49 answers

What Does It Mean/ What Do You Think When Your Husband Does Nothing for Valentin

My husband knew that it was Valentine's Day and did nothing...this happens year after year. Last year, I bought him a free massage coupon and he did not acknowledge the day. Same thing this year...nothing...I would have been happy with a candy bar. But, I always try to teach my children about giving and making the other person feel special. I wish he would have said to my children.."let's think of Mom and make her a card." I would love to hear about other peoples' experiences and Valentine's Day.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Valentines Day should be about being with the ones you love the most. I was with my husband all day and that was great enough.

1 mom found this helpful

Dear H O,
Communicate - and be clear in what you say. Generally men do Not pick up on hints or innuendo. He may not understand the implications of passing on this holiday. I agree Valentine, like so many holidays, has been made into a "commercial money day", but let him know personal efforts - a note, A flower, affectionate something, mean as much or more than $50 worth of roses. Tell him and then reinforce / respond in a big way to whatever he does - ta da, a new tradition. Communicate, it's amazing how wrong we can be when we assume or guess what someone is thinking or why they do something. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I laugh at this because I have been married now for 34 years. My husband did sometimes get me cards but for the last 3-4 years not anything. His health has not been good. This last November no gift for my birthday either not even a card. Oh well I went out and bought that ring that I liked for all the holidays of the years missed and gave it to myself. When I had it on I showed it to him and thanked him for the wonderful ring. He laughed about it.

More Answers

For those of you that "Valentines is not big deal", cannot take away from what H O is saying.. It does matter to her. Please understand that this is a day most of us observe. We know our spouses love us and show it everyday, but to those of us that like to celebrate on that day, you will never convince us to change our minds about it. I grew up seeing how "extra" romantic the day seemed to remind all of us that love is the most important thing we have with our spouses and loved ones. Just like Christmas can be turned into a selfish holiday, to most of us we know it has a true meaning.

It means he does not realize how important Valentines Day is to you. Some families just never celebrate Valentines Day.
You do know Valentines Day is mostly an American Celebration?
At some point you will need to tell him how important the day is to you. Explain some examples of what you would like.. Did you purchase Valentines for the children? Did you have him sign the cards?

My father lavished us with candy, cards, and flowers. We loved it and made such a big deal about it, I think it encouraged him to do it every year. When I was a little girl my best friends family never did any of that. They were very conservative and the parents did not show very much open affection. I remember when my friend was 12 she encouraged her father to "buy mom something that shows her you love her". He told her, "I show her that every day." My friend said "well there is nothing wrong with showing all of US too!" What she meant was that the children had not SEEN this love. They felt it, but it was not demonstrated.

Your husband may need to be reminded that parents need to show their love, so that their children can hear the love that the parents are sharing, this will help them have healthy relationships when they grow up.

Now my husband is ADHD and cannot make a final decision to save his life. I just have to purchase all of the Valentine goodies for both of our families, myself. I have him sit down and sign all of the cards a week before, so he will remember that the day is coming up. I show him all of the boxes of candy we are sending out, or the cookies my daughter and I baked. Then I will email him and remind him to get something for our daughter. This way he has to go and purchase something for her in a timely manner so I figure he will get me something too.

This year I told him I would make the dinner, he said "well I want to take you to a nice breakfast". It was really nice and cozy.

3 moms found this helpful

Men are so much different than women, my friend. I've only been married 3 years, but it has been enough to discover that once your hubby's comfortable around you, he will do things the way he's comfortable doing them...unless you let him know that is would mean something to you to receive a small gift from him. Perhaps giving is your love language! Maybe it's a great way for you to express your care for him. I think that if you told your husband that it would mean something to you to receive a gift (just as he probably enjoys receiving your gifts), that he would begin giving more gifts on V Day to show you his affection. My husband and I make a handmade card (creative and thoughtful ones) and give each other chocolates each year. Gift giving doesn't have to be elaborate...you can tell him that. Don't be afraid to express your feelings, friend. If he loves you, he'll want to be flexible for you. I hope you've gotten some helpful advice. God bless!

3 moms found this helpful

Sorry... This post is going out to everyone who says Valentine's Day is a made up "hallmark" holiday...

Valentine's Day is rooted in a Catholic observance, the Feast for Saint Valentine, although you can also argue that the day is the continuation of a Roman holiday to honor Juno, the Goddess who oversaw women & marriage. (The names of Roman girls were written on slips of paper and placed into jars on the eve of February 15th. Each young man would draw a girl's name from the jar and would then be partners for the duration of the festival with the girl whom he chose. Sometimes the pairing of the children lasted an entire year, and often, they would fall in love and would later marry.)

As for St. Valentine: Emperor Claudius II was having difficulty getting soldiers to join this military leagues and believed the reason was because roman men did not want to leave their lovers or families. So he outlawed all marriages and engagements in Rome. Saint Valentine was a priest in Rome in the days of Claudius II and he provided aid to the Christian martyrs and secretly married couples. Saint Valentine was apprehended for his secret marriages and was condemned to be beaten to death with clubs and to have his head cut off. He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, around year 270 AD.

