21 answers

What's a Good Age to Let Girls Start to Date, Go Out with Groups of Friends, Etc

I have three girls and one boy, and don't want to start a precedent, but what is a good age to let girls start to date (one on one), go out with groups of friends (girls only) to the movies or mall without an adult present, and go out as group dates? I have told my oldest (who is currently 14 1/2 going on 21)that if she is asked out to a school dance, I will allow her to go because at least that has adult supervision. I originally told her that she could not date until she was 16, but you give them an inch and they want the whole mile, right? Now she wants to be able to go to the movies with a boy that she likes. I think that she is old enough to go to the mall or movies with a group of girl friends so long as I drop off and pick up, but my husband thinks not and wants me to always go along with them. All her friends have now stopped asking her to go to the movies with them because they don't want a mom tagging along.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

L.,
Good question and it does depend on the girl and BOY... Have you heard what happens in some movie theaters? Even in a group, they lie and say they are in a group and split up with their dates.. Some don't some girls are fine, but if the girl is asking a lot, take that as a hint. There is a reason. Just set up a driving contract, a date contract and if that contract is broken, those priveleges are taken away for any amount of time.. GOOD LUCK, I dont look forward to that.

I think 16 is a good age to allow dating. If her girlfriends were going to the movies with them...that might be ok. But I have two daughters (much younger) but my husband wants them to wait until the graduate. Personally, I think 16 is a good age to allow dating but with some rules set in stone.

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I work with pregnant kids in our local school district. I am currently serving 8 girls, ages 14 to 17. Three got pregnant while eating off campus lunch during the school day, three got pregnant at the boy's house (two while parents were home), one got pregnant at a friends, and one got pregnant on a date. I would continue to supervise - realizing of course that you don't have to be obvious about it. Going with them doesn't mean sitting by them - just a few (or several - if she's with girlfriends) rows behind them, so you have a good view of the movie and to supervise.
S.

1 mom found this helpful

There is valid research that demonsrates that the younger a girl is allowed to date, the more likely she is to be sexually active as a teen. When dating is delay until 16, the likelihood of her having sex is decreased significantly. When dating is not permitted until 17, the liklihood of her having sex is much less, I think only 20 percent if I remember correctly. I think that if the group is boys and girls mixed, it is still a date. Even if friends don't ask her to hang out as much, it is worth it to protect her. I know it isn't easy. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't know. I honestly think that if she wants to date that badly, she will find a way. She has 7 unsupervised hours a day at school. She is probably not like this, and I don't mean to sound rude or anything, just that if any child really wants to do something, they will usually find a way.

Do you trust her? Have you talked with her honestly about what you and your husband's concerns are? I would sit her down, set some boundaries that you feel are appropriate and let her try. Would it be okay if she went with a mixed group? So she could go with the boy she liked and some friends you knew?

You could also have boundary where you have to meet whoever she is going out with and their parents before she goes. That way you can judge if you feel if it is appropriate friendship.

If she feels like she is a part of setting the boundaries with you and your husband, she may be more willing to follow them, and complain a little less.

I think it depends on the kid, how mature and responsible she is. I am 22 so I was there not too long ago. I think she should be trusted until she proves otherwise. My parents were very involved but I still felt like I could not go to them because I was scared I would get in trouble or they would become even stricter, so I lied all the time. Then I moved out when I was 18. I am not saying at all that your daughter will do the same I am just shareing. I wish they would have just told me there is nothing that you can't tell us I might not be too happy but I'll listen. Or I think a great rule to have among families (I'll do w/ my kid) is to tell your kid that if you ever find yourself in a bad/unconfortable situation to call me and I'll come get you and I promise not to yell or get mad at you. You know then calmly talk about it the next day. Looking back I would have called my mom a few times but didn't to avoid the match. I know when my kids become teens I too will be over protective, but I just want to make sure I don't put up a shield, like I had as a teen.

For the one on one thing stick with 16. for group dates, let her go. You can take her and drop her off, but let her go. Your husband is just trying to be a good hubby and father. make sure he knows where you stand on this problem. Also make sure the rules ARE the SAME for all your kids. Dont make your younger kids pay for what your oldest did.

L.,
Good question and it does depend on the girl and BOY... Have you heard what happens in some movie theaters? Even in a group, they lie and say they are in a group and split up with their dates.. Some don't some girls are fine, but if the girl is asking a lot, take that as a hint. There is a reason. Just set up a driving contract, a date contract and if that contract is broken, those priveleges are taken away for any amount of time.. GOOD LUCK, I dont look forward to that.

We have told our 14 year old that she can date when she is 16. But we do let her go to the movies, the mall or school football games with her friends. Once she does start dating there has to be some trust until she does something to loose that trust. Also, just know that you have raised her right and hope she makes the right decisions. Good Luck!

Well, I may be a little old fashioned, but like you, think 16 is a good age to let girls go out in a girl group. If she is a mature 15 and you know her friends and their families pretty good, you would probably be ok. You probably need to set up rules, like how long they can hang out, who is going to be in the group, where are they going to be, who will pick them up, drop them off and do you have all the phone numbers to the kids that are with her and their parents. She may not be ready to date one on one without supervision yet. My daughter started dating @ 16 and we still dropped her off to her date and picked her up to movies and school dances. I still needed to know the parents and would check to see if they were where they were supposed to be. I believe you can't be too careful. I have a 18 yo daughter and a 17 yo son. They can't be replaced and have learned to earn my trust. We started out slowly and so far so good. Good luck to you--raising kids is the hardest job there is. V. n.

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