When Do You Make Your Children Sleep in Their Own Bed?

You've gotten two great answers (I love Rebecca's story!). I recommend also reading, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," if you can find time (kinda hard with little ones around!). It will reinforce your willpower in getting them to learn to sleep on their own.

Sharing a bedroom and possibly a bed is a great idea. IKEA in Frisco has some great, inexpensive beds that are ideal for your daughters. They have smaller than normal beds, and they also have an assortment of twin size, bunk (not that you want to put either child in a bunk yet), and I think twin with trundle.

My five year old and 2 year old share a bedroom, and this helps a lot! Still, my five year old likes to get in bed with us, and my two year old cries to get into big sister's bed....and big sister sometimes sneaks into the little one's crib. So we don't have it down perfectly, ourselves! :) My next move, when it's time to get L out of her crib, is to either put rails up on either side of Z's double bed, or put the girls in the 3rd bedroom that has a daybed with trundle (which can stay low to the ground).

Bottom line: you have to get a little tougher! It was and is hard for me, too. But everyone will get a better night's sleep once you train them to sleep in their own bed(s). Maybe start by weaning...stay in their room until they fall asleep; then gradually slip out earlier and earlier. We have a nighttime ritual of saying prayers with the girls on Z's bed, then we put L in her crib. Sometimes they scream and cry, but most of the time I can make myself shut the door and walk out. Kids are great manipulators! Bless their hearts. I think mine would stay in my tummy forever if they could. :) (And it looks like they have, but that's another story....)

S.

1 mom found this helpful

You might find some useful tips in the book "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West. Also, since they are used to having other bodies in the bed with them, are you trying to move them to separate rooms or to another room together? I would put them in the same room, even in a double bed together.
Also, you might start by at least putting them to bed in their own bed, and you can lie there until they fall asleep. They may get up in the middle of the night to run to your room, but it's a start. Maybe take the change 2 weeks at a time, and you can't give in. Yes, they will cry some, but they can't be in your bed forever, and if your husband isn't sharing a bed with you, things have to change. No matter how far you get, giving in just once will get you back to the beginning.

I don't know if this works but I read in a magazine that a lady created a "Sleep Fairy" .... If the girls sleep in their beds you put a little something under their pillows for them to find in the morning. Never know - might work??

Hi! My name is R. and I have a 4 1/2 year old girl who sleeps in her crib since she turned 6 months. Now I have a little boy who just turn 6 months a couple weeks ago and we started making him sleep in his own crib.
My daughter never had a problem sleeping alone and it just took a couple of days to get used to it. My son is having a problem sleping alone and he cries at nights. It has been a little difficult for me to deal with this, because it never happened with my daughter but now, my husband and I agreed to put our son in his crib and we realized that before 45 minutes passed he will stop crying and go to sleep. I friend who has twins told us that 45 minutes is the limit for a child to go crying. So, even if this is difficult for you, you should try a few days and see what happen. Let me know if it worked.
I don't know for how long you should try but they need to realized that everyone needs their own space and that you are the one who stablish the rules. God Bless you

I don't know if this will help or not, as my children have only slept in our bed during an occassional thunderstorm, illness, or bad dream. My girls are 3 1/4 years, and 22 months old. My older daughter has been having lots of sleep issues lately-- nightmares, night terrors, sleep walking, refusing to go to bed, etc. We decided to move our girls into the same bedroom. Both girls LOVE it! My older daughter has no problem going to bed now-- well, at least going to the bedroom, they end up playing quite a lot! She occassionally cries in her sleep, but settles back down. Night time has been amazingly transformed at our house! Perhaps if you put them together into another room, that would make the transition easier-- even the same bed perhaps? It had never occurred to me that my girls would share a room-- that seems so silly now! I hope you find some advice that is helpful to you-- I don't mean to be pushy/pry, but I think it would be better for your marraige and your family as a whole if you and your husband were reunited.
Good luck!
A.

It will get worse before it gets better. They will scream and throw a fit as long as they think that it will changet their circumstance. If you put them in their own beds and they cry until you put them in your bed, they have won. Once they figure out that crying and carrying on will not get them into your bed they will stop. Good Luck!

