13 answers

What to Do for a Friend Whose Child Passed Away-would Have Been His Senior Year

I have a friend who lost her child two years ago. He would have been a senior in high school this year and with the current flurry of senior activities, she is really struggling right now. I'd like to do something for her and I don't know what...I know nothing eases the pain...any ideas?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you to all of you who took the time out of your day to help me with this. That, alone, blows my mind! You all had amazing ideas and after contacting the school and getting a very pat, disappointing answer from the administration, I redirected based on some of your suggestions. My friend works at an elementary school and preliminary plans are in place now to purchase a tree to plant directly across from the school, where she can be reminded daily of his life and hopefully, the timing will also let her know that he is remembered and not forgotten. I so appreciate all of your ideas....nothing is good enough but this feels right.

Featured Answers

I have heard people advise others to try to include the parent in an activity that lets them know that their child is still remembered. Maybe help in selecting clothing for her son's best friend, maybe even have friends do some sort of memorial thing -- such as all wear a certain color flower in rememerance of her son-- or add I stem of a certain flower to the flowers the kids will be wearing. Just a thought, J

More Answers

Find some way to have or do something "in memorium" that involves his school/senior class. It could be an event/fundraiser/scholarship, etc. You would be amazed how the students will embrace the cause, remember they also had attachments to him. Our community recently lost a senior to an accident, and the whole town has rallied around his family & spirit. The support of his peers may help the mother, as she will get to see how his life affected others. :)

2 moms found this helpful

Bring him up often - one of the things that parents that have lost a child fear is that their son/daughter is going to be forgotten. I lost my brother when he was 22 years old and my parents actually lost friends because those people didn't know what to say or how to respond and they simply found it easier to walk away than to figure out how to support them. You are right - nothing eases the pain - nothing fills the void. Just knowing that she has a supportive friend that isn't going to run out the door when the tears start truly will help even if you feel as though you aren't doing enough. As the previous post stated - some sort of memorial would be wonderful. It would give her an avenue to really find out ways that her son's life affected others. My brother didn't have any insurance and some of his friends did a benefit to help us pay for the costs of his funeral, etc. During that time his friends came forth with stories, both funny and endearing that we had never heard before. It was amazing. Good luck and bless you for standing by your friend!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi J.,
I think it would be really nice to plant a tree and have a plague made stating his name for his high school. Organize his classmates, family and teachers and have everyone join together to say a few words. You could have a bench or picnic table and flowers for the area (if school will allow) so that it is a space to be used not just walked by. You could call a local nursery to see about a discount or donation then have a small luncheon or "memory hour".
Best Wishes!

All very nice suggestions but the biggest aid to someone who has lost a child is a friend, you, who is willing to listen and share. Remind her that there is someone else she can talk to at any time Ps 55.22 and remind her of his promises John 5.28. Talk about that promise when she will see her son again and help her visualize how that time will be - give her hope. Give her faith. Make it real in her mind. It will give her peace.

I have heard people advise others to try to include the parent in an activity that lets them know that their child is still remembered. Maybe help in selecting clothing for her son's best friend, maybe even have friends do some sort of memorial thing -- such as all wear a certain color flower in rememerance of her son-- or add I stem of a certain flower to the flowers the kids will be wearing. Just a thought, J

You have many great suggestions. I just want to tell you that I think you are a blessing to your friend. They always say a person has all the support they need at the funeral and then everyone fades away and gets on with their lives. I'm sure it will mean a lot to her to know you still care and think about her son.
God bless you both on this Mother's day weekend and at graduation.
J.

I like the ideas for a memorial such as a tree or schlorship but another suggestion that might give the mother as well as the whole family comfort is a Voicequilt. I will include their website so you can read about this fabulous company.

http://www.voicequilt.com/

Ask her to lunch, then take her to get a pedicure or such. Something that will keep her relaxed and take time out for herself. Start a conversation about planning something like a memorial stone, tree, flower bed, Etc. She what she's up for. Suggest that she attend the graduation ceremony, and release a balloon for her son. Offer to go with her to support her, and afterwards have her over for dinner with your family and talk about her son, and what that day would have meant for their family. Does she have other children, or was he an only child? Involve them in a memorial.

1 / 3
Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.