When Do You Start Letting Them Cry It Out?

NEVER!!!!
You have hit on a loaded question thats for sure!!! Just cause a baby can go without food for 12 hours doesn't mean they should, and there are many factors as to why a baby wakes. I would hate to sit in my room upset and lonely and afraid and nobody come to me, at least as an adult if I am hungry I can get up and get myself something to eat, a baby doesn't have that luxurary he relies on the only person in the world he can count on.
Another parent offered a good book on getting your baby to sleep with having to let them CIO, take a look at that. If getting a baby to sleep through the night was supposed to be easy they would of been born into the world with the tools to do it. We are the only country in the world that seems to think it is Ok to laet a baby CIO, I just don't get it?!

Never!!!
My personal opinion is that no baby, especially under 12 months old, should be left to cry it out. Babies cry because that is the only way that they can communicate. Also, self soothing is something that is a developmental milestone-not something that can be trained. Moms who do the cry it out method usually are happy to say that it works but it is only because the baby "learns" that his cries will be ignored and so he eventually stops. How sad is that!
Here is a good link outlining the dangers of the cry it out method: http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html

Before wasting money on Babywise check out this link first:
http://www.ezzo.info/
The website goes into many of the problems that can result from strictly following the stuff in this book.

I would give "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. She offers gentle sleep training solutions.

If this is something that you decide to do anyway, I would at least make sure that there are no physical reasons why he is waking (teething, pain, etc.)

Lastly I just want to say that it is hard to be a sleep deprived mama. I was one for a solid year. What I always told myself though was "This Too Shall Pass. They are only little babies for such a short time."

I don't have any new advice, but just wanted to put in another vote to ask you to please consider NOT letting your baby cry it out. And get the No Cry Sleep Solution, that will help you far more.

I think you need to also consider your stress levels and I know for me, when my baby cries, I HAVE TO go to her and I MUST help her. W/ the state that you're in right now and the stress that you're living with, do you really want the added stress of having to listen to your baby cry for even a few minutes and feel like you can't go to them and comfort them? I think this would be an amazing opportunity for you two to bond even more. We are made to comfort our babies, that's why we react so strongly to their cries. By going against how you are hard-wired, you may cause yourself more stress that you don't need right now.

I don't believe in crying it out. I think it is cruel and unusual punishment. Think of it this way:
"He awakes in a mindless terror of silence, motionlessness. He screams. He is afire from head to foot with want, with desire, with intolerable impatience. He grasps for breath and screams until his head is filled and throbbing with the sound. He screams until his chest aches, and his throat is sore. He can bear the pain no more and his sobs weaken and subside. Nothing helps. It is unbearable. He begins to cry again but it is too much for his steained throat; soon he stops. He waves his hands and kicks his feet. He stops , able to suffer, unable to think, unable to hope. He listens. Then he falls asleep again."
-The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff

I think there is a reason that CIO feels so bad for the parents. Why the parents often cry too. You should tend to your baby when he calls. He has no other voice, and doesn't understand why you don't come.

If he has a runny nose then maybe he doesn't feel good, or maybe his sunuses get plugged when he is laying down, and they hurt. Try having him sleep in his swing while his nose is running, and after that tackle the sleep. Maybe he is teething and is uncomfortable or in pain. That could be the casue of his runny nose.

I say get some teething tablets, and "No cry sleep solution" and get it done. True CIO is fast, but it can be undone with a simple cold, or a change in routine and then you have to start all over again. "No cry sleep solution will take time (as in weeks), but it is permanent, and you son won't feel lonly and abandoned in the process.

At 6 months. My pediatrician said a six month old should be able to go for 12 hours between dinner and breakfast and that any waking up for feeding is either out of habit or because the mom is not feeding it enough during the day time.

He also taught me that key to the crying it out thing is to not be rocking baby to sleep because the purpose of "crying it out" is to teach the baby to put himself to sleep which can't happen if mom or anyone is anywhere near. I know it is more fun to rock a baby to sleep but that has to stop and not just at night time. At nap times too. The reason is that it is normal for all humans to wake up in the middle of the night--we do it all of the time but we have learned how to put ourselves back to sleep quickly so we don't even realize we wake up most of the time. A baby needs to know how to put himself to sleep in order to do this in the middle of the night without waking up everyone else and so that he can get a full night's sleep himself. Putting a kid to bed with a bottle is detrimental to this too because then when the kid wakes up in the middle of the night he won't be able to put himself back to sleep without the bottle again. And it's not something that can continue the rest of his or your life.

