Okay, first off, my son says he loves school. He says he doesn't want to miss it/stop going, etc. He has a best friend there and other little friends, and really comes home and says he had a good day almost every day and he loves sharing with us about it at dinner.
He has also been bullied there. And we've dealt with other issues. The school, I feel, has totally shrugged off my concerns. So, I just wrote a 2.5 single-spaced typed note to the woman listed as the contact person for elementary school issues on our county's school webpage. The current manifestation of my 5 yr old's problems is having accidents (peeing in his pants). I mean he has done this 14 times this week alone. There haven't really been any big changes at home, and based on when it happens, etc, we think it's all bully-related. I'm keeping him home tomorrow. There'a program he's supposed to sing in Thursday night and he really wants to, so we'll let him do that and my parents are going to come see him. But I'm going crazy! This stuff is NOT okay! 14 accidents in 7 days. Wow. And he had two today at church. He hasn't had an accident at church literally in years! Please don't think I'm saying that accidents are never okay. That is not it at all! It's that this many, and he's regressed to when he was about 2-3 having accidents, this is not something he's done for years and years and now he's having 2-3 every day.
Our finances are REALLY tight. My hubby is gone to work from 6:15am to 4:15 pm. He could push his starting time back an hour which would mean he could drop our son off at another school in the district, but then we couldn't pick him up for a couple hours after school was over. I'm not willing to not see my son that much. We don't really have money to homeschool, at least not always, but we do currently have a vacation fund I could dip into but it would only be a year and then there's no guarantee we'd be able to build it back up (it was from a tax refund).
I am keeping my son home tomorrow, but then figuring he'll at least try school the rest of the week. That is partly to help me make up my mind about taking him out of it for the rest of the year or what. I also don't really know where I'd find the 3-4 hours I'm told it takes daily to homeschool. I stay REALLY busy as it is. However, I want to do what's best for my son!
Please don't be hateful, I went to these public schools and loved them and had great teachers, so I have nothing against them, but this year-this experience with my son has been so bad. Please give me your opinions or if you know where I can find great -CHEAP!- homeschooling materials, etc. I hate that my son is going through this, and I don't really understand exactly what's causing it, but it does seem to be school related, like almost all of his problems lately. So we're just trying to figure out what to do best for our son, with our budget.
**For those who have posted something with certain questions/concerns/statements: we have contacted the school. We have mentioned specific instances and those are brushed off. As in, I knew she sent a note home with a particular kid twice telling his mom he was stealing other children's things, and then the same teacher told me that no children in the class were stealing anything. I know I did not list any of the spefici bullying incidents, mainly b/c I thought the post was long enough already: but let me assure you they have happened, and there are a lot. Unfortunately, the girl on the bus who is really mean has gotten in trouble several times but the bus driver, who we've also had problems with him-b/c he's not been doing his job correctly-one day he dropped off a friend of my son at my house. Me and the boys mom were both shocked! It was lucky her phone number was listed under her name and that she has an unusual name or else I wouldn't have had a way to contact her! But the bus driver is really good friends with the father of the mean girl, so she gets away with a lot. So there are really a lot of issues in play here. And I don't think it's a UTI because the same thing has happened several times before, but not to this extent. We've talked to our pediatrician about UTIs in our son and so none of us think this is it. She was actually the one to first tell us it's probably stress-related. That fits well with my son, who often internalizes things. We've talked to the school about that, and have gone to the teacher several times and we are being lied to. Also, going through some of this stuff, I've actually not shared it initially, but when I say who my son's teacher is, the other moms just kind of chuckle and say, "So how's that working out for YOU?" in a way that clearly shows they've had issues. We start talking, and sure enough---the stories that come out of this class are not good, but nothing ever happens and the parents always talk to the principal, but of course they don't want to change around classes or anything and nothing ever happens to the teacher. I could still go on and on. Like I said: there are a lot of issues. It's just trying to balance when it was worth him getting through the year-after all, not all experiences in life are pleasant, and where does it become something that I just simply can't allow for him to have to go through anymore. Oh, and I talked to my son about homeschooling, and he was all for it until he realized it meant he wouldn't be with his best friend. Oh, and I didn't put it in there, b/c I thought it was kind of self-explanatary (and of course for me it is, b/c I know the situation, but it wouldn't necessarily be this way) the accidents started happening at school. Earlier this year, and this week. They were all at school: none at home. So that's why the school/accident correlation is there. B/c that's where it started. It just came home three weeks ago he had one, I think, and then two weeks ago he didn't have any, and then this last week they were almost all at school excpet then he had 2 yesterday and 2 today at church. But other than that, for the past few years he's only had one here or there, and these started all happening at school. He would still maybe have one at home every 2-3 weeks, but that was it. They just started coming home recently though in this amount/frequency.
