19 answers

Whatever Happened to Saying Thank You?

I'm curious as to how others deal with family members (in-laws) that do not show any appreciation or thanks for gifts that they are given. My husband and I always remember our nieces and nephews on their birthdays but are never thanked and it's getting very old. The few times that are daughters (5 and 2 years old) have been remembered on their birthdays I've always sent thank you's right away!

What really set me off about this after many, many years is that our oldest nephew graduated from high school this past May and we were unable to attend but still sent him a nice card and $100. Never heard anything so I had my husband call and make sure it was received ... his brother simply replied with a 'yes it was'. That's it ... no thank you! I was raised (and am teaching my girls) that we appreciate and thank others for remembering us! I hope I don't sound rude or petty because I'm not that type of person - I'm just getting frustrated and am about ready to put an end to gift exchange, or maybe I should say buying unappreciated gifts!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

We send thank yous if we received it by mail, although sometimes we just call and say thank you (my Grandma, for example, loves to hear my daughter over the phone so we call her), but if we receive it in person we dont.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

You can't control other people. You can only control your own emotions. I am a firm believer that if people can't be troubled with a thank you, then they don't deserve a gift. If you choose to remember birthdays going forward, send a card ONLY. Save yourself the money, effort and heartache.

And perhaps the next time you see that nephew, casually say to him, "How's college/life? You know, I was really disappointed that you didn't send us a card telling us how you used the money or even acknowledging our gift." He's a big boy now. He should understand that he let you down.

3 moms found this helpful

Make the next gift that you give them a set of thank you cards. That should get the point across.

3 moms found this helpful

I would stop sending expensive gifts or money to non appreciative family members. To mark the occasion I'd send a greeting card and well wishes if you want. I doubt they'll even say anything if the gifts stop coming but if they do you can tell them that you're afraid all your gifts keep getting lost in the mail since you never receive any correspondence that they've arrived... ever. And leave it at that.

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Although I totally get what you are saying and it irks me to no end when someone doesn't thank you....for two reasons, one because it's rude and two, because you don't always know if they received it.....I think you need to ask yourself why you are sending the gift.

If it is because you want to be recognized, then yes, I would stop exchanging gifts. If, as I suspect, it's because you like to give gifts then unfortunately I think you need to come to terms that it is what it is.

Raise your kids the right way, keep thanking those that give to you, and write your thank you letters. That's all you can do is lead by example.

Good luck! We have a family member that NEVER says thank you EVER. Then when I suggested that we cut down on gift giving because we were all having babies and needed to save money, she was the one who made the biggest deal out of it. She said she loved to give people gifts....so maybe it's just a bad habit and not really her trying to be rude?

I don't know. I agree, it is a frustrating situation!

2 moms found this helpful

This is a huge pet peeve of mine. My cousins daughters NEVER say thank you, send a note NOTHING!! The only time we are invited over to the home is for a gift giving occassion. So we stopped going and do not send a gift, period. What get's me crazy about the whole thing is my cousin was raised to always say thank you and even though he was a boy he had to always write thank you notes. Since we are close I mentioned his girls ungratefulness, he said "yea I know, but their mom doesn't really do that stuff and my kids have too much anyway if it bothers you don't buy them anything, they're fine" so I don't. I will tell you that when they get my son a gift he thanks them immediatly, without me telling him and we write a note. The mom told me once when my son thanked her, "wow isn't he proper." Ummmmm, not proper, more like..... proper behavior,polite and appreciative. Ugh!

2 moms found this helpful

AMEN.. Same with RSVP.. so rude..

All you can do is to teach your own children.
When our daughter graduated from high school, I tried to get her to write her Thank you's right away, but she put it off till August.

SIL sent me a very ugly email about not receiving a thank you, and I dashed back an email telling herrto email our daughter, because she was 18 and I was no longer going to chase her down.. I then also reminded SIL she , her husband, and her boys had NEVER sent us a thank you card.. EVER!

Never heard another word about it again..

2 moms found this helpful

I agree! Parents just aren't, in general, putting that as a priority and so the kids today (we sound so old- LOL) are just not very grateful and have come to expect so much.

This was very obvious with my husband's family and I got so upset that I stopped by the gifts and had him provide for his own family. He had to think about, shop for it and send it...that is when he remembered. As you can imagine, that didn't go well. It ended up looking bad on me (they thought it was me) and 1/2 the time he would forget or not put it as a priority. And when he would remember and when weren't thanked, I would get upset b/c that was our hard-earned money going out into some deep dark whole. I have, just recently, put an end to buying gifts on his side (my side isn't very big)...we will see how that goes. I suspect that I am going to lose this battle. :(

Well, that's my story. I hope you have better luck and no I don't think you are rude or petty, in fact, quite the opposite. :)

1 mom found this helpful

I share your frustration and I agree with Nicole P! I would stop sending unappreciated gifts, maybe just send a card instead. If anyone has the nerve to ask why you stopped sending gifts, simply say you were afraid they were getting lost in the mail since you never heard if they arrived.

It's sad how manners have gone out the window these days.

1 mom found this helpful

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