What's Wrong with Me?? - Charlotte,NC

I don't think you said how old you are, but I'd recommend that you either let your doctor know that you need more than a 'band-aid' fix for your symptoms -- you need a thorough physical; or if s/he doesn't want to give it to you, go elsewhere until you get it.

You need a full blood panel done with tests for thyroid. You could be having peri-menopause (thyroid problems and menopause are both 'hormone' issues and both cause LOTS of emotional turmoil). I have problems with both, and until my meds got adjusted accurately, I was a mess, emotionally (and physically).

God bless you! You surely have been 'through the mill'. Find a doctor who in interested in 'getting to the bottom of things' instead of sticking you on anti-depressants first thing. I take PremPro and it eliminated the hot flashes, mood swings, rare but HEAVY periods, AND depression! Thank God!

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Hi S.! :)

I'm not sure what your diet is like, but from my experience and from knowing others with lots of experience, it's my opinion that a change of diet would really help you :)

Last night for instance, I was reminded of how important quality protein is for you. I've been exhausted lately--dealing with my son's new school schedule. I felt like I was only getting 5 hours of sleep instead of the 9 hours I get from going to bed earlier. So last night my husband hands me a little carton of organic yogurt with 15 grams of protein and half way through it, my mind cleared and I felt completely normal. My energy was back and come bedtime I thought--man I could stay up later I feel so good, but I'd better not lol!

Whatever quality of energy you put into your body is what you get back. Another example of this is that I was married for 5 years and could not get pregnant. I thought I was infertile and was looking into adoption. I felt terrible too. I slept too much, I cried too much, my periods were abonormal--causing me to bleed for months and months without ceasing and sometimes they stop altogether for months. One day I decided to stop eating all preservatives, additives and artificial colors. My periods became normal. I felt great! I was happy and full of energy! I lost 16 pounds VERY fast and became pregnant. It changed my whole perspective on foods.

Remember too--that your mind and your body work in hormony with each other or "feel sympathy for each other if you will". If your mind is in pain (loss of loved one, stress etc), then your body will hurt in response and vis versa.

My advice would be to look into healthier food choices. Eliminate chemicals in your foods, eat organic when you can, eat fresh natural foods and start drinking 100% pomegrante juice (2 oz) a day. Pomegrante juice does miraculous things for the immune system (I could write a book on how much it's done for me and my family!). We make smoothies every day with pomegante juice, rice milk, bananas, frozen blueberries and other frozen fruits.
And increase your protein intake. It doesn't have to be meat, tho meat should be part of it. Some yogurts are high in protein as well as beans.

I promise you --this will make a huge difference in how you feel! :)

Good luck!
M.

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have you researched fibromyalgia? It sounds like it to me -- with the aching all over -- and it is treatable.....

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Hi S.,

Sorry to hear about what is going on in your life. I can't offer much more advice than others did.. I do believe diet is important and good vitamins are key! I use a great energy drink every day. They are called XS,they are not sold in stores. Because there are no sugar or carbs, and have lots of B-12, along with lots of herbs,they are great for the body. If you want, I can get one to you to try. ( I do not recommend buying energy drinks in the store..they will not help in the long term) It is not the answer..I think you still need to find a doctor who will help, but if you can get on good vitamins and healthy food, it may clear itself up. I can also recommend some good books for you read. Self help books can help to clear your mind a bit. Let me know if you want my help. Good luck..email me at ____@____.com

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I'm not a doctor but I suffer from chronic depression and you sound like you are also suffering from depression. it's okay, it happens sometimes when we feel like we have too much on our shoulders.

I suggest going to see a therapist if you have insurance (dont know if your husband being laid off affected that). Otherwise, talk to your regular doctor and see if she would be willing to write a prescription for an anti-depressant.