You should have done it a long time ago, but it's not to late to start now. A friend of mine did this, so I had her bad experience to help me not to make the same mistake. Don't get me wrong...I sometimes wake up to find my son in our bed some mornings.

:)

We went through the same thing and just had to get tough. Now, our daughter (4) is getting up during the night again and we just walk her back to her room. I did just find on the Chuck E. Cheese website a 2 week reward chart that we are going to try. Each day your child sleeps through the night in their own room, they get to mark off that day. When they have completed the 2 weeks, they can take the chart into Chuck E. Cheese to redeem it for free tokens. Our daughter loves Chuck E. Cheese and we rarely go there so we are going to give it a try. Good luck to you!

Sorry you're having to deal with that. The sooner you get them in their own beds, the better. I had a friend whose son was 7 and still sleeping with them. Terrible habit to start and a hard one to break, especially the older they get.

My suggestion would be making a HUGE deal out of their bedroom, buy them matching beds, matching sheets, etc etc... if you can afford it. Have them each pick out a special nightlight and maybe flashlights if they want to see each other during the night (so they don't feel so alone). Since they've been in your room so long, it will probably take a while to break the habit. Maybe you will need to sleep with THEM to ease the transition. Make a fun calendar marking the 'Big Day' when they get to sleep all by themselves. Then one big reward (say Chuck E Cheese trip) they have to look forward to. Then the next night if they throw a fit, try the supernanny technique I've adapted that works wonders. Don't say a word to them when they get up. Walk them back to bed, tuck them back in and don't say a word. The theory is they will learn in time that getting up is not doing them any good. They will soon stop because they will think 'what's the point, mom or dad is just going to put me back, I might as well stay here!" They will probably scream their little heads off, but as long as their not dying (and you will see that when you tuck them back in), they WILL be fine. It will probably hurt you and dad more than them. And one thing to remember, it will probably stink for a week, but then it will be over and you can enjoy time with your hubby again!!

I SOOOOO know what you are going through! I have a daughter who just turned 4 and a 5 month old son. My daughter has since birth slept in our room. When she was born I tried to put her in a bassinet but she would SCREAM! She wouldn't stop. So she always ended up in our bed by the end of the night. So anyways, it has gotten a little crowded the past few years and now that we just had our son we decided we have to get her back in her own bed. So slowly we just started putting her in her room and telling her night night and we would let her watch a movie and fall asleep to it. Now we are slowly weining that out and just telling her its time to go to bed. There are still a few nights a week that she is wanting to come to our bed in the middle of the night but we just have to take her back to her room and typically she wants a drink or something. I just make sure she goes back. And then if in the morning she has slept all night in her bed...we make a huge deal on how she is a big girl in her own bed. She is really proud of herself.

My son is sleeping in our room in his playpen/bassinet and does so much better then our daughter did. We have our house up for sale because this house is working for us right now-one of the reasons being that the vent in my sons room blows right on his crib and so it's always too hot or too cold where he would be. Can't move the crib because the only other option is by a window and I don't want to do that. Otherwise, my son would already be in his own room sleeping in his crib.

Good luck and I hope this helps!

L. -
I read through the responses and you have gotten some great advice and some not so great advice. I have a 3 1/2 year old that we are currently breaking the habit of sleeping in our bed. It hasn't ruined our marriage having him in our bed nor is he any worse off. I have tried for the last 3 1/2 years to get him into his own bed and it just was never the right timing and I tried everything that to me never felt right as a mom and I finally had enough of people (including some close friends) making me feel guilty and like I was a horrible mom for not just letting my child "cry it out" or being mean enough. But to me that was never what felt right and I wasn't going to put my child through that.
Now my son is 3 1/2 years old and we are expecting our second child and we bought him a Queen size bed and let him help decorate his new room (we moved all the baby stuff out now so not to automatically move it into the baby's room). He loved it and on nights when he gets scared and comes into our room or nights he wakes screaming with nightmares, I just simply take him back to his bed and lay down and comfort him and he is happily asleep again in minutes and I am back in my room with my husband.
I think some people forget that there are circumstances that will have a child in bed and to be honest, I preferred to have him there and enjoyed having him in a family bed. Now when it's your choice or the child's choice to move, it doesn't have to be a horrible experience. Make it your own. I know having a bed big enough for me to come and lay down with him or my husband to come lay down really has helped and he is so excited every morning when he comes flying into our room to tell us he slept all night like a big boy! :) Good luck with it!!