So...you do your bed time routine (but do not include a bottle or a breastfeeding). Make it loving and happy and calm. Then put him to bed and leave him be. If he cries you leave him alone. I know many moms think that going in to soothe the crying baby is being loving but it isn't. It just confuses the baby and makes him cry even harder and harder. You just stick it out even though your heart is sad to hear it. When my oldest was 6 months (and me pediatrician had to scold/teach me this) she cried for 30-45 minutes the first night. The second night she cried less and the third less and then she was done. 3 nights! And the great thing is that they never remembered in the morning. They loved me just the same! AND she started sleeping through the entire night. It was great!

Once your baby is completely capable of going to sleep quickly and on his own and sleeping through the night then you can trust that if he's suddenly awake and crying in the night that he really does need you. And by the way, night terrors do not occur until around 2 years. Not at 6 months or 12 months.

So, yes, do it! 6 months old and jump right in. It's faster and easier and healthier for everyone in the long run.

And anyone who tells you that you are depriving your baby of love and needed attention or not helping your baby attach to you by doing the cry it out method is joking. Truth is, after you get more than one child you can't be waking up multiple times a night and you can't respond to every little whimper all night and all day. It isn't tough love, its reality. A child doesn't learn that he is loved by having mom instantly by his side the second he opens his mouth for the first year of his life. He learns it from consistent love, respect and care over a lifetime.

Hi S.,

I read both of your questions and will reply to both here with my two-cents.

You are not alone in being a single mom. I remember the day that I was in your shoes. My daughter in my arms and I didn't know what to do, who to tell, my mind just racing and then coming up empty too. Your son knows that you are hurting right now too. Right now when you would just like to curl up in a ball and hide, you've got a baby that is more fussy and restless to take care of.
I don't think I would employ the "cry it out" for him right now. You are going to have to calm yourself down and get your bearings first. Your son is responding you your tension and sadness with his own. I think that you will find that he will resume his normal behavior as you get used to your new situation that you are in. Think about your support system. Don't keep this a secret.

I felt shameful and like a failure and worthless and didn't want to advertise those facts. I thought, why am I not able to make my relationship work, other people are able to what's wrong with me? But those things really aren't so true. I am a mom and I have a beautiful daughter and I work hard every single day to make her life comfortable. Her father left and doesn't care to be a part of her life. That doesn't make me any less great. I have the greatest blessing in my life that I could have ever hoped for.

Reach out to your support system. If you need to have a good cry, let someone take your son for a few hours or a night. You will need to grieve and built your strength. Do let your son witness your grief. He doesn't understand what is going on and doesn’t have any way to tell you that other than to cry. He is scare because his mommy isn't alright. And if mommy isn't alright who is going to make sure that I'm alright.

You will make it through this and come out strong. There are quite a few of us strong single moms now days and we make it. Our children are happy and smart.

I wish you the best.
TRUDI

One more voice saying "Never let a baby cry it out." I've never understood this method or those who use it. I believe you can train a child to sleep on his own, but I think it is better done when they are toddlers, at least 2 yrs. old. If you want to try something better, get the "No Cry Sleep Solution" as suggested.

It could be teeth, growth spurt or just a different sleep pattern. My kids never really had issue with needing me to have them cry it out. They both were pretty good about just sleeping at nap and night time, but if they cried I went to them until they were close to a year old. You know the difference between a fuss and a solid cry. If he is crying he needs something, if he is fussing give him a few minutes and then go in.

Basically after that they just got to sleep by themselves and stayed that way. I would check on your son if he is only 6 mos, comfort him, but do not take him in your room, bed or anything else. He could be hungry, both of my kids got up to eat until they were at least 10 or so months. Growth spurts come and go quickly and he needs to eat maybe. Also, just comforting him, changing his diaper, feeding him and putting him back into his crib while still awake helps a lot. Put a music box on and don't turn up any big lights on when you check on him. He is young and if it is teething try teething tablets or tylenol to comfort him. Teething typically hurts worse during sleep.

