What to Do About Son Acting Out in School

C.,

I've worked with children for more than 16 years, and when ever a child I'm working with has changes in behavior like this I immediately change their sleeping habits.

A child's behavior is directly effected by the sleep (or lack there of) they receive. When a child is tired, they cannot control themselves as they normally can. Additionally, full day Kindergarten is tough on a child, so they will be more tired.

While the different bedtimes will be tough, you need to enforce it. I've used the concept that this is what your body needs, and I know this is what your body needs because of... behavior.

Or you could ask your daughter to spend "quiet time" in her room for 20 minutes while your son goes to bed then allow her to quietly go play/watch tv later.

Good Luck

R. Magby

4 moms found this helpful

First I'd like to say that while this is a great place to turn for help, it is absolutely appalling to see someone jump on someone else for something they have said or think. Please remember to be kind to each other! Haven, think about how you would feel if someone talked to you the way you just talked to C.. She came here looking for help and advice. She did not come here to have you ridicule her for what she shared!

I can relate to what you're saying here, C.. I have a 7 year old daughter who went through a very similar thing this year in 2nd grade. Prior to this year she was very well behaved, loved other kids, almost always listened and did what she was supposed to do. This year, she has been in trouble in class, sent to the principal's office, even sent home from school one day for slapping a boy in the face during recess. We have had her on a schedule for the past couple of years. What we did was move her bedtime earlier, which can be very hard at times. We tend to be on the go so frequently, but decided we HAD to cut things out of our schedules and my daughter's schedule to get her in bed earlier. She also has her own quiet time before bed. During that time she can talk to us about things, she can read (that's her #1 favorite thing to do), draw...something quiet. She goes to bed at 8:30 Monday through Thursday nights and is up at 6:30am. I've noticed that has helped greatly.

I also talk to her every day, without fail, about her day. We talk about what went well and what was bad. We talk about how she reacted to things said and done by others. I've found that she is very willing to open up more and more as we continue talking. It's hard and definitely takes a while to correct the issues. Best of luck to you and your family!

4 moms found this helpful

Hi C. - I recommend that you start a journal of your son's sleep, eating, and behaviors for each day. This may tell you quickly where something is amiss. You did not state what time is his bed time & what time does he get up. At this age they still need up to & sometimes over 12 hours of rest. Kids are still growing & need more rest than we realize. Especially during school they need the rest/sleep to process the information they got at school so it is filed in their brain correctly.

At our house, both our boys (8 & 6) head to bed at 7pm, the 8 yr old is an early riser and has learned to keep quiet in the morning (he reads or quietly plays) before we take him to school at 7:30am, the 6 yr old can sleep until 8am if I let him (granted he is homeschooled, so this can be an option if needed). But this also shows that kids when given the extra amount of time to fully get the sleep they need, they will help regulate their own systems.

With your son acting out at school can be from a few different reasons. Be glad that the teacher is very open with you & do your best to continue to keep these lines of communication open. When kids are "happy, etc" at home and then go to a new environment it can be stressful and many kids do not know how to put these feelings into proper words/expressions. If possible see about staying at school (as much in the background as possible - help teacher with paperwork or in the office, etc), by doing this you can observe without him really noticing that you are watching. See how he truly acts around other kids (is he or has he been bullied, etc). How is your son's language skills? Is his speech & language fully developed? If not there could be a contributing factor too. He could also be not ready for the long day of school and the information is a little overwhelming, you may consider that he should repeat kindergarten - we did this for my youngest and it has helped out greatly. Boys develop slower and need extra time to build the basics, if school is tough, relax and let him help you know the right timing. Do not push him if he is not ready! God Bless

3 moms found this helpful

sounds to me like the sleep thing is a big issue - not sure I understand the sentence you wrote about your daughter...When did he stop napping, and what did he do last year, preschool? Although it is already December and he has been in the program for a while, it is possible that the 'all day' thing is too much for him to handle on the amount of sleep that he is getting (or just a big enough change in general for him). Kingergarten is not preschool - and all day is a lot of work for a little kid. I would suggest making sure his diet is well balanced, and getting him to go to sleep earlier at night, even if it means making other compromises.

2 moms found this helpful

Vitamin D supplements would certainly be a good thing to try, since most kids in winter in rainy climates don't get nearly enough sunshine to produce needed amounts. Many experts now recommend using cholecalciferol (the most bioavailable form) at at 1,000 I.U. daily. This would also help him build bone and fight off infections.

Another mood/mental functioning enhancer is Omega-3 oils, available in fish or krill oils.

And by all means, do whatever you can to help him get more sleep. Heck, I don't function well when I'm not rested enough. It's way harder for a young child.

But I would strongly recommend finding ways to get your son to talk to you about what his days are like. He probably won't be able to pinpoint problem people or events that trigger his negativity, but "pretend" role-playing games where HE gets to run the narrative will allow him to simulate situations that help you understand what goes on for him during his day. Puppets can also be useful, or drawing pictures if he's enjoys that, or telling a story.

A common approach adults use with kids is to tell them or model for them how they ought to be feeling. This does not work. Kids feel how they feel based on needs that are, or are not, being met. They can't ignore their needs any more than you or I can ignore hunger. So it's important to try to understand what those needs are.

2 moms found this helpful

Vitamin D ? Are you kidding ? You need to understand the symptoms of S.A.D. to know that your son's behavior has nothing to do with that or a lack of Vitamin D. Here are some articles on that (just to show you this is Not his problem);

http://search.mercola.com/Results.aspx?k=S.A.D.

