What Is Your Opinion of Teens Taking a "Gap Year" Between H.S and College?

Hi S.,

Although you have a lot of good advice, I felt I needed to respond as well. My son and I had this same conversation earlier this year. My son will also be a senior in September 2009.

After 12 years of school, it is difficult to face another four. High school is a crazy time and can make a teen feel like they never want to be in school again : ) Add to it the fact that you are not really sure what you want to do with your future and the feeling that you just want to get on with your life, college does not sound like fun. More studying, harder work, still no time or money to do stuff...

One Sunday my son and I went to Barnes & Noble and sat in the cafe. We were weeding through the piles of college brochures, perusing SAT prep books and college information books, and just talking about the options and ideas. Among the college books I found a book on options for a gap year (I wish I could remember the name of it). The book offered different ideas on how to spend the gap year, and what you would need to consider -- not just money but health insurance and other things as well.

My son started thinking about the gap year programs and the fact that he wanted to travel. He had done a little research on colleges to find out that some schools will let you defer attendance for a year. We would still do everything you are "supposed" to do to get him accepted to college so if he deferred for a year he could just walk into the college the following year. (Note: I don't know how that would imact financial aid)

Looking at colleges, and attending college information sessions, he learned a lot more about what college life can be. More than just studying, campus life offered a lot of recreational and social activies as well as travel options (study abroad) -- and the next step in independence and self-sufficiency. For the most part, colleges take into account the fact that most 18 year olds really don't know what they want to do, or could change their minds after a semester or two. There are transfer options, and advisors to help you choose classes that are interesting as well as productive toward a degree.

The purpose of my dragging you through my son's story is to suggest that you don't decide now what will happen in a year. Have your son be open to all options, and find out everything he can to go in any direction. Research apartments (location, access to public transportation and basic needs, etc.), find out what kinds of jobs are available to high school graduates, find out how much health insurance would be for him, do a budget. Also, check out some colleges. Community college is one option. But also think about two or four year colleges so he can experience campus life.

Understanding that this is a crazy, frustrating, fun time in his life, you also need to help him make good choices for his future. Taking a year off can lead to many, many more. If structured well, it could also be the motivation he needs. It's a tough call.

I wish you well. Hopefully you will feel comfortable touching base again later to let us know what the decision was.

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I can actually answer this coming from both sides. I was very active in HS, 4.2 GPA (AP classes, even took the tests and was exempt out of my foreign language and english classes in college), was in ever drama club play, majorette, physics club, yearbook editor... etc. I went right to college and was a majorette there as well. Without the "A" I got for being a majorette at my college I would have failed out. My grades were so bad that my parents forced me to come home after my second year and go to a local PSU campus and live at home. I did very well there but because of my parents divorce being so awful I never went back for my final year. Basically my after HS life was a mess at that point. I feel like if I would have let myself mature a bit before I went to school or even back to school that I would have finished. (I do still plan on finishing, but I won't be able to until my kids are a bit older).
The other side. DH took a few years off in between HS and college to work and he lived at home. He is now has a bio-medical engineering degree and has a very successful job that allows me to be a SAHM. He always says he'd let our kids do that as well because it was the smartest thing he's ever done.
I would let your son take his year off. BUT I would make him live at home. Apartments are expensive and even if his roommate is his BFF, you never know about your friends until you live with them. It could end up being a nightmare scenario for your son. I lived with my BFF my first year in college and she threatened to stab scissors into my back while I slept. She meant it. Psycho stuff.

Good luck!!

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I don't happen to think that college is right for everyone. I see many many people who go to college, change majors, drop out etc or even go on to graduate but never work in their field. In some ways it's just a very very expensive life lesson.

I think the more important thing to focus on is "What does he want to Be when he grows Up? Does he want to teach music? does he want to be a sound engineer? does he want to give himself a chance at stating a band? What skills would he need, could he get an intership, or do a community college part time, or some sort of technical training?

If he has a clear cut goal and the goal requires a college education then I think the best advice is to jump right in-no gap year, because you lose out on scholarships and other resources available to people coming out of hs, plus the possible loss of momentum, sidetrackness that occurs in life.

on other suggestion is to ask the guidance counselor at the HS or the admissions at the college to see stats on how many people have done this successfully. They may have some considerations that you might not have thought of.

