What Will You Do? - Ashburn,VA

If you take your daughter back to your home country for 2 months, when is your husband's family able to schedule a beach vacation then? You say it's a demand while I think it's pretty nice of your MIL to arrange all this. Likely your MIL benefits from experience knowing that missing a week of school when someone is 5 is not a big deal at all. It won't teach your daughter that school isn't important as kids that age don't have a great comprehension of time or what's "normal". You can also practice reading with her while you're away. And I don't see how money should decide this. Whether your daughter goes to private or public isn't really the issue. Missing school is missing school so that's the decision. And in this case given her age and the fact that you spend 2 months with your family so they get the chance to ALL meet your daughter says to me that you should give your MIL this week and be appreciative that she cares.

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She's in Kindergarten. Family is forever. They made special arrangements for a second vacation that cost them a lot of money and time to coordinate and plan. You should be glad they want you and your daughter to be part of the family that much. I would never even give it a second thought. I'd tell the school she'll be taking vacation that week, they will understand.

She is in Kindergarten. She won't miss ANYTHING she can't make up other that the activities. They will have other activities throughout the school year. If there is something that they are only doing one time that is an irreplaceable activity, like visiting a touring museum or something that is only available for the time period you'll be gone. If there is something that important then go to it as a family and then go to the beach for vacation the rest of the time.

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EDIT: Because YOU chose to go to your home country - she missed the ORIGINAL reunion...that they are planning a second one says a lot about how much they want you there.

You made a decision to go back to your home country and took your daughter with you...she got to spend time with YOUR side of the family...

She should get to spend time with HIS side of the family.

Like Jo W said, you are letting money stand in the way and that's not fair since you just spent TWO MONTHS with your family and they are only asking for ONE WEEK..

I say let her to go the vacation...she can read with the relatives and build family memories.

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She can easily miss one week of school. I think this trip way outweighs a week in kindergarten. Don't let money rule your life and your decisions (you said that this was a major reason). I'm not sure, but it sounds like you just don't want to go. Please, take your daughter and enjoy the family. Relationships are way more important. I'm sure if you give your teacher enough time, she can send you with a little bit of work for your daughter to do. K doesn't really take more than an hour a day, max, to accomplish one-on-one. Probably less. Seriously. Build your relationships instead of causing a rift.

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It's kindergarten, not her PHD. I'd let her go. She'll miss days and it's okay. 5 days will not ruin her ability to learn. I assume you all are working with her at home too, so work with her that week still.

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I know it sounds like a demand to you, but try to look at it as you and she are the guests of honor. It sounds like she planned this trip just for you, since you had to miss out on the last one I would go on the trip.

The money is paid to the Montessori to hold her place. She will get more out of meeting her family, going to the beach, wonderful new experiences than she would staying and going to a classroom.

If your daughter is old enough to be in kindergarten and hasn't met his side of the family, yet, spent 2 months with your side last summer, I think maybe her feelings are hurt and she wants you to embrace them as your family too and share your daughter with his side. I bet it probably would mean the world to your husband too!

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Our son misses a week of school in October every year (this will be his fourth year ~ 4 y/o preK, K, 1st and now 2nd) and will continue to as long as his grades are up. He too was in private school the first 2 years.
His first grade teacher told us when we spoke to her that the classroom isn't the only place a child can learn.

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**You and your Husband, need to STICK to what YOU both feel, is important. YOU are the parents. If you allow MIL to do anything, then well, this will start a 'habit' of her doing so.
It is up to you and your Husband. AND per school and how you feel about it.
MIL... should have ASKED you both first, AHEAD of time, when is a good time to plan these things.

It is not your fault.
SHE should have... asked when your daughter has a school break... then schedule the 'vacation' then.

I would say no.

Then, where is your Husband in all of this?
HE should also, be on the same page as you. About it.

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It is kindergarten. If this was high school or during a major testing week in a later grade, I wouldn't pull her out, but she will be fine to miss a few days for a family reunion. She has already missed one due to being gone with you for so long. Try and see both sides here.

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Please don't take this the wrong way but it seems like money is standing in the way of you making a clear decision.

Just a bit of background, my oldest are out of high school, one college. Until you hit college there is no reason a child can't miss a week of school. None. There is nothing happening that the next week is dependent on. Unless she is a dunce, which doesn't appear to be the case, she will make up the lost material within a week of being home. A lot of it can go with her.