There are many natural ways to relieve stress and depression, but depression is a serious medical illness. Sometimes it can just "go away" and sometimes we might need a little help - whether it's an herbal remedy or a mild anti-depressant prescribed by your doctor. Exercise can help (and so can sex) because both release endorphins, which are the feel-good hormones. I know it's hard to think about exercising when just getting out of bed seems like a challenge! You could start small by going for a brisk walk with the kids or something along those lines.

You aren't alone and there is no shame in having depression or needing help to move past it. Sometimes I can get past it on my own and sometimes I need medication. What's important it to move past it because depression will only reduce your quality of life and negatively impact your relationships with your husband and your children.

Please get some kind of help, whether its talking to a friend, talking with a therapist, herbal remedies, antidepressants, whatever... you are reaching out for help now because you know you need it - don't be afraid to get it.

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My first thought is depression. You've been under a lot of stress, and have probably gotten out of balance. You may need some drugs to help; you may only need a change in diet and take extra vitamins. Stress uses up your body's vitamin stores, and if you haven't been regularly replacing them through diet or supplement, it just gets worse and worse until you are where you are. Many doctors don't recognize nutritional deficiencies until and unless you get REALLY out of balance -- they're only comfortable and familiar with drugs. Perhaps you can get some relief with dietary change and nutritional supplements -- oh, and certainly go out into the sunshine every day (and I'm talking more than walking from your house to your car!), because getting enough sun is shown to reduce symptoms of depression, and in fact some people have depression strictly from not getting enough sunshine!

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Dear S.,

I'm so sorry you're going through so much. I understand how hard it is to go through such tremendous life changes. Just having one of them is hard enough, and you have your plate filled to the brim.

Try to start being proactive in dealing with your health - that's what I am doing, as I have developed some health problems of my own. First, start with EATING BREAKFAST! This will give you some energy. Healthy options only, like fiber-rich cereal not full of sugar, a piece of fruit, a cup of coffee for a little pick up to help you not want to go right back to bed. Eat a little snack mid-morning to get your body to digest (helps keep your metabolism up) and a small salad for lunch if you aren't very hungry. Make sure you get some protein sometime in the day, even if you don't feel like eating dinner. Try to take a walk outside for a half hour to get away from your work and your house.

If this helps at all, it is worth it. Getting to a therapist to talk about your problems is also a good thing to do. If you don't get better in a few weeks, go back to the doctor for a follow-up. Meanwhile, try to keep busy to push those morbid thoughts away. I know it is hard, but try.

We're praying for you, S..
D.

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Sounds like your Doc is right. Depression! It will do crazy things to you. In addition to the meds she has given you, perhaps you should look into a therapist. Meds are great, but not a cure! Talking with a professional will help you get to the bottom of all the feelings you are having and will offer you new ways to deal with the things in your life that you cannot control. Life can be very overwhelming. Good for you for seeking help. None of us can do it alone. Good luck to you:)

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2 things:
1. Get your thyroid tested by an Endrocrinologist, not your primary care dr. I had all of these symptoms before I found out I had hypothyroidism and was treated.
2. It could very well be your diet. After 10 years of being treated successfully for thyroid disease I started having some of the same symptoms again and discovered I have a gluten intolerance, so in this case it was my diet. I cut out all wheat/gluten/barley/rye/oats and I am better. After taking that out of my diet I discovered I am lactose intolerant, egg whites make me sick and I am allergic to kiwi's. Go see a gastro doc &/or a nutritionist.
Good luck.

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Perhaps you should see a mental health professional. You may have clinical symptoms for depression, panic or anxiety. If you do not have health benefits, mental health care is available in most counties in N.C. at little or no cost.

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I'm very sorry to hear that times have been so rough for you lately.

Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. I suffer from depression as well, and well, it's easier to just take one day at a time.

It sounds as if you've been through a lot and are feeling very overwhelmed, sometimes just being overwhelmed is a big root of depression.

But, once you realize that you are depressed, you can start to heal. It's slow, there are a lot of days when you seem to fall back into the slump. But, it can get better.

