What Does Love Mean?

I'll give you an example. I love my sister, but I don't like her. She is selfish, abuses drugs, and has neglected her two children. She has never raised her children and would rather do what she wants, then help anyone else. Even before she started drugs, she was always selfish. I have never liked her, even from childhood. She was mean, manipulative, and cared about herself above all else. I do not like her actions, her choices, he beliefs.

With that said, I love her very much. If she ever really chooses to change, I will be right there to help her.

wow, pretty horrible that parents would say that to a child or anyone for that matter. You can love someone b/c there is a the deep rooted feeling of being related and giving birth to them. But if the person/child does not behave, is beligerent, mean, etc I can understand that it would be hard to 'like' them. As far as my child though, it would have to be a REAL bad situation to ever feel that way. Do you remember being a hard child to deal with? I think maybe you ought to consider counseling to get over those words, counseling is nothing to be embarrassed about, everyone could use it at some point. Good luck to you.

I'm sorry you head this your entire life, that just sucks. Trying to answer this question is like splitting hairs. Can you detach love from fondness for someone?

Presumably, when they say this they mean something along the lines of, 'I'd give my life for you, you will always be important to me, but I don't like your actions/personality/behavior etc.'

Love means always having an important place in their hearts, it's unconditional and irrevocable.
Like is closer to the word 'fond'. So basically, they are not that fond of you and/or your actions.

I have family that fall in this category. For some of them, it's about their negative life choices and their ongoing consequences. For others it's more of a catastrophic clash of personalities, and I just flat out don't enjoy time with them. They are still family and I still love them, but I am not inviting them for coffee any time soon.

I agree with Leah--DOUBLE poop on your parents for saying that!

I mean I can imagine saying to my son "I love you but I am disappointed with your behavior right now", etc...... But that's just wrong!

Lots of people think the opposite of love is 'hate', but I really think it's 'indifference' that's the opposite. Because "hate" requires a certain level of "give a damn" -- know what I mean?

When I was growing up, the idea of "tough love" became popular... My parents never practiced tough love but a family we were close to did "tough love" with their son (who started dabbling in drugs, getting in trouble, shoplifting, took his dad's car without permission and got arrested for driving while stoned, went to juvinile hall, etc.). During that time in his life, safe to say they loved him but didn't like him.

I think that phrase denotes a particular time period in American parenting perspectives... I'd say it correlates to mid-1980's to early 1990's. The phrase was suppose to convey continual love for the child but disapproval or disappointment in the child's choices or actions.

It's hard to understand your parents comments without knowing details about what you were like as a child/teen. Were they strict or religious and you rebelled? Did you have a couple of hard years, getting in trouble with school or the law? Did you have boyfriends or friends they disapproved of?

Wow, I'm so sorry your parents said this to you...and all the time at that. I think when most people say something like that, they're referring to some type of behavior they're not happy with and would like to see changed, but why do they continue to tell you? Have they ever offered an explanation? I can't; however, imagine ever saying something like that to one of my kids. But you know this reminds me of something my mom said to me, very ugly and I hung onto it for a long time, and my parents were in the midst of their divorce. Would they be taking their stresses out on you? As a mom I'm sure you know what love is and how you feel about your babies. I don't know...I hope you're okay.

Good answer from Lipstick Mama.

I would never tell my kids that I did not like them. My daughter is 20 and lives in Oregon (very liberal state) and goes to the university there. I have learned the true meaning of unconditional love. She does have a lot of different ideas then I do but she is such a sweetie and has a tender heart. She is basically a vegan now and a botanist but my sweet daughter who has grown into a very strong and independent chick. Gotta be proud of that. It is a shame that people can not be more accepting of differences and love people for who they are.

I am sorry that your parents told you this but we really can't do much about the past except learn from it and change the future.

Wow! Thats horrible!

I guess, sometimes people say that because they LOVE you, because your their daughter, but maybe they dont LIKE what you do?

