16 answers

What to Do with a Child Who Is Easily 'Annoyed'...

I have a ten year old daughter who thinks she is 2o! But my main issue with her is that she is sooooo easily annoyed at EVERY THING! Including ME! If I don't hear her question the first time and say.."What did you say?" I get... "nothing, never mind" (big huff and rolling eyes). If her 2 year old sister is crying or getting into her stuff... it is MAJOR drama (screaming at her... slamming doors, etc. etc.) If I am not walking around smiling with sunshine shooting out of my butt (sorry for the metaphor)... she automatically thinks I'm angry about something and says.."What's wrong?" I say.."nothing..." and then it's the whole... 'whatever, never mind'. It's not just the attitude but her annoyance. Can't find her shoes.. and I get "arrrgghhhh... I can NEVER find my shoes!!!!" (huff, slam and more arrrgghhhh). Her hair doesn't look right, the shirt she wants to wear is dirty, her 8 year old sister doesn't want to watch what she wants to watch... anything and everything! Some times I think she needs to be on medication. We've tried counseling... is this just her personality? I don't see her behaving this way with friends... it's just the family. And I am at my wits END!

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Every one is saying hormones (I cannot even remember last year much less when I was 10)... what can I do about hormones (besides ride it out)?? Boy, o Boy... am I in for it!! With THREE girls, I'll never make it!!!! My poor, poor husband.
Talking to her, punishing, setting up rules etc. etc. Tried it all... she just runs to her 'daddy' (ex in california) who thinks I am evil and wants her to come and live with him. Part of me wants to send her... he will bring her back so fast his head will spin! I tell him that it is her age and he says... "but she is only 10, you are out of your mind!!" What about St. Johns Wort? Or one of those other 'herbal' remedies for MOOD SWINGS???

Featured Answers

Ah, the joys of pre-adolescence! I know it's really difficult, but have you tried ignoring it? It's not easy being a mother of a pre-adolescent girl. They are pulling away, which is normal, yet they still need you...just in a different way. I think if you try a sustained effort at taking a deep breath and ignoring it, it might just take the wind out of her sails. It sounds like she's getting a lot of attention for her bad behavior, so there is still mileage in it for her...unless you ignore, deflect, give chores for rewards (they like money at this age), etc. Good luck! I've got one too, so you're not alone!

my kids are still young, but i can still remember vividly when i was 10-12 and this sounds exactly how i acted! i think i acted that way b/c #1 hormone changes, i started my period at 12, and #2 b/c i didn't get the attention i needed/wanted from my parents at that time b/c my sister had just been born, my dad was working ALL the time and my mom had PPD. i would suggest maybe teaching her better ways to control her temper, and also have one afternoon a week where it's just you and her. talk about whatever she wants to talk about, do whatever she wants to do (shopping, movies, etc.), and hopefully she will feel closer to you and be able to talk to you when something is bugging her instead of having a "tantrum". good luck!

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First of all why are you in charge of her shoes? Do you wear them or take them off her feet for her? next, this IS a difficult time of life for them but it does not give her the right to take it out on everyone else. She needs time outs for these outbursts, consequences or something. As far as the sunshine out your butt I would probably pay good money to see that so you could do that as a sideline to pay for the therapy. If your therapist is not working there are other options out there. Email me privately if you would like some suggestions. The drama sounds like it is worth getting a soda, sitting in the hallway to watch. Make it a funny viewing. When she starts tell her to stop to give you time to get ready. Then grab a soda, chips and a chair and park it in front of the place she is throwing a fit. If she doesn't slam the door hard enough, tell her to try harder. If you take the way you react and change it she won't know what to do. She will be really confused that you want her to do this. When she is done with her "performance" then be sure to give her a standing ovation. A few times of this might defuse both of your personal frustration levels and she will see how silly it really is. I always used to show my daughter how to really slam a door when she would get mad. I would show her how NOT to do it and show her how to really do it. before long we were both rolling on the floor. Every outburst can be an opportunity to have a performance, be a director, get yourself a megaphone, have fun with it. This also made my daugther feel that my attention was on her for the moment and it gave her some really special memories. We don't remember what the performances were about but the fact that we both took time out of our day to act stupid and enjoy each other. To this day, my daughter will say that her performances and walking with me in the rain are her favorite memories. It was not long till she was calm and she said that it helped her to realize that there were more serious problems in the world and that her feelings were important enough for me to stop what I was doing and help her work through them because most episodes ended up with us laying on the floor and talking about what the real issues were. Don't expect this openness at first, it took some time but it did occur.
good luck
C.