Looks like you have a lot of great advice, but I wanted to share my story. Our son slept with us until just before our daughter was born (they are 2 1/2 years apart). I thought he would never sleep in his own bed. Anyway, we started with a mattress (bunch of blankets) on the floor at the foot of the bed. The first few nights he climbed back into our bed at some point, but by the end of the week he would sleep all night at the foot of the bed. Then we moved the mattress across the room (not too far away as we have a small room). That worked well so at the end of a week we moved the mat to his room. Still pretty good. Once or twice we found him on the floor in our room, but within the week he was ready to be off the floor and in his own bed.

I believe that since you have two, it should be easier as they can keep each other company. Good luck to you and the sooner you can get them into their own bed/beds the better. You and your husband need to be in the same bed.

Have you tried making the girls sleep together in a bed without you? That is the approach I would take and it will be hard at first-probably lots of tears and multiple trips back to bed, back to bed, back to bed. Just remain firm and consistent and if you can stick it out for a couple of days it will be worth it in the end. You and your husband deserve and so do your girls. They will be better for it in the end.
It is hard but not impossible if you stick with it.
With our oldest she was 2 1/2 and we had found out we were pregnant with #2 so we decided that she really needed to start sleeping in her own bed. The first night she was literally up all night until about 4 in the morning she cried and I cried and my husband just kept reassuring us both and he would NOT let me go into her room(right next door). He kept telling me "she will be okay-it's only for the night." We had a gate up at her door so that she couldn't get out. The next morning I stepped out of our door to find her pajamas, her pillow and her diaper in the hallway so I climbed over the gate and found her sleeping butt naked in her bed. The second night there were only a few tears shed and then she was off to sleep-the rest is history. I hope this helps-good luck and stick with it.

You should always preserve your relationship with your husband first. The girls won't like it, but they will survive it. The longer you wait the harder it will be. Check out some of the books that others have suggested. Your husband deserves to sleep with his wonderful wife.

L.,

This is probably not what you wanted to hear, but you are in trouble. My husband and I have a son and we put him in his own room and crib at 3months. His mom said if we didn't do it right off the bat we'd regret it. So, no problem at 2 years for him to go right to bed at 7:30PM. I do, however, have a friend that kept letting her son sleep with her and her husband and now he's 8 and still won't sleep elsewhere. You have to break the cycle with something drastic or you'll regret it and your marriage will suffer. Just do it. Put them in a room together so they aren't alone and let them cry it out. Go in and check on them, etc every 20 min or so, but don't pick them up or anything. It may take two nights of no sleep, it may take a month, but they'll get over it. You also may want to find a book or two and/or a video about "growing up" and sleeping in a "big boy/girl" bed, etc...something to show them what their peers are doing. Hope that helps a bit!

This is a topic close to my heart. While I dont think there is anything wrong with your child sleeping in your bed I do think that if you or your husband can't sleep becuase of that then there is a problem. Here are a few tips:
1) Kids should know your bed is not their bed, you are only letting them have a "sleepover" also you could also have the sleepover in their bed, when they fall asleep you can go back to your room.
2) You can also let them stay with you but once they are asleep you should carry them to their own bed.
3) You can tell them they can sleep in your room but not in your bed, put a mattress at the foot of your bed have them sleep there until they a a bit older.
4) Always have the bedtime rituals in their rooms, read them their bedtime book, bedtime stories, prayers, etc. These routines help them relax and get into bedtime mode in the comfort of their own room. Over time especially if you do sugg#2 they should wake up in their rooms and be fine.

By the way if they asked how they got there, just make it funny and distract them if they are upset about it until they get used to it.

Trust me it does get better! Eventually they get bigger and you sometimes miss those days! = )

L.
I was just on foxnews.com and saw a video clip that made me think of your posting from several days ago.
The clip it entitled "Bedtime Battlefield." If the link below does not work, you can try to find it on the website by clicking on their video section on the right. Then, click on "U.S." under the "News" tab. Hope you find it helpful. Here's the link that hopefully works????

http://www.foxnews.com/video2/player06.html?022707/022707...