What's Your Thought on Marriage?

I'm 42, been married 16 yrs. and I couldn't imagine my life without my husband. I find it very strange that the majority of things you hear about marriage are negative. Yes, there is give and take. Yes, there are ups and downs. But my husband is my biggest cheerleader, and my best friend. Whatever I want to do, whatever goal I'm trying to reach - he's always right there cheering me on. He has shown me that he genuinely cares about my happiness, just as much as I care about his. And we continue to grow together. If we happen to run into any problems, we get it out in the open right away . . . communication is very important.

You asked why we got married, and do we regret it? I got married because after developing a friendship with my husband, he became an important part of my life and I wanted to be with him always. And do I regret it? Nope, not for one second. I feel that we were meant to be together, and I genuinely enjoy my life with him and our children.

I hope that helps shed some light on marriage (at least mine). Good luck with your relationship! Enjoy each other, and I think everything else will fall into place! ;-)

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I absolutely love being married. Sure there are days, but overall I love the commitment, security, friendship, family and love we share. I value our past, am enjoying our present and look forward to our future. I even love the challenges we face. It's such an awesome feeling to be faced with an issue, tackle it together and enjoy the outcome.

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I love my husband so much and can't imagine him not being in my life. I love him even more when I see him with our son.

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I love being married. We just celebrated our 6 year anniversary, and I couldn't be happier. I feel a close connection to my husband that is different than when we were dating. I KNOW that he will always be there for me, and that's very comfortable. We haven't had any problems ever - we always treat each other with respect and love. But I think the good thing about being married is that even if you DO have problems, marriage is a commitment to work on those problems in a loving way.

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We are a Catholic family and in our view there is no other union we want to represent other than our bond together through God. We belive that He put us together to live our lives and create our family. No one being is perfect and marriage is a lot of work. It creates a unity of (in a good working marriage)selflessness and giving to another person. I can't just walk out or say "screw this" and ditch. When a challenge presents, I have vowed to fulfill the union and to continue to work to make it grow. When times get tough, our vows hold us tight and draw us back into each other.

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I enjoy being married. It's not a laugh a minute but.. you gotta ask yourself: Are you a better person WITH or WITHOUT him? I love that he knows me better than I sometimes know myself. I love that we are committed to raising our children, running a household, sharing a hobby, counting on each other to be there. I love that he still makes me laugh and he still cares about his appearance AND mine. I love that we trust each other. Sure, we've had ugly and challenging moments and sometimes egos get in the way. Marriage isn't for the faint-hearted. It's a work-in-progress.

I got married because, it made sense. I'm a better person WITH him in my life, and I answered "yes" 21 years ago.

Thanks for the question.

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Dear V., You are probably right marriage is not for everyone. I have been married for 13 years and have 2 great sons. Would I do it again? Yes. Is it difficult at times? Yes, but what isn't hard at times? I believe you have to work at a marriage just like anything else if you want it to be a good marriage. I love my husband and we have been thru alot of bad times and good times. I think that is life. I also think some people look for the perfect spouse. Good Luck, no one is perfect. My husband isn't and neither am I. Just take your time and don't rush into marriage. Good Luck and I wish you much happiness down the road.

Most people look for happiness. But they need to find happiness within themselves first. After being divorced for 11 years with one daughter. I truely took all that time to focus on myself & my relationship with my daughter. I discovered traveling which i did quite a bit of. I focused on my career & built my own home. So basically I became happy within myself. I never thought I would ever get married again or have any more children & I was fine with that. Then I met my now husband & have 3 more wonderfully fullfilling children. I am happy I took the time to find myself & can give my all to my family. Life is full of challenges whether single or married but you create your own hapiness & I am blessed to have a partner that wants to be a part of it. I wish you much happiness, single or married.

V.,
I agree! Marriage can work for some and not others,in some cases divorce is necessary and it is a given. If you can make it work good, if not, it's okay. You have to look at what it means to be in love and how does God factor into it.

All the Best!

I am going to be the one to say, marriage stinks and I wouldn't do it again. I didn't go into it with any dream, but when you don't have the "right" one for you it BLOWS! I am in the process of counceling to see if we can make this work. We have been together for 20 years, married for 14 with two kids. The kids are AWESOME! But as others have said, it's hard work and if only one person is doing the work you get derailed and next stop is splitsville! I am not the poster child for marriage, but just make sure you doing the right thing if you decide to get married!