You can homeschool from books from the library and free worksheets online. I'd recommend getting Sonlight's catalog and going from there. There are also homeschooling help books you can get from the library. Search for good titles. And look for what kids should be learning at each age etc. I wish you the best of luck! Hang in there!
I totally agree with B.D. below. Your son is having lots and lots of accidents, which might be a cry for attention, but might be something else entirely.
Honestly, as a teacher, if I got a 2.5 page single-spaced note about all of the problems that a kid was having in my class, I wouldn't know how to respond. It would be much more productive to request a conference and have a dialogue with the teacher/administration. It's possible that they're giving you the brush off, but it's possible that you're simply seeing a problem where they don't, or it's a problem that they are unable to fix for a variety of reasons. You need to be open to hearing them too.
If your son is 5 and saying that he loves school, he probably loves school. They don't really know to intentionally keep stuff like "mean kids" from their parents at this age. You may feel like he's not being treated nicely, but he seems happy; shouldn't that count for something?
I hope this doesn't feel "hateful" to you, I don't mean it to be. I do want to put out there though, that sometimes our interpretations of our children's experience isn't entirely accurate. After all, we love them so much and want to protect them from every possible harm. Do incorporate the feedback that you get from school, and from him, before making any decision. And please take him to the doctor - if the cause of these accidents is physical in nature you'll feel badly that you attributed it to only psychological causes.
Good luck.
If there are bullying incidents that aren't being addressed then you need to get him out. If you can't get him into another school then homeschooling is a wonderful option that doesn't cost a lot of money. We homeschooled for free for 2 years! There are many free websites with games, printouts, worksheets, spelling lists, etc. There is also a website that will send you textbooks for free http://www.booksamaritan.com/. We use our library for all the rest of our homeschooling needs. It need not cost you a penny! If you private message me your email I can send you my long list of free homeschooling websites that I've collected over the years.
www.homeschoolspot.com is a wonderful forum for questions you might have.
As for seeing his friends, he can still see his friends! You'll get them together for playdates. If there is a homeschooling group in your area then you can meet up for socialization for field trips. We meet on Fridays for socialization and we have many field trips.
If he's 5, you DEFINITELY will not be homeschooling him with seatwork for 3 hours! At age 5 you'll want an hour of seatwork max, and spread out through the day. The rest of the learning will be educational games, art, experiments, educational TV shows etc. The "What Your Kindergardener Needs To Know" book is inexpensive and has great lesson and exercises.
Message me if you have any questions. I'm not in your state, but we've been homeschooling on a budget for a long time!
Just wondering, what is the job of the person who you wrote to in the district from the website? Writing is a good idea, but I suggest that you make certain that you are writing to a person who has the capacity to help you, and that you make your point short and to the point and something that will get the attention of the right administrator.
Almost every district in the country will have an anti bullying- anti harrasment policy. Many states have laws that will require it, but even if you live in a state that does not, schools that do not have policies are becoming less and less common. First, get back on that district web site, find the email of the superintendent, and ask for the policy and ask for the district complaint policy and step by step procedure. Copy the principal and the teacher. Put "Bullying and Harrasment and District complaint policy" in the subject line. If you cannot email, send a letter. You may even want to deliver all the copies in person. Ask, in writing for the writen policies to be given to you within 10 school days and offer to pay resonable copying fees. Say that you would like a relply from them ASAP indicating that they have recieved your request. If you do not recieve a response that day, repeat the proceedure until you do. I will bet you that it will only take one day for you to have a phone call.