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I had intended on taking only one year off after I graduated high school. Well, plans don't always work out the way you intend. In that year, I moved out of my father's house, got married and my mother-in-law passed away. The intended one year turned into two years. I worked the entire time...starting with jobs like McDonald's, a movie theater, etc. Sometimes even working two jobs a once just to make ends meet. And that was 16 years ago when the economy wasn't so bad.

I couldn't afford to go back to school full-time, so when I did go back, it went part-time with student loans (couldn't get any scholarships or grants) and working a full-time job. In about 3-4 years time, I completed an associate degree which should have only taken me two years, if I had been able to go to school full-time. Then I went on to a university to work on a bachelor's degree. About a year after starting that, my husband and I decided to start a family so I put school on hold. Now, nine years later, I still have not gone back. Now that I do have a family and a lot of obligations, the chances of my going back to school in the traditional sense are very slim at best. There is the possibility of online schools, but I don't know yet when I would be able to start that.

Make sure your son is fully aware of the scope of his decision. He needs to be fully aware that things change that will interfere with his plans. Make sure he has explored all the possible outcomes of his decision. After he has done that, then the decision is his and he will have to deal with whatever happens as a result of his decision.

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I have three children between the ages of 22 and 17. My daughter, who is finishing up her sophomore year of college has just decided to "take a semester off", so she is back home for at least the summer and next fall. She is 20 and will be 21 in the fall. She has had one year in the dorm, and one year in an apartment with a roommate, and now she has decided to come back home for a while.

One reason is because she has decided to change her major and the major she wants isn't offered at her current school. With this in mind, her reasoning is that she shouldn't waste time working toward credits that may or may not transfer, and spending around $10,000 to do so. Instead, she has decided to work full time and save up for about 6 months, and then go back to school in January. She knows that she wants to work in health care, so she is trying to find a full time position working in some type of health care facility as a receptionist or an aide or whatever. She's had a lot of basic courses, such as anatomy and physiology I and II, and chemistry and biology, so I have a feeling she'll be successful at finding a job. Another thing she is doing now is finding a mentor in the area in which she is trying to ultimately work. She wants to work with this mentor, observing, asking questions, etc. for the next 6 months to make sure that she really wants to do what she thinks she wants to do. She is checking out universities that offer her major, and is planning on visiting the top one on her list in July.

So, because she is pursuing a particular objective and making a strategic plan to do so, I feel very comfortable with her taking time off of college. I see her making the phone calls and doing the leg work to try to secure the job and the major she wants. I'm very, very proud of her, and don't think that the time off will be wasted at all. In fact, it will benefit her greatly in the future.

All 18 year olds think they have the world figured out,and whether they go away to college, go to community college, or go into the work force, they will learn SO MUCH that first year. Oh, yes, they will make mistakes and get into trouble. They will experiment with things that we wish they wouldn't, but if they really are the good kids we've raised them to be, they will find their way through it.

Yes, it is smarter for him to live at home and save for college, but that is only true from the adult point of view. That isn't his entire objective. His entire objective is to have complete freedom to do what he wants, when he wants, how he wants without rules or boundaries or expectations. Soon enough, they learn that parents aren't the only rule-setters. Employers and the law and societal expectations and landlords and college professors and universities all set their own kinds of rules and boundaries and expectations of their own, however, until he experiences that, he won't take it from you.

My advice is to let him have his year.

My dog is out of the yard, so gotta run. I'd love to talk longer, but gotta go. Mom duty calls!!!

L.

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S.,
In Europe it's customary to take a gap year to travel and find yourself. College is so expensive, if your son isn't ready, he won't do well and will therefore waste money. A year off will help with maturity and finding himself.

I'm a high school teacher and adjunct college professor.

Just my opinion!

Good luck,
M.