Simply put, my husband is my best friend. We make each other laugh all the time and know each other completely. I love his company (usually!). :)
The romance is nice, but nothing to keep a marriage going for fifty years. :)

Hi V.,

I'm happily married for 13 years! Marriage is hard work but half the battle is marrying the right person. The other half you will workout together as you go (adjusting & learning). Once Mr. Right comes I can't stress how imperative it is to talk, talk, talk,talk about everything to be sure you're both on same page.
And after the ceremony talk twice as much. Communication is the key to it all. When that stops, problems are inevitable and effects all aspects of marriage, sex, finances everything....Hope this helps!

hello
I have been married for 12 years now to a wonderfully hard working husband a very involved dad. When we met and got serious with our relationship, it was a no brainer that we were for each other. We also are Catholic and got married in the eyes of God and commited to each other forever. THere have been tough times here and there especially dealing with 3 young children close in age and some health issues on my part, but you love each other and work though it. marraige is work and I'm not gonna lie, sometimes he bugs me, but you live your life with someone and not everyone is perfect. during difficult times, you stop and realize that he is wonderful and gives evertyhing for his family and me to stay home with my kids.

V.,
Marriage is a blessing for a lot of reasons. First, studies have shown that married people live longer, better lives and in couples who do not marry the women work harder and bear more responsibility for children & home despite working outside the home. For some reason when there's a wedding the studies show that the work/responsibility is more divided overall, as in they're a team. I'm speaking in broad terms there will always be examples that are outside the norm. But my husband doesn't want me to seek outside employment because we prosper more with me here to care for our children and home, our kids are better adapted and cared for with me here, and he is able to go out and bring home the bacon because I'm here holding down the fort. We're a team, we're united and nothing, not even a teenager can come between us.

I'd really recommend you read a book on Theology of the Body, it's Catholic teaching about marriage & sex. It's a very beautiful look into how marriage really blesses the world. I sincerely hope I've helped you and if you drop me a line, I'd be happy to chat further. I've been married 13 1/2 years to a man who was a single dad. I've raised that child (I'm mom!) and he's doing very well in the Air Force, plus we have 2 together ages 22 mos & 10 years old.

D.

Hi V.,
Marriage can be a wonderful thing. I have been married for 21years. Yes, we have had our good times and bad times. I don't feel it is something to rush into. You need time to get to know the other person.
You should watch the movie, "Fireproof". There is alot to learn from that movie concerning relationships.
Good Luck,
J.

Ellen P stated it very well.

I was terrified of getting married because, being Catholic, I believe divorce is not an option for me. So I'd better pick the right guy. When I met my husband, it became a very easy decision. We love each other and make each other better people. It's not always easy but we've never had a fight because we put our love for each other first - we don't say hurtful things to each other. We have calm discussions and compromise. I can't imagine my life without him. Marriage is great!

Marriage is not for everyone. You can have everything together except the paper and that does not mean you love the person any less. I have been with my boyfriend for over 10 years and we have everything and our lives our perfectly fine without the paper. If you don't want to get married don't. Society should not be the reason you get married. Live life and enjoy what you do have. Love your kids,yourself and then someone else. We are Catholic and know that no matter what God loves us and our children!!

I have been married for 13 years and love it. My husband is sweet and thoughtful and fantastic.
Our marriage is not perfect and has not been without its problems.

A good marriage is work. It is not a 50/50 proposition. It is 110/110.

I found that when I really endeavored to help him with whatever he was working on, the same was reciprocated and that is when our marriage went from good to great!

My only regret is taking so long to figure out what 110/110 Really meant.

I got married because I wanted to build a life with someone. I have never regretted my decision to marry my husband. He is a wonderful man. Nobody's perfect, he certainly has his flaws (as do I), but they are flaws I can live with. He is someone I can truly be myself around. We laugh together and truly have a good time with one another. He is one of my best friends. As with any relationship we certainly have our rough times, but the good most definitely outweighs the bad.

