April 03, 2010,
S.K. asks from Castle Rock, CO on April 01, 2010
Whats the Difference Between 2 Kids to 3? - Castle Rock,CO
I have two beautiful children and i have the natural clock ticking away. I am soo happy where I am at right now with them getting older and more independent and I look forward to being able to do things without the stroller and diaper bag but part of me is pondering a 3rd. I know going from one to two was a huge difference between being stretched out but then ive heard once you have more than 1 you are used to the chaos and more don't really impact your life that big. My husband also has a job where he will be gone at night and on weekends so i wont have him around like i did with the first two, but i just kinda have that one lingering thought if my family is complete.
1 mom found this helpful
I.G. answers from Boise on April 02, 2010
I found the transition from 1 to 2 was easy. They were 17 months apart, and every stage was still so familiar and I remembered the "tricks" that worked from the first child to keep the second one happy and occupied. I know part of it is temperment and personality. My second is so laid back and easy. I had a 3rd 3 years after the second, and it is tough. I read that everyone else had an easy transition, but not me. I was used to sleeping through the night, and being able to get crayons out and have the kids distracted while I cleaned or folded laundry. It was a difficult transition for me, but I blame part of it on the difference in ages. I love my 3rd more than anything, but it was an exhausting transition for me.
T.W. answers from Denver on April 03, 2010
I have to say that one to two was a jump but going to three and more is huge! When I had my third, I didn't have a car that could hold two car seats and my oldest boy so I had to get an SUV. I have a three bedroom house so I had to put two in one room. My second one was still in diapers when the third was born so that cost doubled (not for long though). And the hardest part of all - my husband and I are outnumbered!!! Before he could take one I could take one, now there is one lingering if the other two are acting up or need attention. When my oldest has homework to do (in 4th grade it is a ton) I have to be able to help him and manage the two others to make sure he can concentrate. It is very difficult.
Now all that being said, there are times me and my kids all cuddle up in my bed and watch a fun show or we do a project or their little heads peak around the corner in the morning looking for me and it is undeniable, I LOVE MY LIFE! No matter what happens, no matter how hard things get these little people are the best and I am so blessed to have them.
I also want to note that my husband has long periods of time where he works day and night or has to travel for long periods. Believe it or not, sometimes it is easier, I can keep control of my schedule with the kids. My husband is not that scheduled of a person and I tend to spoil the crud out of him so our timing as a family gets a bit off when he is around at night anyways.
Last comment, I turn 40 in a few weeks and can honestly say, I would love to have a couple more kids (my husband would probably cry if he heard me say that, loves his kids but I think it is just a different thing for him, he has enough). In short, the clock has never really stopped ticking for me. I set in my brain with the last one that "this is it" "no more". I had that baby girl and the thoughts were gone. I want more! Ultimately, I have chosen not to have any more for several reasons, but it doesn't mean my clock stopped.
Just do a pros and cons list, get a real deep rooted input from your husband on it (this is real important). You will know the right thing to do.
Good luck and happy parenting.
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B.C. answers from Norfolk on April 02, 2010
About 4 more years of collage to save up for.
M.B. answers from Boise on April 02, 2010
In my case it was huge. We had to buy a bigger house because we were bursting at the seams.
If you have 2 boys or 2 girls and you get the opposite sex it will be BIG. If you have one of each and they are close together so it wouldn't be impossible to put the new one in the same room, it won't be as extreme.
I do think that adding a third is like doubling the work and stress. With two, you have two of you to each take a child. The third one usually falls to Mom until older. If you have no problems with the kids going to bed at a reasonable hour and to sleep with out a 2 hour nightmare of in and out of bed, then with Dad gone in the evening won't be such a big deal. But if you have a real hard time like those shown on Super Nanny or Nanny 911, then it will only get worse and you will be exhausted.
If you and your husband BOTH feel like you want to have one more and you can financially handle it, then do it. However if he says he would rather keep things as they are, then DON'T.
If you are 35 or younger, you could wait a while and see how it goes when they are both little independent kids. Adding another one when the kids are 5 and above is not bad. Actually they can be helpful and take a lot of stress from you. By then Dad might be home nights and weekends again.
