What to Do for a Friend with Cancer

I'm sorry to heard about your friend......When my friend had cancer I sent her cards in the mail. She said I was the only one that did that. It makes it special to send a card via "snail mail", maybe one every week.... I just sent "thinking about you" cards, and we live only 3 houses down! When she couldn't get outside I went to her house and took picturs of her flowers in the yard, birds, etc. so she could see them!! She seemed to really like that...I took a few dinners over to them too. I also told her husband that I wanted to stay with her while he got out of the house for a while. It only was for a couple hours but he was greatful to just go and relax. Hope this helps, I know it's a very hard thing to go through for everyone!

1 mom found this helpful

When my father had cancer his Uncle from out of state began calling him once a week. They talked about all kinds of things - not just the cancer. I know for a fact that it enriched my dad's life and my great-uncle still talks about how it enriched his. I'd keep in touch and be a good friend. Be there for her, but not just to talk about cancer. All the best to your friend.

What great ideas! One more to add to your card is a little joke, a comic from the paper, a special quote, a window cling, photos of anything pretty or cute kids or animals, funny things kids say...you can google for these things and find some rich materials.

When we went through this, CARDS were a huge event and we looked forward to getting the mail every day. Little things go a long way! Meals to be frozen. Or a cert to make them at one of the "design" places. Any work (in or out of the house), errands, etc. Sending money may also be appreciated; is the husband needing to take time off work also? But mostly, just the connection that you care and love them. Remember the husband....the caretakers need extra attention now too. Send a box of kleenex with a note saying you'll come help her use it any time she wants...or a really funny DVD. Again tho' - LOVE and Prayers.
I also kept a running list of things that could be done if someone so desired, such as: changing light bulbs, tending the yard, sweeping out the garage, changing the lines, walking the dog, picking up milk or dry cleaning....anything so people who came to help could actually DO something. It is important for the ones wanting to help (and feeling so helpless) to be "needed".

On your end...talk and listen. xo

Just be there for her.
Listen and help in any way that you can.
It's the small things that count.

Just let her know that you are there for her if she needs to call and talk to someone try to keep her encouraged to the best of your ability and most importantly pray,always keep her in your prayers.

Just be "present" in her life. Honestly, cards to know you are thinking of her, random phone calls to chat....those are the best ways to just let people know that you are THERE for them.

My dad recently passed from cancer and that was a big complaint from my mom and dad....his friends sort of dwindled away because they didnt know what to say or do...so they did nothing.

You dont have to acknowledge the cancer all the time either. Talk about regular things, like they are a regular person.

Tell her you wish you two lived closer so you'de be able to do more but please feel free to call you after work or email if she needs to talk. Make sure you call or email to check up on her. Don't wait for her to take the initiative, she'll feel the love more if you "go first".

As a recent breast cancer survivor, the hardest part for me was being there for my kids. I could take care of myself after surgery, chemo, and radiation, but taking care of my 2 and 5-year-old was hard because emotionally, I needed to focus on myself. I know you don't live very close, but maybe there is a way you could help out with the baby one or more weekends.

Food, cards, flowers, small gifts, and a house-cleaning gift certificate were all thoughtful gestures that were much appreciated. I updated my story on www.carepages.com. This allowed me to vent and keep my friends and family up-to-date on my status. I even posted pictures of my hair cutting/shaving experience. You could start a CarePage for her if you think she would not be opposed.

I did not like reading cancer books, but my friend gave me one book that made me laugh, which was somewhat of a relief. It might not be for everyone because the author's humor can be quite crude. It's called, "Cancer on $5 a Day"... http://www.amazon.com/dp/0738211583/?tag=googhydr-20&...

Hope this helps. I wish her the best of luck through this journey. By the way, I'm doing fine, and should be fine for a long, long time.

B., I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in March of 2007. It was the worst moment I can remember. And my husband was on a trip to disney world with my sons band group. Here are the things that helped me the most.

Keep in touch but don't let it be the only topic of conversation. talk about if and when she is ready to but talk about other stuff also

Bring meals or set up a meal plan. Depending on her treatment schedule she may or may not be able to cook. Does she have kids? Come over one day and make up lunches.

Make a list of what she normally does and see if you can help to get those things done. they may be little things but little things when your puking from chemo are the things that tip you over the edge.

take her back and forth to chemo if you can. don't expect her to "want" you to sit with her. sometimes she will and others she will wish everyone in the world would just get the heck away from her. at least I did.

here is one that a friend of my sons did for me. if she has chemo her hair will fall out. offer to take her for a hair cut when it starts to come out and then shave it for her when it is down to just whisps. One of my sons girlfriends shaved mine for me when I was so sick I couldn't imagine going out in public ever again. but she shaved it with a bic razer and then massaged it afterwards with some lotion. it made me feel pampered in the midst of some of the worst months of my life. she did it about once a week with the lotion till my hair grew back.

the main thing though is to not dissappear from her life. I have friends who I thought were as close as my sister. but when I was diagnosed with this they disappeared. It doesn't make them bad people it just showed where I fit in on the scale for them. The friends who stick by you in these things are the true friends. and not just buying dinner but going out with you bald and changing bandages on scars that no woman should have to deal with. ok so now I'm crying as I write this. just be a true friend and stick by her

My friend and cancer survivor gave me some great advice. I have a cousin who has been recently diagnosed with cancer and wanted to know what I could do because I don't live nearby and can't be there to really help, especially after her chemo treatments. I know how hard it can be on your body. He said just be there and listen. He said to talk about it and let her talk about it. The worst thing, he said, to do is try to ignore it and act like it's not there. I thought that was good information coming from someone who has been through it.

