What to Do About My Ex Husband Letting My Kids Watch Rated R Movies.

T.,
I think Sandy's advice is great buying the TV and giving it to him with some movies for the kids. Also, I would send over some age appropriate board games with the kids and say something like, "All Bobby could talk about this week is playing this game with his Daddy" Maybe it will get him and the kids focused on more appropriate activities. As for not censoring your children I believe that there comes a point when everyone will need to censor themselves but 8 is a little young to start being the "Buddy" to your kids. Of course that is just one opinion. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Well you need to determine how you want to expend your energy. Are you always going to fight with your ex-husband or are you going to show your children how to impower themselves? Frankly, I'd vote on the later as the former seems beyond redemption. Sit down with the kids and ask them what they think about the movies they see at daddy's. If the sound bothers them, then send them with ear plugs so they don't have to listen to the sound. If they aren't interested in watching those movies, they need to take a stand against dad by saying, "Dad, these movies really bother me and I'd rather watch ______, which I brought with me. Can we watch it instead?" If he says no, tell them to go to the other room and send them with games, books, puzzles they can do on their own or give them the option of calling you to come pick them up if they feel that uncomfortable.

Ultimately, they need to learn that they have consequences for their own decisions...if they want to watch these movies, then they are going to have the nightmares...If they don't like the nightmares, they shouldn't watch the movies... If you treat them like little adults and teach them alternate ways to solve the problems they will thank you when they grow up because you have impowered them to make their own decisons! Good luck and keep us posted!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi T.,

Well I have totally different advice thent he other people have responded.

1st,I have 4 kids and I don't hide anything from them. I don't allow them to watch xxx rated movies or anything but I also don't censor everything. So my advice let your kids know that from now on these are the rules in your house and Dad may have different ones then you but when they are at your house they follow your rules.

2nd, Also let your kids know that you don't approve of these movies and they will not be allowed to watch them at your house.

Get a piece of poster board write your rules down. Let them know there are clear consequences when they don't folloe the rules.

For you, I know you disapprove of the movies he is allowing them to watch. But this is like a tug of war the more you say to not let them watch them the more he is gonna let them watch them. So just lay low for awhile. Don't say anything about it and I bet he will stop doing it. Right now your EX knows you can't control him, what he does in his own house, with his own kids and it pisses you off. He has the upper hand when he sees that these things make you mad. Basically call his bluff.

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I do not believe the courts would accept this as appropriate parenting. You could tell your ex that if his inappropriate parenting continues, you will look into getting his rights with his boys limited to "with supervision".

I would speak to a legal professional to see if his weekends could be monitored to insure the best care for your children. Maybe get all the information that you can and then present it to your EX, see if things change if they don't start taking action. I have the same battle with my husband with my 9 year old but I'm around to say change the channel or Landen lets go to another room. What also might work is whenever your children get up because of nighmares call your ex and have him come over or speak to your son.......then he might see how it does have a negative affect on them and he'll stop. Maybe pack approved movies with them and say please watch these first and watch yours later when the kids are in bed.

I'm sorry you are going through this and hopefully it will stop. It's hard not having the control in a situation like this knowing it is hurting your children. I'll be praying for your family.

Good Luck
N.

T. - Something just can't be fixed. This is what happens when people get divorced with children - you lose control. Maybe an alternative is to ask you ex if you can all go see a movie together; this way you have some say so. Like I said, some things just cannot be fixed.

I have a step son whose mother is very similar to your ex. He is now 11. We have learned that there is nothing you can do in court and definately nothing to be said to his mom about these issues. Just do what you can when you have them and they will see the difference. Kids like rules and boundries. Eventually, they will begin wanting to spend more time with the parent who does the most parenting. In the meantime, just remeber, you're not married to this person anymore and that means you can also run your home as you see fit.

Many states offer a free of cost mediation program through the court system or social services. In Missouri it is called MARCH. I would reccomend that as a first step. They get the two of you together with a volunteer attorney or social worker to address the issue. The issue and the resolution is then filed with your divorce file. Hopefully this solves the problem - but if it doesn't, you have record of making this attempt first before you go any further. There are tons of research, statistics online regarding the harmful effects of your ex's parenting choices.

