October 03, 2009,
K.D. asks from Roy, UT on September 30, 2009
What to Really Expect When I Miscarry at 14 Weeks
Moms, I am really in need of some information here. I went to my 13 week appointment on Monday and we could not find a heartbeat on the ultrasound anymore (we saw it at the 9 week check-up). The doctor thinks from the measurements of the baby that it actually died about 2 weeks ago. Here it is Wednesday and my body has still not figured out that it is no longer a viable pregnancy, meaning I have no symptoms of miscarriage. Has anyone else lost a baby at this point of pregnancy? I am scared to see the baby come out. Will I even see it? I would kind of like to know if it was a boy or girl so that we can give it a name, I think that would help with closure. Is that possible at this point? Is the pain, cramping and bleeding really bad? This would have been my 5th child and I didn't have any other complications with my other 4. I am really in shock and despair right now as this was supposed to be my last child/pregnancy. Now I don't know what to do. Please help me to know what to expect...
C.S. answers from Denver on October 01, 2009
Just wanted to tell you that I am truly sorry for your loss. I experienced a miscarriage as well but probably much earlier on as they could not detect a heartbeat at what should have been my 7 week mark. I also never naturally miscarried and decided to have a D&C. Time did heal and eventually we were able to conceive another healthy little girl. I think only you and your partner will know what is the best way to help heal. So do whatever you need to and enjoy the fact that you have 4 other children to love.
J.R. answers from Denver on October 01, 2009
I'm so sorry for you loss. I lost my third pregnancy at about 13 weeks, the baby was about 10 weeks. I miscarried at home. The whose process took about 3 days from when I started spotting. Even though my midwives kept telling me I would have cramping, I had labor. Not as hard as a full term baby, but rhythmic, regular, building contractions. Is it painful? I didn't find it as physically painful as it was emotionally devastating. At that point you probably will not see the baby, but you will pass the placenta. The only way to know the sex would be to have testing done on the tissue (usually only done if the Dr feels like there is a reason to do genetic testing). If your body is determined to stay pregnant, you may need to have a D&C to prevent infection.
It was a very sad, emotionally devastating time for me. It took me a while to work thru things. I made a memory box for my angel and kept a journal. I still write in the journal to my angel on that day and his due date (my miscarriage was 5 years ago).
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please email me if I can help you thru this in some way.
S.W. answers from Pocatello on October 01, 2009
I have had 2 miscarriages, mine were a couple weeks earlier than yours so your will be a bit worse because there will be more tissue to expel. Expect to have the worst period of your life. Lots of cramping, lots of ibuprofen and a hot water bottle. I would actually ask to have a D&C, it would probably be safer since the baby is measuring 2 weeks smaller than you are pregnant. It would decrease your chances of excess bleeding and infection too. I don't know that there is ever anything that anyone can say to make you feel better through this process, but at least know that there are lots of us who have been through it and share your pain. I am truly sorry for your loss. Wishing you strength and healing.
Also a mom of 4
K.D. answers from Salt Lake City on October 01, 2009
K. i have had five early miscarraiges the latest was at 12 weeks and they told me the same thing they told you that the baby had died for me 4 weeks before and i had to have a d and c. i also self miscarried at 11 weeks. i have found that naming the baby makes things easier. since we didnt know the gender we used names that are unisex. like konner, alyx, charlie, tanner we knew was a boy, and tayler. and when people ask how many kids we have i tell them two boys and five angels.be patient with people who are trying to comfort you they really are trying the best that they can and dont know how else to help. some think you need to go through the greiving process but that is for you to decide, you and your family handle this the best you can. sorry to hear about this. best wishes. sincerly K.
S.S. answers from Provo on October 01, 2009
K., I am so sorry about your miscarriage. I had that happen with my 7th at the same time frame. I was devastated about it, too. I had a dream I had lost my baby, and the next day started spotting. The ultrasound showed no heartbeat. I didn't start the delivery process until Sunday, and the bleeding started on Thursday. It felt like a bad period, and the aftermath was like a period bleeding-wise. Remember I am telling you what happened to me. I held my perfect baby after it was born. At that age, there is no real telling if it is a male or female, but they did an autopsy at my request and discovered I had had a son.
I was very depressed for a couple of months after, but that was me.
I wish I could say some magic word to make you feel better. Nature will have to run its course, and you will need your husband's love and support to get you through. You will be in my prayers. I'm so sorry!
L.E. answers from Salt Lake City on October 02, 2009
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby at 22 weeks a year ago. The best advice I can give you is to allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. It may help you to look up what a 9 week old baby looks like to help you decide whether you would want to see your baby or hold it. If you would like to talk to someone who has experienced this same loss please feel free to contact Salt Lake Share which is the support group for pregnancy and infant loss here in the south end of the valley. My thoughts and prayers are with you!
My grief counselor told me to take some time each day to honor my baby. It really helped to know I had some time each day to think about my baby and that I could still honor his memory while meeting the needs of my little one at home.
B.W. answers from Pocatello on September 30, 2009
I had to have a D&C at 13.5 weeks. There is bleeding. about normal for a period, would be more if they don't do a d&c, I can't imagine they won't do one for you. Your body can go weeks without doing anything, and that is just not safe(IMO). You can name you baby if it helps you. I didn't. Cramping is also probably going to happen with or without the d&c. Good Luck to you. HUGS
C.H. answers from Salt Lake City on October 01, 2009
I am really very sorry for what you are going through and about to go through. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and it was really difficult for me. I went in for a check up to also find no heartbeat and they told me it looked like the baby had stopped growing a couple weeks sooner. By that evening I started to loose the baby. I remember it actually feeling like labor not just cramps. I dont think I could deal with it emotionally which made it even harder physically and ended up having a D&C. We did not give our baby a name or see it. I dont even know if I lost the baby at home or if it was at the hospital or if because of the size of the baby they would have even known. The baby still has a special place in my heart. At the hospital we received a packet about how they dispose of the lost tissue at a memorial garden and gave us the location so if we needed to connect our loss to something it would make it a little easier. Everyone was very thoughtful through the whole process. Again I am sorry for what you are going through and know that nothing else could be said better than, I am sorry. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.