I'd also ask your doctor to screen you for other things that tend to go along with depression- fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue for example... they're often treated with the same exact medications that depression is treated with.

I'm here if you need to talk, vent, whine, or any other method of reaching out. I've been there, and I understand exactly how you feel.

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Sounds to me like anxiety. I don't know what causes it, but for me, I had my thyroid removed, so I tend to think sometimes it can begin with a major traumatic event. After my surgery, for some reason I started thinking "well, what if they didn't sew my neck up all the way (yes, I know, sounds crazy, right?)...well then, I started to not be able to breathe and so naturally, I thought I couldn't breathe because of the hole in my neck (the thoughts of that dead lady on beatlejuice with the smoke coming out of her neck) was flashing through my mind. I was literally gasping for breathe and called my boyfriend at the time because I really thought I was going to die. I ended up breathing into a pillow, which slowed my breathing, all the while thinking I was absolutly nuts. After, I found out it was an anxiety attack and have since had many times where the feeling starts to come on, but I've learned to control it with laying back, relaxing, and focusing on my breathing for a couple of minutes. Now...that stops the attacks....it does not stop the crazy thoughts feeling like something is wrong with me and I have a brain tumor or cancer or something. I'm not sure what can control that...but, I can tell you...I know you feel like you are crazy discussing it, but after I finally told my doctor (I made a joke out of it to ease the craziness), she said something like 80% of people suffer from some form of anxiety and not to be embarassed about it. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand alot of times and they do have medicine, but for me, some of the side effects were not worth the little they helped. Good luck!

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Hi S.
It sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life. It's like you can't catch a break. It also sounds like you're trying to take care of everyone. You also need some care and attention. You have a lot of scattered feelings and rightfully so with all that has happened in your life recently. Do you have someone to talk to - a friend on the outside or someone else you trust? If not, maybe think about seeing a counselor - someone who's on the outside of your life that can maybe help you sort your feelings. I did this, to a much minor degree, with multiple events that happened to me and I felt that this helped me. There is nothing wrong with you. I can imagine how stressed out you are. I'm not a doctor but this stress may be causing your cramping and your loss of appetite. I'm not sure what med your doctor put you on that can also cause cramping, but maybe talk with your doctor to see if this is the right med for you. Does your doctor know about your stress?
Feel free to email me anytime you need to talk. I think it always helps to have an ear :) My prayers are with you and your family through all these events. Try to take a little time for yourself - even if it's taking a long warm bath or getting out for walk or some sort of exercise - this helps me clear my mind. I'll walk with you if you live close :)

Kind regards,
PJ

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S., it does sound like you are depressed. It is strange, but true, that depression can physically make you ill. And sometimes it hits without expectation, to anyone. You will be okay, but if you have a pastor or other religious leader, you might talk with him or her. Also, checking with your doctor wouldn't hurt. Make sure to talk to your husband about it and if you have a trusting friend you might talk with that person to. I will pray that you find out what is going on and be able to get help for it. Depression is not fun, but it is possible to beat it. Good luck!

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S., please see someone. Therapy and medication go hand in hand. When one has been under extreme stress for long periods of time it messes up our body chemistry, often leading to depression. If insurance is an issue, many church affiliated counselors offer a sliding scale fee. You are empty and need help getting refilled. If you have some friends/church/family that can help I highly recommend you get some relief scheduled so you can take care of yourself. I know it is so hard to do when you just don't care...but you have to for yourself and your family.

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sounds like Fibromyalgia to me. Use natural remedies to address immune system. Eliminate all artificial ingredients from your diet, especially aspartame and MSG. Drink lots of pure water. Even if it is not Fibro you will feel better.

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S., it is no surprise you are suffering from depression! What you have had to cope with the past few years, the ups and downs, highs and lows and lows.

