hi S.. my daughter is 2 1/2. for us, she screams whenever water is in her ears and eyes. its hard enough not to let any water get in the eyes let alone the ears!! before i just gave her a dry wash cloth, and did what i needed to do. no matter WHAT way i did it, she screamed. so i just used the detachable shower head and got it done real fast and she held the wash cloth over her eyes and had it there to wipe when she was all done.
now that shes a little older and wants to do everything all by herself... she wants to wash herself and everything. so i obviously do the once over, but then i let her play wash her body and her hair. and i noticed she is more brave about laying down and "swimming" in the water and getting her own head wet is fine then. so i leave it up to her. i tell her to lay back in the tub and swoosh her head around in the water till the bubbles are out of her hair. but shes older than yours so might understand it better. i do have to help her a little bit, but she does get most of the soap out by just getting her head wet in her bath water. and its all "her" doing instead of me being the bad guy.
i would prefer to rinse with fresh, cleaner water. but i have to pick and chose my battles with this. luckily, she always tells me when she needs to get out and use the potty... so at least i dont have to worry about that. eww!
good luck to you and your little girl! let us know if you come up with any better tips that work!