What Was Your Experience in Going from 1 to 2 Children?

For me it was both easier and harder than the first child. Easier: basics like breastfeeding, bathing, etc. Plus big brother can be a big help. Harder: trying to tend to the needs of 2 young children simultaenously. I highly recommend wearing your baby, even at home, so you will have 2 hands available to help your 2 yr old. Also, then you don't have to worry about leaving baby alone with 2 yr old even for one second (even loving acts of caretaking can be dangerous and happen quickly! Like puttting 5 blankets and a pillow on top of the baby to keep him warm in July!). And in public you'll be more able to catch your son if he decides to run, or play with him, or whatever. However, plan very short outings at first because trying to coordinate the feeding, sleeping, diaper changing schedules of 2 kiddos is nothing short of a miracle, and the simplest of outings can quickly jump to twice the amount of time planned. You will feel torn between not being able to attend to your oldest like you used to because the baby takes so much time just to nurse and change diapers, and not being able to take care of the baby like you did with your first because you're running around after a 2 yr old. And oh yeah, you somehow have to get in some "me time" so you don't lose your mind. I don't mean to sound like it's awful, because there are so many moments that are precious. Personally, the first year was very, very rough for me as I adjusted to 2 kids, because just as I thought I was getting the hang of it, one of the kids would change and I'd be back to square one trying to figure it all out. But after the first year, it got exponentially better, as there wasn't such a big developmental gap anymore. I guess my advice is, be patient with yourself, and remember that you will learn as you go. Other moms with multiple children did not know everything as soon as the 2nd one came along, and pretty soon you too will be that mom who has the experience. And don't forget to enjoy the sweet moments: big brother giving love to the baby, everyone napping at the same time, the first time baby laughs for big brother, and countless others. You'll do great! Best wishes!

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Much easier going from 1 to 2 than 0 to 1. You have most of the stuff, you kind of know what to expect. You'll find you are a lot more relaxed about things than you were the first time around, because you have a better sense of how much you really do need to worry.

My son was (is) a pretty high maintenance child. Number 2 is sooo much easier, thank goodness! And I've found that is typically the case among my friends - if the first is hard, the second is usually easier. God knows what you can handle. I always say I earned the second one. :)

As much as possible, I'd recommend that you try to keep your daily routine as close to what it was before the baby was born after s/he arrives, so that the difference pre and post-baby is not so dramatic with your son. That will help lessen the feelings of loss or change that he might associate with his new sibling. If that means slowly transitioning to the new routine now, before the baby arrives, that might be something to consider.

Another thing that really made things easier is that my son was super involved with the baby while I was pregnant. He would talk to my stomach, and he always had an opinion on everything, including her name. Granted, he was 41 months old when his sister was born, so he was more likely to understand and express his opinions. But there was definitely a sense of investment from the beginning with him.

The main difference is that there really is less time to catch up on sleep, because you can't as readily nap while the baby naps. But it is so so so worth it to see your two children together. I knew that seeing my son as a big brother would just show me a new way to love him, and he has not disappointed at all.

Congratulations. It will be wonderful.

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I was in the same situation, no family close by. SAHM for over six years. Dont have a sitter, dont like to leave my kids behind. The beginning was the toughest especially sleepless nights, I was exusted. Having help with housework is great, because you can use the time as quality time with your kids. What has worked great for me to be organized, social and active. I plan my dailtpy schedule around my kids, I like them on a schedule. I'm always home for their nap time so they ca rest and be comfortable in their crib rather a carseat or stroller. Mommy time is very
important, yoga class before everyone wakes up. Sleeping in on the wknds or a spa pedicures are extremelly therapeutic. After my second child turned one things started getting much easier, no boob, no bottles etc.
Congrats!!!!

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I had a blast going from 1-2...and going from 2-3...so maybe I am just crazy? The biggest challenge for me was, getting them in and out of the car...seriously, that part kinda sucks until the oldest can buckle and un-buckle himself....then it's all good! :)

I think you have spaced out your children perfectly...the 2 years between has worked out really well for us.

Congrats on the new addition!

~Just remember: None of us are SuperWoman...and we all struggle but it will be OK and don't stress out if the laundry and dishes pile up the first couple weeks...you'll find your groove in no time!

