What Is the Best Way to Discipline My 14 Month Old Daughter?

I have a 14 month old son who is in to everything and tends to hit, throw and has tantrums. About a month ago I put in a post to ask for advise about the hitting. These were the things that I took from my post:

- Get your husband involved. This really helped us! In a way we ganged up on him :)
- When he hits me, I grab his hand (firm enough to get his attention) and tell him no don't hurt mommy

- I've also broke out in a fake cry when he hit me to simulate his behavior when he is hurt. He walked over and gave me a hug. Now I can usually catch him when he is about to hit and stop him with a NO HIT and most of the times he will stop and often will give me a hug.

- The ultimate advise I received was this simple question: "Is this a hill I am willing to die on?" I pick my battles. Your daughter is displaying several different behaviors. Solve one at a time, so pick your battle and be willing to die on the hill for it. Every time you have to correct the behavior, this has to become your battle and you will win!

Check out the advise I received on my post:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/10571165394330976257
The link to the Watermark radio was fantastic!

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Discipline is such a hard thing. I go to this group at Watermark Church called Building BLocks. It has been fantastic! This one session was all about discipline. You can actually download the audio on line. Go to http://www.watermarkradio.com/. on the right side, click the drop down menu and select parents. Then click on the "view all messages" button in the middle of the screen. The one dated 2-19-09 called Discipline Doldrums... that is the one! I hope this helps!!

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I doubt that she really understands what 'no' means so you are left with redirection, time out, etc. Until they understand what the word means you cannot really punish them - just restrain her hands/arms if she is hitting etc and tell her 'no' firmly then show her a 'yes'. I was told not to put them in the crib for punishment as that should only be associated with sleeping so, another location might be better as you don't want her thinking she is being punishes when you put her in her crib to sleep.

My youngest is almost 16 and I sure remember that wonderful age....good luck!

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I have two resources that will equip you for this:

1. DVD: The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp
You could read the book, but until you see him model this technique you will be stumped. IT WORKS. We have diffused all our tantrums with this method. We rented it from Blockbuster Online....

2. For overall philosophy on parenting: Love and Logic. Their materials are wonderful and teach you to take care of yourself as a parent/person. The info is perfect for her age as well.

We have used these two together for the main bases of our parenting. Recently we added suggestions from "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Trip.

Good luck, it is normal but does not mean it is okay, so it is good you are looking for resources. I hope these help.

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As far as the screaming my recommendation is to put her in time out. The pinching, I would try to make her pinch herself. And the biting, put her fingers in her mouth and make her bite herself. As far as the veggies go, just keep trying. They go through stages and get past them.

I agree with the time out/thinking chair method, it has always worked with my three children. My youngest is two and I have been using time outs since she was your daughter's age. And these days all I have to do is say "do you want a time out" and she says no and calms down. And my 10 year old was funny at that age -- she got to the point where she put herself in time out because she understood that it gave her time to calm down and think about her behavior. And that's what it is really all about -- distancing your child from the bad behavior and giving them time to "think about it."

Probably your daughter is too young yet to understand the concept of staying in a chair when you put her there, so the pack and play is a good idea. Don't use her crib because she will start associating it with bad behavior which could possibly cause bedtime issues. It is recommended to go one minute for every year of age, although at that age I don't think a two-minute time out is unreasonable.

Was this after a vaccine?? If so please read The Vaccine Book by Dr. Sears. Was she like this at all before 2 weeks ago? If you are interested in homeopathy email me.
L.

Hi K., as for the food, as long as you are providing a balance diet she will at what her body needs to grow. She will most likely develop a like and dislike for some foods even this early. NO SUGARS-CANDY. That will change her taste buds and she will be more finicky.

As for the behavior. I have a friend that always says "No no baby." In the sweetest voice while her toddler banged her on the head. I used it too with mine-she was a good example. Stay calm and the storm will be over.
Try using other words for correction instead of "No" or you will hear it back (little mirrors). Try distractions like, "Oh that's not good, let's try something else" or "I bet that will hurt you, let's try this toy instead" or "If you fall from up there you will break you nose, let's try it down here." or "If you hit your friend you will be lonely, let's give kisses instead" then give out face full.

Hope this helps. c

First of all YES it is very normal she is heading to 2 yr old. It gets worse befor it gets better. try time out. Pick your battles dont tell no to eevery thing find differnt ways to say the same thing also try working on she vocabulary. she is so upset because "you dont understand what she thinks she said".

