When Is Enough Enough with Trying to Breastfeed?

You're going to get a lot of "keep trying" and "hang in there" advice.
It seems to me that this baby needs to eat and she needs to eat now. Since there is not enough breast milk available, I think it's a no-brainer to use formula at this point.
Your goal is a fed, satisfied baby. It's an easy fix.
Good luck.
You don't need anyone else's approval if you choose to stop BF-ing. Only your own. Don't beat your self up. After all, there's nothing to prove here. Good luck!

9 moms found this helpful

Shingles is really hard on the body, Mary. Your baby is telling you no. It's okay. You did your best and it's alright to move on. She'll be happier and you will KNOW how much she is getting with a bottle.

Hope you are on the road to better health after the shingles.

All my best,
D.

5 moms found this helpful

There are some mamas that breastfeed until their babies are 1-2 years old. There are some mamas that try breastfeeding and discover it doesn't work for them for whatever, legitimate reasons they have. I believe the time to stop is when your body or your baby tell you time's up. Sounds like your shingles was the end of the nursing road for you. And that's ok. My pedi, bless her, always said that when feeding time becomes a battle, it's time to try something new. My boys were on bottles by 2-3 months (I used Enfamil...same stuff my mom used with me and my sister...and playtex bottles) and at 12 and 16, I can assure you, they suffered no ill effects from not being nursed. They're both bright, happy, cheerful boys.

Good luck!

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100 years ago if you couldn't nurse or afford a wetnurse (yes, yes, for sticklers out there, letting babies suck on marrowbones/ drink goats or sheeps milk/ and soup boiled down to paste would also work... but most people didn't know that), your baby died. Today, we have lifesaving formula.

The phrase for annoying people is: I lost my milk.

I'm a BIG advocate for human milk... but I'm not a nazi about it. There are HUNDREDS of reasons women (and men) choose formula. Here's just a smattering:

- adoption
- medication
- chemo (radioactive milk = not good ;)
- illness or disease
- infection
- failure to thrive

What's more important? A healthy baby, or where they get their food from? As Denise said: no brainer.

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I didn't read the other posts, but I will tell you for me, the guilt of realizing that I was starving my baby with my lack of supply was way worse the guilt of quitting breast feeding. I know they say breast is best, but that's not always the case. For me my breast were starving my baby.

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I think the time to quit is when you're frustrated enough that you don't want to do it anymore. Yes, you can keep pumping, yes you can get your supply back up, yes you can get her to latch again...yes. It is possible. BUT, if you don't want to...don't. I exclusively pumped for about 4-5 months with my first and I was okay with it, but it was hard, hard work. You are tied to that pump! When I finally just let go of my guilt and my tireless journey to find solutions to my multiplying issues I felt like a renewed woman! If you don't want to do it anymore just stop. It will be okay. If you wish to keep trying, I'm sure you will find success in repleishing your milk, but like I said, if you choose to stop don't feel bad, don't feel guilty, feel good and feel happy! :)

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When to quit? That is going to be a decision for you to make...but you can certainly continue to nurse and supplement too if you prefer.
But when I was having a really tough time breastfeeding, someone gave me a wonderful quote something like, "A bottle of formula given with love is more nourishing and nurturing for a baby than a breast given with tears and resentment". For me, stopping completely was what was best for me and my kids. I feel like I lost the early weeks of their life struggling and beating myself up instead of bonding and loving them.
So...search your heart to find what is the right answer for you and your LO. Do NOT let anyone make you feel guilty either way...as long as that baby is getting the food she needs and you are healthy in mind, body and spirit.

3 moms found this helpful

ah yes, the lactation consultants-the people that jiggle your breasts in the hospital and say "relax!". Same thing with me, minus the shingles with both kids, my body was losing weight too fast being too busy. First kid, I felt guilty, the second one I tossed the lactation consultants out of my room, did the pump thing, and after a fiasco with my ultra curious 3.5 year old boy, I packed it up, got the formula, and never looked back-i am happier, my girl is big and healthy, and I don't feel guilty. If it's stressing you, time to go to the store, your baby will be just as healthy, you did all you could, go and get busy enjoying that new little one, the time flies too quick to be hooked up to a pump!

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Breastfeeding does not define you as a mother. If you can't do it you can't do it. Your baby needs nourishment. That can be provided from a bottle and formula. Love and being kept healthy and safe can only be provided by you. If your baby is at risk of not having enough nourishment or proper nutrition, then she comes first. Do what is best for her. Good luck!!

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After doing everything the lactation consultants told me for months I also did not have enough of a milk supply. For both my kids. With both I did everything they said to increase my supply. With my first I breastfed and then supplemented with formula until my milk totally ran out at 6 months. With my 2nd I had an infection after the c-section and really had almost no milk. It made me very sad not to be able to breastfeed, but I am thankful we have formula. I'm sorry it is not working out for you but try not to feel guilty about it. It is what it is! Enjoy that beautiful baby.