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My 1st was a lot older than your son, 4.5.
So for me it was fairly easy.
Going from 2-3 sounds daunting to me.
There are exactly 2 years between my brothers, and though they are complete opposites, they are (and always have been) very good friends.
So while there may be a little bit of a learning curve at first, I would imagine they will be close and that was always important to me.
I have seen 2 years between as a good thing in lots of different families...not just mine. :)
Congrats!!!

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Both of my kids were high needs, so it was easier the second time because I recognized the signs, and since his condition was worse than his older sister's (and a new doctor) we were able to have it diagnosed as Sandifer's Syndrome (basically GERD with Torticullis) I knew what to expect. I was actually glad the second time because we had medication, therapy, and really good doctor care. It also meant that we had 3 appointments a week, medicine 6x a day, and other stuff to do. But, I still say it beat sitting on the couch listening to a baby cry 20+ hours a day for 5 months till we got a better formula and she outgrew part of it.

On a nonmedical front, having 2 kids does change your routine...you get one kid dressed, make a bottle, and while getting the second kid dressed, the first one poops, or spills, or you name it. You have to get them ready over and over again. Its much harder to just get in the car and go. I made a blanket (the no sew polar fleece kind), and made sure that she got to see me making it for her so that when I was in the hospital or anytime she needed a little "mama" snuggle she could use her special blanky mama made her.
Make sure to have a routine before bed and nap or some other time during the day to get your one on one time. I like to stagger naps so that I get my individual time for each kid, but then I don't get that break I would really like. I'm still working it out.
So, no, its not easy, but it is doable and it will work out in the end. Just try and make sure to do what you can to alleviate the jealousy that can happen especially with such a big age difference.

It's easier going from 1 to 2. With that said, the problems are very different. You are just a more relaxed parent.

My oldest daughter was nearly 3 when our second was born so I think that sways my opinion..she was potty trained, becoming self-sufficient in many areas, and had nearly 3 years of being an only child. So that said I think going from 0-1 was a smidge harder than 1-2. However, with 2 kids no matter what the age difference, there are now 2 kids who have their own needs and require your time meaning you'll become much more busy. As your two get older you'll realize how nice it is to have them close because they'll play together and hopefully be good friends.
One of the things that is harder with a baby and toddler is going places. Be ready to spend an hour or so just packing your diaper bag and making sure your oldest goes potty, your baby is fed, etc. As your two get older this will get easier too.:)
Good luck with your transition!:)

I think it's different for each person and children... family dynamic,etc.

For me - I was an only child with parents who were not very affectionate or into doing things with me so when I had my first I wanted to be different... more attachment parenting-style. It wore me out - not just with the crazy sleeping schedule but also just having another being close to me all the time. My SO and I also went through the "just us having fun, doing what we wanted" stage to "hardly ever going out, scheduling everything around the baby, etc."

With the second it was much easier since I already got over the major life changes and already knew when to/not to freak out =)

Plus, my second is much less demanding than my first... which is awesome since I totally thought she would be similar to her sister so I was ready to be exhausted the first two years =)

wasn't too bad for me. my family is just the next town over, so my mom comes and helps me all the time (I don't know what I would do without her). My DD will be one in 2 weeks and she has been a pretty easy baby. There is 2 years and 10 months between my kids. Luckily my daughter slept through the night from the get go. You are better prepared the second time around because you know what to expect. After a few months, you start to get into a good routine and it's easier to schedule your day.Luckily my 3 1/2 yo son is fairly good at following directions when I have to put the baby down for a nap or whatever. Just have to make sure you give the older child lots of praise when they help out and stuff. Makes them feel important!

We only have one child, therefore, I can't speak from personal experience. I have a younger brother, my Mom said about having a second, that it isn't twice the work, its 4x the work of having a singleton. A cousin, who has two kids, said that the trouble with two kids is that you are evenly matched. With a singleton, at least you can fob them off on your S.O., and get a minute's rest.

On the flip side, people have been having two or more kids for millenia. They've managed somehow, and so will you.

Good luck to you and yours, esp your son who will soon be an older brother.
Fanged bunny

My first son was 13 months old when son 2 was born. It was very exciting to have them that close and so young together but very difficult at times. I did not realize the guilt I would feel right away when we were in transition. My oldest boy was very loveable to his baby brother and very interested which was no problem. But for the first two weeks it was hard when he looked at me with sad eyes and did not understand that mom could not do everything with him right away at his demand. Just prepare yourself for some child tears and mom tears with the new transition.