So again this seems to be more about the tuition you feel you will lose than what is the best choice. Considering the information you are paying them to sick in her brain can be stuck in her brain when she gets back you aren't actually losing anything. That is what you are paying for, knowledge placed in brain.

Now the experience of meeting her dad's family, seeing the beach, heck digging in the sand and finding what is buried there, well that will be a honest loss that cannot be made up.

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I read a lot of the responses and I must say, I don't agree. I think your in-laws should have been mindful of the school year when they planned this vacation. I don't think teaching your daughter that it's okay to miss an entire week of school for a "fun" outing is the right message. I think the right message is to teach her to take care of her responsibilities before any vacation. So, I say send her to school and explain to the in-laws that she is in school and it would have been much better to plan the outing for the xmas school vacation. If you let it go this time, they'll think it's okay all the time.

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Now if your inlaws lived across the country and never got to see your daughter (like this would be the only time this year), I would say "what the heck, let her go..." - but since they live 20 miles away and can spend time with her on a weekend EASILY, I agree with you and school (expensive or not) comes first. You don't want your child to get the impression that school is so unimportant that she can just go off on a vacation whenever she pleases... let the grandparents take her on a vacation during school breaks!

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Your daughter could very well remember this family vacation forever where she is a guest of honor of sorts. Conversly, it is highly unlikely she will remember a single thing she did for one particular week of kindergarten.
I know it cost a lot of money to attend this school but I really would not give it a second thought. Don't turn this into a power struggle. You are obviously the mother and in charge. Yes, your MIL should have checked with you before planning this but she didn't so if I were you I would just roll with it.

EDIT: If you want her to learn how to read you can easily teach her yourself in just 15 minutes a day. By day 60 my then 4 yo daughter could read any easy reader. Check out the $15 book "Teach your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons"

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P., this is the beginning of your daughter's school career. It would be easy to take her out for a week this year because it's kindergarten, but the truth is, you need to put your foot down, though it's difficult, with your inlaws that vacation time now has to be around your daughter's school career. If they refuse to do that, then you know where you stand.

I'm sorry.

D.

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It's Kindergarten. Let her go to the beach. Have you asked her if she wants to go?
It gets WAAAAAY harder to miss a week in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc.

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If your in-laws take your daughter overnight sometimes, they sound like nice, involved grandparents so you're lucky. My oldest is in 2nd grade now and missing one week of K is not a big deal at all. So much of K is "activities" (and we used Montessori schools too). A concentrated effort with her for 15 min or 30 min each day while you're on vacation likely will go further than a whole week of school teaching her to read. You spent the entire summer with your family and now you can't sacrifice a week for your husband's... You missed your husband's family's summer vacation whichi isn't their fault. And the money spent is a non-issue really. You can't pay for school by the week so a year's tuition should be looked at on an annual basis. No one would say they're not going to xyz school bc of one week's tuition. I know our family vacations with extended family are what my kids talk about all the time vs one week of school never stands out to them. Can you compromise btw and take her out of school for 3 days? We did a spring break with other families and I took my daughter out of 1st grade for 3 days. No long term negative impact at all and she certainly loved the vacation and we created valuable memories. I made sure to sit down with her every day and do a bit of "school work".

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I think school is super duper extra special important.

However, personally, I would take her out of school for a week so that she can meet extended family. Family is more important than anything. One week is not going to be bad for her to miss at this age. And she just spent the summer with YOUR side of the family.... so there is probably a dynamic at work that the 'other side' wants equal time.

I don't make a habit out of pulling my daughter out of school. In fact she didn't miss ANY days in 1st - 3rd grades... ZERO. However, look at it from you MIL side.... she wants to bond with her granddaughter and there aren't very many beach days left this year. Your MIL probably could have used a different tone or different words, but the end result is that she wants to spend time with you, which is a good thing.

I agree to find out where your husband is in all this..... what does he say? He should be the one to communicate with his mom.

Good luck.

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Hi P.,

I would take my daughter out and let her go to the beach. I understand about the money, but they are only this small for so long. When they get older, they will have to stay in because of big assignments and ongoing lessons, but your daughter is young still.

If it is so important to your MIL and you hate losing the money you spent on tuition, you can always see if she is willing to pay half of that tuition that week to help you cover the cost of school AND the cost of the vacation.

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So decline for the week, but go to the beach after school on Friday and return early Sunday evening. This way you aren't compromising what you feel is important, but you are still giving your in laws time with your family.

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I say take her on vacation with your in laws. You can request all her homework for the week she will be missig so she can still do her school work and wont be behind when she returns.