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Hi S.-

I went to college right after high school with no clue what I wanted to do. I ended up getting a degree in Electronic Media and never did a thing with it. I did horrible my first year because I didn't know what I was doing there! I am now back in school as a wife and mother getting my teaching certification. It's so different when you actually have a focus. I could kick myself b/c i feel like I wasted so much time and money "finding myself" right out of high school. With that being said, I would definitely be all for the gap year. A taste of the real world may help give a bit of direction. However, I would suggest him staying home to save money. As you know, living on your own adds up! He has to consider bills, rent, groceries, etc. College is so expensive. If he isn't sure yet, then saving money sounds like the smart move! Maybe he'll even decide to take some general education courses at a community college b/c they are usually required anyways. Good luck! And what a great Mom to be listening to your teenager instead of saying...NO Your going to school!
Good luck! And just help him find a goal to focus on.

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Suzi,
I empathize with your dilemma. I took off a year out of high school because I had a baby but I always knew I would go to college. It was never an option not to. I used that year to get my personal life in order and to work.

It might be a great idea to set some limits with him if he choses to stay home. As a parent to a teenager, I would tell my son that the choice is his (because it really is) but that if he choses to stay home and not go to college, he needs to pay rent. Then, without tell him, I would save the money to be used towards books for a few years. If he choses to move out and get an apt. I might sit down with him and ask him if he will still go to college and if so, if he would make a contract with me that states that he will and if not, some consequence like he can't move back home or something.

I hope that is helpful.

Take care! A.

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I had planned to take a 'gap year' to save money, and think more on what I wanted to go to college for. I made a few 'bad' decisions, and ended up pregnant with my daughter when I was 18. I had graduated highschool with a 3.4 gpa. Held at least one job from the age of 10 (paper routes till I was 15). I was overall pretty responsible while in highschool. I know that this can happen while a student is in college, but I believe it is less likely to happen then if left to other influences.

My sister went to college right out of highschool, but then took some time off after 2 years because she got married, and had a kid. She has since gone back and finished college, and is now an RN, but she said that it was one of the hardest things to do to get back into the swing of studying and going to classes after taking a break.

I would try and guide him to go to college right out of high school. However, whatever your son decides, stand by him and support him. That is the most important thing a parent can do. I know my mother was upset by me getting pregnant so early (and not married), but she supported me and was always there for me when I needed her.

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Hi S.,
I guess it really depends on him and his goals. What type of education is he looking for with what ultimate goal? Sadly, a sheepskin today is no guarantee of success in the working world. I tend to feel that the more specifically he can tailor his education to his ultimate goal, the more successful he will be. (And I realize, as a high school junior, he may have little vision of that goal on this day!)

Are you sure he's just not really interested in a traditional four year college (now commonly a five-year-plan) and doesn't want to admit it?

What, exactly, would the point of doing a gap "be"? Getting an apartment & setting up a "house" has LOTS of expense involved. Does he think he can realistically pay for all of that PLUS save for college in the space of one year? Whoa there....reality check!

Even if he was to live at home and work "full time" for one year, what amount, really could he earn & save in a year's time? Probably not enough for his first semester.

I put myself through school, FT, with scholarships, grants & student loans and know how tough it is.

Hmmmm.....tough situation. I feel it would be WAY harder to buckle down after a year of freedom. To me, IMO, it seems like a bad idea. I don't think it will make much difference to the financial aspect of higher education, and it might seem like a wee bit of a plan to party! It would be a shame if, in the end, all it did was delay his degree by a year. I'd try hard, in this next year to identify his goals and motivations before any decisions are made. Good luck, he sounds like an awesome kid and a blessing to you!

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I have heard that he should apply to college now and then ask the college to defer a year after being accepted. This would be easier than applying next year.

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S.,

Some delayed "advice":

I am a new mom, so I can only imagine how difficult this age must be for you. On the other hand, I am a recent college grad. I truly feel that people who take a "break" between highschool and college don't end up going to college. I am not completely pro-college, though I am pro higher-education. I just feel like, in my personal experience and in lessons from those around me, it is easier to stay in the school mind-set when you are not removed from it.

Why does your son want to take a break? Perhaps he could just get a part-time job and live in his own apartment at school. I did that and took out school loans to completey finance my college degree and living expenses while in college.

So, I hope everything works out for the best. Good luck!!

P.S. Congrats to your son on his fabulous high school accomplishments!