2 moms found this helpful

I had similar issues...different events, but similar outcome. I nursed for 3-4 months. I have come to find out that a lot of women don't even do that. One woman I know doesn't even want to breastfeed at all and is concerned that it will make her boobs sag. Sigh. Like others have said, it is your choice. You have given your child a wonderful start. Just as a note, my dd is now 21 months and is as healthy and as smart as all get out. I agree that breastmilk is the best, but for some of us, our choices are made for us. Don't feel guilty if you do end up switching. You have more willpower than I could dream of. ~K.

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"When is it time to call it quits?" - When you can't take it any more. Some might call me a bit of a "breastfeeding nazi," but it's not my opinion you should be worrying about. :-)

Pumps are generally not as efficient "milk extractors" as babies are, but it sounds like your baby won't nurse, so you may not have an option. As long as you can pump some breastmilk, she will be getting some benefit, even if you have to supplement with formula; and she may eventually return to the breast, if you have the support and encouragement in your life for that.

It sounds like your baby was getting "just enough" until she went through a growth spurt around 4 m/o [that's also about the time when the post-pregnancy hormones that help establish and increase usually go away, so that extra boost to your supply probably stopped then too], and then wasn't getting enough. It sounds like she's a pretty content and/or quiet baby, not to fuss when she wasn't getting enough to gain wait.

It sounds like you want to keep going, but it's just so difficult for you right now. That's understandable. If you want to keep going, what you need is to surround yourself with friends who will support and encourage you as you continue. I would recommend that you get the book "Breastfeeding with Comfort and Joy" [http://breastfeedingwithcomfortandjoy.com], because the author is a Family Nurse Practitioner who has had 20 years experience with helping women to nurse -- including women whose babies have refused the breast and women with low milk supply (some even diagnosed with "insufficient glandular tissue" -- an inability to make milk -- but she was able to help even these women nurse). If any book can help you, this book can; if anyone can help and encourage you from a distance, it would be the author, Laura Keegan.

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Has she had formula in a bottle? What was her reaction? All three of my nursing babies went through nursing strikes, and did well with a bottle of BM or a mix of BM and formula. Maybe mix it half and half to see how that goes?

More than 4 months of BM only is pretty good. I wouldn't fret too much. Pump to make your breast comfy, mix it with formula, don't beat yourself up, you done good! It's different for all of us, and different for every baby as well.

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I'm amazed that all of you answers so far have been telling you to quit. Why do you need to quit BFing? I know it's hard, but so what. If it absolutely comes down to it, supplement with formula. But don't stop pumping and trying to nurse. When your milk totally dries up, then it time to quit. Until then, do an internet search (or search this website) for ways to increase your milk supply.

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I am a huge fan of breastfeeding. I breastfed number one until 14 months and number two until 18 months. Up until 6 months I only nursed, no bottles and no formula. Even after starting solids I never used a bottle. So, that being said I always promote breastfeeding and are very proud and supportive of those that do, BUT if it is really stressing you out, then it is time to stop. Breast is best, but happy mommy is even better. Keep trying if you want to, but most of all take care of yourself.

Good luck :-)

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You do not have to explain anything. Always follow your mommy heart and brain.

I had to go back to work at 6 weeks.. I pumped for as long as I could, but I went on a business trip for 2 weeks out of town.. Our daughter was on formula way earlier than I expected, but she is very healthy a National Merit Scholar, taller and smarter than me. We are very close emotionally. so I would say she did great. Your child will be fine, whatever your decision. You just be and do what you have to to stay happy and healthy.

1 mom found this helpful

I am just recovering from shingles myself, so I do sympathize! (BTW, many pregnant women are given Famvir or Aclyclovir, so being on an antiviral, should NOT be sufficient reason to not nurse!)
1st off, drink more fliuds! Esp. plain water, but also soups, broths, juices, etc. Make it a habit of having a glass of water, every time you sit down to nurse. Avoid stuff that tends to dehydrate, like beverages containing alcohol or caffeine. Some herbs that increase milk supply are: hops, fenugreek, blessed thistle, borage, & anise. Also, it is important to be able to relax, to let down your milk, so the relaxing herbs such as peppermint, spearmint, lemon balm, chamomile, valerian, or St John's wort may help too. Traditional medicinals make a "Mother's Milk" tea that's pretty good too. It has some of the herbs that I mentioned, & some different ones in it.
Even with minimal milk supply, babies get SO MUCH more from nursing than just nutrition... comfort, security, antibodies, to mane a few. So, even when she is big enough to meet her nutritinal needs from table food, there is still benefit to be gained from breastfeeding. When to call it quits? Whenever it is mutually beneficial or desireable to sever that part of your relationship.
BTW, I nursed my 7 kids, 3 yrs each, over a 14 yr time span. (Does that make me a "nursing nazi"?) During those 14 yrs, there was one week I had to be away & couldn't breastfeed , though I was nursing a 6 mo old & a 2 1/2 yo at the time. I pumped only occassionally during that week, to relieve engorgement. Breastfeeding resumed as usual, as soon as I returned home.
Also during those 14 yrs, I continued to nurse through, pregnancies, (even labors!), jobs, pneumonia, appendicitis, flu, & one case of mastitis.
Babies & breasts are remarkably adaptable!

