When Is It Okay

Why the rush? If you have only known him for 6 months that does not sound long to me. Your son comes first now. Why do we as woman feel like we have to do these things so fast? If he is not willing to date with you living separate his is not the guy for your family. I agree with previous posted to make sure you get a back ground check and best of all get to know is family and friends. That is one of the best ways to get to know someone truly.

1 mom found this helpful

I completely agree with Maryanne here. I have been in your situation, but it didn't come out bad. You just have to take your time. Time is the essence of every situation that we come across in life. I know that it's easy to say, oh, he's a great guy. But you really don't know someone until you live with them; and at this point your main goal is to create stability for your son; with or without a BF. They can come and go, as you already know, but your son is always going to be your son, and they learn frome example. Good luck in your situation.

1 mom found this helpful

I have had a very similiar occurrence as I am a single mother and want what's best for my son at all costs. The guy that I chose to move in with is someone that I had known for years and had always been a friend but we recently decided to take it a step further and live together. He welcomed my son and the responsiblities that follow with open arms as that only reassured me the decision I was to make was the right one. My advice to you is to take in account how long in total you have known this man and what you believe is the real him (only you know him behind closed doors, noone else) and could possibly come up once you move in together, because as we all know people show their true colors once they live together. Be vocal about how you are feeling. What could it hurt? Get everything out on the table before making the leap that way each of you gets the chance to be very clear on what one another's expectations are. Take note that a child's age is a huge deal breaker. An infant and a 6 yr old don't have much in common so this is something that would concern me the most. To date it sounds like your guy is putting his best foot forward in making a path for you and your son. Trust your instincts/gut, always do right by your son, and don't let your own hapiness suffer because you are trying to cater to your son's and you should always come out on top. You got to take chance sometimes, that's what builds up your trust in others again. Your situation is all too familiar to me so my heart goes out to you with your stuff decision. My only closing thought would be with what Mary-Anne said on things that happen to children by their mom's BF's. Just be careful. Your son is the most important thing in your life. This man has to earn his spot on the importance level, and I think that 6 mon is not enough time for him to even come close to being as important as your son is. Please feel free to contact me if you should need anymore advice on this.

1 mom found this helpful

I have been in your situation before myself. And although my experience turned out for the best, I would not recommend anyone else to jump in so fast. You didn't say how long you have been a single mom but I was one for 9 years before I met that Mr. Right. And I went through many who I thought was Mr. Right at first but turned out to be total Mr. Wrongs. You have a huge responsibility on your shoulders because you are your son's main source of protection right now. You don't want to introduce something into his life that may hurt him. Take it slow and easy. Why rush such an important decision to not only your life but your son's life also. I know how you feel and you sound like a mom that has always put your child's needs first. But when a man enters the pictures, you have to be extra careful and keep your eyes and ears wide open. Hope everything turns out okay! :)

1 mom found this helpful

Let me start by saying that I have no personal experience with this, I'm just saying what I THINK I would do in your situation. It sounds like you found a great guy and I am very happy for you! We all deserve happyness and love! Since you have a son involved, I persoanlly feel 6 months is WAY too soon. You can't truely say you know him yet and if you go through a move and a break up, you are dragging your son into it too. Why the rush?? You can stay over a night or two and date happily for a year or two more.
I hate to be the most unromantic person in the world here, but have you done a background check on him? This is one of the first things I would do if I had to start dating again and was getting serious with someone. You have a son and your top job is keeping him safe. I can't stand all the news stories of kids that dissapear and/or have bad things happen to them by their mom's boyfriend! They always have records and the mom just doesn't take the time to find out about them.

sorry to bring up a bad subject, but it is important. I say to take it easy for your son's sake. You don't have to move in together to be happy and in love! If he is really such a great guy, he will understand your priorities.

Again, I am very happy for you and I hope things work out for the three of you!

1 mom found this helpful

Id keep him LOL he sounds like he has really bonded with your son and is a great man!I would move in with him if I was you! That sound really to good to be true but I was in the same boat now im married to the man who treated me wonderful and treated my kids wonderful now we have a baby together as well! We moved in together after about 6 months or so and have been together for a little over 2 years and have been married for a little over a year!I know how it is having trust issues! Trust your gut and heart! Go with it and see how it goes I bet he will be great! Heck ya might have even found the man of your dreams!!!! GOod luck girl and if you need someone to talk to about it im here!!!
K. Williamson florida

Wow, such a big subject. I think some good advice has been posted already and I agree with those moms who say wait. What can it hurt? It can't. What can it hurt if you move in and things go wrong? A lot.