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I just talked to my friend and her son wanted to go to college but took a year off. He applied and is going now, BUT because he was not right out of high school-he could NOT get any scholarships or grants for college, only loans. SO, they told me it was a BIG mistake since he really did want to go to college, but it now costing them way more money without the opportunity for scholarships, grants and help from the college or other organizations.

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You have gotten 3 really good responses, and I agree with all of them. I don't see any 'good' reason for taking a year off, and lots of reasons to keep going straight through, if your son does want to go to college. Certainly, it is important to identify what his career goals are, at least at age 17, which may certainly change with time. But the best you can do now is try to figure out what is the best approach to achieving whatever his current goal is. As for living alone, he could also do this while in college, with roommates, etc., as many college students do. That would give him the sense of freedom he is apparently looking for, but would keep him from losing the educational momentum that can easily get lost in that year off. That is precisely the reason I went straight from getting my B.A. to getting my M.S. I was afraid that if I didn't go straight through, life would catch up with me, and I'd never get back.

I strongly agree that your son's assertion that he will be working to save for college is naive, to say the least. As another poster noted, whatever he will be able to earn with his H.S. diploma (if he can find a job at all) will barely be enough to keep him in his apartment, let alone enough to save toward college.

Teens, while the believe they know a great deal, know very little about adult life and adult responsibilities. That is why it is important to think through these things for them, and help them to understand THE reality vs. THEIR reality, as you are obviously trying to do. Your son seems like a thoughful, intelligent young man, so hopefully, he will be open to your opinions and suggestions for how to approach the upcoming few years.

Best of luck to you and your son, whatever you and he decide!

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I took 2 years off between high school and college. I didn't know what I wanted to study and felt it would be a waste to go without a direction. When I was 18 it always annoyed me when people would say "if you don't go right away you will never go." I started when I was 20. I got my B.S. when I was 25. My father passed away when I was 23 so it took me an extra year to finish. I am not sure about the living with a friend during that time though. My parents did not have degrees. I was a first generation college student. But my parents said I had to get a job let me stay at home with a minor rent. $50 a month, so I could save money. I also took a year between college and grad school. I am still working toward my Master's because I work full time with my Bachelor's degree and school part time, also full time mom. So kids do go when they are ready. My suggestion is try and get him to stay with you during the year break though. That may keep him focused on the goal.

Hi S.

Speaking from my own experience with college, I was pressured into college. Left no choice and I was unhappy. I wasted a lot of money doing nothing because I didn't want to be there. In fact 3 weeks into my freshman year away at college I got on a train and came home and refused to go back. That was followed by a few unsuccessful years at another college I didn't really want to be at. When I finally decided to go to the school I wanted to, for the major I wanted, I succeeded. I think if he wants to take the year off and you try to force him to go anyway it might not go well for anyone. You should have a heart to heart about his needs and wants as well as your expectations if he chooses his route, ie, he will work and contribute etc... Good Luck!

I think this a wonderful idea. Your son is telling you he's not sure what he wants to do. College isn't for everyone, but he could learn alot in a year. He could decide college isn't for him, or he could get a taste of "real life" - job, bills, etc. and decide he does want to do something different that will require a degree. He's still young, and I would hate to see the wasted expense, etc. by attending a school that isn't right for him.

Honestly? I think that its a bad idea. The extra time and the ability to be that independent with an income might not lead him down the path he wants to go. Plus, its easy to get a credit card and get deep into debt when you are an independent adult. My advice? Have him emroll in school part time and get a job through the university to get him acclimated to the atmosphere. If he is gung ho about taking time off, consider sending him to Europe to back pack. Youth hostels and train passes are cheap, as are flights to connecting countries. It does cost money, but in the long run it will open his world up and it will be something extra that he couild put on an application that would make him stand out. Working a full time job and leaving after you have had a taste of a real salary.....not as easy!

With a 3.8, are most of his friends that smart also ? And are THEY going to college after high school ? I suspect he will find that his friends are all gone, and hanging around town and working isn't much fun.

