You need to quit getting pulled into HIS drama.
When your children in your care act like this, what do you do? Give them attention, or give them time alone.
I usually listen to what they say and repeat it to them. Then I ask THEM, what are you going to do about these feelings?
He feels a certain way, you respond I in a truthful way, validating you heard him.. Then ask him, what are you going to do about this? I love my friend. And I am not picking her over you, I will always love you the most.
But she is my friend and that will not end.
People that try to control you by making you drop family or friends are actually emotionally controlling and abusing you.
There is something else going on here, and your husband needs to be a grown up and spit it out. He is acting like a 4 year old. I am emberassed for him.