I would contact the court/your lawyer & see what you can do.

T., I feel your frustration. I go through the same issues with my boys. I'm a step-mom of two, but my boys see me more as mom than they see their own mom and she does similar things as your husband. Unfortunately the courts have informed my husband and I that we have no control over what she does when they're with her unless it's physically or mentally harming them in a manner we could prove in court to remove her visitations or limit them more. It's very frustrating knowing k, when they come home I have to work on everything all over again to get them back to how we had them prior to going over there. It's sad that the courts wont or can't do more to help the good parents to be able to do more to help their chilren. If anything comes to me or if anything works for me I'll defnitely let you know.

sorry but i cant help you with this. i see no problem in it, i took my 8 year old who LOVES horror movies like i do and CG movies to see the Saw movies.

CHILDREN ARE ALWAYS THE FIRST CONCERN TO PROVIDE THEM WITH
PARENT MODELS THAT DEVELOP CHARACTER WITHIN THEM. THIS YOU
ALREADY KNOW. THE ISSUE: HOW DO YOU DO THIS WHEN THE
PARENTS ARE NOT IN AGREEMENT? I AM ASSUMING YOU HAVE TRIED, WITHOUT SUCCESS TO TALK WITH YOUR EX-HUSBAND WHAT IT
IS DOING TO THE BOYS I.E. MODELED BEHAVIOR TO ACT OUT, BUT
IT APPEARS YOUR VALUES ARE DIFFERENT, AND THE BOYS ARE IN
THE MIDDLE AND THE VICTIMS. IS IT POSSIBLE YOU COULD ASK
FOR TOTAL CUSTODY BASED UPON THE MODELED BEHAVIOR DEVELOPING UNDESIRABLE BEHAVIOR PATTERNS IN THE BOYS.
IT SEEMS YOU AND YOUR EX ARE VERY DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES
WITH DIFFERENT VALUES AND THE BOYS ARE VERY CONFUSED WHAT
PATH TO FOLLOW. THERE BEHAVIOR PATTERNS ARE BEING SHAPED
NOW(AS YOU KNOW) AND WILL FOLLOW THEM, THEIR FAMILIES AS
THEY BECOME FULLY GROWN.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PRAYER? I HAVE DONE MUCH COUNSEL-
ING, AND OFTEN SUGGEST PRAYER (WHERE THEY BELIEVE) FOR
GOD TO WORK A MIRACLE.

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED COUNSELING? I WAS A 'BATTERED' WIFE
AND MY ONLY CHILD WAS ALSO PHYSICALLY AND VERBALLY ABUSED.
I HAVE LIVED THE DAMAGE DONE, AND SAD IT TOOK ME SO LONG
TO REMOVE HIM FROM THAT ENVIRONMENT. I DID NOT KNOW WHAT
I KNOW TODAY, BUT I DID THE BEST I KNEW WITH THE INFO I
HAD. BUT KNOWING WHAT I KNOW TODAY, I WOULD DO EVERY-
THING POSSIBLE TO REMOVE YOU 10 AND 4 YR OLD.......THE
20 YR OLD IS A MORE DIFFICULT SITUATION, AT HIS AGE.

I HEAR YOUR CONCERN, AND I 'CRINGE'. LET ME GIVE YOU
MY E MAIL: ____@____.com; TELE: ###-###-####.
I AM A PRACTICING PSYCHOLOGIST, LIVE IN GRAIN VALLEY,
MO. YOU ARE WELCOME TO CALL OR E MAIL.
GOD BLESS, N. J ANDREW, PhD

He is not going to change. I would ask my oldest what movie(s
) he watched. As a last resort I would the movie or the makings of the movies with my littlest and talk to him about it. I am so sorry that you have to deal with a person with such little reguards for their kids.

I'm sure what all can be done legally but you might look into that. If your ex isn't looking out for the best interest of your kids, then that's something you can present to an attorney or social worker. Just because he lets them watch horror movies doesn't mean the state is going to modify his visitation rights, so I think you talking to your 10 year old is the best move right now. He's got to be the one to set the example for his little brother. Explaining to your 4 year old that the movies aren't real might help.