When a Child Is in the Naughty Chair/time Out?

You can't know what another thinks, actions are all that matter. Talking about another's thoughts is like talking about the puple elephant in the room.

I doubt telling kids to think about their actions does anything.

The only way I know they've been truly thinking about it, is the smoke coming from their ears.

You don't. But it does give both of us time to calm down.

Are you writing a paper?

You don't just sit a child down in a time out and say, "Think about what you've done." It's a matter of explaining briefly to the child, "You're in time out because you hit your sister. That hurt her, and it was wrong. You can think about why it was wrong while you're in time out. Do not get up from that spot until the timer goes off. Do you understand?"

Then when you come back to get the child out of the spot, you ask them if they understand why they were in time out. They should be able to explain exactly why they were there. "Good, now it's time to apologize to Mommy for breaking the rules and to Sister for hitting her." Then hugs and praise for the apology.

EDIT: We use the time outs for cooling off. Not punishment. We use a lot of natural consequences and positive reinforcement in this house. But we also find it imperative to teach manners, and apologies are paramount with manners. This is how you teach empathy.

Why are you asking basically the same question twice in one day?

Refer to the answers you got on your first question 5 hours ago. Good luck.

okay, I want to know what event led you to posting these 2 questions!

I never, ever say that (stupid) phrase. To me, it's the same as saying "or I'll give you something to cry about".

Sorry - that's just how I feel. :).....kids don't get it, so it's a waste of time.

Instead I say, "when you can stop crying, we will talk about what just happened". & I stand firm on that....all crying has to stop & the child has to be calm before we move on. A few rounds of this & the child learns to end the drama pretty quickly. :)

Used it with my own kids, & use it still with my daycare. It works. The teaching moment comes when the child is calm & able to grasp the concept I'm trying to teach or the social skill I'm trying to reinforce.

I don't tell DD to think about it every time. I tell her that this is a consequence for x behavior. She's at a point where she doesn't always get time out. Sometimes things like taking the thing she was misusing is more effective. I tell DD that I appreciate her "sorry" but that I also want her to change her behavior so she isn't in time out in the first place. We talk about what she could do differently and I try to catch her doing the right thing and make a big deal of it. So is she picking her toes or really thinking? Probably picking her toes. But I don't expect a lot of introspection at 2,3,4 yrs old.

When I place my daughter in time out I try to as calmly as possible walk her over, sit here in time out and tell her not to move or talk until I come and get her. She is very smart and damn well knows why I put her in time out and she will sit there until I come to get her but she often disregards the fact that I have told her to zip it. She will ask me over and over again why she is there or she will say wait for the beep (the timer to go off) and then when her 2-3 mins is up I will go over to her and ask her why she was in time out and EVERYTIME she tells me exactly what she did wrong. I then explain to her why her actions/words were wrong and why we dont do that and then she says sorry - we give big hugs and kisses and she is on her way playing again. Im sure, especially at her age (2 1/2) that she isnt sitting there thinking about what she did wrong but she does ALWAYS get it when I ask her so I know she knows better

The whole time out scenario is the same to me as saying "Pretend I'm disciplining you right now." while the child just sits and waits (or tantrums and waits) to get out and act the same way all over again.

most kids won't think about the action lol. but they will think about the fact that they hate sitting in time out.

You can never know for sure what anyone else is thinking. I seriously doubt a small child is thinking about THEIR actions; they are thinking about YOUR action of putting them in time out and how mean they think you are and how long they're going to have to stay there.

Well, I don't say that, nor have I ever heard a parent say that while putting a child on timeout. I tell him "You've had your warning, go get on time out."

It doesn't matter IF the child is thinking about their actions while they sit there (although it's helpful to everyone involved if they do). The issue is that they are taking out of their (poorly) chosen activity, and general socialization for a set amount of time.

I can tell my son has been thinking about his actions, I guess, because when I come to take him off of timeout he says "You put me on timeout because I ___________. That's disrespectful/not nice/mean/bratty whatever. I'm sorry, Mommy." I guess he thought about it enough to articulate what it was he did that was wrong.

Not sure the age of the child. Isn't the idea behind time out as a disciplinary measure to remove a child from a situation and let them cool down a bit to move into another mode and more acceptable activity? That's what I've typically read when researching discipline info. I'm not sure you're going to get much deep thought from the child about his/her actions until they're pretty good size (like elementary school). You'd be better off to have a brief discussion after the time out. For a young child, I can almost guarantee they aren't thinking about their actions. They might be thinking they're put upon, how unfair and mean you are, how the chair is hard, that they like the color of the wall, that they wonder what's for dinner, how they think their bday party will be fun or any number of things, but probably little to do with their actual actions.

Great question!

When I tell my son to take a break, I give him the job: "When the timer goes ding, I want you to tell me two thing you can do (instead of....) (the next time X happens...)"

Then, when he gets up, I ask him what those two ideas are. We usually write them down on a piece of paper and put them on the fridge. (example: "The next time Kiddo wants to chase the cat, he can sit quietly until kitty comes over or ask mom to play chase with him").

I have to say, too, that telling a child "I need you to take a break and think of two things you can do..." feels far more helpful for both of us than just making him sit and then telling me what he did wrong when he's done. Asking the child for their help in solving the problem invites them to think more constructively about what happened instead of being mad because they got stuck in time out.

ETA: I do agree with Amy J that if there's no constructive thought, it may be that the behavior will happen again. I do not use this time-out for rudeness (you can go to your room) or willfull disobedience... then we often lose a privilege or we have to fix whatever problem we have created. Being careless at the table and making a mess, for example-- it's 'worse' for my son to have to stop what he's doing, get rags, clean up the mess on the table and floor and put his supplies away. He'd far rather sit on a chair while I clean up-- that's not happening!

Because when you return you get down to their level and ask them, "Do you know why you're in time out?" Then, you talk about it and know that they understand and give them a consequence if they do it again. After a few trys they'll get it. I always say, "Say what you mean and mean what you say." They need consistancy over and over.