1 mom found this helpful

My advice is to set her down and have a talk with both parents and tell her the ways you expect her to act. If guidlines are not set-up for kids they will assume that thier actions are okay. Kids crave rules and authority even if they do not know it. You are the mom, the one she will always love even if you do make her angry by setting limits and rules. It is true that 10-18 year olds have a lot on thier plates and most people take stress out on ones they love (mom and younger sisters) but kids should be taught appropriate behaviour early on. Tell her you love her then set the limits and be prepared to stick to them. good luck.... ps it worked with my 11 year old daughter!

I am a mom of 3 girls ages 12 1/2, 4 and 9 months old. My oldest tried the rolling of her eyes and the huffing with me, even being embarassed of being seen with me at the mall while buying her very expensive shoes. I stopped her right there in the middle of the mall and adjusted her attitude a little! One more roll of the eyes or huff and I'd turn around and return the shoes and buy something for myself instead. It pretty much stopped right there. A couple of days later we had a heart to heart and agreed we needed some "alone" time together without little sisters. Things have improved so much! I know it's hard, but I think this is one of those things you just have to ride out with patience and understanding. Be firm, but caring. It's hard, but I'd rather have my daughter living with me where I know what's going on in her life. Maybe I wasn't any help, but you're not alone!!

Ah, the joys of pre-adolescence! I know it's really difficult, but have you tried ignoring it? It's not easy being a mother of a pre-adolescent girl. They are pulling away, which is normal, yet they still need you...just in a different way. I think if you try a sustained effort at taking a deep breath and ignoring it, it might just take the wind out of her sails. It sounds like she's getting a lot of attention for her bad behavior, so there is still mileage in it for her...unless you ignore, deflect, give chores for rewards (they like money at this age), etc. Good luck! I've got one too, so you're not alone!

I think the key to your question is "I don't see her behaving this way with friends....it's just the family. Does she have any chores to do to help out around the house? Does she have any restrictions put on her when she treats you and the rest of the family that way? Like no t.v. or no whatever she REALLY likes to do until she learns to be kind, thoughtful and respectful to you and the rest of the family. Does she have any activities such as sunday school, church or volunteer to help out with an invalid or someone handicapped after school? All of the above would help guide her in the right direction and will get her mind off of herself. I sure hope everything will get better for you all. Perhaps a long talk and a hot fudge sunday just the two of you away from the rest of the family would help. God bless you and keep praying for guidance.

D.,

Do you notice at any time this being "worse" than others? Friday night used to be a REAL drag for our whole family until we made a small change. It didn't occur to me until it started happening EVERY Friday evening.

It was weekly burnout/stress. What we do now is a maditory family movie night. We don't really encourage talking really. We just sit down w/ our popcorn etc. and watch a movie that we all like (old yeller, Aquamarie) It's almost magical, just being together w/o the pressure of having to say something nice after we're all stressed is a relief. Then because we decompressed together, it's like we're all okay again.

Maybe she acts this way right before a big test. I have a 10 1/2 year old niece, and she actually does the same thing. Her mom is so upset because they used to be very close. My son mostly has friends that are girls. When those friends started turning 9 1/2, they really went kinda 'crazy'.

Unfortunatly I think it's a bit of hormones, and don't they usually start there period sometime soon after 10? Good luck, I've heard 15-18 is much better years!

A couple of things come to mind when reading this. Keep in mind I am no expert on anything, this is just my opinion. =) First thing I thought of was hormone changes. She is at an age where her body could begin to experience hormone changes/imbalances that could cause her to act this way. You may want to check into that with a doctor, or read up more on that subject. Also at this age in a child's life, so many things are going on with school, friends, peer pressure, on top of the hormone changes and stuff, so this could be her way of venting everything she is feeling. She could just take everything out on the ones she feels most comfortable around and knows will love her unconditionally. She could have some form of bipolar disorder, but the simple fact that she only does this at home makes me think it's not something she needs to have medication for. Two things you may want to implement if you haven't already: 1.) Some type of incentive system, where she ears some type of reward for good behavior and good control over her temper, such as phone priveledges or tv time. 2.) An automatic consequence when she does have an outburst. For example you can send her to a 10 minute time out for temper outburts or take away the phone or tv time. You have to find what you can use to motivate her to change her behavior. She has to understand that it's not acceptable and that you will not tolerate it. Give her plenty of love and support. You're a great mom, no matter how hard she steps on your toes.

hi D., well maybe she needs more attention but just you and her. Talk to her, let her know how u feel when she acts up. As well as let her tell u how she feels why does she get that attitude. When u are ready to let her know exactly how u feel, make sure you guys are in a place she likes enjoys and is calm. Is he in any type of activity like sports dance etc. Maybe she needs more activities. Or if u and ur husband have a good relationship now and did u guys have strong arguments when u were married. thatm ay also trigger her attitude. Be patient and always have a moment to sit down and talk toher and listen to anything she has to say. let her know that u love her everyday. remember "To feel loved gives pleasure to one; to express it gives pleasure to two."_Janette Oke

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