The other thing is that it takes a good job to save for college AND rent an apt. Perhpas he should think this through BEFORE college application season begins. Have him investigate apartments, as if he were going to rent one. He can go look at them, and check the prices. He can also checkt he want-ads and find out what the kinds of jobs he would be able to get, pay. He's not going to save anything if he's earning minimum wage and paying rent. (As YOU know, but maybe he doesn't) There was a great Bill Cosby episode on this, where Theo (his son) decided he'd get rich NOT going to college . . .

We don't have a college fund, either, but we were eligible for financial aid, and the two older girls got thru. If he applies to schools, don't be afraid of the private, more expensive schools, either. They cost more, but they are WAY better endowed than the state schools, so the bottom line is often the same or might be better for you as a family.

Getting prepared "for the future" is tough. Especially if he doesn't have a sense of what he wants to do for a career. There's a fear and an inertia that can go with that and make it really hard to move on.

On the other hand, hanging out with the guys for a year is going to make it harder to go back and get that education. It takes more drive to get the process going by yourself than it does to do it while everyone is doing it, and the high school is pushing, too.

Why not have him look around and apply (if you can con him into it) so his options stay open? He doesnt have to commit to a school until he pays the deposit to go, so he could apply, and simply not go, but he doesn't have to decided until after he gets the financial aid package.

while looking at schools, he could focus on the things he likes to do other than academics -- hobbies, sports, volunteerism -- see what "else" is there, because he may just find that one grabs him. Most schools will also let him "attend for a day" or have a program for seniors to introduce them to the school. It's definately glossy, but he's smart and will see thru that part -- but it will give him an idea of the kinds of people he'd meet at each college and the flavor of the school.

This is a hard year. I found my senior yr of high school and my sr yeara of college were both emotionally tough years, cuz, "What would come next?" Maybe he can investigate both options, and keep both options open -- and in the process perhaps the right decision will come forward all by itself ??

PLEASE encourage and support your son's decision. There is nothing worse than feeling forced to go to college when your heart is not there yet. I speak from experience - a year of school, a seven year break, next year i'll be a graduating as an MD.

i'm not sure what kind of job you're expecting your son to get at 18 years old, but there are plenty of restaurant jobs out there, and there are plenty of resort jobs in other states/regions of the country.

my experience was to move from louisiana to montana at 18yrs old and live and work at Glacier National Park for a summer. while there I was recruited to work at a ski resort for the winter. there will be that kind of work if you look for it. if he is interested, have him look at 'resort towns' or 'destination towns' like martha's vineyard, block island, places in the poconos, etc. for summer and likewise for winter.
many many students taking a year off do this type of work. it develops a sense of responsibility, maturity, independence, a financial sensibility, and more and more. it is invaluable.

try your best not to doubt that it's a good idea. it's a good one, and one i hope my children will pursue when they are nearing college. that time creates a more motivated student, and a better one to boot.

good luck,
C.

My husband went to 2 different colleges the two years following high school. He didn't have a major and really didn't pay attention to the classes. However, he started art school that following fall and did great. We both agreed as we looked around at many of his classmates that he had a maturity level that they lacked. I think this was important. I think it depends on the child. If tey take the year off and do something constructive in that year, then go for it. It doesn't hurt to have another year maturity under their belt. I would make it clear that a year off doesn't mean 'vacation'.

Young people I know who have done a gap year have gone abroad on missions. This was an excellent experience and they came back grounded in their faith and more ready to go to college. If this is not his desire, he may consider doing a little of each- live at home, get a job, and take just one or two junior college courses.

I'm a former HS teacher (now SAHM). I think in this economy taking a year off to get a job is a bad idea. There are no jobs. Also, most scholarships are geared toward graduating HS seniors. He will have trouble finding/getting scholarships if he takes a year off. (Most HS guidance departments have a list of scholarships available that they can photocopy for kids). If he is absolutely determined to take a year off, he should join the peace corp, Americorp or travel through Europe. At least these things would add to his resume & give him something to discuss in college essays & interviews. If he gets no scholarships now & decides to go to college he should start at the local community college. He can work part time (if he can find a job) & live in an apartment, but he wouldn't be losing time (or money). He would actually save money by going to community college the first 2 years then transfering to a 4 year college. (Community college should only be a few thousand dollars a semester. If you live in NJ the STARS program pays for community college if you are in the top 20 (I think) percent of your class, which he should be with a 3.8.) Most 4 year schools have scholarships available just for transfering students. Some CC have transfer programs to 4 year schools (if you get a certain GPA, then you are automatically accepted to that 4 year school).
One more thing. I don't think college is for everyone. If he doesn't want to go (has some other career interest) then I think he should start planning his life without college. If he wants to be a mechanic, electrician, plumber, etc he needs to start looking into trade schools & should get into that immediately upon graduating HS. My brother is a mechanic & makes a very good living & is very happy. He would not have been happy in college. Please discuss with him to see if this is the way he would prefer to go.
Good luck.