Many times, depression starts with just feeling bad or sad about some event in your life. You try to cope with it and soon you appear to be back to your old self again. But you may still be coping with the event on the inside. Then something else comes along to send you into another sustained period of stress and sadness. The next time, it's harder to get through the difficulty. You go back to your "normal" life but the fallout from these sad, stressful events is lurking closer to the surface. It's kind of like oil on concrete. It appears solid on the surface but the oil begins to change the chemical makeup of the concrete and erode the stability until, eventually, there is a big hole in the garage floor.
Your emotional concrete has been eroding for a few years and by the time you realize there is something wrong, the 'oil' has already seeped in and changed your chemical makeup. That's what's called chemical or clinical depression. Once you reach that point, you need intervention to help you find your stasis (balance) point again. Sometimes, just being able to talk to a therapist and unload your burden and find help and a sympathetic ear to help you understand what's going on can be all you need to get you through and back on track. Sometimes, if your depression is extreme, you may need chemical help (anti-depressant) for a short period (3 or 6 months or a year or two)to help you recover. If your depression is severe, it may require long-term (lifelong) drug intervention to help you deal.
Many people don't realize how much every little emotional shift effects your body's chemical balance. But you can feel the tiny shift inside when your baby takes his first step or he brings home his first 'A' to show you, or - on the other side - the first time he falls down and hurts himself and comes to you with tears in his eyes and a "boo boo" on knee. Everything we experience changes the chemical balance in our body.So it is understandable that such a torrent of highly emotional events in your life would leave you feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope. That depression will make you tired; make you cry for no apparent reason. You stop caring and stop taking care of yourself. It becomes too much trouble to take a bath and, before you know it, you can't even get out of bed anymore.

Sadly, more people than you might imagine suffer from untreated depression. Too many (uninformed) people still see some stigma attached to it. ("If you are depressed you must be crazy," kind of mentality.) The truth is, seeking help, the first step back, is the smartest, sanest, least crazy thing a person can do.

If you can't afford a therapist (you will need to see a psychiatrist NOT a psychologist if you require an anti-depressant prescription) contact your county health department for the closest mental health clinic. Do it soon. You deserve some peace of mind and you are worth so much more than the pain you are currently suffering. Please keep us posted and let us know how you are progressing.

Best of luck to you and God bless you.

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Sounds like depression. Depression can can effect more then your moods. It can effect your whole body...Can even make you feel sick. You seem to be going through a lot of stress and some seriously sad times...I would go talk to your doctor. You're not losing your mind...you're just going through a rough time.

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Honey, sounds like you are in depression. In 2005 I was doing the same thing. I just quit eating because I was never hungry, lost like 30# in about a month. I was exhausted all the time but couldn't sleep well and thought the world and my children would be better off without me. That's when I hoofed to my doctor and was put on anti-depressants. CHANGED my life for the better.

Depression is not a 'feeling of sadness' it's a chemical imbalance in the body. It can make us feel or think all kinds of strange things, most of them NOT true but we are convinced our feelings are real and we've always felt that way. Stress, like you've listed above, can offset that balance and throw your body into a depression. There is no shame in needing help from meds. I say go to the doctor, do not pass go, do not collect $200....just get there and get on the road to recovery. It takes a while to feel better but it's far better than not doing anything but suffering.

Keep us updated.

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I am so sorry you are going through all this and I am truly sorry for your losses. However, I used to be the same way with depression and pains and not wanting to do anything. I had a horrible, almost deadly to myself, experience that turned me into a hermit. (three masked men broke into my house and kidnapped me) I didn't leave the house for 2 months. All I did was sleep. I didn't eat and all the meds the drs had me on helped contribute to my commatose state. At the three month mark of being withdrawn from everything and everybody, including myself, I went to speak with a therapist (sp?) It did me a world of good. I had an outlet; someone who was in no way connected to me and could give me a different perspective and someone I trusted to help me cope. I don't know if this will help you, but all I can say is please try it. You may have to go to a few different ones before you find the one that works for you (I did). Until then, you are in my prayers and I hope everything works out for you. Try to think of the positives in your life, you still have your husband, you have two boys who, I'm sure, are the light of your life, and you DO have your health. Good bless and I hope this helps!