He obviously can't stand going to school. You stated what a happy, cheery, excited boy he was PRIOR to school, and now he has completely done a 180 - what happened ? Its' quite clear from your comments there is a problem at/with the school, since he is happy at home. He went from an independent thinker who could express his creativity and use his imagination to a child who had all of this stifled, crushed, snuffed out between the walls of school, thus his acting out to regain some independence even though its negative in nature. This is quite clear to me from your description, yet so many people don't want to point the finger where the blame should be - its NOT your son with the problem, its the environment YOU are putting him in !!!

You need to read a few books which will help clarify this for you (you can get them on amazon quite inexpensively). Here are the links:

http://www.amazon.com/Dumbing-Down-Curriculum-Compulsory-...

http://www.amazon.com/Weapons-Mass-Instruction-Schoolteac...

http://www.amazon.com/Instead-Education-People-Things-Bet...

1 mom found this helpful

Well, I may be going against the stream a bit here, but many children are simply not mature enough to start school until they are 6 or 7 years old. While younger kids may be able to learn to read and count, many children in kindergarten are simply socially and psychologically not ready for a full school day, especially if they are young 5 year olds (born closer to the cut off). We are doing our children a serious disservice by handing them off to schools ever earlier (yes, a lot of parents will challenge cut-off dates) before they are ready.
In public schools, where the curriculum includes lessons that are too long, too few opportunities for play based, exploratory learning and physical activity, the teacher probably has not enough resources to help him in the social skills department.Your son may simply not be ready for school.

The first year of school often sets the tone for the rest of his school life - success or failure. I would have a very serious discussion with his teacher and possible (if available) counseling staff at the school to assess what is going on. If they are unable to accommodate his needs, you may want to look into an alternative or private school. If that is financially not possible, I would consider homeschooling for one year or pulling him from K and getting him into a good pre-school.

1 mom found this helpful

Your solution is in your question. Your son needs to get to bed earlier. And your reason is simple, different ages need different things--like amounts of sleep.

Full day kindergarten is hard for some kids (I taught K-1 for 13 years, 4 of the full day kindergarten). I would work on the developing a special relationship with the teacher. That will make the school year better.

This year important for the next 6 years. I urge you to work on it as much as you can.

1 mom found this helpful

Some kindergarteners still need a nap. A friend of mine used to drive school bus. She had to be very careful because the kindergarteners would fall asleep on her bus. He might still need a nap. Or if he wasn't a napper before, he might be now, school uses more energy.
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Where did he hear the S word? From your household or from school? Has he always been at home with you or did he attend a preschool? If so how did he do there? If not maybe he is having seperation anxiety. And you are right, maybe he isn't getting enough sleep therefore cranky.
If everything has been fine at home, maybe someone is doing something to him at school.

1 mom found this helpful

I appreciate what Leonard Sax says in his book about boys and their reactions to Kindergarten: "Why Gender Matters". Perhaps you'll find that helpful. All the best!

1 mom found this helpful

It could be a combo of many things. All day kindergarten is a tough transition for many children. He may still be needing a mid day nap/break occassionally and I don't think they really do that in full day kindergartens. Not sure your situation, but you might try to find a school that offers half-day or maybe a local preschool/daycare option that offers kindergarten-many of them do these days.
Maybe he is too young for school. You don't mention his age. A lot of kids aren't ready for kindergarten until 6.
I know it is hard to have two different bed times for children, however, it might be necessary. a 9 year old needs of sleep are different than a 5 year old and you can just explain it to your child that your daughter is older and has different rules.
Could he be being bullied at school? That sometimes makes children act out.
I hope you find what is making the changes, because it is hard to see things like this happen to our children. Best of all to you.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with Rebecca's recommendations. I'd add another suggestion. There are many good books written for children about feelings. My granddaughter asked me to read a serious over and over starting when she was around 4. She's 9 and still asks me to read them from time to time. One is I'm Angry. Another is I'm Sad, and so on. I found them at the Multnomah Co Library and then bought them from Amazon so that I could have them readily available.

If you go to the Amazon, Powell's or Barnes and Noble web sites and query feelings in children's books you will find many helpful books. I usually select several books and then go to the library on the Internet and see if they have them. Frequently I check them out of the library and then only purchase them when they are useful to me and my grandchildren. I do the same for parenting books.

I discovered that the Multnomah Co Library has a special section situated near the children's books that is named Parenting Section or something like that. This section has children's books directed towards behavior and situations on the child's level.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi C.,

You don't mention how old he is. We ran into something similar with our son when he started Kindi. He was 5, but a young 5 (June bday; started school in Sept). What we found out is that boys typically have a harder time especially when starting school at 5 due to maturity. It's not that he wants to be bad or do bad things, but he's a boy and would much rather be playing then have to do this work.
I do think having an earlier bedtime even if sister doesn't is acceptable. 8:00 is our bedtime because our kids are early risers.
Maybe also rewards for good behavior. Small toy from the dollar store or something he chooses.
Keep the routine you're doing and just know that it will get better.

Happy holidays.

1 mom found this helpful

I'd suggest some social stories combined with a token economy. Write little stories using his name and a specific event in the school day with concrete suggestions for appropriate choices. Make a daily chart with his class's schedule ( reading, circle time etc) and have his teacher award him a sticker for each time he participates in a scheduled activity without problems. Be sure to include rewards/consequences in the social story, but stick to positives. Then make a deal with him that a specified number of stickers per day earns him a treat or reward. (example Brian goes to school every day Sometimes Brian wants to yell or break the rules. Brian remembers that he can be quiet, tell the teacher how he's feeling, or save his yelling for recess. Brian knows if he does this he will get a sticker for his chart and get a prize at the end of the day.)