the stress differently. Don't let anyone tell you how you "Should" feel or act. My diagnosis came the day before my son's second birthday, 2 days before my 33rd birthday, and a few days before my daughter turned 11 weeks old.

Instincts kicked-in, and I was really surprised at my reaction. Through 5 months of chemo, not having family close by to help, and constant fear that the treatment wasn't working, I barely cried. Each time I thought about the gravity of the situation, I thought about other people to whom I'd been introduced who had it so much worse than me. My husband had to be mother and father on the weekends when I was down from treatment and couldn't do much. He was such a champ.

Living life as normally as possible was my silver lining. I continued to work (my choice), had our kids in day care so I could have peace and quiet on the days I needed it.

It was really helpful for me to find other people who were in a similar situation and realize I wasn't alone. I was lucky to have 2 kids who seemed to know something was wrong and were angels.

Beating cancer helped me become more patient with my children, more honest, more determined to make each moment with them count.

Good luck to you as you face each day's ups and downs! Sometimes the hardest things in life can open our eyes the most and give us the greatest rewards.

Hi Sweetheart. You don't day whay you are coping with. Do you have family or friends nearby to help you with daily responsibilities? Anyone you can reach out to so you can have some "down" time...If you belong to a church, then ask for some assistance. Ask a neighbor, friend, any of us moms...

Dear S.,

Your note breaks my heart and I am so very sorry you have been suffering
so greatly. As a Wellness Educator, I would love to know more specifically
what you are dealing with but of course only if you feel comfortable sharing.
There is good news.........nutrition trumps genetic predisposition to disease
and can often help reverse the ravages of pain and infirmity. I know the
scriptures say "that there is victory after the fact as we stay in faith even when things seem impossible."

Looking forward to our next correspondence.

c.

S.,

It is sometimes very difficult. But if you have an illness that is going to be with you for the duration of your life you need to get a good support system around you. Maybe talk with some friends that you can count on or in-laws, someone that can help you out a couple days a week that can help to eleviate the pressures of motherhood It is difficult enough to be a mom, but when you add a constant illness on top of it, it is twice as difficult. There is no shame in asking for help. That is showing strenght, when you know that you are not wonder woman and you are putting your children first and the best way to do that is to ask for help so that you don't feel as though you are letting them or anyone else down.

Hope this helps.

S.

depends on what you have. my illness will never go away, makes me tired all the time, has changed my facial features (not extreme, but enough for me to notice and people to ask what's wrong). i drink a lot of coffee in the morning. i wake up about 2-3 hrs before my kids so that i give time to myself to have the coffee start working its magic. i guess i just suck it up and be the best mom i can be.

Hi S.,

I started my home having a chronic illness so I know how you feel. Besides doing everything, I had a husband that didn't understand that I felt bad and was just pushing through so he expected more. I had my illness from the age of 11 until 6 years ago and it is gone now. I don't know what you're going through but there are a LOT of illnesses that are curable and manageable. The doctors don't tell you about it or either they simply don't know. Get back to me and let me know what's going on. I would love to help.

M.

My mom was sick with diabetes for 10 years before she died. I'm not talking about normal sick, she was insulin resistant and it was before all the advances were made or while they were being made. Anyways she had days that getting out of bed was painful because of the nerve damage and her temper would flare but we never doubted her love for us. We knew that she hung in there and participated in every medical study she could so that our lives would be better. She let us talk to her about our problems, hopes, and dreams. We learned to clean up after ourselves, be quieter on her bad days, and pray for the better days. Not bad skills to have once we reached adulthood. In retrospect, I believe seeing her determination to keep trying and her ability to admit her mistakes, listen to ours without flying off the handle while doing her best to find something to laugh about are what made her a great mom.