What to Do to Calm Yourself down with Non Sleeping Baby

Oh, I feel for you, I really do! Just hang in there, B.. It will get better, trust me! What you are feeling is totally normal. I know I have been there plenty of times, especially when my DD was that age.

If he is fed and his diaper is clean, then there are a few things it might be.
- he might have some gas. Is he burping ok during and after eating? DD was really bad about burping and had reflux, so we had a heck of a time with that.
- Has he been pooping as usual?
- Is he peeing as usual?
- If he's on formula, have you changed it recently?
- If he's breast fed, did you eat or drink anything that you haven't consumed before while BF?
- He's young to be cutting teeth, but it's possible. If his gums are hard and you can feel any little bumps, that might be the issue.

If you need to step away from him, it's ok. Put him in his swing, crib, bouncy seat or whatever. As long as he's strapped in (if applicable), he will be fine. Take a shower, step outside to get some fresh air, just get away for a few minutes. Not suggesting you go to the store or anything w/o him, but take a break ;-) You deserve it, and it will do both of you a world of good! I wish I could help you better, but know that you are not alone!

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The first thing you should do is calm down...babies pick up on that. Perhaps hold the baby and just sit quietly on the couch. He may cry for a few minutes. Just sit...breathe deep...let those anxious feelings go...let him fall asleep in your calm arms!!!!
I used to breathe deep and let out sound through my nose.....as if to expel tension. Watching late night TV, on a low sound setting, while holding my little one would always help.
Also, one thing to look at is if he has reflux...that really makes a baby cranky!!
Good Luck and Good Night!!!! :)

4 moms found this helpful

its going to get easier..for the first 3.5 months babies want to be on their mother..they call it the 4th trimester..do you have a baby carrier? i used to just wear my son all day..let him sleep on me..i'd take walks and breast feed him in the baby bjorn..
then i learned to nurse him on the bassinet mattress..i'd have the mattress on my lap..or a firm pillow..and when he'd fall asleep i'd carry him on the mattress/pillow and place him in the bassinet. The problem is..babies don't know how to fall asleep..so we need to teach them..that's why its good for you to lay down w/ him and try to teach him how to sleep.

i had many days where i was just going to freak out..if you have a baby swing or something to place him in ..like the crib as one mom advised to do..just put the baby down and go outside and take some deep breaths..i thought this was it for me..i was also a single mom..alone..and that things would never change but they constantly are..
you should join more mom groups on the internet ..like babyzone..find your birth month group..they will give you advice and help you..
babies are only supposed to be up 2 hours at a time..they wake..you feed them..then play w/ them or do what you do..then by 1.5 hours you start the routine to get them back to sleep..
you have to come up w/ a routine so that they learn that this means its time to wind down and sleep..
a good book to read is Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby...that book really helped me a lot.
you have to come up w/ tricks..my mom used to come out once in awhile and she taught me this trick..you push the baby back and forth in the stroller facing a boring wall til they fall asleep..when your baby is old enough let him drink a bottle while doing this..then wheel the stroller into a dark room w/ a white noise machine going.
some people suggest an aquarium w/ a light on..so they have a little night light and soothing sounds..

ask friends for help..or contact family..or another mom..but if you're freaking out and can't handle things..just put the baby in the crib and leave the room..your baby will be fine..just take a break and remember this isn't forever..my son is now 5..he will sleep in with me til 10 am sometimes..
your baby will be happier once you get a routine going and only have him up for 2 hours at a time ..right now baby should be getting lots of naps..
also if you are using formula you may need to find one that suits your baby better..could be baby has an upset stomach..i breastfed and had to eat super plain foods..like just plain sandwiches..
and when i supplemented i had to use Good Start Supreme Comfort Proteins b/c it was the only formula that didn't make him cry all night.

good luck..if you get desperate and need help..write me back on here .. or call a friend that can help

xo

D.

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My first was like that and co-sleeping saved my sanity!

If you need a few minutes to calm down, cry or scream into a pillow, put your baby into his crib and close the door. He's not going to hurt himself by crying and you NEED to be in control of yourself if you're going to deal with it.

