What Is Your Tweens "Schedule" and How Much Time in Their Room Every Day Is Ok?

Hi there, I also have an 11 1/12 year old daughter- only child. Here is her day:

7am wake up, she comes in to cuddle in my bed at we watch GMA for 15 minutes to really 'wake up'
8am- 3:30 school
3:45-4:15- down time, she usually texts friends or plays with the dog
4:15-5- homework
5- usually some sport or piano practice
6- dinner
7- family time- walk the dog, play a game, watch tv/movie
8:30- practice piano
9- bed time

On the weekends is less structured. She probably spends 1 hour texting (not all at once), 1 hour playing a game on her computer, 1 hour doing chores.

Honestly, she still is attached to me. If she needs to read, she does it wherever I am. If she's writing something, she comes to wherever I am. She just tends to like to be wherever me or hubby are.

So to answer your question, my DD does not spend much time at all in her room, only if she has to clean it (so, not much time at all!!).

But every kid is different. When I was younger, I liked independent time as well. If you really don't think she is depressed or hiding anything, it's fine. She's not doing anything secretive or withdrawing, so that's ok.

If you want her to be around you, read when she is reading, so you are at least in the same room, etc. But if you force her to do things and keep her from her independent time, she might start to withdraw just because she is missing that time to think by herself. She has given you no indication that anything is wrong, so this may just be her personality. I think it's better than someone who can't be alone at all. My sister is like that, she's almost 40 years old and she can't stand to be by herself. She even calls people on her way home from work because she doesn't like being in the car by herself. Good luck...

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My 11 year old is in her room all the time. She plays with her sister alot and does her chores, but she also watches tv, plays on her phone or on her dsi or she writes.
She just started soccer so we have practice on Friday, games on Sat., then church and serving at church on Sunday. Most of her friends are in her Grandma's neighborhood so she goes over there for 2 weekends a month usually. If not, she's over at her friend's house that's down the road from us.

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This sounds OK to me. My granddaughter who is the same age spends that much time in her room.

She gets home around 3:30 and I'm not sure how she spends all of that time. I do know she does her homework for an hour or so, texts her friends, plays on the computer which is in the dining room, reads, interacts with her Dad. Dinner around 5-6 and after that she's in her room pretty much for the rest of the night. Lights out is at 9. Because it's a small apartment with a younger brother and a year old sister as well as 2 parents she usually shuts her door leaving a crack sized opening.

She stays overnight with me on Friday and is frequently with me until the afternoon. As a tween she seems to prefer to spend some of that time on her own playing on the computer and fixing breakfast or snacks. Sometimes we watch a movie together or I read to her. Mostly she begs to have a friend over which we do often.

She is a very social and verbal kid who has several friends. In my day we talked on the phone. She and her friends text more.

Your daughter sounds quite normal and similar to my granddaughter. I wouldn't be concerned.

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My son sleeps in his room and not much else.
The only electronics he has in there are the lamps and his alarm clock.
He reads in there sometimes, but he also likes to read all over the house.
He takes taekwondo 4 days a week and practices clarinet a minimum 20 min a day but more often an hour a day - I don't have to make him or tell him - he enjoys it.
He doesn't have a phone and he talks to his friends at school or at his activities.
He plays with the neighbors dog and over the holiday we're collecting eggs from the neighbors chickens while they are on vacation.
There's nothing wrong with spending time in your room but for us bedrooms are primarily for sleeping only.

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Sounds like you got a great normal kid.
And low maintenance.
And self-reliant.
And a good student.
And happy with herself.

The only thing I would mention is do you two have conversations? Or talk about her day or what is going on in school, her ideas, etc.? And basically catch up with each other?

Well, my daughter is only 9, but she loves to have conversations with me. I assume one day, that will lessen, when she is a Teen. Hopefully not.

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I think that sounds pretty normal.