You've received lots of good advice which I won't repeat, but just wanted to add one more point to consider. My daughter went away to a 2 year college and got her associate's degree. She then decided to work a year to save money for her 4 year college while she was living at home.

This was a long time ago, but she earned $12,000. When she was accepted to her college and applied for financial aid, they looked at her earnings and said she had to contribute $8,000 of her own money, plus money from me, before she would be considered for any kind of student aid (scholarships, loans, grants, etc.) When we explained that she didn't even take home 8k after taxes and payroll deductions, they said that didn't make any difference. She eventually completed her degree, but had to continue to live at home because she couldn't afford room and board, had to take out expensive loans, and had to continue to work and take much longer than 2 years to finish her bachelor's degree.

There are some real financial considerations that aren't obvious even with seemingly good financial planning. My daughter ended up as a single parent - and that degree was really important to her being able to support her daughter and herself.

It may look to your son that he deserves a year off, but once he gets his degree, he'll be able to afford awesome vacations for the rest of his life.

Let me start by saying that my brother took a year after high school and went on - successfully - to college. However, he spent that year at a private prep school (as a "post grad" student) and that really helped him to determine that college was the right course for him. It did not help him - or hurt him, as someone else mentioned happens with some scholarships - at all financially.

If your son is convinced that he wants to go to school, I suggest that he go ahead and apply during his senior year. If he gets accepted to a school he loves, he can usually defer a year. He is much more likely to start the next year if a school is holding a seat for him than if he has to go through the arduous application process later. On the other hand, if he knows that he wants to go to school, he may want to think about "earning money" this way: the economy is currently at a low point and he has only a high school degree, whereas in four (or two or six...) years he can most likely earn significantly more to begin paying back those low interest loans one year sooner :)

If he doesn't know for sure that college is right for him, then it is important that he spend the year in a way that will help him to decide - perhaps in paid jobs, but also consider internships or volunteer work in a field related to his interests. Seeing things from the inside will help him to decide whether he can do something that he loves with a high school diploma or if his true calling requires more schooling.

S.,
As a professor (and a parent!), I wish EVERY student would take the "gap year"! Students who do are more focused, more likely to know what they want to do, what major they want, less likely to goof off and completely waste their freshman year. They understand better the value of a college education.

As a worker without a college education, they will see the difference between those with and those without--not just in terms of a paycheck, but in terms of education for its intrinsic value. To paraphrase Oliver Wendell Holmes, 'A mind stretched by new ideas never shrinks back to its dimensions'.

He may end up working part-time and taking some introductory courses at a community college part-time, which is good "gap" experience as well.

Best of luck!
L.

I think if he were to take a year off to do something like Peace Corps or something like that, it would be pretty cool, but otherwise, like others have said... it would be hard to go back to school after a year off. If he wants to stay close to home, or to save some money, maybe he shoudl take some classes at a community college. Maybe he could take a lighter course load... then he could even work full time and have an apartment too!
When I went to college, i went to art school (so I'm not sure how regular schools work). we had 4 hour classes, 1 day a week for 11 weeks... so I took 3 classes per quarter (instead of 5) all in one day, and then worked to pay for my rent and food. I had 2 roommates, so our bills weren't that high, because I only worked parttime! i did sell my car though. at the very least, he might get a good lesson in budgeting!

For me, two brothers and two of my nephews, it was the best thing for US. We'd always hated school and college was more what we hated. In addition, none of us had any idea what to go for, which meant waste of time/money for unknowns. Finally, even straight from high school, I was living on my own/working and was "over-qualified" for financial aid (so it doesn't just happen when taking a year off).