That is completely normal. The thing that worked for me was time outs. I tell her 'no', pick her up and put her in her crib. She is in there for 2 minutes (timer). When I go to get her, I tell her what she did and ask her not to do it again and tell her I love her and hug her. It has worked for us.

As for the eating thing, when I finally gave up on it, she decided that battle was over and decided to try things. It's all about something they can control. If it gets your goat, they will do it more. So just provide it and if it doesn't get eaten, it's ok. Eventually, they will try things.

GL!

I have been fortunate that all my kids have been very well behaved all their lives. That being said, I have also seen and been around families & children simply do not respect each other (my nephews being one example).
When I was visiting my sister-in-law, my nephew bit and hit his brothers and my kids. One the first incident, my S-I-L handled the situation. Her response was to bite him back and swat him on the rear. This stopped the behavior at the time, however not too lond afterward, he did it again. This time, I spoke to him. I brought him over, let him know that the next time he got mad, he had to come and get a drink before he did anything (re-direction) and then talk to me (time-out). This approach worked for the rest of the day. My idea was to give him clear steps to take when he felt out of control. My SIL and I both kept an eye on the situation and when we saw him getting frustrated, we'd call him over until it beccame a habit. Now, my nephew was a little older, but the results still work today.

Another point... I was at a siminar once and the speaker said the 3 worst words in the human language are: NO, Don't, and Can't. These are all triggers that we learned at a early age to do the opposite as we struggled for our independence. It is difficult to stop using these words and instead of telling the person what you WANT them to do instead. The next time your dd goes to hit you, tell her, "Mommy likes hugs better". It will take a while to get this postitive action to take place, but be persistant. It the long run, your daughter will learn what you want her to do instead of rebelling against the "NO".

The oly issue I have with my kids at this time is my daughter sometimes whines. At times when she does this< I tell her, "Mommy is still learning "Whineese". Could you please sign or tell me what you want?" (I have taught all my kids basic sign language for about 3 dozen words. There are books you can pick up at the library that you can teach her... Baby can Sign is the one I started with for my kids when they were toddlers. Baby Einstein Videos also have 1 or 2 that teach some sign language as well - You might also want to give that a try...)
As for eating fruits & veggies, give her 2 options: "Would you like apples or bananas for a snack?" Then let her help get the items out. Slice the fruit (or veggies) into bite size portions. Give her a small bowl of peanut butter, yogurt, cream cheese or other dipper sauce. Get a play tea set and have a tea party. Eat with her, but make it fun. Don't worry about getting to messy - that's part of the fun of childhood.
This has work wonders for all my kids (now 15, 19, almost 8 and 3. - Oldest three are boys).
Good Luck!
K.

The best way to handle is to not give in.
Ignore if possiable if the child becomes harmful put her in a time out chair keep insisting that she sit there until shes calm.

She's only 14 months for goodness sakes. Discipline starts early, but at this age chances are she doesn't understand and is testing her environment. I also highly recommend the Dr Karp (Happiest Toddler) and Dr Sears Discipline book. You will learn a lot of valuable techniques and it will help you to better understand your child's reasons for acting the way they do.

Let's not start hitting her with things. That only teaches her that hitting is an appropriate response. Children learn directly from us, so what does threatening or using a switch, however gently, teach them? Google the web for more info on the Pearls and you will be sickened.

Hi K.,

Your daughter sounds very normal. She pinches and bites out of frustration. She is entering her first major brain growth. The second will hit around puberty. She doesn't always understand why she can't have what she wants, hence the acting out by screaming, hitting, and or pinching. The most important thing is for you to stay calm when she acts this way. I KNOW this can be a challenge. Discipline at this age should consist of redirecting your daughter to other tasks, distracting her, and explaining in VERY simple terms what you want her to do other than hit, pinch or scream. Make these sessions very short and try to move on quickly. You will have to repeat and do it over and over again. She will start to get it as she is developmentally able. An example would be when she screams for Juice lets say, tell her, in a very calm voice, when you want something you have to ask nicely and say please. Then model the exact behavior you want, then reward her right away.

As for the eating, toddlers are notoriously picky. Keep offering the items over and over again. She will outgrow this to some extent, at least, too. Good luck and hang in there mama!

Ps the Love & Logic book for toddlers, by Fay & Funk, is great too.

Our pediatrician recommended that we started doing time-out with our son at about that age. He recommended setting up a pack-n-play in a quiet, untraveled room and using that for your time-out area. We've been doing this for about 4 months and have had pretty good luck with it. I know that at 14 months of age it is hard to get her to stay in a time-out chair or area, that's why we like the pack-n-play idea. Good Luck!