3 moms found this helpful

I have had the same problem. Don't let it upset you. Men just have a different way of thinking. My husband and I have been together for 10 yrs. I received a gift our very first Valentine's and then nothing. I cried year after year when he didn't acknowledge the holiday at all and every year I talked to him about it. After a while I just stopped expecting something and just got over it. He did feel bad but said everything is way overpriced and if he wanted to buy me something special he would do it on any day and not a day that he was obligated by society to buy me something. We now have agreed to buy each other a special card and that is expected no matter what and if one of us decides to buy a gift that year then it is a special suprise. He is thoughtful on Mother's day and my birthday so I just started letting Valentine's day go. Just keep talking to him. Remind the kids to remind Daddy.

3 moms found this helpful

One of the most important and useful things I learned about men is that they are direct so you have to be direct with them. We women are more subtle and want our husbands to pick up on everything about us. That takes time. The reality is that if something is important to us we have to tell them. Another thing is that they are usually bad with dates, that is until they have been reminded over the years. My husband once forgot my birthday! Needless to say I was devastated. He never forgot it again though. In your defense, he should have known it was Valentine's Day since we are inundated with T.V. shows, ads, etc. But again, his mind probably doesn't focus on the romantic, you have to push that. Be honest and direct but loving as well, you don't want to start a fight. My husband once told me that he didn't know how to be romantic, so I had to tell him what I responded to and now after almost 23 years of marriage, I received a bouquet of flowers and our daughter got a stuffed bear. We were also treated to a fun family day together, including a movie and dinner. Now, on your husband's behalf, although I think the massage thing was very thoughtful of you, is it something he liked? My husband would have been very uncomfortable with that unless it was me giving the massage! Remember you need to be in tune with him as well. Most men are very simple to please in these areas. For instance, my gift to my husband was sexy lingerie (for me to wear) and he got his gift that night after our daughter went to bed. It sounds to me like your issue can be remedied by simple communication. Also I want to say I'm glad you are teaching your children to be thoughtful. I am trying to do the same. My son is 21 and I am always getting comments on what a sweet guy he is and that he is such a gentleman. One girl even asked me if he was real!!! I'm sure his future wife will appreciate that, right?! Just a final note, I would like to recommend a great relationship book called "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard F. Harley, Jr. It's very enlightening. It will help each of you to understand each other better. It made a HUGE difference for me and my husband. I sure hope this helps you. God bless!

2 moms found this helpful

The writer below me may be correct in her explanation of Valentine's Day and how it started but you will also note that they did not run out and buy flowers or candy. I am sorry but I truly believe we have over commercialized Valentine's Day as well as other "holidays". Sure all woman want to be swept off their feet and told how much they are loved, but men can do it in so many other ways than bringing you a card, candy or flowers. I know when my husband and I were younger he would take me out to dinner and was always so sweet about that day, but as we have gotten older and it is almost impossible to get a reservation for a reasonably priced dinner, we have made the day a focus for our grandchildren only. They are young and they make such a deal of it at school as well so we just figure it is their day. I know how you feel though and I will say that the least your husband could have done, as mine does, is say Happy Valentine's Day dear and give you a kiss. If it means that much to you then you need to tell him how he hurt your feelings and what you expect and stop doing something for him on that day as well until he gets it which he may never, but at least you told him and you aren't going out of your way as well. Good luck to you and if it is flowers, candy, a card etc. that you want, I hope you get it next year.

2 moms found this helpful

Morning H.O.

I apologize for your "Stupid" husband!!
I think that there has to be a reason for his lack of actions and you need to sit him down and ask why?
It could be that in the home (house) where he was raised they had something against Valentine's Day.
Also it could be just pure stupidity due to a lack of understanding how little things mean a lot to women!
Have the talk, there has to be a reason!
Good Luck,
B. C.

2 moms found this helpful

I haven't read the other suggestion, so please forgive me if this is repetitive. But my husband often forgets to give presents or cards, and is often quite innocent -- prsents just aren't his way of saying "I love you." Neither is saying "I love you" that often, but, well, when he does give a present or say it I sure know he means it! Anyway, what I do is make a reservation for dinner out on Valentines Day, and now that our daughter is old enough, set up an overnight at our beloved Discover Gymnastics, which offers overnights for kids on New Years' Eve, Halloween and Valentines Day. This year I also bought some sexy lingerie and lit some candles so that when he got from from dropping off our daughter, I was ready for a romantic evening. The thing is, the money comes out of the same account whether I make the reservation or he does. I enjoy a fancy dinner whether he makes the reservation or I do, and an evening of relaxed sex without worrying about our child over-hearing makes me happy just as much as it does him. Even when I've given him roses, they beautify my house just as much as his. I also buy myself presents that celebrate special days that are just for me -- I bought myself a beautiful locket two years ago for Christmas, for instance. That's what works for me -- that and knowing that my husband DOES love me -- if that weren't clear in my mind and heart, I don't think the rest would work so well.

M.

2 moms found this helpful

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