We went straight into career mode and our experience and work ethics put us much further into our careers than school would have done for us - not to mention, we excelled our peers much faster - two of us have been successfully self-employed for 20yrs.

I think if it works for your child to take the time off, then to encourage him to use the time wisely. Good luck :D

Hi S.,
As a 17 year old mother, taking care of a 5 month old is harder than ever. Graduating high school next week (WOOHOO!) is so exciting. I planned on going to HACC for nursing, to become a Pediatric nurse and then into a Pediatrician. I have no job, my baby's father left us hanging, and im almost out in the real world. It's very hard. My opinion on taking a "gap year" is that most teens, end up NOT going to school after they take a year off... I want to reach my goals, more than ever; make sure my child needs everything he wants and needs. It's so hard. What i would do, if my son was thinking about taking a "gap year" is that i would guide him into going to college. I know im not old enough to say, but I've seen my brothers and sisters struggle through with having a room-mate and an apartment with their friends. I believe your son is a smart boy, from what you say, very respectful, responsible, 3.8 gpa (ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL I MUST SAY), but i would guide him into maybe taking online courses or even community college to start off smooth. Then he would have the choice to transfer. I hope everything's well :) God bless and Take care!

I think it all depends on your son. Does he know what he wants to do for a career? If he isn't really sure yet, then he may end up wasting time and money at school. If he wants to save money for school, he should definitly NOT get an appartment. There is no way he will save any money that way.

I went to school for a year and ended up not wanting to do what I was majoring in. My parents didn't want to pay if I couldn't decide what to do so I took a year off. I moved into an apartment and spent any savings I had. And, that year turned into 15 years. I am now working full time, married with two kids, and going to school part time. Not fun, but I need to try to improve my life.

I would suggest that he takes some classes at a community college, part time even. That way he will have time to work, save some money, and still get a start on some credits. And he also will probably have a better chance at going back to school next year.

I am 26 and I went to college the year right after graduating and regretted it. I too was considering a "gap year" and was basically forced into college. I ended up quitting the next year and never went back.

By the way, I am a successful business owner, mother, and wife without a college degree. I'm not saying a college degree doesn't carry benefits - but it is NOT a one way ticket to success either and there are many of us that succeed greatly without one.

This is a tough topic because he must be now, or soon will be 18 and then you really don't have much say. Your opinions will always be valued by your child (even if they say otherwise) but you lose control of actually requiring him to do anything. I would suggest that he has a pretty good plan of what he is going to do during that year off. Having a job and his own apartment will not save him a dime! If that worked - we would all be doing that. Clearly "getting a job" and living on your own is more of a curiosity thing with him - it is not a money saving move. But maybe that is what he needs to grow up. If that is his choice then you can NOT help him during that year. He has to realize how difficult it can actually be (for the rest of us) and that will prove to him that a college degree or other well thought out plan is necessary to succeed in this world. Just working and getting by is not a plan.

Another thought - don't ever feel guilty abuot not being able to pay for his education. It is not something that every child deserves. If the parents can provide it great - otherwise the child needs to grow up and find their own method of paying. Fortunately, those kids who pay their own way - learn a lot more about life and responsibility then those kids who's parents wrote out the checks.

Good luck!

Hi S.,

You have enough to worry about right now. In September 2009, start thinking about what he will do after graduation.

You can use the information he gives you as a conversation piece. Let it go as that, conversation. You can make the decision in January 2010.

Good luck. D.

Hi S., My daughter is also thinking about taking a year off between high school and college. I am encouraging her to at least consider going to CCAC part-time that year for a couple of reasons, first there is the health insurance issue if she doesn't have a job with insurance when she gets out of HS she may not be covered by our insurance if she is not in college. Second I wonder if once she is out of school if she will loose her study skills or even intrest in going to school...will she get caught up in life and find herself going in another direction like I did. I went to college right after I got out of HS and after my fist year took "a year off"...LOL I still haven't finished!! I got caught up in a carrer, then marriage, then kids....