I got married when I was twenty. And yes their are days I want to stream at my husband. But I can't imagine not having my best friend around either. The most romantic thing about marriage is having someone to grow old with and having that one person be there for your entire life, thru the good and the bad. So no regrets even after 16 years.

Hi V.! I too am divorced, now remarried to my 2nd husband for 7 years. My thoughts on marriage are very cut and dry, and have nothing to do with romance. Let me start by saying that I believe companionship is a very important thing in life. We all want someone to take the journey with us and that person should be somebody we trust above anyone else, a person we love, a person who makes us laugh. But those are not reasons to get married. You can enjoy those things with a partner for the rest of your life without ever needing to make it legal, especially in today's society where we are no longer judged for "living in sin", so to speak.

That being said, there are 2 main reasons I believe people should get married (provided your partner satisfies all of the requirements above): for children and for financial/legal reasons. That's it. For better or for worse, I do believe that people who want to have children together should be married. I can go into the many reasons why, too many to list here, but overall I will just say I feel it is in the best interest of the children. That's just my opinion, take it for what it's worth.

And if people decide to comingle their finances, I feel marriage is in order, as it affords you legal protection. The things you buy together become marital property. There are benefits when filing taxes. You are now "family" in the eyes of the law. If one of you falls ill, you can't be denied from hospital visitation. Insurance also covers you both. From a legal standpoint, you have rights, unlike if you are dating and then simply break up. This is why the gay community is fighting so vehemently for the right to marry - so that these rights can be applied to them too.

Conversely, if you are going to marry someone but keep all your money separate, then I don't really understand - why get married in the first place? Besides, once you are married, everything should be viewed in partnership, including your money. Again, just my opinion, but these are the reasons that I got married, at least the 2nd time around. The first time, I was simply young and in love and didn't think it all through. The 2nd time, I knew I wanted to have children with this man and financially, it made sense for us to get married. We were able to pool our resources to buy a much nicer home that neither of us could afford on our own. And we know we are both legally protected in many many ways.

I know that this comes across "on paper" as probably a little scientific and cold. If I were explaining it to you in person, it would probably seem a lot warmer! I am a huge believer in love and in people being together for the rest of their lives. If I didn't feel this way about my husband, then I never would have even considered marriage, regardless of anything else. Hope this makes sense! : )

Hi V. I've been married for 39 years. To make it last, you have to work as a team. Their should be no " this is mine and that's hers" Be honest with each other and take the bitter with the sweet. Because knowone is perfect.

I can do what I want in life because I have my partner to share the burdens that otherwise would have limited access to my goals (i.e. money). The main goal of marriage seems to be creating a secure and moral foundation for children. I believe that we send a values message to them when we make, break or stay with our vows. If kids are not involved, a relationship never needs wedlock, and the two people still can reach their individual and shared goals. Of course, a person's values around sex can impact that, but my personal opinion is that sex is okay out of wedlock. The only other consideration is taxation/government. There are benefits to getting legally married. (If there wasn't, why would there be so much controversy to legalize gay marriage?)

In my personal life, we had some fights that could have ended in divorce. We worked through them and are celebrating 10 years in a week. I credit my son for helping my hubby and me to change in a way that would make us successful at our marriage. I learned about love and selflessness when I became a parent. These lessons helped me to grow up, and now our relationship is better than ever! It is so worth the hard times.

Hi V.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment of love, respect and friendship, in great times and bad.I was in love with my husband when I married him, we had lived together for 10 years before we married, however We were divorced in 6 months, after a few months we remained friends, close friends untill he passed away at 40 of a heart attack in his sleep a year after we divorced. We were better friends than husband and wife! I am now 41 he passed in 2004. I will never marry again because I beleive it is a one time deal, not that I won't love again some day, I just believe you only marry 1 time, you do the best you can to make it work, if it does not then you go your seperate ways. Just my opinion. I certainly do not regret getting married!!
Good luck in your search. I hope you find what you are looking for.
V.

I never thought I'd get married or have kids, but when I met my husband, I knew I met someone I wanted in my life until I died, and I wanted him in it as a true partner, someone I promised to stay with through it all.

We've been married 8.5 years and I don't regret it at all. Best decision I ever made.