It is a tough question, one you and hubby need to make together.
Just my 2 cents worth.
M. ( Grandma to 11)
J.S. answers from Chicago on April 02, 2010
I didn't see much of a difference between 2 and 3. Then again, my younger two are only 19 months apart. It was a lot harder when they were younger - had two different diaper sizes in the diaper bag, double stroller, and we had to go from a sedan to a minivan. But, with planning and a little organization, you can do it. It will be harder with your husband away. My husband has always been involved and we'll do what I like to call "tag-team" parenting.
Our third wasn't planned, but she is such a joy - I wouldn't change a thing.
M.L. answers from Colorado Springs on April 02, 2010
For what it's worth, I thought the transfer from one to two children was more difficult than from two to three (I have four). After I got the hang of the "multiple" thing, I was fine. It takes a little more time to do things, and you'll have to be a little more organized, especially at night. You'll also learn more patience quickly, but you're learning that already, right? Since your husband is working such a schedule you'll want to write into your budget a regular sitter so that you can have a little time for yourself. But you'd want to do that with two children you have now (it just makes sense if you can swing it). However, I thought going from two to three (and three to four) was pretty easy. You'll get some other opinions on this, though, so read all the comments carefully!
L.L. answers from Provo on April 02, 2010
Every child is such a gift. Adding a child to your family is a change and will forever alter it, but it's the kind of altering that I have never heard of a mother regretting. We all grow into our abilities to handle what comes to us. Do you know any elderly women who have said they regretted having any of their children? Each time we added a child to our family, there was a period of time that was a big adjustment, and the chaos increased. There was more stress on me and on my marriage, but it has brought me and my husband closer together, made us more able to handle situations, and has added to the joy and fun of our lives. We would never change having one of the children in our home because each one is so dear to us and brings so much love and enjoyment to our lives! And then times goes faster with each year of mothering, and my oldest will be on her way to college in 2 years. My sixth and seventh children are the only ones left at home and the scene has changed significantly. Suddenly, all of the challenges of little children are gone from my life and I'm onto the next stage. Life is full--of good things. Children are our richest resources. Pray about it. You are a child of God, and He knows what will make you happiest. He'll help you know what to do and know what you are capable of handling.
S.M. answers from Casper on April 01, 2010
for me I know two is the right number because I have a hard time dealing with a lot of people and I cherish those one one one moments - hubby takes one, I take the other, sometimes even two is too much if they both want my attention. Some people thrive on that. Evaluate your finances, your physical and psychological strength, and how this will effect each of your family members. Ask them about it. Make a decision together. Then pray if you are religious to know if that is what God wants.
C.E. answers from Provo on April 02, 2010
So much of the challenges and joys of having a 3rd child depends on the specific dynamics of your family-- personalities of the family members, money, spacing of children, who is in school and who is not, size of your house, the health of each family member, etc. But not all of that can be controlled. It's a bit of a leap of faith, but for us it's been a great adventure worth taking on. When I was expecting my 3rd, in many ways our family was not at the point I had wanted us to be before having a 3rd child. But circumstances brought her into our family sooner than those things could be changed. So I made a list of what I could change to prepare for her and focused on those things. They were things like get a bunk bed for my boys and baby-proof containers for some of their toys, get smaller dining chairs so that we could fit another person at the table, find a babysitter old enough to handle an infant and 2 other kids, get a more comfortable couch (I'm like the princess and the pea when I'm pregnant). Many of those things I thought I didn't have the money for, but my prayers were answered and we ended up getting what we needed. There are a lot of kind people out there willing to help someone in a situation that they have been in themselves before. For example, one of my neighbors volunteered to stay with my kids after they were put to bed so that I could get out of the house. She knew what it was like to have her husband gone at night, so when he changed jobs and was home in the evenings, she felt like helping out another mom. There have been a lot of adjustments, and my 3rd does not always do things like her brothers did, but still, I already know how to handle many things, so I'm calmer. Good luck!