Send a second email to your principal. Request a copy of your son's cumulative file. Again, offer to pay resonable copying costs. Say that you are requesting a copy of any and all personally identifiable information that is in any and all folders and files, from any and all teachers, counselors, diciplinary records, nurse visits; including electronic and paper corespondences between any and all district personel that are about your son. Tell them that you understand that the personally identifable information about other children (especially those involved in Bullying against your son) will be redacted from your sons record. If necessary, offer to come to the school to view the information in person. Tell them that you expect for them to comply with your request within ten school days.
While you wait, make a list of the dates of the bullying, and very short statements about what happend. Try to list the dates that he has had accidents. Call it "decompensation." Make your points short and very to the point. If you contacted anyone in writing and can show that you did so, note that.
If you get a phone call, and you will, tell them that your son has been bullied, that you have tried to get help, and you consider that the school has been deliberately indifferent about your son's distress, and that he has decompensated as a result of their failure to make a safe envioronment for your son. Tell them that you appreciate the phone call, and you have not decided what you are going to do yet, but that you will be waiting for the records and the documents that you requested. If they offer to do something, and you feel comfortable, then you can decide to go forward and send him back to school. What ever the content of the phone call, from here on forward, if you speak to anyone at a school about a serious issue like bullying, do so in writing. A converstaion is worth the paper it is written on, and if everything you have done so far is verbal, it never happend, and you are in a position of arguing that the school "should have known" because you cannot prove that they knew.
I would suggest too, that you contact a mental health professional. Maybe a play therapist, to document his issues and get him some help for his problems, if you are certain that they are caused by stress. I would hold the school responsible, and this is one way to document what has happend and why he has decompensated by having so many accidents.
Be nice, be firm, make your requests, leave all the small details out. Your son was bullied by the following kids...it happend on the following days to the best of your recolection, you tried to get help by speak to the following people, no one at school would help you and you consider them to be deliberatley indifferent about how serious the bullying was, and continurs to be, and that you beleive that your son has decompensated because of the bullying and has begun to wet himself as a result.
Do some research about your state law. This may help you in a great many ways.
I promise you, if you do this, you will not be ignored any longer.
M.
While understand where you are coming from and why you want to keep him home have you ruled out any possible medical reason for the sudden onset of these accidents. I'd make sure that not just a uti is ruled out but also diabetes.
From what little you posted I can not find a direct correlation between his accidents and school. I am especially skeptical since the accidents are happening outside of school and on the weekends.
Have you spoken with his pediatrician about the accidents? Does your son offer any explanation for his accidents?
If he seems happy and satisfied with school you could be doing him a huge diservice pulling him out. You don't really relay any bullying anecdotes.
Have you spoken to his teacher to find out what is going on in the classroom?
I am sure there is much more that you didn't post but it sounds like you are throwing the baby out with the bath water. Start with the pediatrician and see what he recommends before doing anything rash. For your son's sake!
At your son's age, it doesn't take 3 to 4 hours everyday to make it through kindergarten curriculum. Or even first grade, or whatever.
You can homeschool for free (except for field trips) using curriculum like Ambleside Online (www.amblesideonline.org) and Old Fashioned Education (www.oldfashionededucation.com), and of course using your public library.
There is also a book called Homeschool Your Child for Free: More Than 1,400 Smart, Effective, and Practical Resources for Educating Your Family at Home. Check it out or buy it at the bookstore.
If your son is having these issues, and the school doesn't seem willing to address them, then I totally understand why you would consider taking him out of school. Good luck, and I hope you find the answers/solutions you're looking for.
You can continue to pursue info on the home schooling. It is always a good idea to know what your options are. But please consider a few other things:
1.) A full physical check up with your pediatrician; specifically to determine if he has a UTI or should see a pediatric urologist.
2.) A written request (followed up by a phone call) asking to get an evaluation with the school social worker or psychologist. They should meet with him one-on-one, observe him in class and at recess, and meet with the parents. Send it to the principal and copy his teacher and the head of the district.