I have VERY active boys and when they are not in school they are all over the place playing with anything and everything...lightsaber battles, nerf gun wars, in the dark hide and go seek, Xbox, computer, listening to their zunes, playing board games, reading, watching movies, etc, etc, etc. They are now 17, 8 & 6

I do have a nephew who is a tween, your daughters age actually, and he spends A LOT of time in his room too. He is a social kid who has a ton of friends, texts them often, talks on the phone, but when he is not out with them he is usually in his room with his iphone in his ear and reading a book!

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My 12 year old likes to be in her room with her door closed a lot. She texts, talks on the phone, and has a fair amount of screen time, but we limit it. She does her homework in her room, door closed. She listens to music. I do think sometimes she just wants to be in her own space away from her parents and little sister, and that's OK. Your DD sounds like a great kid! I would not worry if she seems happy, it's so good to be happy with yourself. If she takes the time to clean and organize her room on her own, she obviously has interest in enjoying the comfortable space she puts the effort into. I wish my DD would be more interested in keeping her space clean and tidy. Her room is a huge mess until we make everyone do Saturday morning clean up, cleaning is never at the top of my DD's personal priority list.

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This sounds just like me when I was a kid. As I got older and more independent (i.e. able to go over friends houses on my own...riding my bike etc., I spent more time with them) Don't stress out about it...the main thing is that she's happy or content. You may want to ask a few questions just to see how she answers to see if she may be a little down...

My dd is younger and very outgoing...so this doesn't sound like her, but every kid is different. I would enjoy this time now when she's home and content.

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I have a 10 year-old daughter. She spends more of her time in the same room with me, for now. The day you describe sounds pretty normal for a tween, though. One change I would suggest is more outdoor and physically active time. My daughter and I are in Karate and I love the martial arts, but since that's only 2x a week I would suggest encouraging her to get out and walk, ride bike, swim, kick a ball around - anything active with you or a friend.

I would also suggest encouraging her to come with you on errands, some of the time. I'm not into forcing a kid to come along, but I'm not above saying "I'd like your company!" Spending everyday time together like getting groceries can be time to stay in touch with your daughter. It's also time to teach life skills along the way.

My daughter's schedule after school is: karate 2x a week, piano lesson once a week, a bit of TV, dinner, and homework (usually done with me working beside her on my work) and reading.

Weekends she has theater class and swimming lessons. We also, depending on the weather, like to ride bike, skate/rollar blade, scooter. She loves to spend time with friends whenever we can arrange it. We usually watch a movie or two. She reads. We do errands like shopping, usually together, but I will give her the option of staying home if it's a short time. She usually also has homework on weekends.

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That sounds JUST like me when I was her age....minus the polite conversations with mom ;)

I think that as long as she maintains her friendships, keeps her grades and extra-curriculars up, and continues to help around the house and engaging with you, then I wouldn't worry too much.

Not every kid HAS to be busy and loud all the time. I say enjoy your daughter for who she is and be happy you don't have one of those up-all-night-listening-to-death-metal kids ;) lol

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Sounds like a normal tween, honestly. I don't have kids that age, but I remember being that age, and I was pretty much always in my room. I used to read A LOT, I would write a lot, and of course do the normal teenage sexual self-exploration. I like how you invite her to do activities with you, that's nice. Sounds like she's a good smart kid, and you're an involved Momma. Don't worry, she'll grow out of it. :)

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She's an introvert. I am too. I was very much like your daughter at that age, and still am very much a homebody.

I suggest that you talk to her about joining or engaging in just ONE physical activity. Maybe she joins a volleyball team with the local parks and rec...or goes outside for one hour a day...or takes a dance or ju jitsu class. Whatever. Just something that will get her OUT, allow her to be a little bit social, and get her moving.

She sounds like a smart girl.. Let her know that doing physical activity and socializing a little increases bloodflow to the brain. Increased bloodflow to the brain is PROVEN to increase test scores. :-)

Best of luck!

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100% normal. And did you say she cleans without bring asked??? Count your blessings!

Updated

100% normal. And did you say she cleans without bring asked??? Count your blessings!

