24 answers

What's up with 5Th Grade Girls?!?!

Does anyone else have ten year old daughters with issues at school with their friends? i just don't understand it, why are they friends one minute and then enemies the next. Why can't they just get along? why do they have to be so mean to each other. And it's like some of them don't have a mind of their own, they just follow the 'cool" one...like they are her mignons and even if they are friends of my daughter...they still will be mean to her if the "cool" girl tells them to.

I need ADVICE....similiar STORIES.....just to know I'm not alone here, that my daugther is not alone.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I can't wait to read all of the responses. We have the exact same problem and I think it is just going to get worse with Jr. High.

Sorry I can't offer any advice just the thought that you are not the only person/family going through this.


Don't you remember high school?

I'm sorry to be the barer of bad news but this pretty much continues all through elementary school and into high school. It gets a little better in high school, but it's still pretty much like this.

No, you are so not alone. 5th grade was very difficult for my older daughter. The queen bee in her school was nasty to everyone, yet all the girls flocked to be near her. And she took on the hobby of bashing my daughter's clothes and shoes. There were a couple of friends my daughter had been close to for years, that she has now moved on from permanently. Very sad, but much healthier for her to be out of such toxic relationships.

More Answers

Yes.... This is really happening EVERYWHERE & to ALL the GIRLS.....
It is sad that the parents of the "High and Mighties" don't do something about thier behavior. Some may not even know that it is happening. And some parents maybe the same way and or don't care or have "time" to care. Then that leaves all the other girls feeling awful about themselves. My oldest had a hard time w/ one girl in 5th. This girls was threating to beat the SH** out her if she didn't show any anger toward another students. My daughter said "WHY SHOULD I THAT IS SO STUPID" and laught in her face then walked a way. The next day one of her friends found a letter writen by this girls and it was "NASTY"!! I could not beleive what was writen and that it was coming from a 5th grader. I was really PEE OO'D. So I email the school and met w/ the counclor,principle and vice. I made sure that this child was going to be puniched for her action and her parents were call down to the school... I was not going to leave until I seen the whites of thier eyes. 4hours later the father arrived then the mother an hr. later. I told them exactly what she had been doing to my child as well as others. The father didn't seem to care all that much but the mother did. She was going to make sure that she would stop. The girl was put in ISS for 3days.. After that she was alot better and she stayed away from my daughter and her friends.
I didn't go down there to get the child in ISS.. But she needed to no that what she was doing was NOT RIGHT and that it was NOT GOING to be TALERATED. And she had to take responsiblity for her actions. Her mom agreed and so did the school.

So if things really get out hand I would contact the school and bring Everything to thier attendtion so that they can try to control it and her while she is in school. They not even have a clue that this is happening.
Our school didn't.
After all you are your child protecter and that is the only way I see it!!
I hope this helps you and stay strong and keep the little one safe.
Let us no what happens
C. C

4 moms found this helpful

Speaking from an evolutionary standpoint, cavemen lived in a clique-society for survival, the bullies were usually the ones that could keep everyone fed and safe. Later it developed into tribes with the leaders still being self appointed and everyone falling in line or getting ostracized for the good of the tribe. All children's developmental stages seem to mimic evolution and it is natural for girls, and boys to go through this.

That being said:

You need to clique-proof your daughter NOW! Before it gets to middle school. I even knew a few girls in high school that couldn't break out of this mentality and it has stood in their way their entire lives...
A couple books that you can read and talk to your daughter about are:

The Care and Keeping of Your Emotions
Cliques, Phonies, and Other Baloney

They are focused towards girls, although my 8 year old son was having trouble with his mostly girl class at after school care so he read them and it gave him a lot to think about. He then brought the books to daycare and gave them to the girls he thought needed them the most. It took about 3 weeks but the books circulated through the whole class and Charlie says he class is much more fun now without all the needless drama.

4 moms found this helpful

First of all be there for her, but second.. stay out of it.. Do not get dragged into 5th grade girl drama..

Listen to what your daughter tells you. Use one for each incident..
Ask her things like ~ "Why do you think she said that?"
"What do you think about how they acted?"
"What would you have done in this situation?"
"What do you think she should have done in this situation?"

Give her basic suggestions. Pick one at a time...
"Just stay away from her."
"Do not get in the middle of their problems."
"A good friend would not act like that."
"Be nice to everyone."
"Ignore then."
"Is that how you act?"

Repeat above..

I know it is hard, but this is what girls do. I hate it too, we all know it is a waste of their time, but they need to learn to fight their own battles, or even better, to stay out of them. I know grown women that still act like this, but I know even more that learned a long time ago, it is all a big waste of energy and as long as we treat others the way we want to be treated, we will be fine.

Teach your daughter to be proud of who SHE is. Remind her everybody is their own person and this is a GOOD thing. Also remind her people that stand by and let others pick, shun or bully others, are just as guilty as the person causing all of this drama."

4 moms found this helpful

I went through that at school back in the 70s-80s. My girls have gone through that too. It's most annoying!! I just encourage my girls and let her know that she did nothing wrong. Girls are mean. They are immature! A mature child would be a good friend. I also encourage my girls to walk away when they're acting immature and to be a good friend to others. Stay away from the mean ones and find the kids who are nice. Good luck to you!!

3 moms found this helpful

Sigh...prepare yourself, this is just the beginning....middle school gets far worse :-(

2 moms found this helpful

Ugh...the life of a girl. I'm a 30 year old now but I remember growing up. It doesn't matter if you're in the cool crowd or not, girls are girls and for some reason, that means being catty and fighting with your friends. Every circle of girlfriends, no matter what status you are, goes through this and unfortunately, it only continues on through high school. My mom used to tell me that one day I would realize that these fights are petty (which I do) and that eventually I will weed out who are my real friends are (Which, I think I finally have, lol). But of course, anything she said I still didn't understand or appreciate until later in life. Just tell your daughter that ALL girls go through this, no matter if they are "cool" or not.

2 moms found this helpful

No you are not i just got off the phone with the school concelor! I printed and aricle on this web site about popularity and made my daughter read it, we just try to tech her how to be a leader (a good one) you can teach them the way that they should go and pray they walk the path. We are teaching her how to handle situations when they come up and just being upfront and center at that school as much as possible. I FEEL YA!

2 moms found this helpful

I teach 4th and 5th grade (currently on maternity leave). It has happened at all 3 schools where I taught, it is hormonal and developmental. They are learning how to find their way and it happens earlier with girls than with boys.

2 moms found this helpful

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