Mark me unromantic like the previous poster, but once we become "Mom," we have to make decisions about ourselves *and* the impact it's going to have on our child(ren). If this man is a good man, he will wait. Asking for such a big life commitment so soon is a red flag. Asking for advice on a site like this tells me your instinct is indicating something smells a little too good to be true. May it is - maybe it's not. But again, what can it hurt to wait? Your son - and you - have so many milestones ahead. Focus your heart on that and everything else will fall into place. It's true! It's what we find when we aren't looking that can change our life.

Meantime, take faith in your ability and instincts as a mother and a woman. Enjoy what you have with this man and see where it goes.

I think the right time to move in with someone it when YOU are comfortable with the idea of it. If you trust him with taking your son places then I would think you might be able to trust him. If he is taking care of your most prized possesion then you could probably trust him with everything else.
I just think that you will know when you are ready!

I would have to say just by reading your question hat it is too soon....for your family anyway.Some people may be ready but if you have to ask then you are having doubts for sure and should not rush into anything (I dont think). ESPECIALLY since you have child involved.If this is the right guy then he will be understanding of you hesitation and wanting to wait.Sounds like he may be putting a little pressure on you (going through all the 'stuff' for the 'right' house,etc).If this is the case then I would definately be hesitant on it.How is he with your son??How does your son feel about all this?Or does he know?Take some time,when the time is right for something like this you should just KNOW in your gut that it is what 's right for you.(Just my opinion...thanx)

My advice to you is to ask your son how he feels. Children can always sense right and wrong.

And, if you trust him enough to take your son places, and he is alone with him, then this person must really care and want to help take care of you and your son.

JJ

Hi C.,

The question you ask defies everything you said in your Bio. That's easy to do when you find someone you care about but moving in with ANY guy without marriage will only confuse your son. Wait for the PICKET FENCE! It's out there! But it's not truly the "picket fence" if there is no commitment on his part and on yours. If you think this is the right guy, give it some time and then marry him and let you son know that this is your husband and he has a true role as step-dad.

Commitment, commitment, commitment. You have made the ultimate commitment to your son in having him and it seems like you want to do right by him. There are so many confused kids because they don't understand what commitment is. Teach him early. I'm sure you will truly understand all of this when you are older and your son thanks you!

I say all these things with genuine care. Please take them that way.

M.

I say give it a little more time...maybe closer to 12 months before you make the big decision to live together. That's a big step in a relationship especially since it involves a child. If he really loves you and your son, he won't mind waiting.

Please definitely wait, especially from your history of bad relationships. Things all might seem perfect now, but you are right, you never know until that other person starts showing their true colors. 6 months is really soon. He may be a great genuine guy and if he is, he should understand that to the fullest and give you the respect you deserve and not force you into anything you are unsure of. Being independent as a single mother is an amazing feat and I commend you. Stand your ground and take care of yourself and your son first. Also, lay all your info out on the table before making a committment like this...Finances, health, career goals! You both have to know what the other is thinking.

I understand that! I recently moved in to a new home with someone i was dating for just about a year. I was a bit hesitant at first, but once I sat down and went over the pros and cons, I realized this was truly IT!!! I was very upfront with this guy since we started dating and asked DIRECT questions about his life. Basically there were no hidden surprises. I said from the beginning with B, that I am what I am however bad or good, and if that isn't what he wants then we have no future. he knows that my kids come first and I am very independent. We do a lot together, yet I do a lot with my kids without him around. he has a daughter that he sees on weekends only, and i respect his time with her as well. I do my thing Friday nights and he does his with his daughter. I believe that you have this "gut feeling" when something is right, and if you start to question it too much, it just gets complicated. You can always find the "bad" if that is truly what you are looking for ina person. But, are the bad points all that bad or do they just annoy you?? I say if it feels right take the step!!!!

You and I have alot in common. I really think that you should give this guy a chance. Moving in together will allow you all to get to know each other better and if it doesn't work out, you can move on. I know people will not agree with me because of your child, but you need to find happiness for you too! I need to follow my advise. I too do not do anything for myself. It is all for my boy. Can't help it. I love him so much. I have subscribed to Match.com and maybe I will find love again too! This is a big step for me and excited and nervous at the same time. Wish me luck...