I have been married 20 yrs, and we have had some rough times, but many more good times. I think as we have gotten older things have actually gotten better. I do not regret getting married, but it is something you have to work on to keep it fresh and fun. Compromise is the key for both partners. I could not imagine us not being together.

I would probably not get married a second time as I just feel it would be hard to start over with someone else, after all our years together.

I have been married for 25 years and do not ever regret getting married. We met in October 1983 and were married in June 1984. We just knew we were ment to be together. My husband was married before but for me it was first time. I have a very devoted husband. He works with many very good looking women and he has never strayed. I was 24 when we got married he was 30. We talked many things out before tying the knot. What we both wanted out of life and marriage. One thing I said to him was if you feel you need to stray just tell me because first of all I want the same chance to look and second I do not want to catch any disease. i know that sounds funny but I was very open about how I felt, still am. I told him, I do not drink coffee so why would I make it in the morning. I don't know what you want to take for lunch so why would I want to make you lunch only to hear that is not what I wanted. These and many other guidelines were set up the 5 months we lived together. It really seems to work for us. We have a 19 year old son who is very independent. I still do a lot of things for my 2 men because I am a stay at home mom but our son does his own laundry and takes care of his own living space, including his own bathroom.
I think marriage is a wonderful thing but it is not for everyone but as a Christian (since our marriage) I have come to believe that sexual relationships are part of marriage and commitment and that is what we have taught our son but I know it is hard to be without companionship so if marriage is not for you, that is between you, your gentlemen friend and your maker.
Lastly don't let one mistake clutter your current relationship. This might be mister right.

God bless,
S.

If you don't want to get married done. Don't rush it either. My thought are that most people only remember the bad things and you really have to try to thing about the good things. I complain about my husband even though I don't mean to... and then I remember that he does all the dished, sweeps and mops the floors, vacuums and does all the laundry. Marriage is a give and take, a bond, I too married the wrong guy, then got divorced, met my current husband 2 weeks after the divorce was final, 6 years later with 4 years of marriage and a 3 year old son... life is good and I wouldn't want it any other way. Good luck to you.

I have been with my husband for 2.5 years - but our relationship has spanned 20. We decided to finally get married because we felt it was the next level of our relationship, and wanted to start a family. Any good relationship (married or not - with a co-worker, best friend, etc.), requires three very important things 1). trust 2). mutual respect 3). honest communication. In my opinion, marriage is a comittment of these 3 elements + love wherein two people decide to embark upon life's adventures together.

My husband and I are a team, both of us striving toward common goals, while repsecting each other's personal goals and interests. Never lose your own self-awareness - this keeps your relationship healthy and stimulated.

V.,

Marriage is not about the princess finding prince charming and they live happily ever after. If you believe that, you'll be disappointed in marriage. The reason I got married was that I fell in love with this wonderful man and want to share my life with him to death do us part. Marriage is not easy, there will be days that are hard, and days that you are glad you found this man. The harder the times are, the more rewarding the years as they go by. I love having children with my husband and hope to carry on family traditions to my children.

I must say that you need to discuss things to your partner about money, children, sex..etc (all the important issues) before you get married so that there are no surprises. I also believe you need to know the person for 3-5 years before tieing the knot. This way you can see them who they really are, because some men can be at their best for several years. If marriage is not for you...then don't do it. If I ever get divorced from my husband, I would never remarry either. I don't need anyone to support me or my children. To me, once you mess up with one marriage you may repeat the same mistakes twice. Or you can learn from your mistakes so they are not repeated. Either way, it's not a decision to take lightly. If you like being with yourself, you should not need to give in to what society expects you to do.

Abosolutely not. We've been married for nine years, together for 14, and have known each other since college. For my husband and me, getting married was the "next right step" in the evolution of our relationship.

As the product of parents with multiple marriages under their belts, the decision to wed was not one I took lightly. Ditto for my husband, whose parents were married for almost 40 years before our beloved FIL passed away. When things are rocky, my knee-jerk reaction is "OMG he wants a separation!" but then I realize that most healthy couples don't automatically default to FAIL when problems arise.

One essential detail: we share the same value system. This is critical for a successful marriage, IMNSHO. It's motivated all of our life decisions together, and allowed us to weather some profound, awful external circumstances. (If our marriage survived the events of 2007, I feel we can make it through almost anything.)

Good luck.