"What Is Normal 3.5 Yr. Old Behavior".

Hi Robin,
I really want to put you at ease...unfortunately in our society today....we tend think it's normal behaviour to have our 1-2-3 yr olds primed and ready for K5! If your child is eager to learn and you are simply making the environment enjoyable..then GREAT! But first things first, let them be KIDS! THey only get ONE GO at it in their entire life! THey grow up too fast! ANd know this....he/she will GET IT when they are ready! THey progress at their own pace, regardless of what we attempt to do. We can provide the "environment" and "encouragement" and "positive attitude"....but until they are truly ready...forget it! I have FIVE kids...my twins were not ready for K5 until they were 6! THey would not sit down for two seconds and I knew the teacher would need to call me ten times a day...and start to question if my kids were "ADD"...etc...so I didnt enroll them and we played in the park for 5-6hours a day...running them ragged (and me)! Well, when they turned 6! Boom! THe light came on...thankfully and they were READY! Still boys...and very active...but ready to receive and could accept the discipline of school! not a minute earlier! My other three...totally different...ready to go at 4-5! NO problem! so relax, enjoy him/her...let it work itself out...if he can't settle down and concentrate...no big deal...dont make him...find the right environment, someone who will work with him like you would...if you cant keep him at home and engage him differently! it made ALL the difference in the world that I didnt MAKE my kids line up with the schools regulations of starting K5 the minute they turned 5! I never put them in one class until they were 6...it would have been a nightmare! and now they are excelling...in IB classes...very bright..love school and have great self-images because I took charge of their education/development....socially as well. Hope that helps...don't sweat it!!! After I had my 5th one...I realized...as long as she is potty trained and out of diapers and the bottle by her SENIOR year....it will all work out! :) God Bless!

2 moms found this helpful

Your son is a normal 3 year old. I have 4 boys, and not one of them sat still in pre-3. Is the teacher upset?? if so then you need to switch preschools. The ability to sit in one spot doesn't hit boys until later (Maybe never if my husband is any indication). If it is too troublesome, run him around in the am outside for 15 mins before school. He is fine; let him be a boy. I have 2 sisters, no brothers. when my oldest turned 3 my mom sent me coloring books because that is what I liked to do when I was 3. All my boys wanted to do was rip out all the pages and color on the wall. I am still going through gender-shock and my oldest is now 12. Anything that you want to teach him or help him expand his learning capabilities has to be done in the confines of trucks, balls, and wrestling, or outside, active behavior. There really is a Mars and a Venus.

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I once heard a speaker who was comparing raising boys and girls say that boys are like puppies- they are really active and roll around and are wild pretty much all the time! Not all boys are like that, but many are. At his age, he should be allowed the freedom to be active-- not all schools allow that (which is OK, but you have to find the right match for your son)

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I would encourage you to exercise your son more! My son acted very similarily and my husband and I decided to let him run and play more at a park. We visited every park in our area as much as we could, we would take balls to throw and let him run and have as much unstructured play time as we could fit into our schedule. Sometimes my husband would come home from work and immediately pick him up and go to a park. In our experience, he slept better, listened better, was more cooperative because he didnt have all that excess energy trying to burst out of him. Even now, he is turning seven- we continue to get outside- riding a bike, joined a running/walking club at school, and park playing so he can focus better when it is quite time!! We dont do organized sports yet because it is too much structured activity for him.

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Most of the time the preschool will ask you if they can evaluate him if they think there is a problem. Also, the circle time may just be too long for someone his age. Especially if he is not used to the daycare setting. The attention span of a child his age is about 3-4 minutes, after that you tend to lose them. But once he gets used to the routines, he should start doing better for circle time. But if you still feel anxious about it and if his teacher is worried, I would talk to his physician.

WOW what great replies from everyone--I was so excited to see what everyone wrote b/c I have a 3 1/2 yr old son too- who is in preschool and the teachers' main concern is that he is very hyperactive and doesn't want to sit throughout the whole circle time (they do a song, story, calendar, and discussion)...he sits for most of it but gets antsy towards the end. They said everyone else in the class can handle the whole circle time except for my son and one other boy so they wanted to mention it to me. He is very bright and the teachers nor I are worried about his learning abilities but yep--that energy gets him into trouble! I'm going to try those books you girls mentioned-as well as getting outside more than we do! Robin--let us know what helps with your little guy...anxious to try whatever will help.