School is important but so is family!

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I wouldn't do it. Sorry, I don't care what grade it is it is school. What happens next year or the year after. I know most public schools don't allow this even in kinder. I see that alot of moms don't think this is a problem I do. But that is me. School is the most important thing now. Your MIL shouldn't have planned this vacation during the school year. I would tell her that you are very sorry that she didn't have the school schedule but that time of the year is not doable for you and your family. Actually, your husband needs to tell his mom this not you.

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Sorry...no way. School needs to be a priority and you mil knew that school was in session whem she scheduled this. Go up for the weekend but dont let her miss school.

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i believe that family comes before school. yes there is an extent to which you should not cross and if she was in any school/grade where you could get in trouble by the law for missing so many days especially in a row then that would be one excuss to the rule. in this case it's not law that she go but on principle of money spent. in this case iwould factor two things in my decision...or at least make other options. first off how many others are coming to this event sense it is during the school year? is it enough family to make it worth the missed days? she is only 4 so will she even remember these family members, it seems more like they are going to meet her. how close to home is this vacation taking place? is it close enough that you can go during the weekend and miss maybe just mon and tues or thurs and friday of school instead of the whole week? and if you do go i'm sure the teacher can give you wor sheets and other lessons she will be missing that you can go over with her to keep her caught up.

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If my daughter had already missed a week of school because she was sick, I would not want her missing another week. I agree with you. For myself, yes, it would be partly the expensive tuition and partly that I just wouldn't want her to miss another week. Sounds like your MIL just assumed you would take her out of school, which is also wrong. Perhaps she could have asked when a good time would be for your family to take another beach vacation with them. Nothing wrong with the two months you took her to your home country...that was during the summer when she was out of school anyway.

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well i definitely agree that she shouldn't miss any more school...if you and your husband agree on this issue, back each other up, and stand up to them. you can do it with respect and with love, but they may choose to get upset...that is their choice. i think you should do what you feel is best for your daughter. maybe suggest that the vacation could be around christmas time or spring break. that's what the rest of us do :) good luck!

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I know you paid alot and that would suck but I don't think missing a week of kindergarten will ruin her education and being a montessori school there probably won't be anything for her to 'make-up' though you can probably teach her so much in a week at the beach. There are probably a museum or two you could visit. Not to mention all the stuff you can learn about the ocean! The school can even gear stuff towards her vacation to have her prepared for what she will get to see. Talk to her teachers and see what they have to say about it.

In-laws can be tough but I think yours just want to spend time with their granddaughter and I give them kudos for that alone. She may not have thought it out well how she asked/told you to be there. I'm sure she means well.

Good Luck!

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I would keep my child in school and take her there after school on Friday. Tell your MIL (or have your hubby tell her) that this trip is planned at a time when your daughter is in school so unfortunately, she will not be able to attend for most of the trip.

This is what I would do even if it was a public school because education is important and it is important that you establish it as a priority early on (for both your family as a unit and your daughter as an individual). This is especially true since you don't know when you will get sick and have to miss (like your daughter already has).

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I'm with Cheryl B.!! I don't care if it is "just" Kindergarten, school is more important than a vacation at the beach. There is always winter break, spring break, and summer. Teaching your kid (and in-laws) that missing school is acceptable is a bad habit to start. Besides the fact that you and your husband are the parents and the only ones with the right to make the decision for your daughter. I say stick to your gut and keep her in school.

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I would ask the teacher for the work she will miss and then take her to the beach. family won't be around forever. and a montessori school is go at your own pace anyway. it won't hurt her to miss a week.

well, it's up to you, but I would go to the beach and bring reading material for your daughter to practice. It is kindergarten -- sure you will lose the money you paid, but that is money. It won't really hurt your daughter's academic performance in the long view. Reading develops by practice and you will have time to practice and do some assignments while at the beach. If you don't go, you may hurt your relationship with your in-laws. That relationship, like it or not, is going to last a lifetime. Your daughter's missing a week of school in kindergarten won't make any difference within a month or two. So, really, your only loss is the money you paid for that week.

I agree that school is more important. It's easy to say it's only kindergarten, missing a week won't hurt. But what does that teach your daughter? It teaches her that school isn't as important as a vacation. So what happens later when she is going to school and a week off would matter, will she choose the vacation? I'm honestly surprised at how many families take their kids out of school for vacations.

how about a compromise? can you go for the weekend and 2 weekdays? why does it have to be a week or nothing?