Also remember to take lots of pictures, I was so busy doing the daily stuff that I regret not taking as many pictures as I should have when my second was in his first year! No matter how tired you are get the camera ready! Also make sure you spend one on one time with the new baby, I feel sometimes I did not always take the time to slow down and enjoy that first year! Best wishes!
CK

I think it is wise to ask this question. I thought, hey this will be easy. I know what I'm doing with a baby. I know what to expect.....

Well, it was the hardest year I've had. My second is now 19 months old. Only since this summer have things gotten a lot easier.

Yes, you will feel more confident with baby #2, breastfeeding, know what to expect, etc.

What I didn't know: I wouldn't get to sleep when baby slept like I did the first time. Baby #2 didn't sleep as well as #1 and neither did I. She didn't sleep through the night until after I weaned her around 13 months and then still didn't do that consistently.

Potty training my 2 1/2 year old was HARDER than I expected and very hard with baby #1 and breastfeeding.

Post pardum depression is UGLY. Sleep deprivation on top of that is REALLY UGLY.

Guilt is super hard to deal with when you are being pulled apart by both kiddos and the husband and the family commitments.

All I can say, is be prepared that it isn't all fun and games, but it is so much fun now that both kids are more self sufficient. Kiddo #1 is now 4 and potty trained (yay!), can play by herself, can entertain baby #2, is a lot of fun to be with. Baby #2 is fun to teach new things to, can play on her own or with her sister, and is on a schedule I can predict.

Good luck....it will all work out just fine....you don't have a choice. ;)

In many ways, 2 is easier, especially as they get older and can play more together. My kids have about the same age gap between them as yours will, and as soon as my son was old enough to really interact, my daughter would entertain him. Now that they are 3 and almost 6, they argue occasionally but still play together all the time. In the beginning, it will be hard because you will be exhausted, and, if like me, feeling guilty about not spending as much one-on-one with your older child. It is impossible to fairly balance your time with each of them - don't wear yourself out trying - just involve your son as much as possible with the baby and praise him with his positive interactions, and he will still feel your attention. The baby will need your attention more. Now to answer what you actually asked, the most important thing to make things easier is to establish as much of a daily routine as possible - baby sleep patterns & feedings may take a couple months to sort themselves out, but keep nap, playtime, etc.in a predictable order as possible, if not always at the exact same time. Also, if you were hellbent about brand name everything with your first, you will learn the power of store brand or cheaper brands, especially in diapers (nothing wrong with Luvs!), and you probably won't be the germaphobe a first-time mother often is. Bring lots of snacks in the diaper bag, for both you and your preschooler (I often found myself starving and ill-equipped to feed mine in the fly). Oh, and if you made your own baby food ingredient by ingredient with your first, you may find yourself processing whatever the family is having for dinner (save, maybe, pizza or tacos) and playing the airplane game with that instead! These are just some differences I remember from the first to the second. Enjoy your time with your son now (and husband), read lots of new baby books with him (your son, not your husband - though that couldn't hurt either), and write down any funny things he says about the new baby for a cute book later.

I think 0 to 1 and 1 to 2 both have their challenges, but they are different. It will also be different based on the spacing and personalities of the kids (mine are 21 months apart). All the baby stuff is easier, because you have some experince and know what to expect in some regards. Of course, you have to keep an open mind and expect things to go differently as well. The hardest part for me has been finding a balence between the 2 kids (in regards to my time and attention with each). The first 6 months I constantly felt guilty, and like I was never doing enough for either kid. But then you kind of hit a groove and figure out what works well.

For me, the best thing I did was teach kiddo number 2 about the sling! From about 2 weeks old, she has spent LOTS of time in the sling (and starting at 4 months old, the Ergo). I could breastfeed her and walk around with the toddler or help her. I love being able to be hands free and hold my youngest. I am able to be more envolved with the older one, and my younget is PART of the action rather than being stuck in a swing or other mechanized babysitter while I am doing stuff with the older one.

We were also religous about keeping the toddler's schedule. They need something they can count on throughout all the other adjustments they are making in their lives.

