When Does the Jealousy End??

When my 4 1/2 year old gets like this, I get down to his level or pull him on my lap and talk to him. I start out by saying, "It's really hard to have a little brother and have to share all the attention, isn't it?" And he gets that sad look in his eyes and nods and says, "Mmmhhhmmm." And then I hug him and tell him how special he is and how much he means to me and some of the fun things that he can do that his brother can't.

He proabably does feel like he's not getting enough attention. And it's really hard because parenting is exhausting, and we often feel like we have nothing left to give!

I've found that if I acknowlege my son's feelings and help him see all the attention he does get and all the great things we get to do together, his behavior changes. He even begins to appreciate his brother again.

Maybe he just needs to feel that you understand what it's like for him and needs to be reminded of how precious he is to you.

my 4.5 yr old is like this with my 8.5 month old and it drives me bonkers. he wants to be in the vrib, in the pack n play, he is in his face all the time and i will be interested in seeing what some good advice these moms give. lol hang in there, i am right there with you.

It doesn't really let up, but you can learn to ignore it. If it's not bothering the baby, don't let it bother you. Intervene only when there's a real problem. I think that younger siblings just don't have the "space" issues that older siblings do because they are so used to being crowded (at least, that's the case in our house). Instead of thinking of it as competition, think of it as the beginning of playing together. Yes, there will be times when you have to get involved to stop the bickering. But surprisingly there will also be times when they're screaming at each other but will work it out on their own.

As for the equal times tickling and such, my daughter still does this. But she's almost six and is 60 lbs! I just tell her that I'm sorry, she's too big. I remind her that she got lots of tickling time when she was little like her brother. Is it equal? No. Is it fair? Probably. He just has to learn that sometimes his brother "gets something" that he doesn't get. He'll be okay.

Good luck. Siblings are awesome when they're playing together. Fighting, not so much.

Hi J.,

I'm not sure it ever really lets up. Not to discourage you but it is a valid human emotion that most of us have. We, as adults, are just able to choose who we are around all the time. Kids, especially siblings, are stuck with each other almost 24/7. When your son gets to the age that his thinking is not so concrete but more abstract, you can talk to him and explain his behavior to him. My girls are 15 and 18 and just now beginning to show signs of appreciation for the other one. They have always loved each other, played together well, but they are so different that each appreciates the other one's (the grass is always greener...) attributes more. Now that they have come into their own, and their friends, not just their parents, appreciate their differences, all is better.

Be encouraged!

M.

No advice from me, just wanted to let you know I'm in the same exact boat: one and three year old doing the exact same thing. I look forward to reading other's advice.

Some siblings never get along no matter how old they get.
There are books on sibling rivalry and how to reduce it.
They works for some, not for others.
Your 3 yr old is really still a baby himself and he's been replaced as the youngest. He's jealous and doesn't know how to deal with those feelings.
My son is an only child and he was so jealous of my attention he didn't even want to share me with Daddy. Your older son really is very insecure and he doesn't want to share you, but he's got no choice about it. Have Daddy spend as much time with the older child as much as possible. Now's the time for Dad to take big brother to see fire trucks while you are at home with the baby.
When other family members are around, do they notice your older child at all or do they go straight to the young one and start cooing over the baby - that feeds into it, too. Always tell them what a great helper older brother is and let him tell news about the baby.
He's dealing with the terrible 3's (which can be rough even without a sibling). It might get better in a year or two as he starts with preschool/school. Hang in there.

Jealousy and siblings go together like mashed taters and gravy. It will get easier as they get older. Big brother will want time away from little brother, the tables will turn. I have a 10 and 7 year old and baby brother will not leave big brother alone, much to his dismay. I tell him it is because he is so "cool." This is a stage. As he gets older be sure to foster interests separate from each other. For now, give big brother activities that do not include little brother. Play Doh, painting, and the like. Tell him it is because he is older and receives more privileges. Preach the awesome status of the "Big Brother." You cannot do more than that. Boys are possesive creatures. Good luck to you. I feel your pain.

LOL. It never ends. My sister is 47 and I'm 40. She'll admit she's always been jealous of me as a kid and still does get jealous now. She always has and still always does want to get more attention and can't stand it if the spotlight isn't on her. When I had my first child 6 yrs. ago, we finally got closer.

I have two sons - 2 1/2 and almost 5. I went through exactly what you are going through. All I can say is that when the younger one turned 2, things seemed to change quite a bit. I'm not sure why - maybe because he was old enough to start communicating? Now, they are good play buddies (they still fight sometimes, though - don't get me wrong). Anyway, hang in there, I think what you are describing will get better as your youngest gets older.