S. C.

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S.,
I know this might sound crazy, but do you take a multivitamin with iron? I have struggled with iron-deficiency anemia my whole life, and I have noticed that when my iron gets low, I get very fatigued, have appetite loss, and have a general feeling of moodiness and not feeling emotionally like myself. It comes on pretty suddenly sometimes, esp if I am on my period or about to start. I have recently been through a bout of anemia, so this is fresh on my mind. And I am feeling MUCH better after I got back on my once-a-day multivitamin. I also made a point of cooking more in my iron frying pan which is a natural way to get more iron into my diet. Anyway, something to thing about... I hope you feel better soon!

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I know that this may seem like a very weird thing to suggest, but I went through the exact symptoms you are describing almost two years ago. I ended up at a gastroenterologist who asked me about changes in my diet lately. (I lost 12 pounds in 4-5 weeks and was severly depressed, morbid thoughts the whoe thing) I told him no changes except that i never felt hungry or food made my stomach super blah. He then asked me if I was eating Splenda. I told him that yes my workplace had switched to it about 2 months ago and i usually had 1 to 2 cups of coffee a day using it. He told me to immediately stop using it. I did and about a week later I felt back to my normal self. After doing some research on Splenda i was appalled! This stuff can have horrible complications in a large amount of the population. Including fatigue, nausea, depression, mood swings, psychotic thoughts. There are many blogs that you can go on and read about other peoples horror stories regarding it. Many people can eat it and have no problems but something in others systems cannot process the ingredients correctly in our bodies. I really hope that things improve for you and you and your family are in my prayers :)

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Hi S. - I am so sorry for all that you have gone through... The only advice that I can offer would be what I would do if this were me. Although depression seems a very reasonable diagnosis, I would also request a full physical with blood panels just to rule out any other causes. If, for no other reason, it will make you feel better that you've explored all avenues. Good luck.

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S.,

You have been through a lot and that can cause depression and your symptoms. I have found that exercise helps and there are some natural methods like meditation and other essential oils you can use if you don't want to go on normal medication. Talking to others that have been in your shoes also helps so you don't feel like you are the only one!!! Been there done that!!

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First of all i didn't here you mention a church family.
Prayer is the key and get a bible and begin to read God word. Have you ever thought that maybe God is trying to get your attention. Remember God will not put on you no more than you can bear. Everything that we go though in life is for a reason that we don't even know why. It appear to me that you are a strong woman. God has kept you thought all of the thing that you have gone throught.
Get involued in church and have them to pray with you. There are radio broadcast that you can call in for pray.

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STRESS can throw out everything in your system, and girl, you have had it! And yes, I could see where you are depressed. Count your blessings, get on a good vitamin regime, and start walking. Go get a good massage, and focus on yourself for a change. B-12 is excellent for energy, and a good multi vitamin would help you tremendously. You need a little "me" time. If you dont start feeling better, check with your doctor about CFS. Good luck and God bless you!

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My naturopath physician recommended that I take 6 fish oil pills a day while I was pregnant to keep the oils steady in my brain. She said the baby was a leech that would deplete me, and taking the fish oil would stave off post partum depression. I don't know that I would have gotten it without taking the fish oil, but I sure didn't. It couldn't hurt to take some.

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I'm sorry you are going through so much. It definitely sounds like depression- it can cause all those physical symptoms too. And anxiety can often go with depression, and they are treated very much the same.

Yes, it could be something else also, and I'm not going to tell you not to get your thyroid checked. But I just wanted to make sure you knew that it will take about a month for your chemicals in your brain to level off once you get on meds. So please be sure to give it a chance to start working. One of the really bad things about depression is that it can take a while to find a drug that really works for you since each one takes a month to work, and then, once you find one, staying on it is crucial. Seems like a dumb thing to say, I know. But the thing is, once you start feeling better you start to think maybe you don't need it anymore. Some people are able to come off the medication after a short time, and some people need to be on it for a very long time. Regardless, that needs to be done with doctor's advice.