I am really not sure. But it makes me sad. I am sorry :(

YIKES! Not ok at all. I feel very sorry for you for them doing that and I am sending you a virtual hug....I don't like your parents! I would NEVER NEVER NEVER say that to my kids.

If you love someone for real, you have a very deep affection for them and you like them. You may not like everything they do but you must like alot of things about them or you would not love them.

Poop on your parents for saying that to you!

I think it is very possible to love someone but not like them. I think a great example is kids. I love my son, and I will no matter what he does, but do I always like him? Nope.

I did not like him when he cried all night for a week straight because of colic. I did not like him when he colored the wall in the apartment with permanent marker. I certainly did not like him when he put my truck through a fence while learning to drive. I do not like some the choices he is making now concerning his future after high school. But I have loved him every second of his life.

As a parent I feel that I should always let my son know that I love him, and while I may not agree with some of the choices he makes in life, my love will never stop. And expressing my disagreement or dislike with some of his choices and actions should be done with care because I do not want to damage the relationship we have.

I am so sorry that your parents have treated you poorly. I think it is horrible when parents don't temper their disagreement with love, because no matter how old you get every person should feel like they are loved by their parents.

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It will probably make more sense when your kids are teenagers :)
I love love love ALL my kids, with all my heart, but my 15 year old daughter and I are VERY different. She has so many wonderful qualities and yet all the things I assumed we would have in common have not come to be.
My son and I have so much more in common and to share, so yes, it probably seems like I "like" him more (though I certainly have never/would never say it out loud!)
Hope that gives some perspective :)

Oh that's an awful thing to hear. I have certainly let my older kids know that "I may not ALWAYS like EVERYTHING you do but I will always love you" or even say "right now I don't like who you are being but I still love you" and I've definitely said that to my husband and meant it when I was angry with or disappointed him him. But to mean it on a continual basis is just cruel. How disrespectful that they could never find it in themselves to seek out some positive traits and find some common ground. Shame on them and really, too bad for them for missing out on the great things about you.

My children are all, in many ways, quite different from me. My oldest son might as well be some random baby I took home from the hospital we are so different from one another, but I truly like him. He can be a PITA, can be thoughtless and selfish, totally unhelpful, makes things way harder than they need to be, adds fuel to every fire, etc. etc. but I do so enjoy him, I am often proud of him and recently had the pleasure of having him hang out with one of my friends and he had us rolling with jokes and funny stories. He drives me nuts but he can be a real joy to be with too.

I can't imagine the pain of growing up feeling "unliked" by your parents. I hope that you have managed to work through it, can keep them at a distance and freely love and like your own children. I'm sorry to read that people treat their children this way - it's just not right, and it's not loving at all.

I think loving someone means accepting them for who they are - physically, personally, etc. I don't think that means that you have to agree with them or the decisions they make. But you should at least agree that they are doing what they think is right or best, for them.

I love my children. However sometimes, I don't like them. Some minutes, hours or days, they drive me crazy. I think this is completely normal. I think we all "wake up on the wrong side of the bed" and have "bad days". So do I love them on those days, yes. Would I jump in front of a speeding truck to save them, of course. Do I want to be right next to them every minute of that day...well, not so much.

I love my brother, but we are not friends. In fact, if we were not family, I don't know that I would have maintained a friendship with him. However, the reality is we are siblings. We are very different people. It takes A LOT of patience to get along with him or even to be around him sometimes. But we do. Because we are family.

I'm sorry that your parents made you feel so bad. It's sad that they couldn't be more accepting of you, your choices and helped you to understand growing up that you are a wonderful person even if they don't see eye to eye with you.

Just remember it takes all kinds to make this world work. Try to accept your parents parenting flaws and just resolve to be a better parent to your kids. I sincerely feel like we all try to "make up" for where our parent failed or flawed, and we go on to make all new/different mistakes with our own kids - we just don't see it.

Gee sorry, but that is real mean to tell a Kid. That you don't like them.
That can really, create emotional problems in a kid.