Another hard part for me has been that number 1 was/is an excellent sleeper (slept throughthe night at 4 months old and never looked back unless sick) and number 2 is quite the opposite (now at 10 months old, she still has 4 or more night wakings!) and I am struggling with the sleep deprivation part of it.

Overall, I was petrified of this year (2011) and the changes it would bring - new baby, new big sister issues, husband deployed, job changes, move . . . and that was just the transitions I expected! But dispite it all, it goes better than you expect if you can keep a sense of humor (difficult on a newborn sleep schedule!), and stay flexible to roll with the changes life throws at you. My girls love eachother, I love them, and I am a better person for the lessons they have taught me.

Have fun with your growing family!!!!

I had a hard time going from 1 to 2. A big part of it was probably that I went from being a full time working mom of 1, to a SAHM of two OVERNIGHT. My second was born 3 weeks early and I worked up until the day before I had him. So my three year-old daughter had her entire world turned upside down overnight and she wasn't a happy camper. She acted out a ton for the first six months or so, and that didn't help. I also felt very isolated because I didn't know any other SAHM's until my daughter started preschool. Going from 2 to 3 was a lot easier. My middle child adjusted so well and I was very comfortable as a SAHM by that point. The hardest part has been dragging the youngest back and forth to school twice a day, and the kids activities and sports etc...

I just think they are different. The first is challenging because it's all new to you. I think the second actually having the baby and caring for him was easier but I struggled with being able to give both my children attention. My first would act out and I felt bad because obviously a baby takes a lot of attention just due to feeding and changing. I tried to do a lot to make sure he would get attention as well. I struggled with it for a while until the little one was a couple months old and more interactive. I could play with my older son but still talk and try to involve the little one at the same time. My work situation never changed though, I worked full time with both.

I think going from 0 to 1 was harder...you just have no idea how much having a kid changes your life until you actually have one! My daughter was 24 months when my 2nd daughter was born. It was a fairly smooth transition (knock on wood! my 2nd is just 4 months old), even though my 2nd is definitely more high maintenance!

I was primary caretaker of my daughter, so we started transitioning some responsibilities to her dad a few months before the baby was born (and besides, it's hard to give baths when you have a preggo belly!). :) We started emphasizing how she as such a "big girl" now and how we were going to have a little baby in our family soon. We also were lucky enough to get her potty trained before the baby was born....HUGE help.

It does take a lot longer to get the kiddos ready, but we're putting the toddler's self help skills to use as much as possible. :) Plus, she's great about helping mommy/daddy take care of her sister. She gets diapers/wipes/clothes for her, she sings to her to distract her if she's crying. We tried to keep things as much the same as possible.

Get as much sleep as possible! If you can't nap during the day, get hubby to take care of the kiddos at night (not sure how you feel about pumping and bottle feeding if breastfeeding)...or at least try to alternate nights.

My son was 28 months old when my daughter was born. I was surprised at how easy it was compared to how I thought it would be. The baby slept a LOT during the first few months, I definitely forgot how much newborns sleep so her sleeping most of the time made things easier in the beginning. I was worried how my son would do because I had been a stay at home mom since he was born and it was always just him and I, but he adjusted great with no problems.

The only thing that is hard about having 2 kids for me is taking them out places. It's the whole process of getting them dressed, fed, and clean before you go out the door, bringing all of the just incase items for the baby, getting them both into their carseats. If you are going to a store getting them both into a shopping cart while still making sure you have room to put whatever you may be buying because you will have the huge carseat in the cart along with another child unless you have them walk.Now my kids are 3 1/2 and 14 months and it's a lot easier but still probably (for me) the hardest part about having two kids. Going from zero to 1 was MUCH more difficult for me. Good luck with everything!

So much depends on your children's personalities so its hard to speak in generalities, but the one thing that I think probably hold true for everyone is that you will feel like there is not enough of you to go around. I constantly feel like I am neglecting one of them and feel guilty about it. However, I always remind myself that almost everyone grows up with siblings and we turn out fine. I think the benefit of having siblings outweighs having divided parental attention. Like others said, in some ways, baby #2 is easier because you sort of have an idea of what to expect and you worry-meter gets turned down quite a few notches. On the other hand, for me, baby #2 was nothing like baby #2 so there was still alot to learn about her and the best way to handle her.

0-1 o.k. just different
1-2 horrible at least for me...just a lot to get use to
2-3 easy