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You have been very brave, I would have given up a long time ago. It is very hard to enjoy your beautiful baby when you are so stressed. I nursed one for a yr, one for 18 mo, and the first one, I did not nurse. It came easy to me, and I loved it, but had my child lost weight or had problems, I could not have gone as long as you have. If you have been under the care of a consultant, and been drinking copious amounts of fluids and eating well, and the baby has a good latch, you should have had more milk than you do. This is a personal decision. Good luck.

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Give yourself a break and move on. You have tried really hard to make it work, but sometimes, another path is just better. It is okay to be done!! Do not give your choice a second thought!! Best of luck!

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I think you already know the answer to your question. I went through a similar situation with my son. Although my pediatrician and midwife assured me that my son wasn't starving, he never seemed to be one of those pudgy little babies you expect to see. My mother, God rest her soul, urged me to at least supplement my breastfeeding with bottle-feeding but I didn't listen to her and listened to my nurse practitioner instead. I realize now that the reason my son was fussing so was because he was never getting enough to eat, and I feel so bad that I didn't use the brains God gave me, because even my mother knew more than the "experts". My breast milk all but dried up when my son was 7 mos. old and I started him on regular formula, but it turned out I had to switch to soy-based, I think it was, because he got too gassy.

Bottom line, listen to your instincts, because they're telling you what to do. I think you should listen and start supplementing with formula. Talk to your pediatrician to see what he/she recommends. The benefits of breastfeeding wane at around 6 mos, anyway, so don't feel guilty. You've given your child the best start in life by breast feeding and now it's time to supplement or quit altogether.

The peace of mind you'll gain by knowing that your child is getting enough to eat/drink trumps dragging out the breast feeding when it no longer is sufficient.

Good luck!

The best time to stop - is when you are ready. No one can tell you when. Good luck mama. I hope you are feeling better. My mom just had shingles and she said it was very painful.

if it is frustrating you so much, that effects your supply too. you did your best, your baby will still love you. :)

Only you know when it's time to call it quits on breastfeeding. But if you are considering quiting because you feel you aren't producing enough milk, I would like to suggest you try taking fenugreek (3 capsules 3 times a day), taking blessed thistle (I don't know the dose), drinking plenty of water, getting proper nutrition and enough sleep/rest. Also, worrying about your supply will decrease your supply. Sometimes, relaxing and doing something you enjoy while pumping helps. Thinking about it, worrying about it and worrying about your baby only makes it worse.

Even if you aren't getting enough milk, you can supplement with formula. There is no rule that a baby has to get only breast milk or only formula. I know a lot of moms who give their baby formula during the day and breast milk at night and others who mix breast milk with formula.

My first born only nursed for comfort so I pumped and bottle fed. My second born nursed for hours and hours keeping me from being able to do anything but nurse so I both nursed and pumped (so I could have more time with my first born and so my husband can also feed). With my first, I was so upset about him not latching well that I worried and felt like a failure. People (including lactation consultants) kept telling me to think about my baby while I pumped but that just reminded me that he wouldn't latch and I felt inadequate. Eventually, I decided to watch funny sitcoms on TV or read while I pumped and suddenly, the milk began to flow, and flow and flow and didn't stop until he was almost two. I had so much mommy milk, I began using it in homemade baby food, mixing it with baby cereal and eventually putting it in his sippy cup because he had grown too old for a bottle. Now my youngest is 21 months and as long as I get enough to eat and enough rest, I still have enough mommy milk for him.

I also want to add that I had a lot of complications from the birth of my second born. It was painful and stressful so my milk supply took a tremendous dip a few weeks after he was born. My doctor prescribed me Reglan which helped but I found the side effects too hard to live with so I began the fenugreek supplements, forced myself to eat and had my family help with my other child so I could get back to nursing. I also had to pump and dump because of a CT scan that I had due to my very complicated c-section. I also had infections and further problems (I won't bore you or scare you with the details of my horrible experience). So I know what you are going thru having a medical problem while breastfeeding. But I'm glad I pushed thru it all.

But again, only you can decide. But if you still want to keep giving your baby breast milk, I encourage you to try other ways to increase your milk production. Lactating seems to require both your mind and your body. If one or the other doesn't want to do it, or isn't getting enough support via nutrition, rest, emotional support, encouragement, confidence,etc- it just won't go well. Try telling yourself that you ARE breastfeeding instead of saying that you are TRYING to breastfeed. It requires 100% commitment. And you CAN do it. But if you choose not to do it any more, please remember, no matter what you decide, your baby will continue to grow and will continue to be loved and well taken care of by you. Good luck.