What to Do with 2 1/2 Yr. Old While in Labor and Afterwards...

I know a mother who had her 3yo at her second child's birth. I believe her sister (the aunt) took care of the younger daughter while her parents were, obviously, occupied! This was in a birthing center in a hospital. I don't know any more details, but I think you would definitely want to have someone who would be quick to whisk away and reassure your child in case anything potentially frightening happens. I toyed with the idea of having my son at the hospital with us for his brother's natural birth (I was thinking his grandma could bring him in only for part of the birth) but I had to have him with me for one of my ultrasound appointments and he was terrified of the whole thing! So I gave up that idea.

While I cannot specifically address your issue, I can tell you that you might find a lot of great advice on the forums at www.mothering.com

The site seems to very much align with a lot of the values and philosophies you mentioned in your request, so you may be able to tap into a wealth of resources on that site as well. Good luck to you!

I have done what you are talking about at a birthing center in Oregon... I'll write more tomorrow...

Good for you! We sound like we have some stuff in common....

My DD was 2 1/2 when our 2nd was born. We still tandem nurse and we all co-sleep. It works for us.

I am a Bradley teacher so I think I know where you are coming from.

My DD is fascinated by birth, babies, etc.

I would recommend bringing her along to some birth classes if you are doing this but mostly just talk about birth and how it works. Videos are great. I have a really good Bradley video of children at a birth so they can see how it all works. Explaining to her that mommy will be working hard and making noise is helpful as well as well as being able to explain the blood and fluids. You know her best- will she be upset if mommy looks uncomfortable or will she be helpful? I found that my daughter who was with me during labor (but not the birth) was very empathetic and know others who rubbed mommy's arms and head and comforted her with cool washcloths.

I think it is really important to have someone with you guys that can solely focus on your daughter. If she gets bored or wants to leave-- you don't want your husband/partner having to leave with her. Doulas can do this... family members... someone she is comfortable with. Most hospitals will require this. Most hospitals will also not let her stay overnight with you guys either-- so be aware of that.

My daughter stayed with our best friends during the delivery (her name is N. too!) and joined us in the room about 10 minutes after her sister was born. It was wonderful! I wanted her with us but my husband wasn't comfortable having her there during the birth as he thought he wouldn't be able to focus on me and the new baby because he'd be concerned about her.

If you want to talk about this more-- PM me and I'd be happy to talk.

Studies do show that older siblings who attend siblings births tend to have less jealousy, etc.

And just think about what you are doing to normalize birth for her!!

Good for you!

I don't really have any advice other than good for you. I am also pregnant and my daughter will only be about 23 months when #2 is born but I really want her with me assuming it's not 3 am and she's not at home sleeping. If that's the case I'm going to have my mom there I think and even if she's at the hospital with us I"l have my mom and sister there to help with her b/c I think it's really hard to know how they are going to react to a birth of their sibling or maybe they'll just be bored. I"m going to deliver at West Suburban in Oak Park and they have a fantastic alternative birthing center with queen size beds and everything just in case you don't know where you're delivering yet.
Good luck and let us know how it works out.