Another good book to go along with "What to expect when your expecting" is "What to expect the Toddler years". Good luck and you are doing just fine.

Hi I'm K. and I have a 4yr old boy, a 2 yr old boy, and a four month old girl. My four year old is pretty energetic. Like your son he just started preschool in November. Before my son started school I started giving light chores. Like helping clean his room, helping unload groceries, anything to make him feel imprtant. At that age they start to develop a sense of self. My son loves to pack his lunch for school, and I try to practice activities that they do in class. They have a door holder and line leader. Everywhere I go he holds the dood for us. It's almost like they want to feel like an older kid so, they want more responsibility. Try asking him to help you do things or go with to run errands. Hope that helps.

K.

Hi Robin! I have a 3 1/2 year old son too and mine is very much the same as yours. Like the others have said, it's also a boy thing. I think everyone is way too quick to throw that hyperactive label on very active, inquisitive children. While it can be tough to deal with sometimes, I wouldn't trade him for the world! While we aren't doing pre-school yet, we go to lots of different activities that require "good listening" and I get him out and run him around as often as possible!

This is a great book... for all stages of a boy :)

The Minds of Boys: Saving Our Sons from Falling Behind in School and Life

I can't say enough about this book and how great it is. I highly suggest it to anyone with boys!

He probably just has never been in a structured environment, to which hasn't been flexable. Not to say that you didn't teach him the right things, but seriously who likes to stand in line to do things, have to wait for attention, and be in an environment that is different from which you are used to. Give him time. He'll get it. I would try to mimic some of the things that are good at school, so he realizes this is normal. Also suppliment what he's learning, counting, colors, letters, shapes, and maybe experiment with the past, present and future things. Go outside and talk about weather, environment (trees, skys, and plants), play some games with him (memory, puzzles, coloring). This will get him ready, and also show what he's interested in for future references. It might show what you need to work on as well, but I would go lightly, he might not be interested, so this might not be a definate. Good luck, Jen

when you go to your pediatrician or gynecologists office they will sometimes have magazines in the lobby area which will have some helpful information in this area. i sometimes look at those myself as i am a mother of three boys. 8 years old 6 years old and 3 years old.

Google "Ages and Stages". This is a screening used by Early Childhood Professionals to detect developmental delays. I use this mehtod in my daycare, and my own children have it done on them as they grow. It is very easy and accurate. It doesn't cost a whole lot and I think you will find that you actually enjoy doing the screenings.(I do!)

When my son went to preschool for the first time, he was not interested in anything more than playing dinosaurs and playing outdoors. His teachers were wonderful and the curriculum was developmentally appropriate so that those who were "players" could do that, while those who wanted to explore letters, numbers, art, etc. could get what they needed. Not all children are ready for pencils and paper at the same age, but having the supplies around encourages them when they are ready. Please let your son actively play all he wants. This is so important to his development! He'll get to the other stuff when he's ready. My son is now an IB student in our high school with a 4.25 GPA.

Robin, they do make a "What to expect, the toddler years" also. My daughter is 4 and started preschool at 3. At that point she had only really been with me, but she adjusted well and now is doing fine, reading actually. Your son just needs a little time to get the routine of the school down and then he will settle in and be just fine. Good luck.
A.

Once you send him to preschool he will do great, my daughter was the same way before preschool and now she loves it and learning!

the same author who wrote What to Expect when you're expecting also wrote what to expect the toddler years. Usually you can pick it up used for about 5 dollars. Other options are the special ed department can give you the number of the early intervention, child find, early steps, whatever they call it in your state that screens children under before they transition to public school and even if you don't have him screened they can send you a packet that tells you what milestones a child should be attaining by what ages and when to be concerned and have a child evaluated for delays.

He sounds like a normal 3 and half year old boy. I have two boys (ages 6 and 3 and a half). He will learn how to act in a school setting give him time. If this is his first time in school, I would not worry. I wouldn't worry if this were his second year in school. Going to school now is preparing him for Kindergaten when it will matter if he can sit still.
I believe that Dr. Sears (and his wife) have a book about raising 3-5 year olds. Dr. T. Barry Brazelton has one as well.
Hope this helps.

What to Expect: The Toddler Years
It is just as great as the What to Expect When You are Expecting
My 3 1/2 yr. old sounds the same as yours -- lots & lots of energy. My girls had energy -- but "boy energy" seems different or maybe I'm just more tired:)