And the side effects are not always permanent. If the upset stomach is a side effect of the meds and not the depression, it may still go away after you have been on it awhile.

Counseling goes hand in hand with the drugs, and I hope you are able to seek that kind of treatment as well. Even if you find that it is something else entirely, with everything you have gone through, you will benefit from having someone to talk to for sure. You are not losing your mind, although you surely deserve to have a little mental break from reality!

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Hi S.,sometimes stress can just take a toll over your body.Just to be sure you need to be checked by your doctor.I say this because I went through alot one year to the point that I burned out my thyroid which brought on hypotyroid issues not to say thats what you have but you need to be checked as soon as possible.

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I think your doc sounds exactly right. It does sound like depression and you should get help for it. This is very serious and especially for your children's sake, you should seek help immediately. As far as being upset and worried about the cramping, go to your OBGYN and get it checked out. You can get an ultrasound to see if all is ok. It could even be a small cyst which is normal each month at your period.

As far as thinking bad thoughts, I used to do the same thing. My thoughts were not from having so many bad things happen, mine were b/c life was too good. I married the perfect man for me and prior to him had not had such a good track record with guys. I always chose the jerks. The way that I was able to stop thinking bad thoughts was b/c of a few things. I started praying really hard to help me stop thinking negative thoughts. Then, I started telling myself that I DO deserve this man. Lastly, and this was the biggie, I told my husband of my fears b/c I was overwhelmed with them each time he left to go out of town....he told me that I had to stop thinking bad things b/c I could will them to happen to him. That really made me stop and really try harder not to think negative thoughts. You really can will your own reality. Try hard to think positively and try hard to sit back and think about what you DO have. Even start a Gratitude journal listing the things in your life that are wonderful. In your list of things that happened horribly over the last few years, you listed your child was born. In the midst of the negativity, you listed this miracle. It is really hard when things happen so horrible and it is hard to want to be happy again but for your kids and your husband, you have to. I would continue seeing a counselor and maybe a different one if you feel this one is not good enough. Goodness will come, even though it seems that right now it won't. Do something for yourself, something that makes you happy. Take some time alone to think and be with yourself. Good luck, don't give up, and really, really start to look at what is good in your life.

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girl - i am WITH you! it is the most bizarre thing! after my son was born, my seratonin (?) never balanced out. I was diagnosed with PPD and was on Zoloft for about 6mos. It made a huge difference. But i went off of it after the 6 mos and about a year or so later, i noticed that same fatigue, anxiety, nausea, and all kinds of things. I remembered the same feelings with the PPD and my OB referred me to a psychiatrist.

Turns out that i have an anxiety disorder and OCD tendancies. She explained that the core of our brains is what controls emotions and the outside layers is what controls our common sense and intellect. She said that my core was so out of control that my intellect was overworking itself to keep the core in check. That was causes the fatigue because it's exhausting to keep yourself in check constantly.

there is NOTHING wrong with YOU. it happens and there are things we can do to fix it. Life doesn't have to be that hard. I felt really bad at first "why do i need medication to get through my cushy life? i've got it good! why am I not happy? why do I constantly feel tired and trapped?" it has nothing to do with my life. Its a condition that is totally out of my control and maybe totally out of yours.

Good luck and don't continue on. Keep seeing doctors until you fix it. It's totally worth getting back to normal

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yup sounds like depression and a bit of GAD talk to your doctor about starting you on a med before it gets out of control.

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To me it does sound like depression along with generalized anxiety disorder. Both can affect your body and have physical symptoms. I would recommend having a complete physical (blood pressure, cholesteral, etc) with your primary care physician and a visit to your OB/GYN (better equiped to deal with the cramping because of your history with a bad pap result) to rule out or detect any problems in there specialties AND see a psychiatrist.

Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialis is psychiatry just as your OB/GYN specialized in that. They are better equiped to screen for, diagnose, and treat mental health issues. They are also more familiar with the medications out there, the common doses, how to find the right dosage for you, etc. I have worked in mental health in the past AND my husband has been treated for depression, and the biggest thing I have learned is a medication that works wonders for one person may have absolutely no effect or even make symptoms worse for another person. It has always been a psychiatrist that has "fixed" medication issues. For example, when I was working in a group home 50mg of a certain antipsychotic worked wonders for a 5'10'' almost 200 pound 15-year-old boy, but 150mg of the same drug had absolutely no effect on his 5'6'' 150 pound 15-year-old male housemate. It was easier to get him into his regular doctor than have the psychiatrist come to us, but the regular doctor did not know what was going on. The psychiatrist changed the second kids medication, and once it was a therapeutic levels in his body it worked wonders.

Please do not let anyone tell you it's just in your head or to snap out of it. Depression and anxiety are MEDICAL conditions influenced by chemicals in your brain.

I hope this helps you and remember, things will get better!

Sincerely,

Kathy

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As a mental health professional, I agree with your doctor that you are probably suffering from anxiety/depression. Based on the stressors you've had in the last few years it's not surprising. It also sounds like you have not had the time to process all the emotions surrounding those events and your body is trying to tell you that you need to take that time. Medication deals with the symptoms, not the underlying cause. Your recent experience with cramps is allowing your mind an outlet for all those unprocessed emotions. I highly recommend finding a therapist to help you with this. The success rate is equal to or better than medication. You've been through a lot and you need to deal with it in a positive, productive way. Despite the artificial separation between mental and physical health, your body is telling you something. Please listen to it. Take care and best of luck.

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You have had so many terribly wrong things happen to the important people in your life, no wonder you are now expecting to be next. It's almost logical and totally understandable. The best thing you've done is to get with your doctor and get help. This is encouraging to me because you are reaching out and you realize that what you're experiencing now is something you can change with help from others. You are also reaching out here. This is great news and points out that you are still rational and can reason out how you are feeling. All of this points to a positive turn around for you! I'm excited to hope for the best for you!
This might sound like I'm off my rocker, but try this out - it might help. Each morning look at yourself in the mirror and say a reaffirming, positive statement. For example, " I am a good person. I am a loving mother and wife. Today I can have peace in my life. " This is just a basic idea that thinking positively can impact your thought processes. When the fears and dread keep coming, try mentally blocking the bad thoughts. Imagine that you have a shield and they can't get through it.
Keep working with your doctor, find a good therapist, and be nice to yourself. Eat healthy, maybe even start a good multi-vitamin. Try having a very light breakfast - make a small yogurt parfait - use some fresh fruit, your favorite yogurt flavor and a little granola. Breakfast really is the most important meal of the day. Yogurt is a great food for restoring digestive health - even if you don't go for the brands that advertise themselves as cure alls. If regular yogurt has never appealed to you, try Yoplaits "whips" brand. It has a texture more like mousse and my kids love it.
Most of all, S., remember that you are a good person, a caring and loving wife to your husband, a supportive and nurturing mother to your busy boys. You are special and valueable, a precious member of your family. You will heal and be restored.
God bless,
M.

It sounds like you've had a rough couple of years. My only advice is that you know yourself and your body better than anyone, and if you don't start feeling better after getting on this medication, go to 20 doctors until you find one that will figure out what is wrong. Depression does make you feel tired and anxious though, and the good news is as terrible as you feel right now, and as much as it seems like it'll never turn around, it definitely will! You'll figure this out, and your kids need you to hang in there until you do. Hope you're able to find out what's going on. Best of luck to you-and keep talking about it, that will help you get through it too.