Because deciding on home schooling or another school may only treat the symptom.. He enjoys school but is having accidents just doesn't add up and I would want to dig a little deeper.
.
Sounds like you need to go above the teacher and address the issues again. Specifically give examples of issues with the kids and the teacher, support it with facts and comments from previous parents. If they aren't going to address the teacher's issues, I think you should go to the school board. Demand at the very least they move your son from this ladies' class but if they don't take care of the teacher you should still report it to the school board so it is on the record should more happen w/ the teacher later.
Additionally, approach the bus driver again and go to his boss too (in our area they have both a bus owner and transportation superintendent that they have to answer too...I would go to both since it has been happening.
See if the school counselor can talk with your child as well. It will help him and maybe also help resolve some issues at the school.
I think you need to:
1. Drive him to school and pick him up at the end of the day. This will eliminate any issues with the bus. Yes, it's a huge pain, but you need to do what is best for your son.
2. Contact your Principal and schedule a meeting with him, the teacher, and the school counselor today! I'm not sure your letter went to the right place. You need to make the school do what it is supposed to do, but you need to find out the whole story.
3. Volunteer in his classroom.
3. Volunteer in the school library.
4. Join the PTO.
5. Contact his pediatrician to find out if this is a physical thing or an emotional thing.
(FYI: Parents who are around and visible at school see what actually happens during the day. The faculty and staff get to know you.)
LBC
Perhaps he would qualify for a need based scholarship at a small private school? It may be the responsibility of the school district to provide educational materials for your son if he cannot remain in public school. Have you had your son checked for a UTI? It could be a physical problem-it sounds emotional-but you never know. Has he had a sore throat in the past two months? Strep can settle in the kidneys-and cause problems. Good luck.
It's easy to homeschool in VA. You need to tell the school and sign the papers, it'lll have your curriculum or what you are covering and you'll send in proof of highschoo/college graduation.
It does not have to cost that much. Look up some of the options Tapestry Of Grace, My Fathers' Word, Veritas Press. You do not need to buy a whole curriculum. Use the library, museums, get involved in a homeschool group. Really in Kinder and 1st you can go to Borders, Barnes and Noble and get the workbooks for those grades.
For his pottying, get him into pullups. He doesnt' want to be wet. Start taking him more often to the bathroom while he is at home with you. Is there an aide in the class? Will she take him or remind him to go every hour or so?
Start teaching him what bullying is and what to watch out for. Teach him about innappropriate touch too. As him how he would feel if someone did this to him, but not has someone done this to you. Make sure he knows he can come to you anytime.
If you decide to home school it should not be expensive to educate a kindergartner, Workbooks are bad, plenty of books and probably educational videos available at local library, science in your backyard, free museums around? Used materials available at Amazon. There is curriculum available online and your public school curriculum is PUBLIC and available for you to read.
BUT either way you must continue to push the schools to do something about bullying. If you can get other parents to support you contact the board of ed. if that doesn't work the local newspaper could do an article. Look up the laws in your state, our district is required to have policies in place regarding bullying.
Also start researching ways to bully proof your son. For some reason he is more susceptible than others. Ways to build his self esteem include changing the way you praise him, and role playing different scenarios with him.
we used time4learning for a while in kinder, and it was really good, it was around $20 a month, and all online, your child feels like they are playing a game, but it is actual curriculum maths, english, science etc. You have to add in your own writing.
God bless his little heart! Is he in kindergarten?
My opinion-yes, get him outta there.
I have only done a little research on homeschooling so I don't know exactly where to direct you. But I think if you dig around online you should be able to come up w/ a solution.
Best wishes to you and your son.
Keep us updated.
i'm going to confine my answer to the homeschooling question. homeschooling does NOT have to be expensive and SHOULD not be expensive. you can get everything you need from your local library. you'll want some art supplies and so forth, but you can get them very cheap on sale at walmart and michaels if you keep your eyes open. in the homeschool co-ops i belong to there are almost always free tables set up where families swap and recycle homeschool and craft materials. goodwill is another great frugal option.
don't let cost prevent you from trying it.
khairete
S.