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Sounds normal to me. I have an only daughter (17 now). She LOVES her room, her game room. She has the entire upstairs of 2500 SF to herself. We joke and say if there was a kitchenette, we'd never see her, LOL

She is a very responsible kid, black be.t, plays the violin, Varsity Cheerleader, all AP and Honors classes and very focused on college.

She will not stay up [ast 9 on a school night. She kicks her boyfriend out by 8 if her is here so she can chill and get to bed.

She's been steady with thie boyfriend for almost 1.5 yrs.

We have a couple of TV shows we routinely watch together, chit chat, etc. She loves to cook so she does a lot of baking.

I think as long as you are involved and interactive with her as it sounds like you are, things are great. We have good communication and daughter will talk to me about anything, no topic is off limits.

Hang in there, part of it is probably tween and finding her niche.

Good luck

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My 12 yo is in her room mostly to get away from her 9 yo brother, who needs to be entertained ALL the time! She plays music, draws and writes stores, practices on her viola and electric guitar and plays with other stuff. She also watches her favorite shows (none of the kids have a tv in their room), plays wii and is on the computer sometimes. We eat dinner as a family EVERY single night. We also have Family Game night on Wed and Friday is Family movie night (every other weekend the kids go to their other parents house so we have this every other Friday) where we eat pizza and salad and watch a movie together. We also have a daily family devotional book for kids that has a story, then questions relating to the topic to talk about. All of us need time by ourselves. I think its ok for your daughter as long as she is getting family time with everyone as well. Good luck!

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be thankful, very thankful! She sounds awesome, well-rounded, & happy with her personal choices. I pray this continues for you thru H.S.!

For most kids, her music-listening/book reading time....is spent playing video games. This holds true for most boys. & the whole laundry thing! Kudos to you!

I, too, am very thankful that my sons both are readers. My 24yo son is an AVID reader, still enjoys gaming, & loves the outdoors. He has friends, but is becoming more selective (thank God!) in his choices. It was a long hard ride with him....& we have survived.

My 15yo son reads (currently is into Michael Crichton), games, & does a boatload of social activities.....Scouts, Student Council, Band, Track Team. He is the best help I have! & he is becoming more & more conscious of his responsibilities. :)

At your daughter's age, both of my sons were in their rooms. They still enjoyed Legos, models, reading, gaming, & board games. Both thrived outdoors, but were noncommittal to sports. (my older son had a degenerative hip disease & had difficulty walking.....& my younger son liked soccer only.) Hope this helps.....

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We're a very "together" family. I'm not saying that's the right way to be, but it works for us. Much of it is because we live in a farmhouse, and our kitchen and living room are HUGE, but the bedrooms are not, and we don't have any extra rooms (gamerooms, etc.). We all spend most of our time together in the kitchen, living room, or outside.

As for a schedule, we have a 14 year old son (and an 8 year old son, too, but the 14 year old falls in the range you asked about). Here's what yesterday looked like:

9:00 - Everyone was up. We all ate breakfast. Husband and I ran a quick errand w/8 year old. 14yo chose to stay home.

10:30 - Husband and I took dog to groomer and went grocery shopping. Boys stayed home and played (X-box, Legos, pretend games, etc.) They get along really well.

12:30 - Yard work! The boys helped Dad dig a hole, looking for the well-water line while I mowed a few acres. Then they worked on other outside projects.

4:00 - Showers. Then time to relax. 14yo played some X-box w/Dad in the living room. Then studied for a Spanish test.

5:30 - 14yo and Dad cooked dinner while I took a shower.

6:30 - Dinner.

7:00 - 14yo, Dad, and I watched some recorded TV.

9:30 - 14yo went to bed.

*14yo likes to spend some time on the computer (in family area), too, but he didn't have time yesterday. He never spends time in his room alone. He just doesn't like to. I liked to when I was his age, but my brother never did. It's probably a personality difference. Both of my boys like to be where people are.

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my mother in law tells me that this is exactly how my husband was growing up. he still very much enjoys 'his' time and is an introvert. she sounds like a great kid, and it's very cool that she is happy with herself and enjoys her own company.

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