I would never tell my kids that, even if they were noxious.

Love means, many things, But the key thing, is that you ACCEPT a person for who THEY are. Regardless of your own prejudices and attitudes. To accept a person and BELIEVE in them, as a person. Not just in a capricious way, or depending on if or when they please you. It is loving a person whether or not, they are like you or different from you.
To know, that each person, your children, are individuals. And respecting that.

How hurtful to have heard that all your life. Maybe this doesn't have anything to do with you and has everything to do with them. Some children are more difficult to raise than others. That doesn't make it okay to say they don't like you. They could say that they love you, but disagree with your choices.

I totally understand what you're asking about loving your child and like them for who they are.

I can't understand or agree with what your parents have told you, so I certainly couldn't answer that question.

By all means, if your in laws are loving, spend more time with them and limit your time with your parents. That's a kind thing to do both for yourself and your children. HTH

Updated

How hurtful to have heard that all your life. Maybe this doesn't have anything to do with you and has everything to do with them. Some children are more difficult to raise than others. That doesn't make it okay to say they don't like you. They could say that they love you, but disagree with your choices.

I totally understand what you're asking about loving your child and like them for who they are.

I can't understand or agree with what your parents have told you, so I certainly couldn't answer that question.

By all means, if your in laws are loving, spend more time with them and limit your time with your parents. That's a kind thing to do both for yourself and your children. HTH

This is an example of the phrase "words hurt". Parent need to know that what comes out of there mouths can affect or change the course of their kids lives. I love my child through the good and bad times. We as parents are there to teach and be an example. If the child becomes more than we can bear, which is in this case I'm assuming, they should have reached out for external resources to help with your situation. (counseling, mentoring, family, etc.) I really think this is just sad and you need to overcome this by showing them you are not the same person they were upset with. Be an example, but don't try to make them like you. Don't try to force any of your opinions on them because you already know they disagree with you. Just be a loving person that cares and is compassionate about others. You be a positive example for your children. Maybe they will see this and think differently, but as I stated early don't force the issue.

I have many family members that I truly love and would give a kidney for even. But some of these very ones I don't like at times. They can be selfish and manipulative. But your parents were absolute jerks. They Re supposed to be your port in the storm, your place to come to to luck your wounds so to speak. They shouldn't be inflicting them. Sounds like they are not about to change. Find surrogTe parents, they are out there. And if your parents are toxic stay away as much as feasible. There are enough people out there trying to knock you down. You do 't need to volunteer fir dislike from your parents. And you might let them know that you didn't exactly when the parent lottery yourself!

My mom would say this too me, it usually was following me doing something extremely hurtful or mean to her. So, I dont blame her for saying it.

In my mind it meant that she loved me no matter what, it was my actions she didnt like. Which make her not ''LIKE'' me in the moment.

I think when those moments happen in life it is ok to have the feeling of not ''Liking'' the action or whatever caused you to think that.

She would always come back later with a ''Sorry'' letting me know why she said it and we would talk it out.

I am sad that you had to hear it the way you did and never had anyone come back and talk to you about ''WHY'' it was said. Thats not fair.

I have kinda changed how I express dislike for something my kids have done that either hurt me or one of the brothers. I will tell them that I did not ''LIKE'' the action they just did. That it really hurt my feelings, brothers feeling etc.

I have not read any of the responses. I hope you dont get flogged for the post. I do understand how bad being told you are not liked stings. And it does it stings badly. I couldnt imagine though, being told you were not ''LIKED'' without having some verification that you were still loved, it was the action they disliked.

I can not imagine telling my child I didn't like them. I do tell my oldest all the time that I love her and always will no matter what but I do not like the way she is behaving. This conversation usually takes place when she comes out of time out for misbehaving and we are discussing how she feels and she will say "I'm sad that you sent me to time out" or "I don't like that you made me go to time out". That's when I reassure her that I love her and will always love her but I don't have to like her behavior when she is out of line. Perhaps that is what your parents meant.