Make sure he isn't overly tired when you lay him down at night, lay him down when he is awake, make sure he hasn't napped too much during the day, feed him at night if he needs too, change him if he needs it and he will figure it out and stay asleep all night in a few months I am betting.

I have a 3 month old. I let him cry it out now. I do not let him cry longer than 20 minutes. If he goes longer than that, which rarely ever happens, then I go and cuddle him for a few min. and then I put him back down. He has always fallen asleep. When he wakes up, he is all smiles so I know he doesn't have hurt feelings LOL. It is not easy to do, but it is important. If you respond to him every time he cries, he will learn very fast that when he cries, mom or dad will be there to pick him up and he will use it get you there.

Also, if he has a runny nose, it is that time of year that allergies are here. He might have allergies. They say that they can't diagnose allergies before age 2...at least that is what I have heard, but I don't believe that. I have allergies, and now my son is starting to show the same symptoms that I and my husband have. So I would consider allergies a possibility.

You can start now but you might want to get a book on crying it out. Because when you start can't stop and you want to do it right so it only takes a few nights to a week to get him to not cry. One of the rules is when you let them cry it out to sleep you can't them go get him if he cries in the middle of the night. Or it just defeats the whole purpose and he with keep crying every night you put him down. So if you still like to feed him at night you might not be ready to let him cry it out. I started my daughter when she was about 6 months because i knew she didn't need to eat at night so i think it depends on the child and mom.

I started at three months. I followed the Babywise method. Get the book and it will answer all of your questions.

Also, in terms of feedings in the middle of the night, I just employed the same process after feedings in the middle of the night as at the beginning of the night.

Hi S.
My dd has been sleeping in her crib since she was 6 weeks old. She would fall asleep while having her bottle and we would move her in there. If she woke up through the night we would feed her and change her diaper and the trick is be quiet and not too stimulate them. Then back in the crib again. About 9 months old is when we started to work with her going down on her own in the crib. If she was crying and not down in 5 minutes then we would go into her and rub her back and let her know everything is ok. and as time goes we would extend the time before we went in to them. My dd is now going on 2 and when she cries at night we still get up with her because she gets chronic ear infections.. I hope this helps and gl

This is a very controversial subject. I don't believe in letting them cry it out. I think under 12 months is to young to let them cry it out. In my opinion, if a mom is letting a 3 month old CIO it is just lazy and selfish. Putting your need for sleep before your babies needs. As you stated, he has a runny nose and is waking up. I'm sure this has everything to do with him waking right now. He can not clean his own nose right now, so he is calling you for help. He needs you when he is teething, has an ear infection, or is sick. All things that would make him wake at night. I read your other post, and he too could be missing his dad.

If his nose is running, he is probably teething. You can prop his mattress up at a slight angle so he is not flat. Use the syringe bulb to clear his nose. If he gets a fever, it is most likely an ear infection.

Hi S.!
I have a little boy the same age as yours. We went through the same thing! Our pediatrician told us that by teaching them to go to sleep on their own they will be better sleepers later on. We started about 3 weeks ago, and it wasn't as horrible as I was anticipating. One thing we learned is that even at naptime wake them up a little so that they know they are being put to bed in their crib. Just so they open their eyes a little, our dr said it startles them to wake up in a new place. We let him cry for 5 minutes, would go in and pat his back for 1 minute, and repeated this cycle until he was asleep. The longest night was less than 20 minutes, thankfully! It's hard, but turn the sound down on the monitor and do something, it goes quickly. I still get up with him once during the night. He has a fast metabolism, so I feed him at 3. He doesn't get fed earlier than that. Of course if he needs changed, is cold, etc. we take care of it. That took about 2 nights for him to get used to, and the longest was 15 minutes. Whatever you do don't revert to your old ways. We slipped up for a few days and it took a lot longer to get him back into the rhythm of going to bed and going to sleep. I set a date that I would start and began a bedtime ritual about a week prior, this way there is a routine established and they can anticipate bedtime. I hope this helps! It's really hard, but now he sleeps great- even at naptime!
Best wishes! K.

At about 8 months I discovered that if I put my son in his Fisher Price rocker/recliner and strapped him in, he got bored because he couldn't get up, and he fell asleep. That angle might be good for your son's runny nose also.

He cries for a minute or two, and if it goes for longer than 10 minutes I usually go get him.