There is no good way. My daughter does the same thing. They are just babies. I try to hold her away from me, but sometimes she still gets me. She has gotten better over time.

I don't know what to tell you about the discipline, but I can help with the fruits and vegetables!

My kids don't eat many fruits and vegetables, so I "fill in the gaps" with Juice Plus+. Juice Plus+ comes in a Gummie and most kids love them. It is 17 fruits and vegetables each day and I swear by them. That is why I sell them too! Please check it out and feel free to contact me via my website kariroberts-juiceplus.com

When she pinches, bites, or screams, say "no, that hurts" and put her down or walk away from her and give her no attention whatsoever for a few minutes. She will get the message fairly quickly. I'm wondering why she is biting and pinching. Is she teething? Frustrated? If she is doing it out of frustration or anger, can you try to distract her from whatever is causing it?

To get my 20 month old to eat more fruit and veggies, I put baby food(sweet potatoes, squash, bananas, apples) in his oatmeal and yogurt. He has a texture issue with pieces of fruit like apples and bananas, so I just mix in the baby food until he gets over the texture thing. I still offer small pieces of fruit every day or so. Smoothies are a good way to get kids to drink there fruits. I let both my boys have a glass or sippy cup full of OJ every morning and no other time since juice will hurt their appetite. Good luck with everything.

Oh no! This is what you see on the tv show "The Nanny." You have got to tell her you do not accept this behavior and start a consequence... time out or the naughty chair, etc... But mom it is time to suck it up and enforce the rules! Both you and your hubby need to get a hold on this. Your daughter is in charge....and you need to be.
Be consistent!

She's too young for time out. That concept isn't something they can grasp until they are closer to two yrs old (2.5 according to what I've read but closer to 2.25 seems to work for my kids). I agree with the suggestion to tell her no in a firm voice and if she doesn't stop, then walk away and give that type of behavior no attention at all. When she is behaving try to figure out what she might be feeling soooo angry about. I find that often it is me not treating them as patiently or respectfully as I should...or they are super tired and hungry. This is what works with my three...and odds are it won't go completely away but it will improve.

And no idea about the food. Mine aren't very big eaters until older.

The best way to handle is to not give in.
Ignore if possiable if the child becomes harmful put her in a time out chair keep insisting that she sit there until shes calm.

I'm going through this with my 18mo daughter now, and I know it can be so very frustrating! Hang in there. One thing that helps calm me down (which is half the battle) is to remember how she sees the world. She doesn't have many words; almost everything happens TO her (she doesn't have control over most things); she's figuring out if she does something it causes a reaction; and she's learning that lashing out sometimes gets a reaction she wants (whatever is happening--diaper change, brushing hair--stops so you can deal with the behavior). Some of the posts had some good info--we're trying to use love and logic approach and the "think about it chair" for 60 seconds--1 min for each 12 months of age. The biting is getting better at home, but we're still working on it!! Good luck and take care!!

i'd say the temper tantrums are normal. my son went through those. now he just wines at everything...trying to break him of that. my son likes to dip. he loves brocolli and strawberries, bananas, etc. we let him dip those in ranch and cream cheese.

I HIGHLY recommend "To Train Up a Child" by Michael Pearl. For less than $5 for the book, you'll get a whole new outlook on parenting. It's the old fashioned way that used to work on our parents! Their website is nogreaterjoy.org. Basically, you want to make the child's every undesirable action counterproductive. If she bites, you give her a little tiny sting on her hand with a little wooden dowel rod and CALMLY say "no, no." The parent has to remain completely calm and gentle. It's amazing how well your child will learn to obey. After a few bites and getting a little switch on the hand consistently each time, she'll never bite again! Email me with any questions about the book! Love on your daughter lots and lots and have lots of bonding time too!

K.,
Wow, good luck with your daughter, I know that must be frustrating. I don't have any super advice for that except to just hold her by the shoulders and look her in the eye and say NO very firmly. Then turn away and ignore her till she's done screaming. then turn back around and give her a big hug and say, "quiet" or "gentle". Heck, I don't know... that sometimes works for us. Our daughter is 18 months.

What I really wanted to tell you was that if your daughter likes jello, you can make it with 100% juice and it will count as a fruit serving. My friend told me this and she works as a cafeteria cook, so she needs to know all sorts of state nutrition guidelines.