Then there is the music. My daughter is into music as well, she plays in her HS Orchestra, HS musical Orchestra, as well as Honors. She also plays in Opus, which is a string orchestra for teens and adults all over the area. She doesn't have to leave Opus when she graduates. And she can always play in the musical orchestra as our school welcomes any alumni to play as long as they can attend rehersals. It's not everyday, but it will keep her active and playing. I can't explain how sad it would make me if she gave up playing after all these years.

So, maybe a compromise is the best bet. A year seems like a long time to think about it, but wow their Senior year is so busy and goes by so fast...that's why we have already been talking about it. Best wishes and good luck.

I took a year off btw HS and college, and I think it was a good thing. I just wasn't ready for college yet. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, so I worked for a year at a daycare center and then I really knew I wanted to get a degree in teaching and I was more motivated to do well. When I went back to college I went to community college for a year (to get back into the swing of things). I earned a 4.0 there and was awarded a scholarship when I went to a four-year university the next year. SO, I look at it as a good thing. You can't force your son to go to college. I'm sure it's what you want for him, but it's not really your decision. If you force him to go, he may not do well. He has to want it for himself. Maybe after a year he will want it, maybe he won't. My parents didn't believe that if I took a year off I would ever go, but I did. It was what I wanted for myself.

I didn't read your other replies, but I just wanted to say that I started college the fall after graduating and failed out because I wasn't disciplined enough to get myself out of bed and go to class. I was a great student in high school. High GPA, didn't skip class, had a part time job. Just wasn't used to the freedom (and responsibilities) I had when I got to college. I think I'd have been much more successful had I taken a "gap year." I say let him do it. I don't think it could hurt. I think it may better prepare him especially if he's planning to get his own place rather than still living at home.

My son went straight to college after graduating. He was suppose to live in the dorms, but stayed at home most of the time. He took off his second year thinking he was going to save all this money for college too, but he didn't. He learned his lesson and is now back at home and in college. He did so well in college that next year he is going away to a big university. Bottom line....you have to know what is really best for your child. There is no set rules that your child should have to follow.

Only you know what is best for your child, how his personality will jive with a gap year. If one of my children wanted to take a gap year, it would have to be for a very good reason...like volunteering with the Peace Corps or studying abroad for a year on a gap year program. It's not that I don't think the break can be worthwhile. I just don't think losing the momentum by working at a movie theater or restaurant for a year is the way to go, especially while renting an apartment and having all the expenses of apartment living. If he wanted to work for the year, I would say live at home and look at some community college courses part-time, at least. What others have written about losing scholarship opportunities is interesting, too.

(On the other hand, I think there's no problem with taking a gap year or two or whatever off between college and grad school. I didn't, but sometimes I wish I had!)

Good luck!

S.,

I scanned the responses but didn't see any mention of Americorps...sorry if this winds up being a repeat.

I am in the strongest support of a PRODUCTIVE "gap year"! Take some time and look into community service opportunities with your son. City Year is HUGE in the Philadelphia area but there are other Americorps groups that target different needs of both the members and the groups they serve. A year to gain direction and take responsibility for yourself is a year well spent - - - not everyone is ready for college when they arrive and why waste the money figuring out what you want to do at 18 when you have your whole life ahead of you.

I know that can be hard for the "college-focused" parent to swallow but you may save EVERYONE the frustration. :)

If you want me to send you links about Americorps - please reply directly.

All the best and thanks for listening to your son before sending him off to college!
- J. :)

My personal experience tells me that I should have taken the gap year. I ended up going right into college and by the time the 3rd semester rolled around, I dropped out due to total burn-out. I took a semester off and enrolled at a technical school afterward where I received a double degree in 18 months. I was able to focus on the areas that were important to my major instead of taking unnecessary courses that had absolutely nothing to do with my area of interest. I had my job lined up for 6 weeks prior to graduation as well, thanks to the placement program the school offered.

As for the cost--my parents made too much money for me to qualify for scholarship help but not enough for us to pay. Some schools offer reduced tuitions to families in the same situations, or even will allow reasonable payment plans. You may want to check with the financial aid dept. of the school(s) of which your son is considering.

If the idea is to save up for school, living at home would be the best for him to do. However, he may be wanting to experience what it's like to be on his own before worrying about studying for midterms and finals. In either situation, it will be a learning experience for him.