I send cards and postcards just to let her know that I'm thinking about her too. It only takes a few minutes but can bring a smile to her face.

Good luck!

I just went through this with a friend of mine. Make meals that she can easily heat up for her family, as she will loose her appitite.
Mostly, keep her updated on your life. She is gonna be repeating over and over how she's doing, what the doctors say to everyone. Letting her forget for a few minutes, and remind her what a "normal" life is like really helped my friend. Thoughts are with you both.

Send her gift cards for her favorite restaraunts since you can't take over prepared meals.

If she's doing chemo and loses her hair maybe you can send her some pretty head scarfs if she chooses to wear them.

Are you close enough to go for the weekend to clean house for her and just talk? Leave your child with dad and spend time with her once a month or so if that's possible.

Some of the things we did for a coworker were:

Find someplace that could deliver meals for when she still has an appetite but doesn't feel like cooking.

Movie gift cards or a month of netflix(she'll be resting alot at some point).

Send her a basket w/some books, magazines, pampering items.

Ask her what she needs:) Don't let her tell you nothing. Ask her for just one thing you can do to help them out.

Hi B.,

It looks like you have gotten great advice already, but thought I'd share my experiences!

When I had cancer, I greatly appreciated the cards that were sent with hand written notes. I kept them out around the house as a nice reminder of how many people cared.

I also LOVE flowers and whenever I got flowers, they brightened up the home for me.

Having prepared food is also a tremendous help. She will be tired and her husband is going to have a lot on his hands taking care of their baby. If you could prepare some food that they could freeze and take out when needed or send a care package, I know that would be of great help.

I don't know if your friend is going to be away from her baby, but I had to be away from my son because of the type of radiation I had(when he was 7 months old) and a good friend lent us a web cam.I can't begin to put into words what that meant for me to have my daily "conference calls" with my husband and son while I was away from them.

Also, cancer can go on for a long time- keep up the correspondence with her- even if it's one sided. Sometimes I was tired to get back to people, but it meant the world to me that people kept reaching out.

I will keep your friend in my prayers.

N.

The best thing I can think of is prayer. That is the best gift one can give to anyone. All prayers are heard. I especially like the rosary. I've come to see great things in my life and families from simply praying the rosary. It only takes 15 - 18 minutes every day. I'll keep them in my rosary intentions too. God bless!

I know this may sound strange, but take her shopping. I've known a couple of people who have batteled cancer & shopping helped them look towards the future. Make it a really fun day with lunch & maybe a mani/pedi. If you both can afford it, a destination shopping trip to NY to catch a Broadway Show & stay at a hotel would be great (just the 2 of you or if you both have another really good friend in common).

there's a website caringbridge.com for cancer patients. my friend's sister just set it up for my friend with cancer. its a website designed for people with cancer to communicate with their friends via the internet. maybe you could ask your friend if you could set up her page and then that way all of her friends can send her well wishes and she can respond on the website with updates on how she is doing. also, i've been going to my friend's chemotherapy treatments. they are usually 8 hours once a week. he tells me that they go by faster when he has someone to chat with. 8 hours!! lastly, maybe whip up (lol) a green shake with everything green in it and deliver it to her house once a week. just a few ideas....good luck with your friend and good luck to your friend!

the best thing you can do is just tell her how much you care and let her know by all means that you will be there for anything she needs when you can, sometimes people with cancer like me just need a friend to talk to or cry to, also maybe offer to watch thier baby and give her and her husband sometime together, most of all being a friend and her knowing that is always good medicine.

If you can swing it financially, how about hiring a cleaning lady to come once or twice a month? That aren't that expensive and can do all the big stuff like dusting, floors, bathrooms, etc....If she is going through any type of chemo/radiation she will probably be too exhausted to pick up the house. If she is one of those that really cares about that (like me) she will really appreciate the extra help. If this isn't possible for you to afford, maybe you can go over and clean yourself once or twice a month? Don't make it so she has to ask you. Just tell her you are coming for a visit and show up with cleaning gear in hand. Maybe get a group of her friends to come with. Have one friend attend to her kids and take them to the park or something, have another friend paint her toenails and give her some magazines, have another make some dinner, and then the rest clean up the house. Tell her you want to do this and you will be returning every month! It will at least take her mind off things for a bit or give her some time to vent out her fears to her friends. Maybe contact her hubby in advance and run it past him! Its great for you to be such a supportive friend!