What Should I Expect from a Counselor?

honey if you want a counselor who offers an honest opinion and feedback, dont pay someone to lay on their couch, sit down with a trusted friend, bring along a pan of good brownies, and talk till you see their eyes glaze over.
someone that you have to pay to get them to listen to you, isnt going to offer you honest opinions or answers.
K. h.

It depends on the counselor. Some counselors will let you talk all day, just letting you vent. Some counselors want to direct you into making certain realizations, so they will ask a lot of questions and make responses.

I went to see a counselor a few years ago and she did not just let me vent. She asked me hard questions and made me really think about my choices. She also gave me homework when I left, such as "think about this and make a decision."

At first, I wasn't sure about this because really, I just wanted to vent! But I'm glad she was tough on me. She really helped me get through a hard time and I'm eternally grateful she forced me to make tough choices. I'm a better person because of it.

By the way, there's nothing wrong with having a consultation with a counselor to see if you get along. If you don't like the counselor, or if you feel like you are not making progress, you can always change.

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I am a life coach and also have an MA in psychotherapy. Patricia G. hit the nail on the head. It is up to you to find the type of support you are looking for. You can research the different types of counseling as well as other venues such as groups (facilitated and non-facilitated) or coaching. (Jane M. is incorrect in her statement of what a life coach normally does. She may have had this experience, however, this is not the definition of coaching.)

Each coach or therapist will have their own way of doing things and it is vital that you stay empowered no matter what venue you choose. Empowerment means that you give yourself permission to do your own research, choose the type of support that works best for you, and to always have permission to stop at any time that you feel it isn't working for you.

As Patricia stated though, you need to be aware of whether you are terminating because it isn't a fit for you or you are just really hitting your issues and it is causing resistence. Many times when I was in therapy I dreaded going and even wanted to turn around on the entire drive to the therapist. However, I was clear that I was just afraid of facing my "stuff" because I was really clear she was a great therapist.

I always recommend to my clients that they use all the resources that would help them. I have one client that comes to me for coaching and yet also sees a psychotherapist for some EMDR work. I also have clients that see me and attend at least one group. Do not limit yourself. Reach out and access all the different methods that would support you best. The ones that feel right/resonate with you. Especially those that really support you pushing past your comfort zone while still supporting you in being safe and cared for.

If you would like more information about coaching I would be happy to speak with you.

I think a balance of both would be ideal. It would be ideal if they really listened and paid attention so that they could really understand what is going so that when they do give you advise or some direction, it would be meaningful to your situation. Sometimes you need someone to give you some guidance because, after all, how would you know there may be a different perspective or different a different course of action that you can take if that information is never shared with you, but you do want someone who can process the information that you are giving him/her through a filter of objectivity and non-judgment (something most of our friends are not able to do).

Be sure to ask them about their style in the first 1 or 2 mtgs, so you won't be disappointed if it isn't what you are looking for. Usually they don't give "advice" but guide you towards what feels right and it might take longer than you hoped. Good for you for seeking help.

A good counselor will ask the right questions to hopefully help you to realize why things are happening the way they are. They will also give you the tools and strength to figure it out on your own. Most will not give advice, and the shouldn't. What if the advice they gave you only made things worse? They will let you talk and then as I said ask you questions and a good counselor will ask the hard questions. I think this is why some people stop going to counseling because once the counselor strikes a nerve they don't want the change. I went to counseling many years ago when I was divorcing, and I also went to a group with women in the same boat. The best thing for me because I realized some women had things sooooo much worse then I did. That was my healing moment. Good luck!!

My counselors never gave me advice, per say. They are more there to help you figure out WHY you make the decisions you make. If there's a specific problem, like controlling your anger, then they'll give you TOOLS to help you control your temper.
Therapy is uncomfortable, I won't lie. I had a love/hate relationship with all my counselors. I know that were all trying to help, but I did NOT want to face a lot of the demons they wanted me to face. A counselor isn't going to be a "yes" person. They're going to challenge you. Be prepared! That said, going to counseling was the best decision of my life. I was able to unbury and work through a LOT of issues that I had.

There are so many different types of counselors.

A religious counselor will give advice based on their faith. They might let you vent, but they also believe that there is a "right" way to respond to situations.

A "life coach" will also give you directions on how to act, but it is based more on their personal beliefs.

There are lots of kinds of therapists. Generally therapists that come from a humanistic background do not give advice per se, but ask questions that lead you to find your own answers. They are very focused on your feelings and how your feelings lead you to act. Therapists with the cognitive-behavioral perspective listen and are focused on your thought patterns and how they contribute to your behavior. They also give you "advice" on how to change your behavior in small specific ways. Psychoanalytic therapists are probably what you think of when you think of "therapy" - lots of listening, not a lot of talking, focused on early childhood experiences.

If you call a therapist, feel free to ask what background they have. It's totally reasonable to want to find someone who will be a good fit for you.

Hope this helps!

that's the beauty of therapists and counselors - there are all types out there.

Both can interact - they can tell you THEIR perspective or they can offer guidance about what they would do if in your shoes.....you need to interview them prior to starting sessions - you need to make sure their personality works for you....they should ask questions about your past, reasons for making the decisions you've made, the consequences for those actions - both positive and negative...

Set up a list of questions you'd like answered from them and ask away...if they don't answers that you are comfortable with - press on. You will find one that works for you!!

Sort of echoing others, but as a therapist I had to put in my two cents! When you call a potential therapist, you can ask them what their approach to counseling is. We all have different ways of doing things- some will do more listening than talking, some do more challenging you by asking questions and suggesting things. Ask them their approach and explain what you are looking for. You should have a pretty good idea by the end of that phone call whether this person is a good fit for you.

Once you choose someone and are working with them, it is SO helpful for you to give feedback. We are not mindreaders, so we do what we do thinking we're helping. If you feel like they aren't listening enough or you don't find the interaction helpful, we really do like that feedback. You won't be hurting our feelings. For me, I know I do things based on the way I was trained, but clients have said things like they were hoping to be able to 'vent' more before getting into solutions. That's wonderful for me to hear because I can certainly do that. What I don't want is for someone to leave feeling like I offered no advice, but if you aren't ready for that step, I need to know that in order to help you more. And vice versa, maybe you do just like me to tell you what I think and 'get on with it already'. Again, not a mindreader and I love hearing what you think.

The more interactive you are, the better. Lots of us do ask periodically if what we are doing is helpful. We're not fishing for compliments, we really want to know.

Good luck, and feel free to message me if you'd like.

I wish I had a great answer, but the truth is they are all different. I don't feel like many of them give advice, just maybe point out things you haven't thought of before. I would recommend going to someone who is a mom and knows the trials and tribulations. Before commiting, I would ask them multiple questions about their experience and their lives. Most people with good advice for you will have experienced similar "issues' themselves.

I hope this is helpful. Good Luck!

Yes, my husband and I are seeing one right now to help our marriage. What they will do is ask you a bunch of questions at first to get to know you and figure out where you need help. Then they start to help you and give you advice on how to do this. I have been to counselors all my life because of my parents lol but yes they will help you with what you need. Good luck.

I guess it really depends if you truly do want help or not. There are all kinds of counselors out there. Some that will just listen to you, some that will take your side to make you feel better and one's that will actually help you, but in order to do that, you have to be willing to hear where you might be wrong. Do your reasearch and be willing to be open minded to what you might be contributing to the situation (even if you don't think you are). You should be able to find a good one if you do your homework and up to hearing your faults too. Good luck to you!