During the day, try wearing him in a baby sling. It will help him feel more secure and close to you, but you'll be able to have your hands free to do what you need to do. At night, I highly suggest co-sleeping. He gets the comfort of being snuggled with mama, and YOU get to sleep! Just make sure he's at a comfortable temperature (not too hot), there are no blankets or pillows that could get on his face. This is especially great if you're nursing because you hardly even have to wake up to feed him :o)

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If he is crying a lot, check with his pediatrician. He may have reflux. If he does, there is prescription medication that will make him feel better. Mine had reflux- it was miserable, not only for me, but for my poor babies who were hurting :(

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When I was frustrated, exhausted, and had tried every possible thing to make my son stop crying I would put him in his crib and walk away for a few minutes. I'd take a shower, sit on the patio, sit in another room, or something like that. I never left him home alone, just left the area so I could calm myself down. A calm mommy is better able to deal with a baby who is fussy.

Make sure you put your baby some place that is completely safe. I always put my son in his crib because I knew even if he cried he was safe for the few minutes I was away. Remember it is okay to take a few minutes to calm down and relax so that you can take the best care of baby that you can.

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take a deep breath & really look at your baby. Rejoice in his beauty! This is a gift & life will get better.

Put him in the stroller & go for a walk if you live in a safe neighborhood!

Put on some calming music, sing to your baby, & just hold him. He needs something.....& he's trying to tell you in the only way he knows how!

Say a prayer!

I wish you Peace.....

2 moms found this helpful

I just cry along with him! This to will pass---- I promise!

Blessings....

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My son was the same way (and at 16 months is still more clingy than my DD was...don't want to scare you though!)
I would sing MY favorite songs...and it would get my mind off having to walk constantly with him in my arms, bounce and swing at the same time (the only combo of things that helped! The good part? My biceps are jacked now! LOL) Even now, I catch myself singing bits of hymns or other songs (and I'm not a churchy person...but they are songs that are more positive and not about "cradles dropping from the trees!" LOL)
I had a friend who was in a similar boat, and the "Fisher Price Rock and Play" thingy was PRICELESS for her...it held baby at a good angle (if there is tummy trouble) and also made baby feel like she was being held. Also helped her baby sleep thru the night quite early. If I did it over again, I'd buy it in a heartbeat! Hang in there and remember...this WILL get easier.
hugs.

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OMG I totally feel your pain...it is not easy at all and you have to just take deep breaths, do your best to not feel upset or angry (babies seem to sense it and it makes it worse!). Tell yourself this will pass. I know that doesn't help much but realize he is just 3 months old and it will pass! If you feel very upset or angry you are better off putting him down safely in his crib for a few minutes and walk into another room and force yourself into a better mood. Maybe drink some tea or something...or call a friend, or come on mamapedia for a minute and let it out! We're all moms here, we've been there!
I feel for you, raising kids is hard enough without being alone! You have our support. IT WILL GET BETTER!!

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I asked a similar question to this about my baby when he was 4.5 weeks old. He is slowly getting better (although he's still somewhat of a grump sometimes. He has good and bad days). I found that he REALLY sensed my stress. Even now, if I feel myself getting a little to anxious when I'm trying to get him to settle, I feel him getting more unsettled. I learned that this had a lot to do with it when my godmother came in town to help me and he was a perfect angel around her or hardly every cried. But, she was completely immune almost to his crying. Also, he may just be a baby like my son and wants to be carried and snuggled constantly. (that whole fourth trimester thing). A lot of babies don't really learn to seperate and self-entertain/soothe till after 4 months and when they start getting mobility down. Also, it's important to respond to your crying baby, but don't just immediately run in and pick him up. I found that sometimes when I put my son down, he would start to wimper and cry but he wasn't actually fully waking up, he was just re-settling himself from changing positions. After about a minute, he would start to calm himself back down and sleep for a while. A swing might also help. My son has become a big fan of his swing. Even now if I get to stressed on one of his bad days, I feed him, change him, put him in his swing, and let him cry there till either I calm down or he calms down and goes to sleep. One of the women on this board said to me when I was stressed "no baby ever died from crying" and you know what she's right! Just make sure that his needs are met and if you have to put him down and let him cry so that you can take a break and re-group, then do it. It'll be better for baby in the long run to have a calm mommy and my help him to calm down.

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You got lots of good advice here already. You might want to see if the hospital you delivered at or another one near you has a new mom's group--it is a bit easier if you can talk to some other moms who are also struggling with new babies. Is Franklin Hospital near you? I have a friend that works there (she lives in Lynnbrook) and says everyone she knows there is friendly and nice (it's a smaller hospital).

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Ask your OB/GYN (or regular doctor) about post-partum depression. Anti-depressants saved me when I was at my wits end with a crying infant! This may not be for everyone, but it's worth considering.
Sending you lots of love and support!

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